I too, am a recovering sex addict

[whesse]

I am a recovering sex addict. It has been 4 years since I
"hit bottom" - was arrested. I stopped my acting out with help from
my therapist, and am now able to dismiss thoughts of acting out when
they occur, rather than encouraging them.
I am still prone to compulsive overeating and spending, though,
and those interfere with my recovery enough that I haven't been able
to move beyond abstinence and become involved in a healthy relationship.
What has helped me most have been the books by P Carnes - "Out of the
Shadows", etc.
I don't know how to respond to Joel because his problems are
so unlike mine. I am not married and I don't get angry and masturbation
in private was not my problem.
I guess I am trying to recover through my own efforts, since I
am not in touch with a group. Do people think that is impossible?

[Bill R]

whesse <whe...@nai.net> wrote:
>... I guess I am trying to recover through my own efforts, since I

>am not in touch with a group. Do people think that is impossible?

Dear whesse,

I personally think it is *much* more difficult, but not impossible. The
most important ingredient for recovery to take place (IMHO) is one
willing person. All the support in the world won't help a person who's
not willing.

Best Wishes.

Bill R.

[John Caveman Gray]

Can I get a FAQ to this group? At first, I thought it was a lark, but you
guys seem to be serious.

As a naturalist, I'm curious. For me, the lessons of Nature are obvious.
A - We are all animals
B - Despite all the musings of homo sapiens, our basic purpose is the same
as that
of all animals - our purpose is to perpetuate the species, i.e., to
procreate.

Folks, it is built into your genes - you aren't "addicted".

Although I'm an atheist, I am extremely moral - I can't be forgiven for my
sins. It seems our problems are not addictions, but channeling our
energies to what is considered "appropriate" behavior. After all, us
animals are blessed with the ability to "reason".

Good luck, and don't worry so much.

[Yonah]

John Caveman Gray,

I would like to disagree with you somewhat. There are all sorts of
activities which are compulsive sexual behaviors. Its not just
masturbation. I really don't think that any person who believes they have
a sexual addiction is OK because 'animals do it'. Animals definately
don't compulsive crossdress for 32 years like I did. Animals really can
not discern between having sex with appropriate partners and inappropriate
partners (like minors) -- humans can.

There are some many different variations of compulsive sexual behaviors
that generalizing like you did and saying its OK is somewhat
oversimplifying the problem. Quite frankly, those of us with compulsive
behaviors have all realized that we can't stop what we are doing and that
what we are doing has taken over our lives. We have a severe imbalance
and saying the solution is just to give in and do it is no better solution
for a compulsive crossdresser, a child molester, or an adult bookstore
goer than it is for a compulsive rapist or murderer.

Its not OK to do what we are doing. We do have a problem and we need to
address it. We are hurting ourselves as well as others. We are
addressing our problems and needs in an unhealthy way.

I don't like generalizing or simplifying issues on sex addiction any more
than anything else. You may want to give your views a second look.

Have a great weekend,
Joel I.

[doug...@bway.net]

whesse wrote:

> I guess I am trying to recover through my own efforts, since I
> am not in touch with a group. Do people think that is impossible?

John Bradshaw's books and tapes have helped me to understand why the
twelve-step program--especially the support of the group in meetings--
has helped so many people who seemed beyond hope on their own. You
might look, for example, at his chapter on self-love in his book
"Creating Love." Good luck.

Scott

[doug...@bway.net]

John Caveman Gray wrote:

> As a naturalist, I'm curious.

For a scientist, he's also stupid.

> Folks, it is built into your genes - you aren't "addicted".

Does that mean I don't have to pay the gigantic credit card bills my
genes ran up acting out?

I'm not usually such a flame thrower, but this guy really made me
angry for some reason.

Love and blessings to my brothers and sisters in recovery,

Scott

[StarChild]

whesse <whe...@nai.net> wrote:

>I am a recovering sex addict. It has been 4 years since I
>"hit bottom" - was arrested. I stopped my acting out with help from
>my therapist, and am now able to dismiss thoughts of acting out when
>they occur, rather than encouraging them.

Hi, I am also a recovering sex addict. I used to participate in this
newsgroup last year, then got put on antidepressants which made me so
uninterested in sex that staying clean was no problem.

I have, however, been switched to Prozac, which does not make me
uninterested in sex. But, I have found that getting months of clean
time has made it more of a norm than an exception, and if I do slip,
it's a one time thing rather than the beginning of a downward spiral.

> I am still prone to compulsive overeating and spending, though,
>and those interfere with my recovery enough that I haven't been able
>to move beyond abstinence and become involved in a healthy relationship.

The reason I am responding to you is that I also am prone to
compulsive overeating and overspending. The reason these interfere
with my recovery is that they are acting out, also, and tend to numb
any feelings I don't want to face. I have 5th stepped on these, and
think maybe I need to touch base here since compulsive-obsessive sex
was the at the core of my addiction for so long.

>What has helped me most have been the books by P Carnes - "Out of the
>Shadows", etc.

I have heard many people cite that book and am going to buy it.

> I don't know how to respond to Joel because his problems are
>so unlike mine. I am not married and I don't get angry and masturbation
>in private was not my problem.

Joel, I sympathize with you. I am not married, but I sure know the
frustrations you are going through, and think a doctor really could
help.

> I guess I am trying to recover through my own efforts, since I
>am not in touch with a group. Do people think that is impossible?

Personally, I do, because when you are the only one assessing what is
reality and what is/is not acceptable behavior, I have found myself
rationalizing into worse and worse behavior, thinking 'it won't hurt
if I....'. I need the support of a group if only for a reality check.
We as human beings do tend to fool ourselves most of the time, no?

Cat

[MIDCOM CORPORATION]

"John Caveman Gray" <cav...@loxinfo.co.th> wrote:

>Can I get a FAQ to this group? At first, I thought it was a lark, but you
>guys seem to be serious.

>As a naturalist, I'm curious. For me, the lessons of Nature are obvious.
>A - We are all animals

Excuse me.... you are an animal, I on the other hand, am a mammal, the
highest form of the species too I might add, HUMAN. Thank you very
much!! And another thing, Dr.*&%$ spock, when nature sucks your
moral-atheist ( what a term!) life back into the ground, those
ambiguous forces you believe created you will not be your friend.

>B - Despite all the musings of homo sapiens, our basic purpose is the same
>as that
> of all animals - our purpose is to perpetuate the species, i.e., to
>procreate.

>Folks, it is built into your genes - you aren't "addicted".

>Although I'm an atheist, I am extremely moral - I can't be forgiven for my

>sins. It seems our problems are not addictions, but channeling our

The fiber of your energy is the weak force of gravity and if you
weren’t so shallow, the depth of your own being would tell you that
there is difference between right and wrong.
Instead you tend to look at the outward actions of you own belief
system, not at the inside of your heart. Your "appropriate" behavior
tells you to worship a dying world, from birth all of our bodies are
perpetually dying, open your heart. You are a fool and I would not
follow you to the grocery store, let alone to hell. As for a FAQ
sheet, read the title of the group opps! I forgot, animals CAN’T
READ…

>energies to what is considered "appropriate" behavior. After all, us
>animals are blessed with the ability to "reason".

>Good luck, and don't worry so much..

[doug...@bway.net]

Joel,

Thanks for saying to the Caveman what I could only flame.

Cheers,

Scott

[ARtourist]

John, I too feel man is still closely tied to his natural development over
thousands of years, but there are many species that mate to one partner
for their enitre adult life. If a person feels he or she is doing
something wrong, yet is unable to correct or control that feeling, then he
or she is addicted and needs help. You can not compare both ends of the
food chain and make such an erronious statement.

[aintan...@gmail.com]

TO YOUR: [comment/question about efforts to stay sober v.a.v. a group]

I guess I am trying to recover through my own efforts, since I am not in touch with a group. Do people think that is impossible?

I REPLY: I could not have gotten sober and turned my life around affirmatively without the regular (in-person, telephone, and texting) support of other recovering sex addicts.

I just know it.

The 12-step work can (maybe "must") be done by oneself, but the actual fellowship aspect may be the "secret sauce" (sorry) that is impossible to talk about, because it's not the words that might be uttered in a meeting, it's between the lines, in the silence, and then... what follows.

I just know it.

Most of all, I know I 'aint anonymous and that helps me in the outside world. Nothing to hide.

Alan