Tampons - CJ Watson's Little Cotton Fingers!
Taffy Davenport Gaines-Crockett
Tampons.
Aa a Ladies of Landover member, I, Mrs. Taffy Davenport-Gaines
Crockett, visited the Landover Christian Pharmacy recently to refill
the church tract display, happened upon a shocking sight. A young
woman was visibly upset and arguing loudly with pharmacist Emma Mae
Martin. What I discovered next sickened me unto the point of nausea.
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons. I snatched that girl by
the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can
you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?
I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic
devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse, Mrs.
Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of
those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her.
"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," I stated. "Why, they even
have them with little angel wings now!" I handed her a box and told
her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to
utter that evil T word again!
The as yet unidentified woman then fled the store in humiliation.
Landover Security sketch artists are preparing a likeness to aid in
identifying the young woman. Her salvation status is unknown, but
based on this event, it is likely she is Hellbound.
"Toxic Shock Syndrome is God's way of punishing unsaved harlots who
choose Satan?s cotton fingers over a Godly pad," Pastor Deacon Fred
stated upon hearing of the event. "These playthings of Satan are
created under the guise of a ladies hygiene product to bring
unsuspecting women and young girls to the fold of the Devil."
Church members are commanded to talk to your teen-age daughters, and
search their rooms if you have to. "Souls are at stake and God is
taking names," added Pastor Wiley.
I have organized the Ladies of Landover Phone Bank to spread the word,
and have called for both a letter writing protest campaign and a
boycott on all stores who are found to carry these satanic sexual
devices. Manufacturers who create such vile products will also be
targeted for salvation, or, failing that, closure.
I have secured six 24-foot trucks for use for my new ministry, "Stop
Satan From Pulling The Strings." I and the other Ladies of Landover
plan a nationwide tour, going city to city, pulling "The Devil's
delight" from store shelves once clerks are distracted. Upon the
ladies' return, We plan a large bonfire.
I shall pray over the flames as we watch these evil devices go back to
the fiery pits of hell from whence they came, these things are created
by Satan for pleasure, and young women are succumbing to the Devil
without even realizing it. This is one battle Satan will NOT win!
All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a
covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan.
Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The
Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of
hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons.
Taffy Davenport Gaines-Crockett
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
D. Jones
x...@x.com
Chuck Sommers
Tach'Ara C. Romath┊ <Tal-...@Romulus.intelligence.net> wrote in
message news:n4qe7sklim84bphdo...@4ax.com...
> On Sat, 08 Jan 2000 04:07:52 GMT, x...@x.com spoke thusly:
>
> >You people really believe this stuff?
> >
You're getting warmer.
Landover baptist is a satirical site not unlike THE ONION,
except it exclusively lampoons the ostentatiously religious.
"Taffy" and "Betty Bowers" are the web equivalent of
the old Dana Carvy character "Church Lady".
--
Chuck Sommers
csom...@chorus.net
>
> >On Fri, 07 Jan 2000 20:15:06 -0600, Taffy Davenport Gaines-Crockett
> ><taffy.davenport...@landoverbaptist.org> wrote:
> nonsense removed!
> Romath
snip
Chuck Sommers
her spelling leaves a little to be desired!
I'll bet she lives in the South somewhere....waaaay south.
(At least south of the Mason-Dictionary line).
I wonder what her attitude is on gays?
--
Chuck Sommers
csom...@chorus.net
Ivy Black <ivyb...@priest.com> wrote in message
news:858dam$3n3$1...@ctb-nnrp1.saix.net...
>
> Taffy Davenport Gaines-Crockett wrote in message ...
> >Landover Ladies defy the Devil and expose the horrible truth about
> >Tampons.
>
> Dear Mrs Taffy Davenport Gaines-Crockett
>
> I think your very evil to be disgussing this TAMPONS here wehre men
also
> read and rite cos it is not nice for America's Godly Woman to be
talking
> about personel things before men. My dear mother tought me to be a
moddest
> women at all times, but espesialy THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.
> >
> >Aa a Ladies of Landover member, I, Mrs. Taffy Davenport-Gaines
> >Crockett, visited the Landover Christian Pharmacy recently to refill
> >the church tract display, happened upon a shocking sight. A young
> >woman was visibly upset and arguing loudly with pharmacist Emma Mae
> >Martin. What I discovered next sickened me unto the point of nausea.
>
> i feel very sory for the young woman but she had no business to be
argueing
> loudly in a public plase, like a Pharmecy. This is not a ladilike
thing for
> a Godly Women to do.
> >
> >"The young woman was trying to buy tampons. I snatched that girl by
> >the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can
> >you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?
>
> You shold not snatch that girl by the hair. It hurts and it is also
not
> good for you to do so. Our dear Paster says it is unbecoming for a
women
> to resought to fisical vilence in any sircumstences and also for men
to buly
> there wifes and mothers.
> >
> >I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic
> >devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse, Mrs.
> >Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of
> >those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her.
>
> Tampons are a bad thing becase they cauce a young girl to apear unpure
to
> her husband on her weding night it is not good because that should be
a
> speciel night for both the girl and her husband, to cherrish and
remember
> for ever iwth Holy Feelings.
>
> But it is ok for a woemn to use Tampons if she is alredy marrid.
>
> >"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," I stated. "Why, they even
> >have them with little angel wings now!" I handed her a box and told
> >her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to
> >utter that evil T word again!
>
> Our dear Paster would not liek you to hit the gird but you should also
not
> talk about Maxi-Pads. I allways feel so uncomfortalbe when I see
there ads
> on TV and more when my dear departed farther was in the room.
> >
> >The as yet unidentified woman then fled the store in humiliation.
> >Landover Security sketch artists are preparing a likeness to aid in
> >identifying the young woman. Her salvation status is unknown, but
> >based on this event, it is likely she is Hellbound.
>
> You shuld be prayering for her around the closk. This is not a nice
way of
> treeting a unsaved young woman.
> >
> >"Toxic Shock Syndrome is God's way of punishing unsaved harlots who
> >choose Satan?s cotton fingers over a Godly pad," Pastor Deacon Fred
> >stated upon hearing of the event. "These playthings of Satan are
> >created under the guise of a ladies hygiene product to bring
> >unsuspecting women and young girls to the fold of the Devil."
>
> I wonder what our Paster would say about this but i dont want to ask
him
> bcause a Godly Women like me would never say these things to a man. I
woud
> rather die.
> >
> >Church members are commanded to talk to your teen-age daughters, and
> >search their rooms if you have to. "Souls are at stake and God is
> >taking names," added Pastor Wiley.
>
> I dont thing that mothers should have to serch the rooms. Mothers
should
> buy the right things for their children and give them less pocket
money to
> spend on CIGGARETS and other drugs.
> >
> >I have organized the Ladies of Landover Phone Bank to spread the
word,
> >and have called for both a letter writing protest campaign and a
> >boycott on all stores who are found to carry these satanic sexual
> >devices. Manufacturers who create such vile products will also be
> >targeted for salvation, or, failing that, closure.
>
> Educasion is the anser, rather than protest campagins and gboycotts.
> >
> >I have secured six 24-foot trucks for use for my new ministry, "Stop
> >Satan From Pulling The Strings." I and the other Ladies of Landover
> >plan a nationwide tour, going city to city, pulling "The Devil's
> >delight" from store shelves once clerks are distracted. Upon the
> >ladies' return, We plan a large bonfire.
>
> But think of the pore marrid woman who could use these things. You
should
> sent them to the starving Etheopeans wear the married women then
should use
> them.
> >
> >I shall pray over the flames as we watch these evil devices go back
to
> >the fiery pits of hell from whence they came, these things are
created
> >by Satan for pleasure, and young women are succumbing to the Devil
> >without even realizing it. This is one battle Satan will NOT win!
>
> Amen. Ament. Amen
> >
> >All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a
> >covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan.
> >Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The
> >Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of
> >hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons.
>
> Im not sure what your saying here but i suspect its not nice.
>
> Yours sinserley
> Ivy Black
> A Godly Woman
Ivy Black
Jeff North
Sommers" <csom...@chorus.net> wrote:
>| This Ivy Black seems to have her head on straight, though
>| her spelling leaves a little to be desired!
>|
>| I'll bet she lives in the South somewhere....waaaay south.
>| (At least south of the Mason-Dictionary line).
>|
>| I wonder what her attitude is on gays?
psssst Does 'straight but not narrow' ring any bells ?
-------------------------------------------------------
Remove au from bigpond for the correct e-mail address
jefnorth at bigpond dot com
-------------------------------------------------------
Fenris
<csom...@chorus.net> wrote:
> This Ivy Black seems to have her head on straight, though
> her spelling leaves a little to be desired!
>
> I'll bet she lives in the South somewhere....waaaay south.
> (At least south of the Mason-Dictionary line).
She does. If She lived any farther south, she would be in Antarctica. :)
--
To e-mail me replace "spamsucks" with "azstarnet.com"
Chuck Sommers
Jeff North <jefn...@bigpondau.com> wrote in message
news:387bf2da...@news.bigpond.com...
> On Sat, 8 Jan 2000 18:02:30 -0600, in alt.politics.homosexuality
"Chuck
> Sommers" <csom...@chorus.net> wrote:
>
> >| her spelling leaves a little to be desired!
> >|
> >| I'll bet she lives in the South somewhere....waaaay south.
> >| (At least south of the Mason-Dictionary line).
> >|
> >| I wonder what her attitude is on gays?
>
>
Ding dong - I tried emailing you but it came back.
I was "fishing".
--
Chuck Sommers
csom...@chorus.net
> -------------------------------------------------------
Chuck Sommers
Fenris <tto...@spamsucks.com> wrote in message
news:ttowne-0901...@dialup001ip061.tus.azstarnet.com...
> > her spelling leaves a little to be desired!
> >
> > I'll bet she lives in the South somewhere....waaaay south.
> > (At least south of the Mason-Dictionary line).
>
:)
I know. :c)
bre...@no-spam.com
Cheers,
Bredon
---
Ben R. F.
on the internet did. They did also the one about the missionary who went to
california to minister to the gays. I think it is suppose to be a satire on
some organizations drastic criticism on everything. If I find the address
for the website I'll post it, it is absolutely hysterical if you take it
with you don't take it seriously.
Ben
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John De Salvio
<benjamin...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Forgot the website this came from but its actually a joke a non-real church
> on the internet did. They did also the one about the missionary who went to
> california to minister to the gays. I think it is suppose to be a satire on
> some organizations drastic criticism on everything. If I find the address
> for the website I'll post it, it is absolutely hysterical if you take it
> with you don't take it seriously.
Taffy Davenport's Landover Baptist Church.
A real rip!
--
John
NOTE: "From" address is deliberately wrong.
My correct e-mail address is:
desalvio["AT" SYMBOL]monitor.net