Lurk no more.... (long, sorry)
DodgeEwe
myself.
I'm Michele. I'm single and live by myself in New Jersey. I have a huge
cluttering problem and probably get it from my parents (who are both
packrats). I have a problem throwing anything out. Well, not anything but
a lot of stuff. I have been getting better but I still keep way too much
stuff and I'm a perpetual shopper. All you have to do is say "it's on sale"
or "you can't live without this" and I have the need to buy it. I live in a
13 room house by myself and have no room. I need to start to get rid of
things but I find I can't. What if they have value? (I have a lot of
old/antique things) or what if I need it one day? A lot of things have
sentimental value too. I have been getting better. I've gotten rid of some
clothes that don't fit anymore and some plastic containers from my kitchen.
This is a huge accomplishment because I can't remember getting rid of much
of anything my whole life. Even without the stuff that I save all the time,
I feel like I am just lazy. I clean off the coffee table in the living room
to only have it be clutter again by the next day. I look at the stuff on
the coffee table and wonder how it got there although I know I had to have
put it there because I live alone. If I really think about it, I can
remember putting the stuff there but don't remember realizing that I am
doing it. How do I change that? I guess it has just become a habit. How
do I make myself realize that I am putting it down when I am doing it and
make myself NOT do that?
I have been cleaning up my bedroom, which as someone here has said, you
don't realize it's a mess because your brain is used to seeing it that way.
It is really looking good and the main problem with my bedroom is laundry.
I bought a couple of collapsible laundry baskets to put up in my bedroom.
So far they are working pretty well but I still have some boxes to look
through in my bedroom and it's only been a week since I started.
I am a quick clutter clean-up person. If someone is coming over, I have a
tendency to grab a box or a bag and dump everything into that box or bag to
organize later and clean up later (which never comes around) and put that
bag or box in either the basement, or the attic, or the closet. I have
boxes of stuff that I need to organize from years ago that I still haven't
gone through. I know there is stuff in there that I need and that I have
been looking for so just chucking it without looking through it is not an
option. I had the bright idea that I would go through a box a day or two or
three. Well, then the rest of the house becomes a mess again. I just don't
have the skill to do it. I tried to make a list of things to do every day.
I even set it up in my PDA in my to do list. I set it up to repeat every 2
weeks... monday1: organize kitchen, tues1: organize
bistro-room,......monday2: organize livingroom, tues2: organize front
porch..... etc.... but that didn't work either. I'm finding I need help
although I've been motivated to do things lately.
I had worked overnight for the past 8 years and found that I was so tired on
my days off that I slept all day and all night. I recently moved to day
shift and seem to have more energy but I start and have all this energy then
I get sidetracked and end up not doing what I planned on doing.
Well, sorry this was so long, I just thought I'd say hello and ask for some
advise.
Thanks!
-Michele ;)
Tracy
>Hi, I've been lurking here for the past week or so and thought I'd introduce
>myself.
>
>I'm Michele. I'm single and live by myself in New Jersey. I have a huge
>cluttering problem and probably get it from my parents (who are both
>packrats). I have a problem throwing anything out. Well, not anything but
>a lot of stuff. I have been getting better but I still keep way too much
>stuff and I'm a perpetual shopper. All you have to do is say "it's on sale"
>or "you can't live without this" and I have the need to buy it. I live in a
>13 room house by myself and have no room. I need to start to get rid of
>things but I find I can't. What if they have value? (I have a lot of
>old/antique things) or what if I need it one day? A lot of things have
>sentimental value too. I have been getting better. I've gotten rid of some
>clothes that don't fit anymore and some plastic containers from my kitchen.
>This is a huge accomplishment because I can't remember getting rid of much
>of anything my whole life. Even without the stuff that I save all the time,
>I feel like I am just lazy. I clean off the coffee table in the living room
>to only have it be clutter again by the next day. I look at the stuff on
>the coffee table and wonder how it got there although I know I had to have
>put it there because I live alone. If I really think about it, I can
>remember putting the stuff there but don't remember realizing that I am
>doing it. How do I change that? I guess it has just become a habit. How
>do I make myself realize that I am putting it down when I am doing it and
>make myself NOT do that?
I understand SO much about this, and sympathize, however, I can't give
you any advice, because I'm the same way. If it's horizontal, it
collects crap. And unfortunately, that includes the floor.
I worked midnights for a while. That sucked. It even sucked the life
out of me. I had NO energy while I was doing that, so things didn't
get done and it got really cluttered. I will avoid midnights like the
plague from now on, if I can possibly avoid it. Congratulations on
getting days. I'm sure that once you catch up on sleep, you'll start
feeling much better and will have more energy to deal with things.
>Well, sorry this was so long, I just thought I'd say hello and ask for some
>advise.
>
>Thanks!
>
>-Michele ;)
Welcome.
Tracy
Automatic reply-to address is a spam catcher.
PLEASE, use thock at umr dot edu. I don't check the
other one except once a month or so.
Tazzy_Gal
> Hi, I've been lurking here for the past week or so and thought I'd
introduce
> myself.
>
> I'm Michele. I'm single and live by myself in New Jersey. I have a
huge
> cluttering problem and probably get it from my parents (who are both
> packrats). I have a problem throwing anything out. Well, not
anything but
> a lot of stuff.
Welcome Michele!
I'm kinda new here too but have just begun to really declutter. For me
it's just a matter of taking the time to look at a pile. The storage
unit I did this week was a fabulous job, but I had a ruthless friend
with me. As you read more here and continue to post, you'll find
yourself doing more, and if you don't, that's okay too. Just do a
little bit at a time. Instead of scheduling an entire room to be done
on one day, you could try doing part of one section of a room, or just
one pile. You'd be surprised at a lot of the stuff that no longer holds
any meaning!
Don't give up. Just do something each day, even if it's putting ONE
thing away, then come back and tell us about it! Here are some websites
that I like to look at for inspiration:
www.mindoverclutter.com
www.clutterbusteronline.com
www.clutterbug.net
www.juliemorgenstern.com
www.beclutter-free.com
www.organized-living.com
www.flylady.net
Hope you have some fun with those!
--Tazzy Gal, who's also a 'lazy'...
DivaM...@webtv.net
non-judgmental group of people with a lot of humor and heart. Hope you
stay a while!
Diva
Caroline
Thank you for sharing so much of your situation, I have a few things I can
think of and will present them in random order (otherwise I would be stuck
at my computer for half a day to write The Perfect Essay LOL).
Sentimental value - can you take pictures to keep the memory and toss the
item? Toss as in throw away, give away or sell, whichever is useful for the
item that you have. Sentimental papers, scan and you can store tons of paper
on very little physical space.
Perpetual shopping - something is missing from your life and it ain't
things. Trust me I know and the only reason that I stopped shopping was when
I realized my stuff was about to choke me. I still have the tendency
especially on education because that is my insatiable hunger but budgeting
is coming to my rescue to keep that mostly under control. You might create
not just a problem with clutter but also a financial problem. And if not, I
can think of a few organizations which would happily relieve you of the
burden of too much money to help the less fortunate ;)
I used to do the quick box up but I stopped doing that when I realized that
this habit was destroying any chance of ever getting out of the mess. If
people come to visit me and they can only see my clutter then they don't
really care about me. Yes I do have a clutter challenge but that does not
make me a bad person.
You might find http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/ helpful to
learn more about your day time/night time shift. I watched the program on tv
and that made me realize how cluttered my bedroom is (being used to it, no
longer seeing the reality). I believe I am a lark and they said on the show
that for larks it is harder to adjust to someone else's time schedule.
> What if they have value? (I have a lot of
> old/antique things) or what if I need it one day?
If they have value, you can sell.
If you paid money to buy it, that money is already gone. Don't fret over
money you spent yesterday. The money is gone.
What if you need it one day? Can it be replaced? is the critical question to
ask. I have tossed items when I realized I had not been using them in a long
time, and that if ever I would need them, I was sure that I could buy them
again easily.
> I even set it up in my PDA in my to do list. I set it up to repeat every
2
> weeks... monday1: organize kitchen, tues1: organize
> bistro-room,......monday2: organize livingroom, tues2: organize front
> porch..... etc.... but that didn't work either. I'm finding I need help
> although I've been motivated to do things lately.
Motivation is good but it is not enough. Your PDA is not going to help you
because you don't know what "organize" means. I suggest you read Julie
Morgenstern's book Organizing from the inside out. This will help you to
understand your problem and what you can do about it. Your problem is that
nobody ever taught you the skill of organizing.
I could buy a few chemicals.
I could mix them.
I could create some unique concoctions no doubt.
But I would not find the cure for cancer this way because I really would
have no idea what I was doing. Nobody taught me the skill of finding the
right combination of chemicals to invent the cure for something.
I really really wish that I could but I know that it would be useless to
even try. And that is what makes attacking our clutter so difficult. How can
you stay motivated if whatever you try, you are failing? Think baby steps.
Small chunks. Example:
Take all the herbs from the kitchen cabinets, find the place where you
really want to put them (close to the stove, obviously, so they will be
within arm's reach when you need them), empty and clean that space and put
the herbs there, most often used up front so they are easy to find.
This is easy, you can do it and you will have a completion. Completions are
important for motivation. Organizing your kitchen is the end goal but it is
way too big to see that end. Try and set up your clutter goals so that you
will have LOTS of completions.
Another book which I found very helpful was David Allen Getting things done.
Good luck!
Caroline
--
http://www.millionairemind.com/a/wealthcoaching?page=/wow/
Carolyn
A quote by...Linda, I think...helped me through a tough year as I finished
up a remodeling/rebuilding project (kitchen), started and finished another
(bathroom), and prepared the entire house to go on the market (where it now
sits):
"Set smaller goals and don't look ahead to the mountains in front of me."
I found, somewhere in my computer, a beautiful picture of a snow-capped
range of mountains.I added this quote below it, printed it out, and kept it
on my refrigerator where it reminded me daily and kept me moving forward
(and not stuck in To-Much-To-Do paralysis).
HTH,
Carolyn in Austin
--"Happiness doesn't come from having things. It comes from being part of
things." ("Chris in the Morning"-Northern Exposure)
kevinsmom
news:R-CdnTdvLO7...@comcast.com...
> Hi, I've been lurking here for the past week or so and thought I'd
introduce
> myself.
You might consider picking a time every day to clean off your coffee table,
eventually it could lead to your thinking before you put something there and
maybe putting it away instead.
If you have paperwork piling up get some folders and start by filing new
things as they come in. Then when you have a handle on that you can start
putting one or two older things in the files every day. Consider having a
new file each month for household things instead of a different file for
each category.
It occurs to me that we have some new people lately and Brenda's Bible (I
was the cat) hasn't been posted for a while. A lot of people have found
this helpful:
====================
Welcome!
I posted the following a while ago and some suggested that I should re-post
it when new posters arrived:
The first thing I think one should do is to stop the incoming flow of new
clutter. This will take the effort of making a conscious decision to adopt
some new habits. Take care of new clutter as soon as it arrives--throw out
junk mail (it doesn't all need to be shredded--just the stuff with personal
info on it--if you don't like throwing it out with your address intact on
it--just rip off your address and throw out the rest-shred the address
later).
Don't buy things you don't need. Really have a good think about the stuff
that lines the checkouts in stores--it's there because they know you are
likely to be susceptible to buying that stuff in an unplanned purchase. Some
people find it helps to make a list before they go shopping and only buy
what is on the list. Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry.
Don't accept "gifts" that you don't need--like when people are moving and
they offer to give you their living room suite--if you don't need living
room furniture--say, no thanks!
Don't accept offers of free samples and other freebies unless you are really
going to try them or use them. If you hoard--try to stop it--don't buy a
year's worth of something if you don't have room to store it--no matter how
good the price is.
Assign "homes" to items you use and keep them there. When you use them--put
them back in their home when you're done.
Unsubscribe to magazines you don't ever read--sometimes you get a pro-rated
refund. Check out your local library instead of buying books.
When you first get started--don't worry so much about recycling--excuse
yourself from it until things are under control. Then, start by creating an
oasis. Choose a small area of your house--like a front entrance hall, a
coffee table, etc.--something that will be quick and easy-- and declutter
it--clean it--make it look attractive--and then make a commitment to keep it
that way. This can be your starting point--work out from there.
Another way to go at it is to first throw out all of the stuff that would be
easiest to get rid of--like a collection of seemingly useful newspapers in
the garage--or your collection of empty grocery bags, mayo jars, out-dated
makeup, etc.
Another way to get started is to choose something BIG to get rid of that
will make an instantly noticeable improvement in your home--like a broken
down car on the front lawn--call the junk yard and have it towed away--the
worn out chair that no one sits in because the sprung springs are
uncomfortable.
Some people get three containers and label them: to throw away, to keep, to
donate. Then they get a timer--take their containers into their chosen area
to work--and start sorting in 10 or 15 minute intervals. Then they take a
break and do something they like--such as have a cup of coffee, play a
computer game, etc.--and then go back and do a bit more. Many find it
helpful to listen to the radio or their favorite music--or watch TV while
they are doing this. When sorting, some people find it helps to put like
things together, i.e. stack all the books in one corner--all of the clothes
in another, etc. If you end up with a pile of items that you are "not sure"
about--might need them someday--might become highly collectible and
valuable--might get interested in this hobby, book, etc. again--put them in
a box, seal it up and put the date on it and store it away. Decide how long
you are going to wait--a month, a year, etc.--and see if you have to go into
that box to retrieve something during that time period. If at the end of
your deadline, you haven't had to retrieve anything from that box--don't
open it--donate it still sealed--to a charity. I often do this--only I use
trash bags--and I leave it sitting in the way in the garage--when I can't
remember what is in it--and I am tired of working around it--I load it in
the car and take it to the Goodwill drop off--very painless--since I don't
look in it to remind myself of what is in there--plus the garage is
instantly easier to move around in--which gives me a sort of "instant
gratification" (I only have a very small area that I can walk in the
garage--BIG clutter problem out there)
One thing that I had a hard time realizing is the value of decluttering
closets, drawers, cupboards, etc. I used to think that they didn't have a
high priority because you could shut the door--close the drawer--and the
mess "disappeared." However, when your storage areas are already full of
useless stuff you don't need, you don't have anywhere to put the things you
do need and use--so they sit around appearing to be clutter.
Probably the best method is the "one small thing" method. Throw out or put
away at least one thing every day. Usually you will find yourself doing
more. This way at least some progress is made every day--and it stops the
downslide.
Something that may be a good idea if you have an overflow of antiques--call
an auctioneer and have it auctioned off.
Posting what you have done, problems you are having, etc. to this group
helps me a great deal. People here are not judgmental but supportive and
very helpful. Plus, reading what others have done can be very inspirational
and keep you going if you get discouraged.
Don't try to "binge" declutter" it doesn't work--the clutter will return
after your decluttering marathon and you will become discouraged. The key to
success is to keep a steady rhythm of progress going while you are creating
the new habits. Slow and steady wins the race. You'll find that as time goes
by--you not only make noticeable progress, it will become easier to let
things go because you will begin to see how nice a room could really
look--without the clutter--and how nice it would be to use that room. Good
luck. We're all pulling for you--because we're all there--or have been
there.
Brenda (who is there)
DodgeEwe
Instead of replying to multiple posts, I thought I'd just write one note.
Since I am single, I usually eat infront of the tv. It's also the time I
try to justify watching tv (although I watch tv more than that and then beat
myself up for watching tv and not geting other stuff done). I've been
trying to change to eating at the dining room table. I light some candles
and put on some music so that helps. It also keeps the clutter and dirty
dishes off the coffeetable. At least if I eat at a table, I clean it up
afterwards. If I sit and watch tv, I have a tendency to leave it sit on the
coffeetable.
I don't think I'm ready to get rid of things that are sentimental value.
None of these things are paper so they can't be scanned. I'll have to work
on this one...
I've been trying to not pile things into bags and boxes because I realize
it's not working but if someone I don't know very well is coming over, I
have a tendency to still box/bag things up. Some day I'll be organized
enough that I won't need to do that...
There is so much stuff that I have that I'd like to sell on e-bay but I am
just not that motivated to do it yet. Or, on the days I am motivated, I
think I should just organize the stuff first to make it easier to categorize
and such. I also am not confident in myself sending it out in a timely
manner to the purchaser. I think I need to wait on this too until I can be
more confident in myself.
I'll definately try to follow the "commandments" in Brenda's Bible. It
makes alot of sense.
Well, all of you have motivated me. I read this yesterday but didn't have
time to post last night. Today I actually did quite a bit. Today was trash
day so I took the trash to the curb (which I don't do every week). Then I
decided that I'd clean out the fridge and freezer (which made 2 more bags of
trash). I did 3 loads of laundry, 2 sinkful of dishes, took down the
curtains on the kitchen window and washed the inside and outside of the
windows (I needed to go outside on the 8' a-frame ladder to complete this),
then decided to tackle my bedroom again. About 6 months ago, my boxspring
fell through the bedframe (thank God I don't store things under my bed!). I
have an old cannon-ball bed with wooden rails and the rails are warped
enough that the boxspring barely sits on the rails. Well, today I took
apart the bed and moved it off to the side of the room. I also vacuumed
under the boxspring that has been sitting on the floor, set up the bed again
(on the floor for now), stripped the bed and remade it. I put a new duvet
cover on my blanket and changed the pillow shams. I fixed my hopechest that
has been broken for the past year and folded and put my clean linnens in it.
I brought in my trashcans and baked a loaf of bread in my bread machine
(which I haven't cleaned or put away yet). I also didn't fold the laundry
that I washed today. I work the next 2 days (14 hour shifts) so not much
will get done then. I also have to figure out what (if anything) I am going
to give up for lent. I've been thinking about giving up tv for lent except
to watch Starting Over (a reality self-help show) and a 1/2 hour 11pm news
show. That would give me more time to do other things. I think that tv is
one of my main problems. I really like tv! I probably watch at least 4-6
hours of tv a day. Well, I could go on forever. It's late and I have to
get up early... Thanks again for everyone's motivation and welcomes!
-Michele ;)
SongOfRuth
comments.
DodgeEwe wrote:
> Since I am single, I usually eat infront of the tv. It's also the
time I
> try to justify watching tv (although I watch tv more than that and
then beat
> myself up for watching tv and not geting other stuff done). I've
been
> trying to change to eating at the dining room table. I light some
candles
> and put on some music so that helps. It also keeps the clutter and
dirty
> dishes off the coffeetable. At least if I eat at a table, I clean it
up
> afterwards. If I sit and watch tv, I have a tendency to leave it sit
on the
> coffeetable.
When I was single... I would record the shows I liked and then watch
them - saved me the time of watching the commercials, lol; kept me from
watching commercials that made me want to buy stuff; allowed me to
watch at my convenience; allowed me to watch wherever I had a TV & VCR.
I owned a TV-VCR combo so I could pretty much watch my shows wherever
I cared to drag it. And I would do stuff while watching TV - fold
clothes, sort boxes. Sometimes I would watch the commercials and used
that time to shred stuff.
> I don't think I'm ready to get rid of things that are sentimental
value.
> None of these things are paper so they can't be scanned. I'll have
to work
> on this one...
If you choose to part with stuff of sentimental value there are things
you can do to hold on to the sentiment. Arrange the stuff and take a
really nice picture and frame it - sort of a "still life" type photo.
Just take pictures of the stuff and put in a photo album (or scrapbook
it if you're into that). For clothing, you could take bits and pieces
out of the clothing and make a quilt or pillow or something - the bulk
of the item would be tossed but part, say the design on a shirt, would
be saved and reused a different way. If it's knick knack type things,
pack away the surplus and then every few months rotate your knick
knacks.
> I've been trying to not pile things into bags and boxes because I
realize
> it's not working but if someone I don't know very well is coming
over, I
> have a tendency to still box/bag things up. Some day I'll be
organized
> enough that I won't need to do that...
Stuffing things into boxes isn't so bad. It's a good way to keep it
"organized" and contained until you can deal with it. As for dealing
with it, that could be TV time. When I sort boxes my goal is almost
never completely emptying the box. I know one of the golden rules is
to not handle something twice. But what works for me is to go thru the
box and reduce its contents by pulling out a "class" of items. Trash
is always one of those classes. Then I'll pick one or two other
classes and sit down with the box and sort it into the separate
classes. The additional classes are ones I'm ready to deal with - like
stuff I know where it goes or stuff that I'm willing to pack away for
now, such as books. Basically I sort in order to gather like things
together.
> There is so much stuff that I have that I'd like to sell on e-bay but
I am
> just not that motivated to do it yet. Or, on the days I am
motivated, I
> think I should just organize the stuff first to make it easier to
categorize
> and such. I also am not confident in myself sending it out in a
timely
> manner to the purchaser. I think I need to wait on this too until I
can be
> more confident in myself.
Choose just one thing to sell. Take your pics of it then pack it up
ready for shipping. After that's done Then list it for sale. That way
when the sale is completed and you're ready to ship, you need only put
the new owner's name and address on it and out it goes.
Good luck and take care,
Melody
Moira de Swardt
"DodgeEwe" <dodgeewe> wrote in message
> I'm Michele. I'm single and live by myself in New Jersey. I have
a huge
> cluttering problem and probably get it from my parents (who are
both
> packrats). I have a problem throwing anything out.
<Snip>
> Well, sorry this was so long, I just thought I'd say hello and ask
for some
> advise.
Welcome. I'm also single, but live with a gay male friend. We all
have these problems which is why we are here.
Moira, the Faerie Godmother
Caroline
news:37tm2rF...@individual.net...
> welcome, I am glad you are working on your problem. One thing I do is
that
> I only declutter after I have done the daily things, sometimes this means
I
> don't declutter for a while but what I have done stays pretty nice. also
> you may wish to devote a specific amount of time to decluttering separate
> from regular cleaning, like a half hour a day, best of luck to you and
glad
> you came on in, Lee, who will hopefully be back in a routine soon
Lee, what a smart strategy! First do the dailies so you can maintain the
progress that you made in the past.
Positive vibes for you, to resume the routine :o)
Caroline
--
Freecycle
Freecycle is an email list where people give away things that they no longer
need. Freecycle started off in Tucson and has exploded around the world. You
can join a network or easily start your own. Reduce waste, save money and
change the world one gift at a time.
Details at http://www.freecycle.org/
(I never used freecycle myself because I live in Europe but this is one of
the many useful resources that I found posted on ARC)
Miss Violette
I only declutter after I have done the daily things, sometimes this means I
don't declutter for a while but what I have done stays pretty nice. also
you may wish to devote a specific amount of time to decluttering separate
from regular cleaning, like a half hour a day, best of luck to you and glad
you came on in, Lee, who will hopefully be back in a routine soon
Miss Violette
commercials so that you can watch TV and still be productive, I always work
on keeping up the closet when I watch with DH and my mother used to fold her
clothes while watching her soaps, good progress and best of luck, Lee
DodgeEwe <dodgeewe> wrote in message
news:dMadnVwASNp...@comcast.com...
Miss Violette
then I went through each box and sorted out the papers and trash I missed
putting the boxes together. Then I put away everything that had a place or
home already. After that I put the things I could not identify into boxes
for DH to help me with. I handled these boxes several times but, I had very
little stress doing it this way and I was able to put off some decisions
that I dealt with later. Lee
SongOfRuth <songofr...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1107951306.0...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
Miss Violette
the areas I have cleaned up get messy again I get very discouraged, it also
shows me that once it is all done it is a doable task to keep it up. since
living is easier with what I have cleaned up, the dailies are getting done
in shorter and shorter times so that opens up more time to spend with DH or
to declutter. I also like that on a day where there isn't really time to do
any decluttering I am able to come home to the clean areas I have and get
good downtime with DH and this makes it easier to get started the next day.
We are out of our routine for many reasons but some of it has been fun
traveling time, I am hoping that we will be getting back on schedule soon,
Work outs are back on track, laundry is under control and kitchen is almost
there, Thanks for the support Lee
Caroline <m...@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:4219a549$0$28980$e4fe...@news.xs4all.nl...