dirty dalek limerick thread

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plorkwort

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May 6, 2005, 10:17:55 PM5/6/05
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The daleks, when down in the dumps,
Cheer each other by fondling their bumps.
Said one to another,
"You'll make a great mother!"
Said the first, "Oh no, that's the mumps."

Please contribute yours here --->

plorkwort.
--
A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *that had to mean something*.
-- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"

Tom Kraemer

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May 6, 2005, 11:50:58 PM5/6/05
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plorkwort <a...@theworld.com> wrote:

> Please contribute yours here --->

A randy young Dalek named Nate
Was getting dressed up for a date.
He needed repairs,
So he avoided the stairs
And proceeded to EXTERMINATE!!!

Just don't ask me for one of those double-dactyly thingies.

--
"For every action... there is a Jackson"
Crow T. Robot, MST3K, _The Deadly Mantis_

plorkwort

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May 7, 2005, 12:40:10 AM5/7/05
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In article <d5hdv2$j0q$1...@pcls3.std.com>,

Tom Kraemer <tkraem...@world.std.com> wrote:
>A randy young Dalek named Nate
>Was getting dressed up for a date.

His date was too fine
For a plain command line
So she used an X-term in Nate.

E Teflon Piano

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May 7, 2005, 5:29:45 PM5/7/05
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In article <d5hgra$un3$1...@pcls4.std.com>, a...@TheWorld.com (plorkwort)
wrote:

> In article <d5hdv2$j0q$1...@pcls3.std.com>,
> Tom Kraemer <tkraem...@world.std.com> wrote:
> >A randy young Dalek named Nate
> >Was getting dressed up for a date.
>
> His date was too fine
> For a plain command line
> So she used an X-term in Nate.
>
> plorkwort.

Damn, girl, you're good.

--
Institute for Misapplied Psychometry fellow E Teflon Piano is founder of the
Internet 'Lectronic Legal Society. Teflon is a mark owned by duPont. E is E
poly(TFE) Piano Enterprises' [dibs] for ironic hyperbole and elitist satire.
ŠE[dibs] 1994-2004

John D Salt

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May 7, 2005, 6:45:48 PM5/7/05
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a...@TheWorld.com (plorkwort) wrote in news:d5h8gj$in5$1
@pcls4.std.com:

> The daleks, when down in the dumps,
> Cheer each other by fondling their bumps.
> Said one to another,
> "You'll make a great mother!"
> Said the first, "Oh no, that's the mumps."
>
> Please contribute yours here --->
>
> plorkwort.

ON DALEK PROTRUBERANCES

The Daleks are robotic genii
Each with a stalk-mounted beady eye;
They've got ray-guns and suckers
But the poor robot fuckers
Don't have any Dalekoid penii.

All the best,

Gokmop Kmo

Rich Holmes

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May 7, 2005, 8:46:53 PM5/7/05
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A girl-Dalek, fresh in from Venus,
Soon landed a boy-Dalek genius
When she said, "Let's get hot!"
He replied, "I cannot --
The Doctor has unscrewed my penis."

--
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>

"Maybe I should ask sane people." -- Dag ]gren

James Kibo Parry

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May 7, 2005, 9:41:18 PM5/7/05
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Rich Holmes (rsholme...@mailbox.syr.edu) wrote:
>
> John D Salt (jdsalt_AT_gotadsl.co.uk) wrote:

> >
> > plorkwort (a...@TheWorld.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > The daleks, when down in the dumps,
> > > Cheer each other by fondling their bumps.
> > > Said one to another,
> > > "You'll make a great mother!"
> > > Said the first, "Oh no, that's the mumps."
> > >
> > > Please contribute yours here --->
> >
> > ON DALEK PROTRUBERANCES
> >
> > The Daleks are robotic genii
> > Each with a stalk-mounted beady eye;
> > They've got ray-guns and suckers
> > But the poor robot fuckers
> > Don't have any Dalekoid penii.
>
> A girl-Dalek, fresh in from Venus,
> Soon landed a boy-Dalek genius
> When she said, "Let's get hot!"
> He replied, "I cannot --
> The Doctor has unscrewed my penis."

Poems suck. Here's one that doesn't. It's in the style of England's
great literary genius, A. A. Dalek.

"We're created by Davros,
His face is cadaverous.
We'll zap you with rays,
you'll die in a daze,
along with Kojak's brother ERROR ERROR ERROR TOO MANY SYLLABLES IN FINAL LINE
MY METER IS IMPAIRED MY METER IS IMPAIRED I CANNOT POESIZE I CANNOT POESIZE
ERROR ERROR EXPLODE EXPLODE EXXXXXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!!! *bang*"

The contest is now over because I just won. The end no givebacks.

-- K.

But what do Daleks eat under there?

John D Salt

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May 8, 2005, 5:20:41 AM5/8/05
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Rich Holmes<rsholme...@mailbox.syr.edu> wrote in
news:u4hdhev...@mep1.phy.syr.edu:

> John D Salt <jdsalt_AT_gotadsl.co.uk> writes:
>
>> a...@TheWorld.com (plorkwort) wrote in news:d5h8gj$in5$1
>> @pcls4.std.com:
>>
>> > The daleks, when down in the dumps,
>> > Cheer each other by fondling their bumps.
>> > Said one to another,
>> > "You'll make a great mother!"
>> > Said the first, "Oh no, that's the mumps."
>> >
>> > Please contribute yours here --->
>> >
>> > plorkwort.
>>
>> ON DALEK PROTRUBERANCES
>>
>> The Daleks are robotic genii
>> Each with a stalk-mounted beady eye;
>> They've got ray-guns and suckers
>> But the poor robot fuckers
>> Don't have any Dalekoid penii.
>
> A girl-Dalek, fresh in from Venus,
> Soon landed a boy-Dalek genius
> When she said, "Let's get hot!"
> He replied, "I cannot --
> The Doctor has unscrewed my penis."

So the so-called "sonic screwdriver" was really a stolen Dalek
willy? This explains why the Daleks were always so annoyed at
the Doctor. Probably, as they have socket mountings for arms and
weapons, they only ever had one penis among the lot of them,
which they used to pass around on a time-sharing basis, each
shouting E-JAC-U-LATE!1! E-JAC-U-LATE!! when it was their turn
with the robowanger. Once the Doctor had kliftied the sole Dalek
todger, all the Daleks were compelled to become lesbians. This
must be what the "reversing the polarity" meme really means.

Jacob W. Haller

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May 8, 2005, 10:49:38 PM5/8/05
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Once the Daleks had killed Doctor Who,
A red Dalek did declaim to a blue,
"WE! HAVE! OUR! VIC! TO! RY!
SO! NOW! WHAT! SAY! THAT! WE!
CELEBRATE! WITH! A! GOOD! SONIC! SCREW?!"

The shell of a Dalek's first grade.
It'll ward off gunshots or grenades.
But it's counterproductive
in milieus more seductive;
Armored Daleks can never get laid.

-jwgh

--
"I used to be better at logic problems, before I just dumped
them all into TeX and let Knuth pick out the survivors."
-- Plorkwort, 26 September 2004 on alt.religion.kibology

Jacob W. Haller

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May 8, 2005, 11:20:45 PM5/8/05
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Daleks don't celebrate Mother's Day.
Reproduction by sex ain't their way.
When one's told by some schmuck
that itself it should fuck
Daleks always respond "I! O! BEY!"

plorkwort

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May 22, 2005, 11:46:11 PM5/22/05
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A dalek, when making a lunge
At a girlie that he'd like to plunge
Must be rather brisk
To avoid her whisk
As well as her wish to expunge.

Glenn Knickerbocker

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May 23, 2005, 2:04:25 PM5/23/05
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When dalek i love you played gigs,
They'd carefully cover their rigs
In case some salt-shaker-
Shaped widower-maker
Thought the keyboards wore too-sexy digs.

Matt McIrvin

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May 24, 2005, 2:22:56 AM5/24/05
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In article <d6rjm3$ch4$1...@pcls4.std.com>, a...@TheWorld.com (plorkwort)
wrote:

> A dalek, when making a lunge
> At a girlie that he'd like to plunge
> Must be rather brisk
> To avoid her whisk
> As well as her wish to expunge.

You know, it's funny you should mention those guys, since I just scored
a copy of the Vidfire/telesnap reconstruction of the little-known
*first* adaptation of _Doctor Who_ for American consumption, the movie
musical from 1967 starring Dick van Dyke and Natalie Wood. Seems MGM
destroyed all complete copies but there was some cutting-room footage
in the archives of the apartheid-era Transkei censors' office that got
lifted by a fan in 1991 who then sold it in Hyderabad in '94 and that
in turn somehow showed up on eBay sometime around '02 mislabeled as the
lost episodes of _Automan_. Funny world.

Yeah, it's called _The Fantastical Doctor Who and his Phantasmical Time
Machine, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Daleks_. I
looked up the production history; pretty troubled. It was apparently
supposed to be a Peter Sellers star vehicle but he demanded lots of
changes to the script, like, he was going to regenerate eight times and
he also played the Meddling Monk and Victoria Waterfield and most of
the Yeti and the TARDIS was going to be Peter Sellers in a box saying
"vworp vworp", and eventually Irwin Allen got fed up and fired him.

Anyway, the finished product is actually pretty entertaining. I mean,
you have to watch it on the right level. For the whole first half van
Dyke is playing this decrepit old dude in a long white beard, tottering
all over the place and doing the "nearly falling over" shtick and going
"hmmmmm???" six times in every sentence, and his friends are Natalie
(they couldn't get Marni Nixon to do the singing voice; it's an
uncredited Julie Andrews) and James Darren, who is supposed to be some
sort of gold prospector and is always looking around for somebody to
punch, for some reason. They stumble into his machine in I. M.
Foreman's junkyard, only this time it's in old-timey California in some
vague 19th century, and it doesn't look like a police box, it's all
dark wood and brass with wheezing bellows and Watt steam governors on
the outside. Allen must have spent half the movie's budget on that,
considering that they spend most of the movie to the midpoint on a
papier-mache prehistoric set being menaced by Jamie Farr and Vic
Tayback in loincloths, and then there's an incomprehensible musical
number with Arch Hall, Junior as the Rock and Roll Caveman.

And then Tayback hits van Dyke over the head with his big
chicken-drumstick club, and there are tweeting-bird noises, van Dyke
falls on the ground and lap dissolves through a jelly jar into... Dick
van Dyke with no beard! Who does a happy dance and sings a song about
how lucky Time Lords are because they have onetwothreefourfivesixSEVEN
LIVES! (I don't think the numbers had been worked out quite yet), and
then it's off to the planet Skaro in the year Forty Million where they
witness the post-atomic creation of the Daleks by the mad scientist
Yarvelling. Only Jamie Farr's with them. Did I mention that he
invented Flower Power in the year Umpted Hundred Thousand BC? There
was a song about it. Anyway James Darren wants to punch all the Daleks
(his character is named Absalom something, I forget), but Natalie Wood
convinces Jamie Farr to use Flower Power on them, and he sticks flowers
in their toilet plungers and they all decide to play trains instead of
exterminating everyone. It's kind of sweet.

I liked it very much I ran out of ideas it's bedtime the end.

--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/

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