Magnificus!
Rollory
enters, waving his arms agitatedly.
"MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY FOR MAGNIFICUS, MAGE GRANDIOSO!
MAKE ... ah, yes, hm, quite so. All have fled in terror at the
approach of Magnificus."
He waddles up to the counter; although it is somewhat above the level
of his eyes, he still manages to thump the top a few times with chubby
hands.
"Magnificus requires drink!"
Rollory
counter mostly obscured the sound of the kitchen door opening some
time later. A sturdy fellow with only a few wisps of gray hair
remaining paused after stepping through, watching said barrel and the
rotund backside and flailing legs in red-and-white polka-dotted tights
sticking out of the top.
"I thought I heard something. And what might you be looking for down
there? It's an empty barrel, you know, that's why it's not on the
rack in the cellar with the others."
The thumping and flailing stopped as the owner of the legs considered
this. At length, somewhat muffled by the wood, came the
pronouncement: "Mighty Magnificus, decieved by thirst!"
"No doubt," nodded the older gent. "Shall we get you out of there,
then?"
Rollory
A huffing and puffing and tugging and barrel-overturning later, the
visitor and the innkeeper examined each other.
"I'm Rowan. I own this place. Now, can you pay for the wine you were
looking to drink? If so, we'll get along."
The gnome took on affronted air and his bulbous nose quivered.
"Payment! Such rituals are beneath Magnificus, the great and
terrible! BESTOW UPON MAGNIFICUS THY BEST FARE, LEST THE MIGHTY ONE
LOSE HIS TEMPER! ... For lose his temper he shall, Magnificus! ... And
it is a mighty! ... temper. Of awesome and terrible import! And ...
ah, Magnificus condescends today to bestow this meaninglesss trinket
upon you, as a kindness." So saying, he dug in first one waistcoat
pocket, then the other, finally pulling out a somewhat grimy gold
coin. Placing this in the innkeeper's hands, he then looked at the
taller man expectantly, for all the world as a dog might look to
expect a treat after a trick well performed.
Emerald
<9eafacd9-92c1-4cb0...@n30g2000vba.googlegroups.com>,
Rollory <rol...@gmail.com> wrote:
A chuckle began deep in Emerald's normally quiet belly, bubbled up of
its own volition, and emerged from her delicate Elfin lips (entirely
without permission) a raucous giggle, as she beheld the scene within
from her vantage point just outside the Inn's front window. She had
intended only to peek inside for old time's sake. Now it appeared she
would be drawn in, if only to have a closer look at what was to happen
next.
Rollory
with a simple wooden tankard of wine, finding his customer having
clambered atop a stool set near one of the tables.
"Ah!"
He seized the tankard with both hands and dove into it nose-first.
This presented a problem, the nose in question being somewhat larger
and longer than was customary, and the tankard being of a shape and
narrowness with which its user lacked experience, seemingly. The
first deep draught being drawn in by both mouth and nostrils, it was
immediately followed by a coughing and sneezing and hacking and and
eye-watering sputter and assorted droplets and spillage from the
shaken tankard spreading across much of the immediate area, including
the innkeeper himself.
"Now, was it really worth charging you just one crown for that? It's
been a while since I had to clean up this sort of mess ..."
The customer having recovered his composure - such as it was - and
returned to the tankard for another sip from what was left (more
carefully this time), he smacked his lips, waggled his nose twice,
took on an air of offended dignity, and announced, "The ways of
Magnificus are not to be questioned by the lesser. The mightiest of
mages blesses this manor with examples of exuberance and enjoyment!
Bask in the glow of Magnificus' approbation!" He took another careful
sip.
"Quite so," said the innkeeper drily, and went to fetch a dishrag.
Rollory
thump. Peering around at the empty corners of the main room, he wiped
his mouth with the back of one hand, muttering, "Almost as if someone
were ... ahem! Does the weight of Magnificus' arcane presence draw
forth the very echoes of past merriment?"
He stared around suspiciously for another moment, then picked up the
tankard for another careful sip.
Emerald
<f5ec65f7-b8f5-4f97...@f37g2000vbf.googlegroups.com>,
Rollory <rol...@gmail.com> wrote:
"All right, my good man," Emerald called out as she stepped through the
door. "Your senses seem to be sharp enough, for one such as yourself."
The Elf maiden approached the bar, removed a coin from within the folds
of her riding dress, and offered it up to the innkeeper. "For old
times' sake, Rowan. A berry wine for me, and another draft for this
fine fellow," she said with a wink. Then, turning to to the Gnome,
Emerald spoke:
"It has been many a long journey since I have turned my steed in this
direction; yet many times have I thought of this place and of the
comrades who once met here. I may not tarry long, yet I desire to learn
what brings you to the Inn."
Rollory
> "All right, my good man," Emerald called out as she stepped through the
> door. "Your senses seem to be sharp enough, for one such as yourself."
> The Elf maiden approached the bar, removed a coin from within the folds
> of her riding dress, and offered it up to the innkeeper. "For old
> times' sake, Rowan. A berry wine for me, and another draft for this
> fine fellow," she said with a wink. Then, turning to to the Gnome,
> Emerald spoke:
> "It has been many a long journey since I have turned my steed in this
> direction; yet many times have I thought of this place and of the
> comrades who once met here. I may not tarry long, yet I desire to learn
> what brings you to the Inn."
"Man? MAN?" He sputtered. His eyes bugged out. His nose waggled.
His whiskers quivered. "Munificent Magnificus, man? Mere mortals may
mistake much - maybe it is the lighting in this mean dwelling, an
obstacle obscuring to the obtuse the observation of omnipotence. No
man is Magnificus, mightiest of mages! Magnificus travels! He
travels to see how live the lesser creatures, far from his palace of
plentiful potatoes. He sniffs and seeks for sights and sounds,
donkeys in the streets, overly punched noses, ripe potatoes, fat elven
- er, FAIR elven females! And also he refrains from ravaging those
who abuse their position to rob and swindle those who enter into the
city," he put in with sudden anger that vanished near as quickly as it
appeared. "But Magnificus soars above, feeling only vague sympathy
for such poor misfortunates driven to foolishness. With a wave of his
hand, Magnificus would bestow riches upon all and make such tawdry
intrigues superfluous - if Magnificus concerned himself with such
things," he added airily.
"But the forms of society should be observed. How are you? Who are
you? What does your job pay? Magnificus cares not, you understand,
but let it not be suggested he was ever subordinate in suaveness or
sagacious subtlety." Shaking his head and wiggling his toes within
their leather shoes, he took another drink.
Emerald
<462cf978-7fc7-4c0c...@r3g2000vbp.googlegroups.com>,
Rollory <rol...@gmail.com> wrote:
"A figure of speech only!" protested Emerald, stifling another giggle
lest the oddly appealing little Gnome take offense again. "May I call
you Magnificus, then? I am Emerald Elbereth, of Elvenwood. You may call
me Emerald." She paused for a sip of wine, and nodded approvingly to
the Innkeeper. A suddenly pensive mood passing over her delicate
features, she remarked quietly, "There are precious few of either of our
kinds that one meets in this day and age."
Rollory
> In article
> <462cf978-7fc7-4c0c-a936-315961109...@r3g2000vbp.googlegroups.com>,
> "A figure of speech only!" protested Emerald, stifling another giggle
> lest the oddly appealing little Gnome take offense again. "May I call
> you Magnificus, then? I am Emerald Elbereth, of Elvenwood. You may call
> me Emerald." She paused for a sip of wine, and nodded approvingly to
> the Innkeeper. A suddenly pensive mood passing over her delicate
> features, she remarked quietly, "There are precious few of either of our
> kinds that one meets in this day and age."
"Hm, hm, yes, yes ... hm." His forehead furrowed. "Hm? How so?
There is but one Magnificus!"
Emerald
<edf56dab-2c03-4d22...@b16g2000yqb.googlegroups.com>,
Rollory <rol...@gmail.com> wrote:
"Aye, that is true indeed," Emerald acknowledged. "Now I must excuse
myself to see to some water for my horse." Rising from her stool, she
offered a curtsy. ("Very true indeed," she mused to herself.) Then
turning to the innkeeper, "Rowan, a bucket of water for Surcingal, if
you please?"
Rollory
> In article
>
> "Aye, that is true indeed," Emerald acknowledged. "Now I must excuse
> myself to see to some water for my horse." Rising from her stool, she
> offered a curtsy. ("Very true indeed," she mused to herself.) Then
> turning to the innkeeper, "Rowan, a bucket of water for Surcingal, if
> you please?"
With a slurping sound, the gnome finished his beverage. He began
waving the empty tankard in a grandiose fashion.
"Yes, proceed with p-preparations! Magnicufus decrees it! Af-terward
he shall ... a quest, yes, bestow a quest, as m-mighty mages do." He
tipped the tankard again, looking cross-eyed and puzzled when nothing
poured out. "Ah ... " His gaze slowly slid to the innkeeper,
returning to the main room with the bucket in question. "...
Another? ..." He raised the empty tankard, a bit unsteadily.
Rollory
the room empty? He looked at the tankard, grinned to see it was still
there. His mouth worked as he began to say three different things at
once, then he thought better of it and fell silent again.
With a lunge, he slipped off the stool and landed unsteadily on his
feet. After a tottering moment or two, he headed for the door,
kicking high in the air in a most determined fashion at the start of
each step.
Rollory
handle.
"That's the side door, into the alley. It opens inwards," Rowan
called.
"Magnifif's opens d... doors," the gnome proclaimed. "Hic." He
placed both hands on the handle, and with a look of intense
concentration, drew the door open. Flashing a look of superiority
somewhere over his left shoulder, he took one last step, higher than
all the rest, tripped over the lintel, and rolled head over heels
several yards down the slope into a pile of potato peels, moth-eaten
rugs, and assorted other refuse.
A moment later, a loud snore emanated from within.
Rowan snorted to himself. He walked over to the open door, looked at
the snoring heap of junk, shook his head, and closed the door.
Some time later - the shadows had lengthened slightly - a short and
hairy figure moved farther back in the dark recesses of the alleyway.
Another moved to join it.
"You got the tools?"
"Yeah, Fred. Here." Several items wrapped in black cloth passed from
one to the other. "Not leery of being seen?"
"I got an alibi. Innkeeper'll swear to it."
"Right then. At the bell."
"The bell."
They separated, each into the shadows.
Emerald
<00092982-fd0c-42f8...@o11g2000yql.googlegroups.com>,
Rollory <rol...@gmail.com> wrote:
"Well, well, Surcingal," Emerald whispered to the lithe stallion whose
pearl-grey main she had just finished combing. "Things are not usually
as they first appear, and this 'Magnificus' fellow is no exception."
Resisting an impulse to peer around the corner of the Inn toward the
alley from whence came the two voices, she restored the curry-comb to
the pocket of her riding dress and walked quickly back to the front
door. Once inside, she chided herself for caring what manner of misdeed
the pair might be up to. Weren't gnomes always up to some sort of
mischief, after all?
"Rowan, if that wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen your delicious
vegetable stew, I believe I'll have some. And then I'll likely be on my
way, unless..." <Oh, bother! Unless what?> thought the Elf maiden to
herself.
Rollory
the road from the inn, a bell at the front door tinkled as it opened.
Rollory
Shouts. Running feet. Shouts of "Thief!" and "Guards!"
This died down into a hubbub and buzz of conversation, interrupted
after a few minutes by more shouting.
Some time later - ten minutes or so - the door banged open and several
burly men in uniforms came in, escorting a number of others.
"Awright, this'll do, empty as usual. Stand 'em up in the corner
there. We'll take names and statements, one at a time," said the
first and largest of the uniformed men.
Rollory
a gnome! Why are you spending all this time in fiddlesticks
procedures? I demand to know! As a member in good standing of the
Merchant's Guild I can make your life quite difficult if you persist
in wasting time!" The speaker was one of the group of humans the
guards had brought into the bar - a well-dressed, plump fellow, very
bald, with a badly displaced toupee. He appeared to be continuing a
discussion - or perhaps a monologue - begun in the street.
The sergeant's face worked for a bit as he thought over how to answer
this. "Mister, this is procedure, this is how we do it. You ain't
helping yourself, so pipe down. We'll figure out who robbed you, and
you just be quiet while we do it until it's time to answer questions.
YOU've gotta do that too, y'know; everybody's a suspect." While the
merchant was sputtering over this, the officer turned and waved to one
of the other people who'd been escorted in, seemingly at random.
"Awright. You! Name, where to find you, and what you saw, in that
order."
"Marlin Griffith, sir; I live up by Cobbler's Lane. Anyway, we - the
melon vendor over there, who you also brought in - were talking at his
fruit stand, and all of a sudden people are shouting and pointing, and
we looked up at the building across the way and there's this gnome
going hand-over-hand along a rope from another rooftop. He gets to
the window, does something we couldn't quite see, opens it, and goes
inside. That's about when people started shouting thief. Then a
minute or so later the fat gentleman there, and that other gnome
there, come running out the door, the gentleman chasing the gnome and
yelling a lot. They ran around in the street a bit until you and your
squad came along"
The sergeant, who had been laboriously making notes, stopped.
Frowned. Squinted. "Wait a moment, Mr. Griffith. I think you made a
mistake. You said the OTHER gnome came out the door. But - " he held
up a finger, grinning, "there WAS no other gnome. You never mentioned
any other gnome! I think you better tell me the truth now."
"But ... well, sir, that's true, but I don't see how they could be the
same. The one going in the window and the one coming out the door
were dressed pretty differently. And, uh, he just doesn't look the
same."
"Izzat so?" the sergeant inquired, rubbing his chin and thinking hard.
While this discussion was proceeding, one of the other guardsmen,
noting the elf and her soup (and thinking, for a moment, how strange
it was they hadn't noticed her at first), leered confidently and
walked over. "Hey there pretty thing. I'll bet you'd like some big
strong company to protect you from these lowlifes, wouldn't you?"
Rollory
window and the time he came out the door, you say?" asked the
sergeant.
Before his witness could answer, the gnome standing with the others
burst out: "This ain't fair! I walked in that door, plain as day, not
my fault he weren't watching at the time! Walked in the door and it
rang its little bell, and Tumblin there came out from the back and - "
"TOMBIL, you hairy kleptomaniac! Stop lying! I know you took it!
That's why you distracted me, asking for the necklace!"
"Stop shouting!" shouted a woman in the group. "Why am I here
anyway? Everybody saw what happened! I have an appointment I have to
get to, and you lunkheads won't let me go!"
"Am I gonna have to take all you in for disturbing the peace?" the
sergeant growled, handling his iron-studded club lovingly. "Or maybe
taking anybody in won't be necessary. Resisting lawful orders to SHUT
UP. And SPEAK WHEN TOLD. Got it?"
There was silence for a bit.
The leering guardsman (paying little attention to the agitation behind
him) stopped leering, confused at the lack of response from the elf.
"Hey. Hey, chickie. What is this? You too good to talk to me?
Huh? Like yer soup better? That it?"
Emerald
<d2017af4-3f2a-4892...@f19g2000yqh.googlegroups.com>,
Rollory <rol...@gmail.com> wrote:
"Begging your pardon, good sir," replied Emerald meekly. Inwardly, of
course, she was smiling. As she knew full well, an enchantment over the
Dragons Inn prevented any sort of violence within its confines. But
perhaps the smallest of spells would be in order--yes, one that would do
know real harm. "What indeed could such a fine city man as yourself find
worthy in a mere maiden of the woods?"
As she awaited the ruffian's answer, the Elf drew from her bodice a
delicate square of lace and dabbed gently at a down-cast eye. A slight
tremor of her hand (no doubt, anyone would have believed, from her
nervousness in the presence the guard) released an almost undiscernible
puff of something shimmery that wafted up toward the beefy face looking
down at her.
"You were saying," she began again, "that your sergeant called you WHAT?
Why, how perfectly disgusting of him! And what exactly are you
intending to do about it?"
Rollory
> "You were saying," she began again, "that your sergeant called you WHAT?
> Why, how perfectly disgusting of him! And what exactly are you
> intending to do about it?"
He was suddenly nodding enthusiastically. "Yeah, yeah! Yer, right,
chickie! Totally right! And I'm gonna wallop him! Wanna see a real
man in action? Just watch this!" He winked broadly, then turned and
took two steps toward the sergeant. His second stride somehow tangled
his foot in a chair leg; he casually kicked at it. The chair back
bounced off a table, it teetered and fell right into his next stride.
A moment of confusion, surprised expressions, windmilling arms, and
legs somehow tangled up in wooden frameworks later, he smacked his
face on the inn floor.
"What the - dumbass, you been drinking on the job again?" the sergeant
exclaimed in surprise. "What d'you think you're doing? Get over
there and watch the door." Helped up by a couple of his comrades and
blinking and shaking his head a lot, the guardsman did so, though not
without sneaking several dark glances toward the elf.
The sergeant, meanwhile, was speaking again. "Mister Tombil. You
said something about a necklace. That what he stole?"
"Yes, yes - er, no! Not the necklace. He asked to see one. He came
in, asked for a necklace for his wife, I took out a few to show him.
Oh my, were they stolen too? I need to - "
"He came in the street door? Not the window?"
Tombil looked at him blankly. "Well obviously he came in the street
door. The only other way into my lobby where I show my simpler goods
is through my office where I was doing figures. No-"
"Then ... then how did THIS gnome get from your lobby to the window
outside?"
The merchant's mouth opened and closed several times, finally forming
the words: "Well I don't know! That's your job to figure out! All I
know is I heard the uproar outside and a noise upstairs where the
magic wards should be and I ran up and that gnome was jumping out the
side window so I ran back down to catch him and chased him out the
door and -"
"So. A gnome comes in the door. A gnome comes in the window. One
goes out another window, and one goes back out the door. I think the
situation here's clear. We're dealing with TWO gnomes."
Mr. Griffith began to say "That's what I TOLD you already", but
thought better of it.
"SO," the sergeant continued triumphantly. "WHERE is the other
gnome?"
The door to the alley opened, and a rather unkempt figure waddled in.
"Magnificus decrees you all instantly cease making such insufferable
rackets, his head is quite ..." he trailed off. Everyone was looking
at him.
Rollory
> "SO," the sergeant continued triumphantly. "WHERE is the other
> gnome?"
>
> The door to the alley opened, and a rather unkempt figure waddled in.
>
> "Magnificus decrees you all instantly cease making such insufferable
> rackets, his head is quite ..." he trailed off. Everyone was looking
> at him.
Where DID those four years go ...
Emerald
buffoon who calls himself Magnificus--after what feels like centuries!
Don't tell me it has only been four years. I must say, though, the Gnome
appears rather a charming type of little fellow, doesn't he? And
everyone else appears to be...gone!"
Emerald dusts herself off as she rises from a bench in one of the inn's
rather-more-numerous-that average dark corners, and stretches lavishly.
"What now? Perhaps the next thing is to find myself a flagon of ale.
And then I probably should introduce myself."
==
Emerald
<mimi_lechat-433A...@news.eternal-september.org>,
her at an empty Inn.