Recipe : Roast baby

[Babyeater]

Roast Baby
Ingredients:
one 5 day old female baby, approx 8lbs serves 4
1lb savoury stuffing
cooking salt
cooking oil or dripping
red apple
green apples for sauce
potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, onions
mint peas
large roasting pan and basting brush, string.

Method
Preheat oven to 450F

Thoroughly wash and dry baby, if not already dead now is
the time to kill it. A good solid wack with the kitchen rolling pin
across the back of the head usually does the job. Take care not to
smash the skull open as the brains will spill out during roasting and
be over-cooked. For additional excitement whilst preparing the baby
you can always forego killing it first. That way you and your invited
dinner guests can discuss the baby's screams during it's
disenbowellment over dinner.
Using a sharp knife make an incision around the anus and
carefully remove the bowel organs. Also cut open the stomach and
remove all the remaining internal organs. Stuff the anal, vaginal and
stomach openings with the savoury stuffing and sew them up tightly
with butchers string.
Turn the baby onto its stomach and make numerous incisions, not to
deep, across its back and buttocks. Rub the cooking salt in well and
place baby into a greased deep roasting pan in a feotal position on
its knees. For decoration place an apple in its mouth. Place into hot
oven to sear and crispen the skin, basting often.(Love that cracklin')
After approx 15 minutes turn oven down to 350F.
Wash and prepare vegies for roasting. Peel and chop apples and place
into saucepan with a little water and sugar, stew until done and place
stewed apple into serving jug. After 45 mins place prepared vegies
(whole onions, carrots, potatoes and pumpkin) around base of roasting
pan and cook for another hour or until done.
Serve with the mint peas and apple sauce, goes well with a chardonnay
or medium to sweet reisling. The cold meat is also excellent for those
school lunch sandwiches with lettuce, cheese and green tomato pickle.
Bon-appetit :-)

[Robert L. Myers]

You are one sick person

When a golden girl can win
Prayer from out the lips of sin,
When the barren almond bears,
And a little child gives away its tears,
Then shall all the house be still
And peace come to Canterville.'
For the ghost that cannot sleep,
Then the dead at last shall die
And in restful earth may lie