By Lt. Col. Merrill L. Bartlett
The two-hour drive from his quarters in the military housing complex
in East Los Angeles to the amphibious base out in the desert at 29
Palms allowed Eric Smith-Jones ample opportunity to reflect on his
budding military career.
After matriculation from the Joint Services Defense Academy located
near Little Rock, Arkansas, with a B.S. degree in social engineering,
he had been commissioned in the Marine Corps. By that time, in 2010,
the armed service
academies had already been combined -- that took place during the
second term of President Al Gore. West Point became a shelter for
homeless veterans; Annapolis was turned into a treatment center for
victims of sexual harassment within the defense forces; and the former
Air Force Academy at Colorado Springs
became the site of all of the war colleges (now called "defense
colleges") combined at the site.
Then, in the first administration of President Hilary Rodham Clinton,
it was determined that the term "Marine" or "Marine Corps" was simply
too macho, sexist and violent; the spirited organization became the U.
S. Amphibious Corps.
Also then, traditional ranks fell to the floor of the cutting room. A
civilian bureaucrat in the Pentagon concluded them too elitist, and
that they tended to traumatize
lower-ranking members of the defense establishment. As a consequence,
Amphibians held the rank germane to their position and not a
traditional rank.
This led to salutes being replaced by the suggestion that juniors
merely wave at seniors and offer a cheery, "Have a good day."
Shortly after Smith-Jones' commissioning, the entire First Division,
U. S. Amphibious Corps, had been relocated to 29 Palms. For years,
hungry environmentalists and real estate developers had cast their eyes
on Camp Pendleton because of its pristine location along miles of
Southern
California's beautiful beaches. This ad hoc group finally won the day,
when it convinced the federal government to declare the base a
sanctuary for an endangered species, Canus latrans (coyote).
Company commander Smith Jones was met at the company Command Post by
an anxious-looking executive officer. "Big Trouble at the Enlisted-
Persons Social Center (formerly, the "Enlisted Men's Club" and then
later called the "Enlisted
Persons' Club") last night, sir. Four of our gay Amphibians were
dancing together at the club, and a gang of straight Amphibians jumped
them on the way back to the dormitory. The injured gay Amphibians are
in the hospital. Battalion and regiment are aware of the incident, and
the word is that the Battalion head is furious." "So, tell me some good
news for a change." "I don't have any, company commander. I've had to
cancel our company training exercise planned for today,
because we simply didn't have enough troops."
"What? Out of a company of more than 200 Amphibians?" "First, division
levied a quota of one platoon to work at the homeless shelter in town;
I gave that
assignment to first platoon.""Then, the division EAO (ethnic-awareness
officer)
notified the duty officer last night that the second platoon's EAT
(ethic-awareness test) scores had fallen below the division's
benchmark. So, an emergency contact team is on its way over, and the
second platoon will spend its day in the battalion
classroom undergoing remedial EAT instruction." "The same fate befell
the third platoon, because its SAT (sexual awareness test) scores had
plummeted
sharply. Another emergency contact team is on its way out, and I
reserved the
regimental classroom for SAT instruction, which should use up the
entire day. The third platoon will participate in a reading and
discussion of the book, 'Heather Has
Two Mommies.' Then, they will see the movie, "The Gunny Sergeant has a
Boyfriend."
"So, what happened to the weapons platoon and headquarters
section?""Sir, between the two of them, I can't muster a squad. As you
may recall, we were required to stop discharging men and women who were
HIV-positive and merely to segregate them. We put all of them in the
machine gun section, but today is a
compulsory instruction on safe sex for all HIV-positive amphibians. I
had no choice but to cancel the machine gun-firing exercise. The
headquarters section is also
down to almost zero effectives as well, sir. The Okinawan-spouses,
Somali-spouses, Panamanian-spouses, Haitian-spouses,Albanian-spouses,
and Kosovar-spouses community clubs are meeting at the main auditorium
with their
amphibian-spouses, and attendance is mandatory. The remainder of the
section is meeting with their attorneys with regard to a host of legal
problems and class-action suits." "What about the rest of the
week?" "Sir, the physical fitness test for tomorrow has been canceled
because the attorney for the women-amphibians has obtained a ruling
from a federal judge that the test is discriminatory in that it
requires the women to achieve the same scores as the men. And, after
the other rulings,I thought it best to just cancel the personnel
inspection scheduled for Friday."
"Why no traditional weapon and personnel inspection? Aren't we a
company of amphibians?" "Well, sir, if we had such a formation at all,
you would be dismayed to see more than a dozen of the troops in strange
uniforms. The American Civil Liberties Union won its suit challenging
our traditional dress and grooming
standards. So, we have amphibians walking barefoot, because they
charged that because their ancestors did, and thus they should be
allowed to demonstrate their ethnicity.
Then, a group of our women challenged the traditional requirement that
lipstick and nail polish match the color of the red cap cord on the
barracks cap. So, a federal judge has ruled that in order to comply,
any color of cap cord may
suffice just as long as it matches the color of the lipstick or nail
polish. Chartreuse or purple cap cords appear really strange on the
uniform. Another of the women
has challenged the requirement to wear a skirt, because it is a sexist
costume, so all women will wear slacks until further notice. You also
have Amphibians wearing
ethnic-distinguishing headgear and jewelry. And, there is more, but
that's all I can remember for the moment. The point is that any attempt
to hold a traditional weapons and personnel inspection will come off as
a bad joke. Besides, you won't want to hear about the lifting of the
ban against earrings and nose rings."
"Oh, sir, don't forget that you have office hours scheduled for this
evening after chow. A group of gay amphibians are requesting that,
since they are married, they be granted a housing allowance and
permission to live off base.When our single heterosexual amphibians
heard of this request, some of them demanded the right to draw a
quarters allowance and to move off-base as well. A civilian lawyer is
representing them, and he is prepared to charge discrimination
if you deny the request." "Then, if all of these problems aren't enough
to shoulder,
I have a personal situation that is vexing. Yesterday was the
anniversary of my marriage agreement with Samantha. My lifemate and I
decided to have dinner at the All-Ranks club at Mainside. I guess that
I forgot where we were, because
I ordered a split of champagne. A RAAM (roving alcohol abuse monitor)
took my name. So, division is cutting orders tosend me to month-long
alcohol detoxification treatment, followed by an alcohol abuse
course." "Thank you, Jane, for staying on top of the situation. I'm
sorry to learn that you were apprehended by a RAAM. The situation
reminds of my father's tales of the 1990's, when commanding officers
counted the number of drinks or beers an officer consumed at unit
social functions." Company Commander Smith-Jones shook his head and
ondered, not for the first time, why he had opted to remain in uniform
after receiving his regular commission following a successful trial
period of five years as an officer. This wasn't what his grandfather
and father had spoken about.
Where was the esprit de corps, that comradeship, that feeling of
belonging? His grandfather had served as a Marine Corps officer in
Vietnam after graduating
from the Military Academy; his father took a commission in the smaller
of the naval services after matriculating from the Naval Academy.
Nothing either of them
described resembled what Company Commander Smith-Jones experienced on a
daily basis
. "Sir, Battalion telephoned. The CO wants you at 1300 sharp. I'm
guessing it is about the ruckus outside the Enlisted Person's Social
Club last night."Later, at 1300: "Company Commander Smith-Jones
reporting as ordered,
"Battalion Commander." "The incident outside the EPS Club is just
another problem in a long list, suggesting that you aren't in tune with
the program. I've noted with some concern your declining EAT and SAT
scores." "But, Battalion Commander, what about our record setting
rifle, physical fitness profiles, and crew served weapons scores? And,
the reenlistment rates for my company are the highest in the regiment."
"Those factors are inconsequential, Company Commander. Your continuing
unresponsiveness to the problems of gender and ethnicity continue to
cause me grave concern. I have no choice but to relieve you of your
command. Division will cut orders sending you to the six month SACA
(sexual and cultural-awareness) refresher course. I'm confident that
you will shape up as a result of temporary duty at SACA, ex-Company
Commander Smith-Jones. If you don't, then your career in the U. S.
Amphibious Corps is over." "I'm sorry that I've disappointed you,
ma'am." "Now that's just what I mean. You know that you are never to
use that sexist appellation when addressing me."
{from Officer Review September 2000]
Brad Ryti
922 Clear Ave E
ST Paul MN 55106
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
<1wal...@my-deja.com> wrote in message news:8rn2vg$20m$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
Regards,
StormDrain
<1wal...@my-deja.com> wrote in message news:8rn2vg$20m$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
For the record, more than 80 percent of officers have a master's degree.
Nearly 100 percent have a bachelor's degree. More than 50 percent of
noncommissioned officers (enlisted leaders) have an associate's degree or
better. Today's military is made up of highly intelligent and well
motivated men and women that are getting the crap kicked out of them and
nobody gives a damn.
Regarding your "fighting for freedom", like all intelligent personnel, our
men and women question their leadership. That is not to say they will
disobey. They question because that is the nature of intelligent, thinking
people. When the leadership (civilian) cannot outline the reasons for a
conflict in which we put our lives and the lives of our enemies on the line
then the leadership is suspect.
Yeah, next time I am sweating it out in the desert and trying to figure out
how to pay for my kid's education I will definitely think about your
motivational words of wisdom. But don"t worry, I will still do my duty and
cover you butt. Thanks for your support.
Hobbit
StormDrain <St...@UR.com> wrote in message
news:8rnej...@enews3.newsguy.com...
StormDrain wrote:
--
How can a person that cannot govern themselves, govern others?
-Ronald Reagan-
Hobbit
john q public <kysd...@putermail.net> wrote in message
news:8rre8j$6fi$1...@bob.news.rcn.net...
"Hobbit" <hobb...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:8rsem6$5u3$1...@slb0.atl.mindspring.net...
You are SO short-sighted. The call to defend our country could come at any
time and any where. You are so ignorant jqp. Hobbit, and others in the
military, get paid next to beans for dangerous training (oh yes, people in
the service die regularly in training), and can go overseas (or here in the
US) to defend YOU, while you plod around your house in your Spiderman
underoos chanting "bill clinton is god" on Usenet over and over again. I
should just stop reading your posts and blacklist you because your posts are
so ridiculous and you're going to give me heartburn. Go ahead, thrill me
with one of your witty replies like "yawn"....
Roger
--
R o g e r H e r z l e r
"Imagine if we were all on the same sheet of music...
What a symphony it would be!"
mailto:rherzlerNO~SP...@cts.com (remove NO~SPAM) <><
the @stro pages: http://theastropages.com/ ~ astronomy for the amateur
astronomylinks.com: http://astronomylinks.com/
A member of the Outerspace Advertising Network
http://www.outerspaceads.net/
"Roger Herzler" <rherzlerNO~SP...@cts.com> wrote in message
news:8rsnnj$2pef$1...@thoth.cts.com...
"Armchairs" cite pur unreadiness for WWII but that's a no-brainer. We
had 6 years before Britain went to war with Germany, and two years after
that. If we didn't arm right away, it was because popluar opinion was
against it.
Anyway, of all the military people I've met, Marines are the dumbest.
Quite the opposite of the highly educated and refined Navy officers.
This piece of drivel, merciafully snipped for bandqwidth, is just more
proof of that. Sur, he has a nice vocabulary and probably knows how to
use a spellchecker "nice," but it's complete twaddle. The kind of thing
a Black Legionaire like fisheye would go for.
Hobbit
john q public <kysd...@putermail.net> wrote in message
news:8rsgta$l0a$1...@bob.news.rcn.net...
It has been my pleasure and privilege to know Marines, Navy, Air Force, and
Army personnel. Each branch has a unique and highly differentiated mission.
Marines tend to be more independent, and self reliant as a whole due to the
nature of their training, and mission requirements. This in no way demeans
the other branches, but it also in no way brings into doubt the intelligence
of those who choose to be Marines.
Your statements below are deliberately inflammatory, and uninformed. I
suggest you spend some time getting to know a few Marines prior to spewing
forth such drivel in an inane attempt to impugn the obvious satire in the
post.
Blacksheep
"D.G. Porter" <dgpo...@pacbell.net> wrote in message
news:39E22A...@pacbell.net...
> I heard a caller on CSPAN tell how her jusband is a 20-year career man,
> and he said in peacetime downsizing and keeping military readiness on
> the shelf is SOP = normal. We are not at war. We could mobilize in a
> day if need be.
>
> "Armchairs" cite pur unreadiness for WWII but that's a no-brainer. We
> had 6 years before Britain went to war with Germany, and two years after
> that. If we didn't arm right away, it was because popluar opinion was
> against it.
>
> Anyway, of all the military people I've met, Marines are the dumbest.
> Quite the opposite of the highly educated and refined Navy officers.
> This piece of drivel, merciafully snipped for bandqwidth, is just more
> proof of that. Sur, he has a nice vocabulary and probably knows how to
> use a spellchecker "nice," but it's complete twaddle. The kind of thing
> a Black Legionaire like fisheye would go for.
>
> john q public wrote:
> >
Well said. I think DG is simply a troll. I think I used to have him
blocked but he's fallen off of my blocked list. Maybe he changed his e-mail
address.
Anyway, I didn't want to get into a pissing contest over qualifications and
intelligence, etc., but I will. I am a former enlisted Marine, proud of my
service and I am better for the experience. Like any other branch we had
our share of moronic people. I would submit though that the typical Marine
had more education than the minimums other branches would except and
received more training following their arrival at boot camp (boot camp was
12 weeks as opposed to 8 weeks for the Navy and Army). I worked recruiting
for a while and turned away several people that couldn't pass our basic
testing. We referred them to other branches and they were accepted. This
is direct experience with the system, not conjecture. They weren't what the
Marine Corps was looking for, but they obviously filled a need elsewhere.
In addition, taking college courses while still in was *highly* encouraged
and promoted.
With respect to my credentials I would submit that I have an Associates
Degree and am in a college program for a Bachelor's Degree in Computer
Science/Engineering, with aspirations for a Masters. I am currently in
Calculus 3 (multi-variable calculus) and have received A's in both 1 and 2
(frankly I didn't think I deserved either but I was awarded them
nonetheless; I am typically pretty tough on myself in my studies). My point
is that DG's blanket statements are nothing more than trolling through the
waters. Gotta put him back on the list!
Clear skies,
Roger
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
R o g e r H e r z l e r
"Imagine if we were all on the same sheet of music...
What a symphony it would be!" <><
mailto:rher...@cts.com
the @stro pages: http://theastropages.com/ ~ astronomy for the amateur
astronomylinks.com: http://astronomylinks.com/
A member of the Outerspace Advertising Network
http://www.outerspaceads.net/
"Blacksheep" <black...@nospam-blacksheep.net> wrote in message
news:ahJE5.24232$Ly1.3...@news5.giganews.com...
DG Porter has a personal identification problem and must be excused for
ignorance.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
> > Blacksheep
> Well said. I think DG is simply a troll. I think I used to have him
> blocked but he's fallen off of my blocked list. Maybe he changed his
e-mail
> address.
Indeed, DG appears to want nothing more than to respond with FLAME
DIATRIBES when prpositioned a reasonable argument. He & his buds, AKA
JQP, ROSY19 & others have established resumes of running aways from
facts about their favored socialist politicians and their political
follies. I find it completely laughable they believe slander, innuendo
and name calling formulates a substantive rebuttal to FACTS AND
EVIDENCE....
One only need reference a few of their posts from dejanews for a taste
of USSR style propaganda.
LN
Hey ham how's life up limbaughs ass?
Wow, that's a pretty good illustration of what he's referring to jqp. Very
timely of you...
Clear skies,
Roger
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
R o g e r H e r z l e r
"Imagine if we were all on the same sheet of music...
What a symphony it would be!" <><
mailto:rher...@cts.com
the @stro pages: http://theastropages.com/ ~ astronomy for the amateur
astronomylinks.com: http://astronomylinks.com/
A member of the Outerspace Advertising Network
http://www.outerspaceads.net/
"john q public" <kysd...@putermail.net> wrote in message
news:8s2aea$5co$1...@bob.news.rcn.net...
>
> <nee...@syix.com> wrote in message news:39E45D...@syix.com...
> > Roger Herzler wrote:
> >
> > > > Your statements below are deliberately inflammatory, and
> > uninformed. I
> > > > suggest you spend some time getting to know a few Marines prior to
> > spewing
> > > > forth such drivel in an inane attempt to impugn the obvious satire
> > in the
> > > > post.
> >
> > > > Blacksheep
> >
> > > Well said. I think DG is simply a troll. I think I used to have him
> > > blocked but he's fallen off of my blocked list. Maybe he changed his
> > e-mail
> > > address.
> >
> >
>
> >
But roger, there were NO facts to reply to simply slander and innuendo, that
I replied in kind too!
Note roger, that I didn't toss the polite insult right back at you.
But it would be nice if you joined in a debate every now and again with
substantive comments
instead of just pumping up your fellow winger!
Have a day!
>
> Clear skies,
> Roger
> --
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> R o g e r H e r z l e r
> "Imagine if we were all on the same sheet of music...
> What a symphony it would be!" <><
> mailto:rher...@cts.com
> the @stro pages: http://theastropages.com/ ~ astronomy for the amateur
> astronomylinks.com: http://astronomylinks.com/
> A member of the Outerspace Advertising Network
> http://www.outerspaceads.net/
>
> "john q public" <kysd...@putermail.net> wrote in message