Yes, that's one of the symptoms. I'm much more expressive when I write
than when I see someone face to face. I've learned to compensate for
this mild disorder, like with humour.
On the Myers-Briggs test I'm 78% INTJ. On the disorder personality test
I'm 80% schizoid (not schizophrenic) and I score 28/50 at the Asperger test.
Think of Glenn Gould for example to have an idea of my psychology.
I could have been a monk, and I've spent a lot of time at monasteries
feeling fine with silence and solitude.
I couldn't stay because of my bones condition forbidding me to do any
hard work. Plus the weather (most monasteries are in mountain areas) is
rather cold and humid. Great surroundings though. I spent a fortnight at
Fr Placide's monastery (a dependency of Mount Athos) and cried when I left.
> You
> have a keen intellect despite all these issues.
>
> I suppose moving to a cheaper area is out of the question.
I'd love to, be I can't be transported other than by a medical vehicle.
When I can afford 300km in an ambulance (120€/km) I'll have bought a
small manor before. :)
I can't go and visit a house prior to renting or buying it, plus banks
won't give me a credit because of my health (or lack thereof).
I don't know what part of the world you live in, but in France the
situation of handicapped people hasn't been reformed since the 70s
(there's a little "reformette" from 2005 but it's never been enforced)
and Sarkozy's regime was (and still is until the new gov tries to
restore our previous rights) bordering fascism (ask the Gypsies).
We, disabled people, simply do not exist. Even to his last days, Sarkozy
pinned the nail in the coffin reminding us that 1st of May was the feast
of the "real workers".
We're seen as social parasites and, without the EU laws to protect us a
little, I don't doubt that Sarkozy would have treated us like the nazis.
After all, his counsellor Patrick Buisson is a former National Front
"journalist" who used to write Le Pen's speeches. In one of them that
makes a chapter of the National Front programme of 1995, he/Le Pen wrote
that the disabled should be treated "like horses and dogs".
If you think GW Bush was bad, Sarkozy was Dubya on wheels.
11 million French people are living today under the poverty threshold.
When Sarkozy was elected in 2008 he told the press that his main purpose
was to destroy everything that the National Council of Resistance (CNR)
had passed after the war to protect the weaker citizens.
So far, it's been a success. Of course we gave him the boot, but the
country's in shambles.
> I
> have been watching a documentary on The Science of Healing,
> They cite a study where patiences recovering from this or that
> were divided into those that had a nature scene out the window
> and ones that had a brick wall out the window. The ones with
> the nature scene healed a day earlier and used half of the
> pain meds. France is an awfully beautiful place. May be
> a beautiful apartment in the country side?
>
I live on the 3rd floor with a view on a small park.
I can't afford to choose where I'll be placed. Most likely I'll be moved
to a "cité" with muslim rascals where's I'll be the only white
non-muslim citizen.
I can't be moved (3 to 6 spinal discs broken or injured, can't be
operated, Scheuermann's diseases, etc.) and I can't buy a house withiut
ruining myself. Banks won't give me credit, I won't have a retirement
pension, etc. Sarkozy's France is a fascist country.
> I am not one to use drugs unless it is a dire emergency. (When
> I broke my wrist, I refused to use the opioids that were
> prescribed). I know of several instances where drug
> interactions caused all kinds of problems. Could
> that be affecting your? There are several web site out
> there where you put your drugs into it and it will check
> for interactions.
>
If I don't take medications I don't walk and I don't sleep. At all.
After my mother died I spent three days without sleeping. I've lost the
sleepiness sensation except like today, I've slept five hours because
I've spent the last week sleeping 3-4 hours a night with sleeping pills.
I also don't feel hunger. I know I must eat something when I feel dizzy
because of a lack of sugar.
> And the next time you think of offing yourself, made sure
> we all know so we can pray for you. Then stand tall,
> close your eyes, breath out slowly, breath in slowly,
> make the sign of the cross as slow and deliberate
> as you can, then open your eyes. Feel the Lord's love.
> You will make it through this.
>
> Yours in Christ,
> -T
>