[KELTIE enters accompanied by a DALEK. She is blind.]
KELTIE: I'm hungry. See any place to eat?
DALEK: THERE! IS! A! WHITE! CASTLE! OVER! THERE!
KELTIE: Fine. Let's try that.
[A DOORMAN, or perhaps more accurately a bouncer, guards the door.]
KELTIE: "Halt"? What are you, some kind of medievel renaissance twit?
DOORMAN: Sorry, just trying to make my job more interesting. Who are
you? Can you afford to eat here?
KELTIE: I demand to speak to the manager!
DOORMAN: Why would the manager want to talk to you?
KELTIE: I might be able to help him with something?
DOORMAN: What could you possibly help him with?
KELTIE: Look, I've had a tough day.
DOORMAN: Hmmm. That is a cute robot. OK, I'll go get him.
[He leaves. The CHORUS comes in.]
DALEK: IN! TRU! DER! A! LERT! IN! TRU! DER! A! LERT!
KELTIE: Who's there?
CHORUS: Just the chorus. Who are you?
KELTIE: Believe me, you don't want me to get into it.
CHORUS: Oh, come on! We'll help you out!
KELTIE: Will you give me ... FOOD? I've been walking around all day,
CHORUS: Sure, food is good.
KELTIE: Well, it's a long story, but I'm Keltie.
[The CHORUS gasps.]
CHORUS: The same Keltie who was banned from Quiznos?
KELTIE: Well, yes, but --
CHORUS: We heard you spilled a giant cup of Doctor Pepper all over the
KELTIE: I'm a little clumsy sometimes, it's true.
CHORUS: And then you got another cup and spilled that one too!
KELTIE: OK, admittedly --
CHORUS: And then you said, "Whoops! Guess someone'll have to clean that
KELTIE: Well, the service there wasn't very good. See, I tried to get a
special order, but --
CHORUS: And then you removed your eyes with a spoon!
KELTIE: It made sense at the time. I felt pretty bad about the whole
thing, to tell the truth.
CHORUS: Well, we'd love to help you get some food here, but we can't.
KELTIE: But you said you would! You promised!
CHORUS: Sure, but there's also a little thing called the WHITE CASTLE
RULES OF OPERATION? We're not that important. Who are we to
help those that the fast food gods have condemned
KELTIE: That's pretty lame. Anyway, dramatically the Chorus is pretty
CHORUS: I'm sorry, you'll have to talk to the manager.
[KELTIE sighs. After a little while the DOORMAN returns, accompanied by
GENERALISSIMO V. TABLECLOTHS.]
DOORMAN: Here's the woman I was talking about, sir.
CHORUS: Don't be fooled! It's Keltie!
GENERALISSIMO: All I see here is a potential customer in need of a good
meal. Assuming she can pay, of course. LET'S CREATE
THAT HUGE CROW ON FIRE OMKE QUZK QGSY QYJJ
KELTIE: Sure, I can pay.
[Suddenly, a KIBOLOGIST runs up. The CHORUS, looking bored, discreetly
KIBOLOGIST: R U A HAWT CHYXX0R? I M IQCING U RITE NOW!
KELTIE: Hey, a Kibologist! What's up?
KIBOLOGIST: Good news! I just went to Quiznos and they want you to
come back! They'll give you coupons and everything!
KELTIE: That place sucks. Why would I go back there? Actually, why
would they WANT me back? They sure didn't last time I was
KIBOLOGIST: Well, you know ... woman blinds herself at Quiznos, gets
banned for life ... it's not quite up there with those
stupid 'raised by wolves' ads in terms of bad PR, but ...
anyway, they think that if you come back it'll help them.
KELTIE: Fukken Quiznos. Forget it.
KIBOLOGIST: Unfortunately, you may not have a choice.
[CHORUS OF SPONGEMONKIES enters.[
SPONGEMONKIES: We're here to take you to Quiznos.
KELTIE: I'm not going.
SPONGEMONKIES: You have to! We'll give you free food! Quiznos is
doomed if you don't return!
KELTIE: All the more reason.
SPONGEMONKIES: Then we'll take you ... BY FORCE!
[They start to move towards KELTIE. GENERALISSIMO V. TABLECLOTHS moves
between KELTIE and the SPONGEMONKIES.]
GENERALISSIMO: Hold on. _I_ have promosed to feed this young woman.
WANNA CREATE THE POPSICLE KYPI NJRC GMLL DTOO QNER
[The DOORMAN stands beside him and glares at the SPONGEMONKIES.]
GENERALISSIMO: [to KELTIE] Where do you want to eat today?
KELTIE: Certainly not Quiznos.
GENERALISSIMO: OK, then I'll keep you away from there. TIME TO ADD
INCHES TO THAT DIETETIC SOFTWARE WITH THE CLOWN
KIBOLOGIST: But what of, um, the two or three Kibologists who ENJOY
eating at Quiznos? Do you want to condemn them to a
lifetime of Denny's, or even .... SUBWAY?
KELTIE: Well ... [to DALEK] What would you do?
DALEK: EX! TER! MIN! ATE! EX! TER! MIN! ATE!
[KELTIE considers this.]
KELTIE: [sighing] No, that would probably get me banned from here too.
[She goes into the White Castle. GENERALISSIMO V. TABLECLOTHS and the
DOORMAN prevent the others from following.]
SPONGEMONKIES: Well, damn.
"Kibo/DeLaney 2004: More sex with pans. For the children!"
-- Steve Christensen on alt.religion.kibology 12 March 2004
Generalissimo V. Tablecloths (looking sternly at Jacob): I'M NOT KIDDING
ANY MORE, TIME TO DESTROY ARK.
Elizabeth D. Brooks | kali.ma...@comcast.net | US2002021724
Listowner: Aberrants_Worldwide, Fading_Suns_Games, TrinityRPG
AeonAdventure | "Dobby likes us!" -- Smeagol
> HOT PROMETHEUS ACTION A Geek Tragedy in One Act
> [KELTIE enters accompanied by a DALEK. She is blind.]
I've only read this far and already I think this is pretty funny.
Should I read the rest or quit while I'm ahead?
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>
"Next you can move on to criticizing The Great Gatsby by noting all the
places where it differs from Beowulf." -- swt
> yo...@jwgh.org (Jacob W. Haller) writes:
> > ---------------------
> > HOT PROMETHEUS ACTION A Geek Tragedy in One Act
> > ---------------------
> > [KELTIE enters accompanied by a DALEK. She is blind.]
> I've only read this far and already I think this is pretty funny.
> Should I read the rest or quit while I'm ahead?
If you don't read the whole thing how will you be able to start writing
the fan fiction?
I like it. Especially the part where I go to White Castle.
looka my site! http://shinyhappy.fateback.com