Let Them Eat (Affirmative Action) Cake
Liberals Are Evil Scum
Let Them Eat (Affirmative Action) Cake
By Andrew Jones
October 3, 2003
With the latest explosion over Affirmative Action bake sales, I can't
help
but smile like a proud father. Last year, while chair of the UCLA
Bruin
Republicans, I launched the initial - and, until the recent events at
Southern Methodist University - the best known Affirmative Action
bake sale
in the country.
I confess the bake sale was not a concept wholly of my invention; the
bake
sale's predecessors extend at least as far back as 1999's sale by
the
University of New Mexico College Republicans. However, none of the
previous
sales had been built around any "hook," and none ever got traction
outside
the university's conservative community.
The idea of framing UCLA's sale around the then-undecided Michigan
Affirmative Action case was mine. I had always thought the idea a
hilarious
one, and in 2001 had idly proposed it to the Bruin Republicans at one
slow
meeting. Everyone of course loved the idea, but given that UCLA (as
with
every UC in the system) was not practicing Affirmative Action in so
many
words due to Proposition 209, the idea was shelved.
When the Supreme Court decided to hear the Michigan case and could have
ended Affirmative Action on all college campuses, we finally had a
reason to
protest. We added one wrinkle that would ultimately be the factor that
broke the story: we had staffers play satirical roles: "The Man,"
"Uncle
Tom," "The White Oppressor," and "The Self-Hating Hispanic Race
Traitor." We
completed this with a special "Admissions Officer" (played by me)
in charge
of "determining each customer's race, gender, and general level of
oppression."
In the spirit of Affirmative Action (and the UC system's own
undercover
brand of reverse discrimination, known as "comprehensive review"),
we also
decided to force students applying for the special rate to answer
degrading
questions like, "Do you now feel or have you ever felt that 'The
Man' is
keeping you down?" and "True or False: The darker my skin color,
the more
Affirmative Action I deserve." Then we set up our banner and goods on
Bruin
Walk, the UCLA campus' main street, and waited for the uproar.
The day passed in a dizzying blur. A few confused African exchange
students
were just happy to get discounted cookies. Bewildered leftists wondered
whether we supported or opposed Affirmative Action. Angry leftists
screamed
personal insults from the balcony overlooking our table. Angry RINOs
(Republicans In Name Only) scolded us for dirtying the good name of the
Republican Party with our event.
The most memorable figures, however, were the campus administrators who
told
us that the sale had to end because not only were we selling
commercially
baked goods (versus campus code mandating homemade food for bake sales
only), but that we had not filed an application to even have such a
sale on
campus.
The last point, I think, is a good place to pause and emphasize the
point at
which UCLA and a school like SMU, take separate paths. At UCLA, I
walked up
into the student groups office, quickly filled out the necessary
paperwork,
and returned to our sale. At SMU and UC Irvine, a student affairs
officer
ordered the sales shuttered.
In our course, the bake sale continued unimpeded, as the sale went
entirely
unnoticed by the media for at least 10 days. This is a little
understood
aspect of our sale. The Daily Bruin made the decision not to cover the
sale, and my own Letter to the Editor failed to attract much attention.
What ended up saving the event and turning it into a media event was a
combination of small things. First was that in a deliberate
provocation, I
had emailed my satirical press release about the sale to every
multicultural
group on the UCLA campus. At least one of these groups, as it turned
out,
forwarded this on to an email listserv of an activist group, and
suddenly, I
received an email from a self-described "raging, out of the closet
black
conservative" advising me that the Assembly Black Staff Association
had
picked up the story and was blasting it around the state capital of
Sacramento as an illustration of "how bad things are on campus."
The second pebble rolling down the hill was when I put up a short
description and link to the story on the weblog "Campus Nonsense."
Yet neither of these things by themselves would match the last break
for the
story, which was a veritable boulder by comparison. While sitting here
at
this very desk at the Center for the Study for Popular Culture, I
received a
call from the Daily Bruin. No less an august personality than
California
Democratic Party Chairman Art Torres had decided to put out a
hysterical
press release about the bake sale, accusing our group of
"race-baiting."
The reporter read me the relevant portions, and I eventually recovered
enough to provide the Bruin with a pithy response (I believe it was
"Art
Torres can kiss my ass"), along with some, more dignified, other
comments.
The date was Valentine's Day, 11 days after our original sale. Art
Torres,
by deciding to score negligible points against national Republicans by
casting our sale as part of a larger, "race-baiting" trend, had
handed us a
golden opportunity. This time the Bruin felt comfortable in writing an
article about our sale and Torres' press release. And this began a
frenzy
of media exposure.
And indeed, the next two weeks were a dizzying whirlwind. First, we
were
approached by local radio, then the newspapers: LA Times, Wall Street
Journal, Washington Times, The Chronicle of Higher Education, The San
Francisco Chronicle and The Stanford Review. But the coup de grace was
on
February 18th, when for the last few minutes of his daily show, Rush
Limbaugh highlighted our event and lauded it as "good comedy, good
satire."
He finished by pronouncing it a "humongous" event.
And with SMU in the news, we know that our little campus bake sale has
indeed had a "humongous" impact on campus discourse. I am proud to
see the
effect SMU, UCLA and other campuses around the country have had in
opening
students' eyes to the nature of Affirmative Action. If those students
change
the current policy of discrimination on campus, I will more gratified
yet,
knowing that we helped true equality to reign in higher education. And
I
hope if you will forgive me for doting, like a proud father, at the
accomplishment.
Andrew Jones is a former chairman of the UCLA Bruin Republicans, and
will
established The UCLA Criterion, a new investigative student
newsmagazine.
host
"Liberals Are Evil Scum" <jynn...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1119663149.9...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
Looks like you succeeded at showing the world what a fucking idiot you
are!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!! Fucking moron, get a fucking life. I would
love to see you in a war....screaming and crying as you run away from the
enemy.
> The most memorable figures, however, were the campus administrators who
> told
> us that the sale had to end because not only were we selling
> commercially
> baked goods (versus campus code mandating homemade food for bake sales
> only), but that we had not filed an application to even have such a
> sale on
> campus.
Typical right-winger, not following the rules. HAhahaahahahaaha lol fucking
stupid mother fucker.
Good fucking job. You incited anger! GOOD FUCKING JOB!!!!!! Once again, grow
a brain numbnuts...
Yeah "good COMEDY, GOOD SATIRE"!!!!!!! In other words, "Not to be taken
seriously"!!!!!! Lol hahahahaahahaha You couldn't win if I helped you.
> He finished by pronouncing it a "humongous" event.
Yeah right after he took his daily dosage of reality altering drugs....
> And with SMU in the news, we know that our little campus bake sale has
> indeed had a "humongous" impact on campus discourse. I am proud to
> see the
> effect SMU, UCLA and other campuses around the country have had in
> opening
> students' eyes to the nature of Affirmative Action. If those students
> change
> the current policy of discrimination on campus, I will more gratified
> yet,
> knowing that we helped true equality to reign in higher education. And
> I
> hope if you will forgive me for doting, like a proud father, at the
> accomplishment.
You are fucking stupid because you fail to acknowledge that DISCRIMINATION
EXISTS!!!!!! You act like it is just some fucked up concept that a bunch of
crazy *niggers* thought of. You are a fucking rascist, I can't wait for you
to get yours...