Takeshi Kitano wants to hurt children of all ages
James Kibo Parry
any sort of facial expression in any of his movies:
[posted by "yankeefog" to metafilter.com]
->
-> Takeshi no Chousenjou may be the hardest videogame ever written.
-> With a title screen warning that it was "created by somebody who
-> hates videogames" (actually writer/actor/director/comedian
-> Takeshi "Beat" Kitano) "Takeshi's Challenge" forces gamers to
-> endure such tasks as singing karaoke for an uninterrupted hour
-> and holding a single button for four straight hours. Players who
-> endure to the end are rewarded by having to hit the final boss
-> 20,000 times.
Bitchin'!
I love video games but I wanna play this one because I hate it.
This sounds even more of an I-hate-video-games video game than
that video game Roger Ebert and Harlan Ellison wrote together.
You know, the one where you have to get Deuce Bigalow and Darth Vader
to wear each other's diapers.
The next best thing would be if they made a video game out of the
hit original SpikeTV series "MXC". Who's the insane idiot who
created that show? I dare Japan to make a show like "MXC".
It could be hosted by the doughy old sadistic teacher from
the movie "Battle Royale"!
-> If you don't speak the language, you might be able to enjoy
-> the game as a Japanese precursor to Grand Theft Auto, but those
-> who understand it more fully see it as "a videogame that riffs
-> on human disappointment for as many hours as the player is
-> willing to search for redemption."
In other words, it's Zen meditation except with an explosion after
you shoot someone the first 20,000 times.
Why 20,000? 65,536 or 99,999 would be more appropriate numbers.
Actually, better yet, 100,002, but the manual would say "99,999".
It's not a terribly new concept -- I've seen lots of other ultra-
sadistic video games written by people who hate joy and want to
ruin your fun. For example, "IQ 180" for the Atari 2600,
"Busy Baby" for the Atari 800, and that "WarioWare Twisted"
gyroscopic cartridge that makes you accidentally throw your
GameBoy Advance against the wall as hard as you can because
you die if you can't coil up the smiling flower by spinning
the fragile electronic device around 360 degrees within half
a second twenty times in a row. It's worse if you play that
on a Nintendo DS because the little stylus will come flying
out of the back of the machine and put an eye out five miles away.
Worst of all is if your DS has its power cord plugged in so you
rip all the wiring out of your walls.
Anyway, Takeshi Kitano's video game hardly sounds like a challenge
for me. I play pinball. Video games are so slow and predictable
in comparison. His game better be at least as hard as level 103
of "Battle-Girl" or I'm going to punish him by having all of his
old movies dubbed into Elmer Fudd's voice. Oh, wait, someone already
beat me to it.
If you want a real larf riot, see "Johnny Mnemonic" where Takeshi
says most of his lines in English -- while never once emoting --
in his squeaky little voice. That movie is an all-out battle
between Keanu Reeves and Takeshi Kitano as they constantly challenge
each other to see who can display less acting talent. And to end
the movie you have to push the "STOP" button 20,000 times.
-- K.
I think Keanu Reeves just gets all
those movie roles because he's
half-Asian. They should make more
movies with completely Asian actors,
like Tadanobu Asano or Vin Diesel.
Tim Chmielewski
@10.0.1.2:
> If you want a real larf riot, see "Johnny Mnemonic" where Takeshi
> says most of his lines in English -- while never once emoting --
> in his squeaky little voice. That movie is an all-out battle
> between Keanu Reeves and Takeshi Kitano as they constantly challenge
> each other to see who can display less acting talent. And to end
> the movie you have to push the "STOP" button 20,000 times.
>
Have you watched any of Bad Boy Bubby yet or is it at the bottom of your
DVD pile? It is a good movie to show to people if you you want to freak
them out (not cat lovers though.)
--
My Photos : http://photos.timchuma.com
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The Twits Give Me the Shits : http://twitsgivemetheshits.timchuma.com
Tim's Hong Kong movie reviews: http://hkmovies.timchuma.com
TMG
> This is why I admire Takeshi Kitano, even though he has never had
> any sort of facial expression in any of his movies:
With all due respect (not exactly sure how that applies, but I already
typed it), should me be taking facial recognition tips from Leader Kibo?
Tim Chmielewski
> This is why I admire Takeshi Kitano, even though he has never had
> any sort of facial expression in any of his movies:
>
> [posted by "yankeefog" to metafilter.com]
> ->
> -> Takeshi no Chousenjou may be the hardest videogame ever written.
> -> With a title screen warning that it was "created by somebody who
> -> hates videogames" (actually writer/actor/director/comedian
> -> Takeshi "Beat" Kitano) "Takeshi's Challenge" forces gamers to
> -> endure such tasks as singing karaoke for an uninterrupted hour
> -> and holding a single button for four straight hours. Players who
> -> endure to the end are rewarded by having to hit the final boss
> -> 20,000 times.
>
> Bitchin'!
>
> I love video games but I wanna play this one because I hate it.
>
And here's a picture!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takeshi_no_Chousenjou
Mark Fergerson
>
> ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) wrote in news:kibo-2102062222490001
> @10.0.1.2:
>>This is why I admire Takeshi Kitano, even though he has never had
>>any sort of facial expression in any of his movies:
>>
>>[posted by "yankeefog" to metafilter.com]
>>->
>>-> Takeshi no Chousenjou may be the hardest videogame ever written.
>>-> With a title screen warning that it was "created by somebody who
>>-> hates videogames" (actually writer/actor/director/comedian
>>-> Takeshi "Beat" Kitano) "Takeshi's Challenge" forces gamers to
>>-> endure such tasks as singing karaoke for an uninterrupted hour
>>-> and holding a single button for four straight hours. Players who
>>-> endure to the end are rewarded by having to hit the final boss
>>-> 20,000 times.
>>
>>Bitchin'!
>>
>>I love video games but I wanna play this one because I hate it.
> And here's a picture!
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takeshi_no_Chousenjou
"...Never released outside of Japan." WTF?????????
Mark L. Fergerson
PS Mt newsreader only displays part of longerish post titles, so I read
the OP as "Takeshi Kitano wants to have my baby". Prolly something
Freudian in there, but what the hell.
Mark Fergerson
Genome (DNA), am that you?
Mark L. Fergerson
PS I wouldn't have asked except you showed an interest in Iron Chef, too.
TomH
> This is why I admire Takeshi Kitano, even though he has never had
> any sort of facial expression in any of his movies:
(Not that you could recognize him from one movie to
another.)
IHBT into finding that this is the same Takeshi behind
"Takeshi's Castle", in NA a.k.a. MXC, Most Extreme
Elimination Challenge. This is also a good reason to
admire Mr. Kitano: providing the fodder for a stupid,
zany, funny-because-it-hurts comedy for North America.
Also: props to the dudes at Spike TV for airing UFC
(http://www.ufc.com/). This will also give you the
"because-it-hurts" sensation, but not because it's funny.
--
TomH [ antonomasia <at> gmail <dot> com ]
Adam Funk
> Most Extreme Elimination Challenge
Ewwww.