Iron Kibologist Challenge III
swt
website. The fanfiction was, as I expected, a pungent mix of wonderful
and horrible. Also, I've fixed most of the broken links on my site and
uploaded some new music for you to enjoy or hate. So now, it's time to
provide another Posting Challenge to everyone. But instead of spelling
it out, I think I'll let everyone DISCOVER the theme this time on their
own. I'll give only one hint, and that is: If the ASCII art in my .sig
looks misaligned to you, you're unlikely to guess this contest's theme.
I hope that I'm not the only one enjoying the chef challenges. I think
they are rather fun. I just wish I could imitate Chairman Kaga better.
--
,, If I gave my heart...to you \ /
W () I'd have none and you'd...have two (oo)
|->< swt {dumpl...@hotmail.com} """"
| )(\ DID STEPHEN WILL TANNER EAT THE BANANA OF NOT BEING HERE?!?
spot the robot
though it may not be a fully justified statement.
The Avocado Avenger
>The entries from the second Kibological Chef Challenge are now up on my
>website.
Google sez:
Your search - kibological chef challenge - did not match any documents.
That's not nice! You made me sad!
Stacia
this is just a bad dream
Joseph Michael Bay
>"swt" <sw...@cox.net> writes:
>>The entries from the second Kibological Chef Challenge are now up on my
>>website.
>Google sez:
>Your search - kibological chef challenge - did not match any documents.
> That's not nice! You made me sad!
I'm sure he had just reasons for it.
--
Chimes peal joy. Bah. Joseph Michael Bay
Icy colon barge Cancer Biology
Frosty divine Saturn Stanford University
www.stanford.edu/~jmbay/ fhqwhgadshgnsdhjsdbkhsdabkfabkveybvf
swt
news:bmdh9g$20n$6...@pcls4.std.com...
> "swt" <sw...@cox.net> writes:
>
> >The entries from the second Kibological Chef Challenge are now up on my
> >website.
>
> Google sez:
>
> Your search - kibological chef challenge - did not match any documents.
>
> That's not nice! You made me sad!
Oops.
Try here --> http://members.cox.net/swt2/ark/Ark.html <--
> Stacia
> this is just a bad dream
That's right! You're all just a pack of cards! Or blots of mustard,
fragments of underdone potato! There is more of gravy than the grave about
you figments. Perhaps you are a Halloween Candy nightmare, a punishment for
too much Neccophilia, and more of Mentos then of the mental. Or perhaps I'm
just a butterfly dreaming he's a Chinese sage dreaming he's a kibologist.
(|)
The fluttering leaf
I thought was a butterfly
Was really a butt
--
,, If I gave my heart...to you \ /
W () I'd have none and you'd...have two (oo)
|->< swt {http://members.cox.net/swt2/ark/Ark.html} """"
Chris McGonnell
>
>Try here --> http://members.cox.net/swt2/ark/Ark.html <--
>
Colonel Mbuto save his family's fortune.
Thanks,
--
Chris McG.
Harming humanity since 1951.
"Don't tell me you did another Illuminati rant. They're gonna get you
one of these days." -- Madge
B. Chas Parisher
> The entries from the second Kibological Chef Challenge are now up on my
> website. The fanfiction was, as I expected, a pungent mix of wonderful
> and horrible. Also, I've fixed most of the broken links on my site and
> uploaded some new music for you to enjoy or hate. So now, it's time to
> provide another Posting Challenge to everyone. But instead of spelling
> it out, I think I'll let everyone DISCOVER the theme this time on their
> own. I'll give only one hint, and that is: If the ASCII art in my .sig
> looks misaligned to you, you're unlikely to guess this contest's theme.
> I hope that I'm not the only one enjoying the chef challenges. I think
> they are rather fun. I just wish I could imitate Chairman Kaga better.
Ooh! This would have to be a Jesse Garon contest, wouldn't it. Well,
I'm not a Iron Kibologist, breaking through comedic barriers with Full
Justification and Ferrous Will. Instead, I'm merely a neophyte with a
little too much free time and Capital Letters. Posts that employ such
tactics like "Full Justification" are often difficult to create, since
word choice and punctuation play such a large role in keeping with the
fully justified conditions of each paragraph. Plus, when you complete
fully justified posts, they end up being hard to read, because the eye
does not have a visual cue for the last line read. Personally, I hate
when newspapers and other written media fully justify everything. Not
only is it butt-ugly, but they cheat by changing the s p a c e among
each of the letters to make their opinions -seem- fully justified even
though they are really just blow-hards mindlessly parrotting corporate
agendas without thinking for themselves.
Ciao,
-- B . C h a s P a r i s h e r
Kevin S. Wilson
<ba...@peaksleazy.org> wrote:
>Ooh! This would have to be a Jesse Garon contest, wouldn't it. Well,
>I'm not a Iron Kibologist, breaking through comedic barriers with Full
>Justification and Ferrous Will. Instead, I'm merely a neophyte with a
>little too much free time and Capital Letters. Posts that employ such
>tactics like "Full Justification" are often difficult to create, since
>word choice and punctuation play such a large role in keeping with the
>fully justified conditions of each paragraph. Plus, when you complete
>fully justified posts, they end up being hard to read, because the eye
>does not have a visual cue for the last line read. Personally, I hate
>when newspapers and other written media fully justify everything. Not
>only is it butt-ugly, but they cheat by changing the s p a c e among
>each of the letters to make their opinions -seem- fully justified even
>though they are really just blow-hards mindlessly parrotting corporate
>agendas without thinking for themselves.
Not bad, but if you really want to impress me, you'll have to write
the paragraph in such a way that the first and last letters of each
line spell out an obscene message when read vertically, like they do
in the "About Town" section of The New Yorker.
--
Kevin S. Wilson
Tech Writer at a University Somewhere in Idaho
"You can safely ignore Kevin in order to
maximise life's experience." --A. Loon, in alt.religion.kibology
Glenn Knickerbocker
> the paragraph in such a way that the first and last letters of each
> line spell out an obscene message when read vertically, like they do
> in the "About Town" section of The New Yorker.
I wish I'd know about THAT when someone called me a New Yorker
cartoon. You seem to have forgotten to mention, however, that
the Canadian jackfish eats ducks and ancient Druids carried an
egg as a symbol of office.
¬R
Rich Holmes
I'm gonna write to your ISP and tell them you said "Icte rtn" on
Usenet.
--
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>
"IE should let web pages use your credit card to buy five tons of gravel!"
"IE should let web pages give you a wedgie and paint Smurfs on your face!"
- Dag and Manfire
Kevin S. Wilson
Holmes<rsholme...@mailbox.syr.edu> wrote:
>Glenn Knickerbocker <no...@bestweb.net> writes:
>
>> "Kevin S. Wilson" wrote:
>> > the paragraph in such a way that the first and last letters of each
>> > line spell out an obscene message when read vertically, like they do
>> > in the "About Town" section of The New Yorker.
>>
>> I wish I'd know about THAT when someone called me a New Yorker
>> cartoon. You seem to have forgotten to mention, however, that
>> the Canadian jackfish eats ducks and ancient Druids carried an
>> egg as a symbol of office.
>
>I'm gonna write to your ISP and tell them you said "Icte rtn" on
>Usenet.
Um, Rich? You just said it yourself. Now I'm going to have to report
you.
Jacob W. Haller
> But instead of spelling it out, I think I'll let everyone DISCOVER the
> theme this time on their own.
[Music. Superimpose title on a rotating, saucer-like
object with a spiral painted on it, mounted on top of
an oscilloscope cabinet:
SCIENTIFICTION PLAYHOUSE: A GIX Television Production
The image defocuses, then cut to the face of COOLIDGE
MERCER, who beams happily into it.]
MERCER: Good evening and welcome to Scientifiction Playhouse. I'm
your host, Coolidge Mercer, and tonight we'll explore the world of
relativness!
[PULL BACK to reveal that MERCER is sitting at a desk
next to a large trampoline. MERCER walks over to the
trampoline.]
MERCER: Scientists have recently shown that the entire universe is
like a giant trampoline. Large objects, such as trees, elephants,
or cathedrals, will distort the fabric of the trampoline ...
[Suddenly, from out of frame, a bowling ball drops on
the trampoline. It bounces onto the desk, destroying
it. MERCER looks a bit nonplussed, but soldiers on.]
MERCER: Er, while a SMALL object such as a mouse or a stick of gum
or a helium balloon will barely distort it at all.
[CUT to an overhead shot of two mice walking around a
turntable, then back to MERCER.]
MERCER: Tonight's episode explores the consequences of these facts
of newly-discovered science. And fiction!
[Fade to black screen.
Title:
THE RUBBER SHEET OF DOOM
CUT TO a jungle consisting of some papier-mache trees
in front of a painted canvas. Some loud noises, such
as hooting chimps and birds, can be heard. A pair of
archaeologists, RIDFIRE and BUETTFIRE, enter, wearing
pith helmets. They are pushing brand-new bright blue
wheelbarrows filled with random junk.]
RIDFIRE: This is quite a haul we have here. I would never have guessed
that this large, beautiful, mysterious island, which as the inhabitants
told us has been deserted for thousands of years, would have such large
amounts of ancient artifacts!
BUETTFIRE: It is indeed amazing, my friend. The civilization that lived
here must have had vast amounts of money, and yet they didn't invent the
wheel! I guess that just goes to show you that our Western Civilization
will always come out on top!
[Both men LAUGH.]
BUETTFIRE: But there's something odd. I can't put my finger on it; it's
like ...
RIDFIRE: I feel it too, but we're scientists! The island is a concrete
fact, and until we get more data we have no business thinking that it's
creepy!
[Suddenly they stop moving. A foley artist belatedly
makes a couple of loud THUMPs. The men push at their
wheelbarrows but make no progress.]
BUETTFIRE: Maybe this is the data you're after. Look!
[He points to the wheelbarrow wheels; a closeup shows
that the wheel has become hexagonal. The men look at
each other in amazement.]
------
ACT II
------
[Title:
THE RUBBER SHEET OF DOOM
Fade in on a dusty room. An out-of-date table of the
elements is on the wall. Two men, JOHANSEN and GORE,
enter the room. They are wearing white lab coats and
bow ties.]
JOHANSEN: Have you read the report about Island X?
GORE: Yes, I just saw it. That such a discovery came about because of a
wheelbarrow. So much depends on a red wheel barrow, you know.
JOHANSEN: I think these wheelbarrows were blue, weren't they? The
color doesn't interest me much, though. I have a theory about the
wheelbarrows. You've heard of the physicist Alfred Einstein?
GORE: Of course. Invented the lightbulb, didn't he?
JOHANSEN: That was just one application of his theories. But he's
got more to say than that. His latest theory says that under some
circumstances geometry can be changed! For instance, look at this
triangle.
[JOHANSEN takes a large cardboard triangle out of his
pocket.]
JOHANSEN: Now, if I make a simple change to it ...
[He tears one of the corners off the triangle, making
a very irregular quadrilateral.]
JOHANSEN: ... it's not a triangle anymore but is instead a square!
GORE: Astonishing!
JOHANSEN: We must go to that island immediately!
-------
ACT III
-------
[Title:
THE RUBBER SHEET OF DOOM
The jungle. JOHANSEN and GORE are talking to RIDFIRE
and BUETTFIRE as they walk along.]
JOHANSEN: ... So my theory is that something about the composition
of this island is distorting its geometry. The simple geometrical
facts that you learned in grade school, such as that octagons have
eight sides, may no longer apply. We must keep very alert to see
if anything strange happens that might be the result of a seven-
sided pentagon, for instance, or a circle that isn't completely
round. Even good old pi, the ratio of a circle's perimeter to
its diameter, may change. That's why the wheelbarrows wheels
wouldn't turn, by the way -- if that ratio isn't twenty-four
to seven exactly then the mechanics of rolling gets wholly
disrupted, leading to the hexagonal 'circles' you saw --
RIDFIRE: Look at those trees! They -- they're not --
GORE: Good lord! I've never seen it's like! It is
as if this island were free of the usual physical
laws of the universe and instead had completely
different laws! I'd better take a picture or
nobody will ever understand what we've seen
here!
[GORE take out a cheap Instamatick and
takes some photos. Briefly cut to a
couple of mice on a turntable.]
BUETTFIRE: I think we should
get going. The area looks
pretty unstable, and I'm
not sure how much more
time before this all
becomes completely
unsustainable!!
We've already
stayed more
than I am
--
[Weird visual effects incorporating a glowstick and a
space baby. A theremin and a steel guitar mournfully
play a duet. After thirty seconds or so of this, CUT
TO the dusty room from Act II. JOHANSEN, GORE, RIDFIRE, and BUETTFIRE
are all there.]
BUETTFIRE: Whew, that was close. I'm glad I remembered to bring some
rope!
RIDFIRE: Yes, that rope saved our bacon. I thought we were goners for
sure!
JOHANSEN: I've given you all commendations for your bravery in saving us
all, and I think that you can expect the Nobel Committee to take notice
of your scientific sacrifice.
GORE: I'm just glad the photos came out. I keep putting my thumb over
the lens -- my wife never lets me hear the end of it!
[The others laugh. GORE looks slightly hurt.]
GORE: Yes, well. I can't help but feel, though, that even though we
seem to have escaped from that island unscathed, something has changed.
It's like the universe isn't as regular and predictable as it used to
be.
RIDFIRE: Yes, I've noticed it too. I wonder what it is?
JOHANSEN: [heartily] Well, whatever it is, I'm sure that Science will
soon tell us all we need to know about it!
ALL: Amen.
[All look straight into the camera, solemn looks on their faces.
Swelling music. Title: THE END.]
--------
Epilogue
--------
MERCER: Circles that aren't circles. Pictures taken in exotic That was
an entertaining story, wasn't it? But that's all it was. A story.
Fiction. It did not really happen. But could it?
MERCER: To answer these questions, we have brought in the famous
scientist and inventor of the lightbulb Dr. Alfred Einstein himself.
Dr. Einstein?
EINSTEIN: [in another room and speaking with a thick German accent] Ja?
MERCER: In tonight's story, we saw an entire island collapse. Do such
things happen in reality?
EINSTEIN: [with twinkling eyes] Ja! Islands go bye-bye all the time!
MERCER: Has science found a use for these disappearing islands yet?
EINSTEIN: [seriously] Nein, not yet. However, we have every hope that
the intense physical energy released by these islands may one day be
used to power manned flights to Saturn, where the plentiful food and
inexpensive real estate will bring about a new golden age in the history
of mankind.
MERCER: Well, that's certainly an exciting prospect. Thank you, Dr.
Einstein!
EINSTEIN: Sank you, Coolidge, if I may address you so intimately!
[MERCER blushes and turns to the camera.]
MERCER: Well, that's it for tonight. Join me again next week for
another exciting evening of science -- and fiction.
[Music. End credits.]
Series created by Matt McIrvin. Ideas for this particular episode
plundered cheerfully from Matt and LAN3; see
<http://www.livejournal.com/~jwgh/13048.html> for details.
-jwgh
--
"'God damn, this banjo will make a club!'"
-- John Brunner, _No Other Gods But Me_ (1966)
Jeremy D. Impson
How did it smell?
--Jeremy
--
Jeremy Impson
jdimpson can be contacted at acm dot org
http://impson.tzo.com/~jdimpson
David DeLaney
Best. ASCII. Haiku. Ever.
Dave "plus it has assony-thingummy written all over it" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
Schwa Love
news:ev4movcooc9fbu0r4...@4ax.com:
> On 13 Oct 2003 16:50:31 -0400, Rich
> Holmes<rsholme...@mailbox.syr.edu> wrote:
>
>>Glenn Knickerbocker <no...@bestweb.net> writes:
>>
>>> "Kevin S. Wilson" wrote:
>>> > the paragraph in such a way that the first and last letters of each
>>> > line spell out an obscene message when read vertically, like they do
>>> > in the "About Town" section of The New Yorker.
>>>
>>> I wish I'd know about THAT when someone called me a New Yorker
>>> cartoon. You seem to have forgotten to mention, however, that
>>> the Canadian jackfish eats ducks and ancient Druids carried an
>>> egg as a symbol of office.
>>
>>I'm gonna write to your ISP and tell them you said "[**** ***]" on
>>Usenet.
>
> Um, Rich? You just said it yourself. Now I'm going to have to report
> you.
Yeah? Well you quoted it! Enjoy your internet service while you still
can.
-- Schwa ---
**** *** - this is the sound of me saving my own butt