Shindogu alert...

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Wiblur the Once

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Mar 20, 2002, 4:45:27 PM3/20/02
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I was just watching Curious World on the Travel Channel and they had a
feature on Shindogu (a japanese movement in which people invent useless
items like the umbrella tie and the electric spaghetti fork that doesn't
stop twirling).

I Googled it and came up with the following important news item that I
thought you all should know about:

> Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train
> when his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber
> underwear was made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30
> times their original size in the event of a tidal wave. "I am terrified
> of water, and death by drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48.
> "Unfortunately I set them off accidently while looking for a boiled
> sweet on a rush hour train.
>
> They were crushing everybody in the carriage until a passenger stabbed
> them with a pencil."

http://archive.dstc.edu.au/AU/staff/aw/eclectika/archive-1/0367.html

-----
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

jcha...@MY-FINGERaros.net
Pull My Finger to send email

James Kibo Parry

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Mar 21, 2002, 6:18:03 PM3/21/02
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Wiblur the Once (jcha...@aros.net) wrote:
>
> I was just watching Curious World on the Travel Channel and they had a
> feature on Shindogu (a japanese movement in which people invent useless
> items like the umbrella tie and the electric spaghetti fork that doesn't
> stop twirling).
>
> I Googled it and came up with the following important news item that I
> thought you all should know about:
>
> -> Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train
> -> when his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber
> -> underwear was made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30
> -> times their original size in the event of a tidal wave. "I am terrified
> -> of water, and death by drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48.
> -> "Unfortunately I set them off accidently while looking for a boiled
> -> sweet on a rush hour train.
> ->
> -> They were crushing everybody in the carriage until a passenger stabbed
> -> them with a pencil."

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It depends on precisely what sort
of gas they were letting out of his underwear.

Of course, he would have had the last laugh if a tidal wave had swept
through the crowded subway train just then, killing everyone but him.
He could have safely floated out to see with his ass above water.
Sure, he probably would've drowned. But at least his butt would
have stayed dry. And in Japan, you lose face if you die with a damp heinie.

Also, what sort of person boils candy on a crowded train? Or was it
some weird sort of pre-boiled candy? Why would anyone WANT boiled
candy, except possibly to sterilize it after it's been on the floor
longer than three seconds?

Remind me to tell you about a Chinese invention I saw at the Super 88 --
instant fried rice that you fry by pouring warm water on it.

-- K.

It didn't taste like candy, though.

Sherilyn

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Mar 21, 2002, 6:46:18 PM3/21/02
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In message-id <kibo-21030...@ppp0c004.std.com>,
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
[...]

>
>Also, what sort of person boils candy on a crowded train? Or was it
>some weird sort of pre-boiled candy? Why would anyone WANT boiled
>candy, except possibly to sterilize it after it's been on the floor
>longer than three seconds?

I don't what they're called in Bostonia, but they're called boiled sweets
in UKia and Austria and most places that speak English wot like I do.

It's hard candy sold pre-bagged or loose at the sweet shop, usually
translucent, the kind you suck until you get bored, then crunch into
tiny little pieces that you hope do not contain too many important bits
of tooth.
--
Sherilyn "I wonder whose Chindogu accident the Aum incident was"

James Kibo Parry

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Mar 21, 2002, 7:01:06 PM3/21/02
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Sherilyn (sher...@suespammers.org) wrote:

>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Also, what sort of person boils candy on a crowded train? Or was it
> > some weird sort of pre-boiled candy? Why would anyone WANT boiled
> > candy, except possibly to sterilize it after it's been on the floor
> > longer than three seconds?
>
> I don't what they're called in Bostonia, but they're called boiled sweets
> in UKia and Austria and most places that speak English wot like I do.
>
> It's hard candy sold pre-bagged or loose at the sweet shop, usually
> translucent, the kind you suck until you get bored, then crunch into
> tiny little pieces that you hope do not contain too many important bits
> of tooth.

So, you're saying, what you call "boiled candy", we call "grandpa candy"?

So what do you call hard-boiled eggs? "Grandpa eggs"? EWW!

-- K.

I bet you live in a part
of the world that's so
primitive it still has
delicious barley sugar candy
instead of NutraSweet!

Glenn Knickerbocker

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Mar 22, 2002, 12:07:08 AM3/22/02
to
On Fri, 22 Mar 2002 00:01:06 GMT, ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
wrote:

>So what do you call hard-boiled eggs? "Grandpa eggs"? EWW!

HARD grandpa eggs, of course. You don't think they go around making eggs
from flaccid grandpas, do you? Geez.

ŹR http://users.bestweb.net/~notr/ Kibology is as predictable as the
motion of a rock ball at a Beach Boys concert or a baseball game --Schwa

Schwa Love

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Mar 22, 2002, 5:42:54 AM3/22/02
to
Wiblur the Once <jcha...@aros.net> wrote in
news:MPG.16b4e84c9...@news.aros.net:

> I was just watching Curious World on the Travel Channel and they had a
> feature on Shindogu (a japanese movement in which people invent useless
> items like the umbrella tie and the electric spaghetti fork that doesn't
> stop twirling).
>
> I Googled it and came up with the following important news item that I
> thought you all should know about:
>
>> Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train
>> when his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber
>> underwear was made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30
>> times their original size in the event of a tidal wave. "I am terrified
>> of water, and death by drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48.
>> "Unfortunately I set them off accidently while looking for a boiled
>> sweet on a rush hour train.

Why is he keeping boiled sweets (whatever those are) hidden within the
depths of his inflatable underwear, next to the trigger mechanism? Or is
"boiled sweet" a euphemism for something else in his pants that he was
looking for? Also, it says the underpants inflate in the event of a tidal
wave. Perhaps there was one several miles away and the pants got edgy.

>> They were crushing everybody in the carriage until a passenger stabbed
>> them with a pencil."

Was it a giant pencil?

It's a good thing Japan has giant friendly monsters like Gamera to deal
with such emergencies in case the underpants got any bigger. I think it
would make for a great giant monster movie.

-- Schwa ---

Wiblur the Once

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Mar 22, 2002, 10:16:28 AM3/22/02
to
On Fri, 22 Mar 2002 00:07:08 -0500, Glenn Knickerbocker mumbled something
about...

> HARD grandpa eggs, of course. You don't think they go around making eggs
> from flaccid grandpas, do you? Geez.

What do you think they make those Chinese 1000-year-old eggs out of?

I think we have discovered the cause of that blast of ever-so-pleasant
ammonia-like taste you experience when you bite into one of those
suckers?

James Kibo Parry

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Mar 24, 2002, 2:18:18 AM3/24/02
to
A few days ago, I wrote:
>
> Remind me to tell you about a Chinese invention I saw at the Super 88 --
> instant fried rice that you fry by pouring warm water on it.

Nobody's reminded me, so I won't.

-- K.

You people make me so mad!

Andrew Pearson

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Mar 24, 2002, 5:45:03 AM3/24/02
to

Is that "mad" in the US sense of "angry" or in the UK sense of "insane"?
I need to know for a homework assignment.

Or mad with rage? It wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing for Kibology to
have an insane god, face empurpled with rage, screaming down at the
faithful "just ask me!!!1111 You fry it with water, WATER I TELL YOU?
Why won't you ask me about FRYING WITH WATER???1111!!!".

--

If I may be so bold as to quote Dave Delaney: "And you don't -never-
mess with the dragqueens"

James Vandenberg

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Mar 24, 2002, 6:46:24 AM3/24/02
to
James "Kibo" Parry said:
> A few days ago, I wrote:
> >
> > Remind me to tell you about a Chinese invention I saw at the Super 88 --
> > instant fried rice that you fry by pouring warm water on it.
>
> Nobody's reminded me, so I won't.

I'd like to point out that I was JUST ABOUT to remind you. Now I'll
never know about how to fry rice in lukewarm water.

InterestingSidenote: I'd like to know why we have 'lukewarm', and not
'markwarm', 'matthewwarm' or 'johnwarm', or how, if they exist, do they
relate?

Ja-also-can-lamb-be-roasted-by-rubbing-it-with-ice?-mes

--
James Vandenberg Email: james at vandenberg.dropbear.id.au
GPG FP= 65AB 179A D884 EDC6 216D FE6A 6833 02BC 4425 4F70
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. ICQ: 151135390
EOT

Xcott Craver

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Mar 24, 2002, 9:29:46 AM3/24/02
to
James Vandenberg <ja...@vandenberg.dropbear.id.au> wrote:
>
>InterestingSidenote: I'd like to know why we have 'lukewarm', and not
>'markwarm', 'matthewwarm' or 'johnwarm', or how, if they exist, do they
>relate?

The term used to be "pukewarm," but was changed by a pack
of fiercely puritanical think-of-the-children types.

-X

[Also, "Hello" has been replaced with "Heaveno."]

David DeLaney

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Mar 24, 2002, 11:15:38 AM3/24/02
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James Vandenberg <ja...@vandenberg.dropbear.id.au> wrote:
>InterestingSidenote: I'd like to know why we have 'lukewarm', and not
>'markwarm', 'matthewwarm' or 'johnwarm', or how, if they exist, do they
>relate?

That's easy. Look at Luke's webpics. Cogitate. Now look at Mark's, Matthew's,
and John's. No comparison. (Oh sure, John has that wild-eyed prophet-of-doom
expression thing going, but that doesn't get you CHYX BY THE BUCKETFULL unless
they're Goth chyx.)

>Ja-also-can-lamb-be-roasted-by-rubbing-it-with-ice?-mes

Dave "too-much-information-young-man" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.

David DeLaney

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Mar 24, 2002, 11:14:11 AM3/24/02
to
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>A few days ago, I wrote:
>> Remind me to tell you about a Chinese invention I saw at the Super 88 --
>> instant fried rice that you fry by pouring warm water on it.
>
>Nobody's reminded me, so I won't.

Does it have to be, er, Special water?

> -- K.
> You people make me so mad!

Dave "we're dysfunctional, quite" DeLaney

Special K

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Mar 24, 2002, 2:29:20 PM3/24/02
to
On Sun, 24 Mar 2002 07:18:18 GMT, ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo"
Parry) wrote:

>A few days ago, I wrote:
>>
>> Remind me to tell you about a Chinese invention I saw at the Super 88 --
>> instant fried rice that you fry by pouring warm water on it.
>
>Nobody's reminded me, so I won't.


Kibo, I hereby remind you.


Kenton "The Great Requiem" Cernea
President Emeritus, Tri-State Anime Club
http://members.sockets.net/~requiem
WILL THE GODDESS OF FATE SMILE DOWN UPON HIM?

James Kibo Parry

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Mar 25, 2002, 1:27:18 AM3/25/02
to
James Vandenberg (ja...@vandenberg.dropbear.id.au) wrote:

>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Remind me to tell you about a Chinese invention I saw at the Super 88 --
> > instant fried rice that you fry by pouring warm water on it.
> >
> > [...days pass...]

> >
> > Nobody's reminded me, so I won't.
>
> I'd like to point out that I was JUST ABOUT to remind you.

Hooray! Thank you. That counts, and I accept your apology, and now I can
tell you all about the soggy rice without violating any of the laws about
describing dampness without proper provocation.

> Now I'll never know about how to fry rice in lukewarm water.

It's quite simple: You dump lukewarm water on it and wait fifty minutes
while running in circles yelling "YAY! MY RICE IS FRYING EXTREMELY SLOWLY!"

As the instructions said:

[this is one cell of an unreasonably complicated flowchart]

PROPOSAL WAITING TIME

Water Tem. Time

90-100 C 9-10 min
70-90 C 10-25 min
50-70 C 25-35 min
<50 C 35-50 min

...but note that those are Moonbase Alpha minutes, not Earth minutes,
because this isn't normal rice, it's "Alpha rice" (it's actually
"a-rice" with a lowercase alpha which I can't type here because
the Internet doesn't support Greek) and, as the instructions say,
"if the water is not boiling, need longer minutes properly."

So, I guess I have to dump the rice into the "Doctor Who" pinball
machine's Time Expander to cook it.

Apparently China has trouble with their hot water, and possibly
even their room-temperature water -- I once bought a bag of dried
rice balls which required them to be soaked in water for an hour
in summer or two hours in winter. I'd think that if you were in
an unheated house in winter, convenience foods wouldn't be your
first desire.

Back to the wet-look "fried" rice. This is Amme brand "INSTANT FRIEDRICE",
which comes in three flavors: Crab, Assorted Pickled Pepper, and
Assorted Mushroom. As I mentioned last night, I like assorted mushrooms
almost as much as I like regular mushrooms, and I always like spicy
food, so I tried the two flavors that didn't have scary dried crab.
(Leah Verre once mailed me a packet of dried crabs -- which still had
their shells on underneath the candy coating and sprinkles -- and as
a result I am unwilling to ever consider eating anything else which
might contain mummified crabs.)

When you buy instant ramen noodles in the U.S., they typically come
with a tiny packet of colored salt that's supposed to make flavored
broth. When you buy dried noodles or other just-add-water meals
from Asia, they usually include multiple packets of all sorts of
things of varying textures, as well as a tiny fork. Each of these
fried rice bowls included a packet of dried vegetables, a packet
of unidentified white powder (probably garlic salt, not anthrax),
a packet of oil, a packet of brown goo, and a packet of wet vegetables.
(The wet vegetables are apparently intended to be eaten separately as
an appetizer. They were pickled unidentified brown things in the case
of the mushroom rice, pickled unidentified cabbage-colored things
in the case of the hot pepper rice.)

Now, I don't know about you, but it seems like stretching the truth
to call anything involving "just add water" to be "fried". The rice
is a precooked Minute Rice-like substance, which turned into
very damp boiled rice, so the texture wasn't quite the same as
fried rice. Someone left my rice out in the rain...

Calling this stuff "INSTANT FRIEDRICE" is also pushing the definition
of "instant", given that I could have actually fried some rice in
less than 50 minutes. (About five or six minutes in the microwave
worked for this, which is a lot longer than it takes to make the
frozen Ajinomoto fried rice from Japan which is precooked and can
be nuked right in its plastic bag with the silver lining.)

I got halfway through the bowl of "Assorted Mushroom" fried rice (which
contained almost no mushrooms), and it was quite flavorful and spicy,
but I couldn't finish it because... TOO! MUCH! GARLIC! In addition
to the packet of white garlic dust, the dried vegetable packet
contained a lot of slices of garlic, and the end result was rice
that had more garlic than a year's worth of Crazy Bread made by
an actual crazy person.

The hot pepper fried rice was even spicier, it was wonderfully spicy
and not as garlicky, so I liked it better. I like garlic, but there is
such a thing as too much garlic, while there is no such thing as
too much hot pepper.

The mushroom one had dried peas in the vegetables, while the hot
pepper one had corn.

...of course, none of this information is present in the ingredients
list. I think in China they don't really care what they eat.
The mushroom flavor's extremely elliptical list of ingredients:

Ingredients: alpha-rice, Dehydrated vegetables,
Vegetable oil, Salt, Cockspur

I believe "cockspur" is just another name for cayenne pepper. I guess
they looked up the list of synonyms and chose the one that sounded the
funniest. Oh, those Communists with their wacky thesauri.

Anyway, it's nice to see that snacks are getting exported from
Red China to the United States now so that at long last we can find
out if all the propaganda about the quality of life under Communism
turned out to be true. These rice bowls actually turned out not to
suck as badly as you'd expect Commie snacks to suck. (Most food
exported from Red China is just an unlabelled cellophane bag of
dried tree bark or a glass jar of tofu cubes in oil or something
else that can't even afford to put fake Disney characters on the
package like the Taiwanese items.) At least the Chinese snacks are cheap.

This rice is actually the slickest packaging I've seen from China
so far, it has a full-color picture on the wrapper and a logo and
a "recycle" symbol and American-style nutritional information and
so forth. Even a little bandaged hand with a plus sign on it
captioned "Hot Warning when boiling water added" because apparently
they've discovered laywers.

And this fried rice must be good, there is "uality Guaranteed" by the
China Guizhou Nutrition Committee overseeing the fried-rice factory
in the National High Technology Industrial Developing Zone of Guiyang!

I'm glad I don't live in any sort of zone.

In addition, the fine print says this fried rice is approved by ISO 9002.
I think that means each serving contains several layers of middle managers.

-- K.

The question is, if American
shopping malls contain dives
with names like "Wok-In" and
"Orientaste", what lame puns
do they attach to bad impressions
of American cuisine in
Red Chinese shopping malls?

I BET THE COMMIES HAVE LOUSY
SHOPPING MALLS! PROBABLY SOME OF
THEM DON'T EVEN HAVE DISNEY STORES!

James Vandenberg

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Mar 25, 2002, 2:46:17 AM3/25/02
to
James "Kibo" Parry said:
> > I'd like to point out that I was JUST ABOUT to remind you.
>
> Hooray! Thank you. That counts, and I accept your apology, and now I can
> tell you all about the soggy rice without violating any of the laws about
> describing dampness without proper provocation.

Another wacky US law?

> > Now I'll never know about how to fry rice in lukewarm water.

Prediction was falsified. I am NOT Nostrodamus

> It's quite simple: You dump lukewarm water on it and wait fifty minutes
> while running in circles yelling "YAY! MY RICE IS FRYING EXTREMELY SLOWLY!"

I have packet of noodle here that say:

Bring water to boil. Put in one cake of noodles for two minutes.

My noodles beat your fried rice! Nyahh Nyahh!

> As the instructions said:
>
> [this is one cell of an unreasonably complicated flowchart]
>
> PROPOSAL WAITING TIME
>
> Water Tem. Time
>
> 90-100 C 9-10 min
> 70-90 C 10-25 min
> 50-70 C 25-35 min
> <50 C 35-50 min

PROPOSAL WAITING TIME EXAMPLE:

Guy: Hello, I'd like to ____________
*pause* <-- this is proposal waiting time
Gurl: Sure!
or
Gurl: Die creep!

> ...but note that those are Moonbase Alpha minutes, not Earth minutes,
> because this isn't normal rice, it's "Alpha rice" (it's actually
> "a-rice" with a lowercase alpha which I can't type here because
> the Internet doesn't support Greek) and, as the instructions say,
> "if the water is not boiling, need longer minutes properly."

/\ / <-- alpha rice fish have the remarkable ability to slow time in
(. x the correct manner.
\/ \

[la la la snip la la]


> I believe "cockspur" is just another name for cayenne pepper. I guess
> they looked up the list of synonyms and chose the one that sounded the
> funniest. Oh, those Communists with their wacky thesauri.

They just want the workers of the world to be laughing so hard that
their capitalists oppressors will punish them for their gaity, and that
this unjust suppression of mirth will lead the people to rise up in a
glorious people's revolution. That's the plan, anyway.

> This rice is actually the slickest packaging I've seen from China
> so far, it has a full-color picture on the wrapper and a logo and
> a "recycle" symbol and American-style nutritional information and
> so forth. Even a little bandaged hand with a plus sign on it
> captioned "Hot Warning when boiling water added" because apparently
> they've discovered laywers.

IJLS Hot Warning. Danger! This warning can burn!

> I'm glad I don't live in any sort of zone.

What about the Zone of Canadian Influence, HUH?

> In addition, the fine print says this fried rice is approved by ISO 9002.
> I think that means each serving contains several layers of middle managers.

Cue Joke about bureaucratium.

> -- K.
>
> The question is, if American
> shopping malls contain dives
> with names like "Wok-In" and
> "Orientaste", what lame puns
> do they attach to bad impressions
> of American cuisine in
> Red Chinese shopping malls?

Mao-ze-donalds, Burger Chairman. Guangdong Fried Chicken.

Ja-fast-non-explotative-food-mes

Otto Bahn

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Mar 25, 2002, 12:57:29 PM3/25/02
to
James Vandenberg wrote:
>
> James "Kibo" Parry said:
> > > I'd like to point out that I was JUST ABOUT to remind you.
> >
> > Hooray! Thank you. That counts, and I accept your apology, and now I can
> > tell you all about the soggy rice without violating any of the laws about
> > describing dampness without proper provocation.
>
> Another wacky US law?

I like the one where you cannot fortify candy with
vitamins, but it's perfectly okay to make vitamins
and medicine taste like candy. I bet there must be
some random legal standard for how yummy breakfast/
nutrition bars can be. If they aren't careful, some
shifty marketing execs are going mix peanuts and
raisins with chocolate and call it "candy".

On the flip side, if they made you put folic acid
in candy and junk food, it would take a bite out of
birth defects.

Maybe if candy came in child-proof wrappers they
would let it be fortified. It should also be illegal
to wrap a whole polar bear liver in bacon -- I'd
make them cut it up into 24 individually wrapped
peices and stamp "Recommended serving size for an
entire family" on each one. This would make the
average bozo feel glutton-guilt and thus prevent him
from eating the entire bacon wrapped vitamin A bomb
in one sitting.

I'm reading my Nutrigrain bar label right now --
it's got about 7% of my recommended daily calories
and only 4% of the fiber...

Sometimes the wife buys that cheapo "%100 Stone
Ground Wheat" bread food. I think the "stone" part
refers to the state of mind of some FDA rule-makers
because it otherwise only means that the grain had
to pass between two stones. This stuff looks and
tastes like colored white bread with a little more
gluten. When I eat Real Bread (TM), each slice
has about 12% of the RDA of fiber, while the cheapo
stuff has only 4%.

I'm so glad they are looking out for the purity
of bread food products because it would otherwise
be real easy to abuse the term "%100 stone ground
wheat" by removing many of the constituents and
then putting some, but not all, of them back in.

--oTTo--

Tylenol extra strength -- Now with a full day's dose
of vitamin A!

Jeremy D. Impson

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Mar 26, 2002, 3:28:27 AM3/26/02
to
On Mon, 25 Mar 2002, James Kibo Parry wrote:

> James Vandenberg (ja...@vandenberg.dropbear.id.au) wrote:
> >
[...]


> > Now I'll never know about how to fry rice in lukewarm water.
>
> It's quite simple: You dump lukewarm water on it and wait fifty minutes
> while running in circles yelling "YAY! MY RICE IS FRYING EXTREMELY SLOWLY!"

Kibo, please tell us about how to fry Luke in warm rice water.

--Jeremy

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