Ogden Nash Verse
Andrew Chaplin
the lines of "the years are crawling over him like wee red ants". Can
someone please point me to a source for the whole of the poem?
--
Andrew Chaplin
SIT MIHI GLADIUS SICUT SANCTO MARTINO
(If you're going to e-mail me, you'll have to get "yourfinger." out.)
The National Folk Hero of the Net
>
> I believe it was Nash who wrote a birthday piece with a refrain along
> the lines of "the years are crawling over him like wee red ants". Can
> someone please point me to a source for the whole of the poem?
From _Many Long Years Ago:_
THE PARTY
Come Arabella, fetch the cake,
On a dish with silver handles.
Oh mercy! Feel the table shake!
Lucinda, light the candles.
For Mr. Migg is thir-ty,
Is thir--ty,
Is thir---ty.
The years are crawling over him
Like wee red ants.
Oh, three times ten is thir-ty,
Is for--ty,
Is fif---ty.
The further off from England
The nearer is to France.
The little flames they bob and jig,
The dining hall is breezy.
Quick! puff your candles, Mr. Migg,
The little flames die easy.
For Mr. Migg is for-ty,
Is for--ty,
Is for---ty.
The years are crawling over him
Like wee red ants.
Oh, four times ten is for-ty,
Is fif--ty,
Is six---ty,
And creeping through the icing,
The other years advance.
Why Arabella, here's a ring!
Lucinda, here's a thimble!
For Mr. Migg there's not a thing--
'Tis not, I trust, a symbol!
For Mr. Migg is fif-ty,
Is fif--ty,
Is fif---ty.
The years are crawling over him
Like wee red ants.
Oh, five times ten is fif-ty,
Is six--ty,
Is seven---ty.
Lucinda, put the cake away.
We're going to the dance.
--
Col. G. L. Sicherman
col...@mail.monmouth.com
Andrew Chaplin
Ah, you found it. Thank you very much.
ObQ: "Well spotted, Bruce!"
-- "Bruce" (Graham Chapman) in the Monty Python sketch, "Bruces"
libreria
>
> ObQ: "Well spotted, Bruce!"
> -- "Bruce" (Graham Chapman) in the Monty Python sketch, "Bruces"
I want very much to tell you that
Were you upon an Alp as I am
You would get Ogden Nash's verses
Though you had to commit arson or mayham
~ Dorothy Parker, in letter to Ogden Nash from Switzerland (1930)
Nash was Parker's editor at The New Yorker in 1931.<s>
libreria
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Joe Fineman
> I want very much to tell you that
> Were you upon an Alp as I am
> You would get Ogden Nash's verses
> Though you had to commit arson or mayham
> ~ Dorothy Parker, in letter to Ogden Nash from Switzerland (1930)
Ogden Nash
Gets all the cash,
But E B White
Is my delight.
And if I should ever have the misfortune to suffer another
appendectomy,
You can send a copy of the current volume of either collectomy.
-- David McCord
--
--- Joe Fineman j...@TheWorld.com
||: Journalists and lexicographers have the professional duty of :||
||: recording a great deal of foolishness. :||
Daniel P. B. Smith
brought various speakers in from time to time. I distinctly remember
four of them: Anna Russell (the operatic humorist), Malcolm X (who at
that time was not a terribly familiar name), Basil Rathbone (who gave a
program of recitations of prose and poetry--no Sherlock Holmes; in
particular I remember his recitation of "High Flight"), and Ogden Nash.
Nash wasn't a terribly great presenter. I don't mean that there was
anything terrible, I just mean he was a writer, not performer, and apart
from it's being neat that it was HIM, it could have been any middle-aged
guy doing a mediocre job of reading this very funny stuff.
One of the items he read was:
(SMOOT PLANS TARIFF BAN ON IMPROPER BOOKS - News Item)
Senator Smoot (Republican, Ut.)
Is planning a ban on smut.
Oh rooti-ti-toot for Smoot of Ut.
And his reverend occiput.
Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut.,
Grit your molars and do your dut.,
Gird up your l__ns,
Smite h_p and th_gh,
We'll all be Kansas
By and by.
Smite, Smoot, for the Watch and Ward,
For Hiram Johnson and Henry Ford,
For Bishop Cannon and John D., Junior,
For ex-Gov. Pinchot of Pennsylvunia,
For John S. Sumner and Elder Hays
And possibly Edward L. Bernays,
For Orville Poland and Ella Boole,
For Mother Machree and the Shelton pool.
When smut's to be smitten
Smoot will smite
For G-d, for country,
And Fahrenheit.
Senator Smoot is an institute
Not to be bribed with pelf;
He guards our homes from erotic tomes
By reading them all himself.
Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut.,
They're smuggling smut from Balt. to Butte!
Strongest and sternest
Of your s_x
Scatter the scoundrels
From Can. to Mex!
Smite, Smoot, for Smedley Butler,
For any good man by the name of Cutler,
Smite for the W.C.T.U,
For Rockne's team and for Leader's crew,
For Florence Coolidge and Admiral Byrd,
For Billy Sunday and John D., Third,
For Grantland Rice and for Albie Booth,
For the Woman's Auxiliary of Duluth,
Smite, Smoot,
Be rugged and rough,
Smut if smitten
Is front-page stuff.
--Ogden Nash (1931)
Which raises a number of questions...
The Watch and Ward society is described in
http://www.catholicdigest.org/stories/199606017a.html of all
places--because the Catholics want to make it clear that it had nothing
to do with THEM. This was the "banned in Boston" group, particularly
active in the twenties and thirties. It banned Disney's Snow White in
1937 because of a song in which Sneezy sang "The minute after I was born
/ I didn't have a nightie / So I tied my whiskers 'round my legs / And
used 'em for a di-ah-dee."
??? Henry Ford's antisemitism was famous, but what was his connection
with censorship?
--Bishop Cannon was a southern Methodist who led the good fight against
Al Smith. Unfortunately he also was a gambler, adulterer, and embezzler
(what IS it about these guardians of public morality?)
??? Why John D. [Rockefeller] Jr.?
??? "Ex-Gov Pinchot of Pennsylvania?" Gifford Pinchot, 1865-1946.
What's this about? Pinchot seems to have been a flaming liberal in most
respects; see http://www.dep.state.pa.us/dep/PA_Env-Her/pinchot_bio.htm
. He was an environmentalist, supported repeal of prohibition, provided
jobs for the unemployed, "Women, Jews, and blacks were included in his
administration... Why is he in the list of smut-smiters? I was puzzled
as to why Nash refers to him as "Ex-Gov" since he was in office until
1938, but I see he had two nonconsecutive periods in office, from
01/16/1923 to 01/18/1927 and 01/20/1931 to 01/15/1935.
John S. Sumner was head of the New York Society for the Supression of
Vice, and sued the publisher of James Branch Cabell's _Jurgen_ in 1920.
The case was dismissed in 1922 by a judge who recognized that the erotic
symbolism for which the book was under attack could only be recognized
by a very sophisticated reader. Personally, I'm obviously not
sophisticated because I read _Jurgen_ looking for spicy passages and
couldn't find any.
??? Who is "Elder Hays?"
??? Edward L. Bernays coined, invented, or at least popularized the term
"public relations" for the dissemination of corporate propaganda, and
helped tobacco companies convince women to smoke. But what's his
connection with smut-smiting?
??? Orville Poland? The only reference Google can find to him, apart
from quotations of the Nash poem, seems to be
http://www.wfu.edu/~caron/ssrs/WakeForestSSRS,19991.doc which says
"Orville Poland of the Massachusetts Civil Liberties Committee could
scarcely explain his thoughts during a sesquicentennial address before
Boston's Chamber of Commerce. His love for the Bill of Rights was
certainly profound, he assured his listeners, but when he tried to
articulate it; words do not come and phrases fail. I feel it and I
believe you feel it. It is as real and close and intimate as our love
for our families or our belief in God. It is that a priori recognition
that a denial of these rights of personal freedom wound us in the spirit
more grievously than any hurt to the flesh. To strike at these rights
is to strike us in our innermost being. These are things men die for."
??? Ella Boole, president of the Woman's Christian Temperance Union
(WCTU) from 1925 to 1933 published a book in 1929 titled "Give
Prohibition Its Chance." Nash mentions the WCTU is also mentioned later
on. But as far as I know, the WCTU's mission was limited to fighting
against alcohol.
??? Mother Machree? Fictional character? Sentimental Irish song? "Sure,
I love the dear silver that shines in your hair / And the brow that's
all furrowed and wrinkled with care. / I kiss the dear fingers so
toilworn for me. / Oh, God bless you and keep you, Mother Machree." 1928
silent movie with John Wayne in a bit part; imdb saith "Ellen McHugh, a
poor Irish immigrant to America, finds work in a carnival and is thus
able to send her son Brian to a fine school. But when her position is
found out, the school expels Brian. Mrs. McHugh feels compelled to allow
the school principal and his wife to adopt Brian. The widow McHugh
becomes a housekeeper and raises her employer's daughter Edith, who
grows up to fall in love with Brian McHugh"
Oh, well, I'm getting tired of Googling... I'm beginning to get the
impression that the subject of Nash's animus is not Smoot-smut-smiting
as such, but small-town as opposed to big-city values.
--
Daniel P. B. Smith
dpbs...@theworld.com
Joe Fineman
> Nash wasn't a terribly great presenter. I don't mean that there was
> anything terrible, I just mean he was a writer, not performer, and
> apart from it's being neat that it was HIM, it could have been any
> middle-aged guy doing a mediocre job of reading this very funny
> stuff.
I have an LP of him reading some of his poems (Caedmon TC 1015) &
think he does a pretty good job there. In case it has been reissued
as a CD or you happen on it in a used-record store, I recommend it.
> One of the items he read was:
>
> (SMOOT PLANS TARIFF BAN ON IMPROPER BOOKS - News Item)
> Which raises a number of questions...
> ??? Henry Ford's antisemitism was famous, but what was his connection
> with censorship?
>
> --Bishop Cannon was a southern Methodist who led the good fight against
> Al Smith. Unfortunately he also was a gambler, adulterer, and embezzler
> (what IS it about these guardians of public morality?)
>
> ??? Why John D. [Rockefeller] Jr.?
>
> ??? "Ex-Gov Pinchot of Pennsylvania?" Gifford Pinchot, 1865-1946.
I suspect that Nash was running wild & including a lot of well-known
worthies of the day, regardless of whether they had anything to do
with the subject. When you have a chance to rhyme "Junior" with
"Pennsylvunia", it would be a shame to be inhibited by considerations
of mere relevance.
--
--- Joe Fineman j...@TheWorld.com
||: A job is a slot in a machine for occupation by a human :||
||: being who would rather be elsewhere. :||
Tom
>
> Ogden Nash
> Gets all the cash,
> But E B White
> Is my delight.
> And if I should ever have the misfortune to suffer another
> appendectomy,
> You can send a copy of the current volume of either collectomy.
> -- David McCord
As a youth I once saw a poem, "Four Prominent Bastards Are We," which was
attributed to Nash. The story was that he was kicked out of Harvard for
writing it. Does anybody know whether the attribution (& the story) is
correct, & does anybody have a copy of the poem?
Tom Parsons
--
-- The price of seeking to force our beliefs
t...@panix.com | on others is that some day they
| might force their beliefs on us.
http://www.panix.com/~twp | -- Mario Cuomo
William C Waterhouse
> ...
> As a youth I once saw a poem, "Four Prominent Bastards Are We," which was
> attributed to Nash. The story was that he was kicked out of Harvard for
> writing it. Does anybody know whether the attribution (& the story) is
> correct, & does anybody have a copy of the poem?
The attribution seems to be right; at least, an on-line bibliography
<http://falcon.jmu.edu/~ramseyil/nashbib.htm>
includes the listings
----
Four Prominent Bastards Are We. [Broadside] Worcester, Mass., 1934.
Four Prominent So and So's. Lyrics by Ogden Nash, music by Robert Armbruster, illustrations by Otto Soglow. New York: Simon
and Schuster, 1934.
Music for one voice with piano accompaniment.
----
Unless it was written much earlier, this would not have been
responsible for his dropping out of Harvard (he was born in 1902).
A copy of the poem (accuracy not checked by me) is available
at
<http://crydee.sai.msu.ru/public/lyrics/cs-uwp/folk/f/four_prominent_bastards>
Here is the first stanza and the chorus:
----
Four Prominent Bastards
(Ogden Nash)
I'm an autocratic figure in these democratic states
A dandy demonstration of hereditary traits.
As the children of the baker make the most delicious breads
And the sons of Casanova fill the most exclusive beds,
And the Barrymores and Roosevelts and others I could name
Inherited the features that perpetuate their fame,
My position in the structure of society I owe
To the qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago.
Now, my father was a gentleman, and musical, to boot;
He used to play piano in a house of ill repute.
My mother was the madam, and a credit to her cult
She liked my daddy's playing, and I was the result.
So my mammy and my daddy are the ones I've got to thank,
I'm the chairman of the board of the National City Bank.
cho: Our parents forgot to get married
Our parents forgot to get wed;
Did a wedding bell chime, that was always a time
They were somewhere off in bed.
So it's thanks to our kind-hearted parents
We're kings in this land of the free
The banker, the broker, the Washington joker
Three prominent bastards are we.
-----
[Yes, it does say "three." The fourth stanza is sung by a character
who ends with
I was born in holy wedlock, consequently bye and bye
I got rooked by every bastard with plunder in his eye.
I invested, I deposited, I voted every fall
Did I ever get a penny saved, those bastards took it all.
Well, at last I've learned my lesson, and I'm on the proper track
I'm a self-appointed bastard, and I'm gonna get it back.
The last chorus is then different.]
William C. Waterhouse
Penn State
Joe Fineman
> As a youth I once saw a poem, "Four Prominent Bastards Are We,"
> which was attributed to Nash. The story was that he was kicked out
> of Harvard for writing it. Does anybody know whether the
> attribution (& the story) is correct, & does anybody have a copy of
> the poem?
A song, actually. The attribution is correct. The Harvard library
has a copy published as a pamphlet, by a reputable publisher, under
his name. He wrote it in 1933, when he was well out of Harvard, and
the last stanza is appropriate to that Depression year:
Four Prominent Bastards
by Ogden Nash
(Written for the Dutch Treat Club show, New York, March 1933)
The banker:
I'm an autocratic figure in these democratic states.
I'm a dandy demonstration of hereditary traits.
As the children of the baker bake the most delicious breads,
As the sons of Casanova fill the most exclusive beds,
As the Barrymores, the Roosevelts, and others I could name
Inherited the talents that perpetuate their fame,
My position in the structure of society I owe
To the qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago.
My pappy was a gentleman and musical to boot.
He used to play piano in a house of ill repute.
The madam was a lady and a credit to her cult.
She enjoyed my pappy's playing, and I was the result.
So my mammy and my pappy are the ones I have to thank
That I'm chairman of the board of the National County Bank.
Chorus:
Oh, our parents forgot to get married.
Oh, our parents forgot to get wed.
Did a wedding bell chime? It was always a time
When our parents were somewhere in bed.
Oh, thanks to our kind, loving parents,
We are kings in the land of the free --
Your banker, your broker, your Washington joker,
Four prominent bastards are we, tralalala,
Four prominent bastards are we.
The broker:
In a cozy little farmhouse, in a cozy little dell,
A dear, old-fashioned farmer and his daughter used to dwell.
She was pretty, she was charming, she was tender, she was mild,
And her sympathies were such that she was frequently with child.
The year her hospitality attained a record high,
She became the happy mammy of an infant, which was I.
Whenever she was gloomy, I could always make her grin
By childishly inquiring who my pappy might have been.
The hired man was favored by the girls in mammy's set,
And a traveling man from Scranton was an even-money bet,
But such were mammy's motives, and such was her allure,
That even Roger Babson wasn't altogether sure.
Well, I took my mammy's morals, and I took my pappy's crust,
And I grew to be the founder of a big investment trust.
The senator:
On a lonesome southern chain gang on a dusty southern road,
My late lamented daddy made his permanent abode.
Now some were there for stealing, but daddy's only fault
Was an overwhelming weakness for criminal assault.
His philosophy was simple and free from moral tape:
Seduction is for sissies -- a he-man wants his rape.
Daddy's total list of victims was embarrasingly rich,
And though one of them was mammy, he couldn't tell me which.
Well, I didn't go to college, but I got me a degree:
I reckon I'm the model of a perfect S.O.B.
I'm a debit to my country, but a credit to my dad:
I'm the most expensive senator the country ever had.
I remember daddy's warning that raping is a crime,
Unless you rape the voters a million at a time.
You and I:
I'm an ordinary figure in these democratic states,
A pathetic demonstration of hereditary traits.
As the children of the cops possess the flattest kind of feet
And the daughter of a floosy has a wiggle to her seat,
My position at the bottom of society I owe
To the qualities my parents bequeathed me long ago.
My father was a married man, and what is even more,
He was married to my mother, a fact that I deplore.
I was born in holy wedlock; consequently bye and bye
I was rooked by every bastard with plunder in his eye.
I invested, I deposited, I voted every fall,
And if I saved a penny, the bastards took it all.
At last I've learned my lesson and I'm on the proper track:
I'm a self-appointed bastard, and I'm going to get it back.
--
--- Joe Fineman j...@TheWorld.com
||: Money is like muck, no good unless it be spread. :||
William C Waterhouse
>
> Senator Smoot (Republican, Ut.)
> Is planning a ban on smut.
(much omitted)
> --Ogden Nash (1931)
>
> Which raises a number of questions...
I think that people in 1931 often grouped censorship and prohibition
of alcohol together as similar forms of government-enforced morality.
Hence the inclusion of prohibitionists. Pinchot began as a supporter
of Prohibition :
[Governor Pinchot] asked the Assembly to pass legislation to enforce
the federal prohibition of alcoholic beverages. Only one bill passed,
however, and money for enforcement had to be obtained from the Women's
Christian Temperance Union, since the Legislature would not appropriate
the funds.
<http://www.dep.state.pa.us/dep/PA_Env-Her/pinchot_bio.htm>
and a book about Cannon is called _Prohibition and Politics: The Life
of Bishop James Cannon, Jr._
Still, this does leave a lot unexplained.
Tom
> Tom <t...@panix.com> writes:
>> As a youth I once saw a poem, "Four Prominent Bastards Are We,"
>> which was attributed to Nash. The story was that he was kicked out
>> of Harvard for writing it. Does anybody know whether the
>> attribution (& the story) is correct, & does anybody have a copy of
>> the poem?
> A song, actually. The attribution is correct. The Harvard library
> has a copy published as a pamphlet, by a reputable publisher, under
> his name. He wrote it in 1933, when he was well out of Harvard, and
> the last stanza is appropriate to that Depression year:
Thanks to you & William Waterhouse for the enlightening information
& the delightful lyrics. About all I remembered was the business about
being a self-appointed bastard. Great!
Tom Parsons (marvelling yet again at what a terrific resource this NG is)