8 Things a Narcissist Absolutely Hates, According to a Psychologist

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https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/8-things-narcissist-absolutely-hates-
001000852.html

Narcissistic man clenching his fist angrily

When it comes to movies and TV shows, there’s no shortage of storylines
that feature narcissistic characters—from Gaston in Beauty in the Beast,
to Frank Underwood in House of Cards, to Mitch Hiller in Enough and
Stephen DeMarco in Tell Me Lies. These fictional roles embody someone who
is highly manipulative and controlling, lacks empathy and who can be
overly charming in public, but acts like a completely different person
behind closed doors.

For those who have never actually met anyone who’s been diagnosed with
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), those qualities listed may seem
like they’re an exaggerated depiction, seeing how many people misuse the
word and think a narcissist is just someone who is vain or incredibly
confident.

However, experts say those traits mentioned have not been overly
exaggerated in Hollywood. In fact, in real life, they are just some of the
qualities someone with NPD can have. Narcissists can also have
interpersonally exploitative behavior, be incredibly sensitive to
criticism, embody a sense of entitlement, have an obsession with fantasies
of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or love, and be extremely
abusive physically, verbally, emotionally and financially. Because of
this, they can be very dangerous.

To learn more, we spoke to licensed clinical psychologist and narcissistic
abuse expert, Jaime Zuckerman of The Z Group. She breaks down some of the
things that anger people with NPD the most, as well as what they
absolutely hate. That way, you can not only start to understand the
complexity of the personality disorder, but you can also see just how far
a narcissist will go so that, hopefully, you won’t fall for their games.

Related: 10 Classic Mind Games Narcissists Play in a Relationship,
According to Psychologists

What Angers a Narcissist the Most?
There are a handful of things that make someone with NPD upset. According
to Zuckerman, the four major things that really get under the skin of a
narcissist are:

When people see the blueprint pattern of their behaviors and try to figure
them out.

When people set boundaries with them.

When they are called out and held accountable for their actions.

When someone starts to become independent from them.

Related: 13 Perfect Responses to a Narcissist's Texts, According to
Psychologists

8 Things a Narcissist Absolutely Hates, According to a Psychologist
In most relationships (whether they be romantic or platonic), people try
to figure out what sort of things someone likes and what makes them happy.

However, Zuckerman says if you affiliate with a narcissist, it’s actually
best to do the opposite. Why? Knowing what things they don’t like, will
give you a heads up on how someone with NPD will react to certain
situations and help keep you safe. “Once you understand them, you’ll be
able to anticipate their responses (rage, silent treatments, smearing your
character), while simultaneously being able to formulate boundaries within
that abusive relationship,” she points out.

Related: 8 Signs You Have a Toxic Mother and How To Heal—According to
Psychologists

Here are eight things narcissists absolutely hate:

1. Being held accountable for their actions
If you ever call a narcissist out on something they did wrong, they won’t
appreciate the note. In most cases, they will try to turn it around on
you. “They will use gaslighting and other tactics to convince you it’s
your fault,” Zuckerman says. “They can’t and won’t look inward at their
own limitations.”

2. When someone else steals the spotlight
One trait of a narcissist is their love of attention. Therefore, when it’s
taken away from them, they react. “Not being the center of attention
and/or having to share it is something they hate,” Zuckerman tells Parade.
“This is why narcissists will routinely ruin or start arguments on special
days that aren’t uniquely theirs, or that they have nothing to do with,
such as your graduation, your wedding day or a celebration to highlight a
job promotion you got.”

Related: 11 Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use—and How To Spot the
Earliest Signs, According to Relationship Experts

3. Not having access to someone
If you have a close relationship with a narcissist, you’ve probably
noticed that they get very angry when you’re not accessible to them when
they want you to be. “Whether it be physically, emotionally or
cognitively, someone with NPD views others as objects that belong to
them,” Zuckerman reveals. “That’s why they feel it’s their right to have
access to you and get upset when they don’t.”

4. When you don’t need their financial support
Narcissists like it when their partner (or someone in their life) depends
on them for money. So, if things suddenly change and that person gets a
job, or starts hanging out with someone else who buys them things, it
really gets to them. “When you are financially independent it angers
someone who has NPD because money is a common control tactic,” Zuckerman
shares.

Related: 35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick,
According to Therapists

5. When you want to spend time with a big group of friends
Did you know that narcissists aren’t fans of you hanging out with big
groups of people? Zuckerman says they actually prefer to spend time with
you one-on-one because it’s harder for them to use their manipulation
tactics on you otherwise. “They don’t like it when you have a social
support network,” she explains. “Those with NPD will attempt to isolate
you from family and friends. This makes it easier for them to control you
and make you dependent on them.”

6. When you want to become independent from them
A person with NPD isn’t usually drawn to someone with a super-independent
personality. “Generally speaking, any movement of their
partner/child/friend towards self-sufficiency is viewed as a personal
attack or abandonment by a narcissist,” Zuckerman tells Parade. “They hate
when someone has their own interests and hobbies. Basically, anything that
makes you self-sufficient makes them feel they have less control.”

Related: What Exactly Is a 'Covert Narcissist'?

7. Being confronted with the truth about themselves
This is one sure way to make a narcissist see red! Zuckerman tells Parade
that narcissists hate being exposed for who they are and what they do.
When this happens, she says it often brings about extreme anger and rage
because they take no accountability for their behaviors and their
entitlement.

8. Criticism of any kind
While most people aren’t fans of being criticized, they can usually handle
constructive criticism—some even appreciate it. However, not a narcissist.
“A person with NPD hates any type of criticism,” Zuckerman informs Parade.
“Even constructive criticism is viewed as a personal attack. They will be
overly sensitive to criticism as well as anything perceived as criticism.
Often times they have difficulty holding a job and/or having deep
connections with others because of this.”


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