What makes me angry
Shelley Solvey
a great person, beautiful inside and out... sweet, heart of gold,
intelligent, blah blah...
and then every one leaves me alone. It seems like they think I don't
need love. Do I perpetuate that?? And yet if I express it, it's "needy"
(which is always some how a disgusting word).
Is it me picking the wrong men?? I don't understand... i just dont
Jim Joslin
You sound so much like me it is scary at times. From reading your posts
today we have a lot in common almost too much to be comfortable. My last
relationship also lasted a year and that year was the most passionate and
intensely emotional year I have yet experienced with someone. I think the
emotional peaks of the break up equal the the passion that was in it at
least for me that seems to be the case.
I've always been called a nice guy and I'm still wondering do nice guys
always finish last?
With arms wide open!
Jim
Karen Ronan
are emotionally well adjusted and high functioning people?
And therefore their mean behavior must reflect on you,
not on them?
If the answer is yes, read on.
It might be useful to look at men using a lot of caution,
discernment, and close observation to see if they are in reality
emotionally or financially unstable, angry, insincere,
have a lot of baggage from the past, rage, and other "red flags"
(warnings) that they are *not functioning well* and *unable* to
sustain a relationship with *anyone* no matter how loveable
she is. You can't go around assuming that all people know what
they're doing, or that they're at a high level of functioning.
Some people are 2 year olds in an adult body.
Karen
Shelley Solvey
and just wanted a good cry. Anyway, Karen, yes... the answer to the question
is yes. I take people at face value. I assume everyone's intentions are
sincere. I guess I want to believe that. And my therapist said the same thing
to me today as you have just now.
Jim...I too am a nice guy finishing last... I talked about this today in
therapy too. I almost screamed (figuratively speaking) the words, if I am such
a beautiful person inside and out and so strong and have such a heart of
gold... HOW COME EVERYONE LEAVES???? His response was very focused on me and
forced my mind and emotions to hear him. I wish I could go into it more here.
Anyway, again, it's about setting boundaries.. (there's that word again). It's
about not thinking I am/have/or will screw up again. It's about not being a
doormat.
Please go see the movie me, myself and irene. In it I saw myself ... this
person who had this emotional pain and in order to BLOCK it became a beautiful
kind doormat. I wasn't dealing with anything. I stuffed it all down. Now I am
letting it out (like in the movie but not to that extreme) and feel I have
unleashed something. My therapist says it may be that I become a superbitch
for a while but he is watching it. He doesn't think I'm capable of it long
term but feels it wouldn't kill me to let out some anger and stop being so
passive. Which by the way, is a quality I loathe in most things. ..
(interesting?) I am a proactive person in every area of my life except when
it comes to me. And I can't ignore it any longer (my heart won't let it) and I
have let some of this anger go. And start standing up for myself.
I talked about my sister and my ex and how I (ungracefully) stood up for
myself. He felt it was extremely healthy too in that I have had it repressed
for so long... he says the ungracefulness is from my training wheels as I
have not done this in quite some time but it's just a mere case of taking
care of your SELF.
If codependency is it's label, the so be it. But I think he is right. Hanging
onto a healthy anger is okay. Anger is a cover for hurt that's true, but for
now... it will protect me from further hurting myself.
I am sure of only one thing now... I am on the right path. Although I am so
uncomfortable. But I look around and still think, I deserve to be as happy as
those people out there and I'm going to be. The only way to get there though
is to walk throw the fire (flood in my case as I have so many tears)... but I
will.
I will keep posting and gathering support from you guys... and hope I am at
least offering some as well.
Shelley
Karen Ronan
What I'm going to write is *not* a criticism but a
hypothesis:
This sounds like a little baby or small child crying because
her mother or father did not see what a special,
adorable, wonderful little girl she is, and instead punished
her or neglected her. The child assumed that _she_ must
not be wonderful after all, because her mom and dad were gods
who made those decisions about babies.
artemesia
Shelley Solvey <shelley...@savillegroup.com> wrote:
Everyone thinks I'm
> a great person, beautiful inside and out... sweet, heart of gold,
> intelligent, blah blah..
> need love. Do I perpetuate that??
>
You may find my two recent post (7/27/00) in Jealousy and What is Love?
on topic for your queston.
You may be hanging out with the wrong crowd. i atually find that the
higher up the food chain I go, the more people like me.
Artemesia
*********
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Before you buy.
Richard
"Shelley Solvey" <shelley...@savillegroup.com> wrote in message
news:397F0C11...@savillegroup.com...
> You know what else makes me angry??? Really angry??? Everyone thinks I'm
> a great person, beautiful inside and out... sweet, heart of gold,
>
> and then every one leaves me alone. It seems like they think I don't
> (which is always some how a disgusting word).
Sounds like some major game playing. Not on your part, but on theirs.
>
> Is it me picking the wrong men?? I don't understand... I just dot
Maybe. Do you have trouble asking for what you need? having needs and
being needy are two different things. A selfish person would be quick to
point out any legitimate needs placed at his feet as 'needy' simply because
it was inconvenient to meet the needs.
Context is a factor. Knowing what your needs, lines, and points -- issues
are can simplify the negotiation process.
But I'm pretty direct. Life is too short for confusion and nonsense.
Richard
>
>
Shelley Solvey
Thanks for your response. I may have trouble asking for what I need. I guess
because I don't really know. I mean, do you? I need food, shelter and
clothing. I need security I guess. Emotional security. Being accepted. Is that
a need? I need to be understood. I need to be loved. (are these needs or
needy?)
Tell me again the difference between needs and needy.
Shelley
tpatrick
You can tell the difference between a need and needy if you can put it into
words. If you can state what you want it's a "need" , it may be greedy or
unreasonable but you know what you want. Needy is a condition that cannot
be met by anyone, like a pit that cannot be filled. No amount of food, love
or possession will suffice. With a need, once you've got what you asked for
you as satisfied.
tpatrickb
Shelley Solvey <shelley...@savillegroup.com> wrote in article
<3989C6E4...@savillegroup.com>...
: Hi Richard...
: > >
: > >
:
:
Shelley Solvey
Good definition... short to the point, accurate and easily absorbed.
Thanks... I know it sounds stupid but I really needed a concise definition.
:-)
Shelley