Urban Planning Jokes???
GaryV
your pal Marc
: Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post:
Irvine CA
ypM
--
The Old Bear
>From: fl1p...@loop.com (GaryV)
>Newsgroups: alt.planning.urban
>Subject: Urban Planning Jokes???
>Date: Thu, 18 Apr 1996 19:00:05 GMT
>Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post:
While working for a municipal agency involved in a very controversial
project back in the 1970's, I received the following telegram:
"To hell with you. Offensive letter follows."
hmmm... can you still send telegrams? Do you still pay by the word?
Star Gazr9
: Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post:
This group is way too serious and guilt ridden for a sense of humor.
Ollie Shearer
george conklin
>Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post:
>
>
>
Do you know the defintion of ultimate silliness?
Answer: 100 urban planners in 1 room.
--
Geenius at Wrok
How many fanatical sociology profs from Bethesda, N.C., does it take to
change a light bulb?
None -- 19th-century technology has obviously failed, and stupid evil
people-hating planners want to force everyone to copy a dead bulb. The
bulb does not work, and people have rightfully abandoned it. Light bulbs
are obsolete.
--
"Up like a rocket, down like the rain
Back and forth like a choo choo train" -BNL
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Keith Ammann is gee...@logical.net - your ticket to knowledge!
"This must be what evil tastes like!" >>>>>>>>> Analects 2:24
Richard Stephens
planning terms and expressions. It has been in circulation since 1991 and
is available from the Inland Empire Section, California Chapter American
Planning Association.
Mark Brodeur, Michael Multari AICP, Marvin Roos AICP, and I have been
presenting the "Humor in Planning" program since 1992. The program has
historically been: Buttuglyville, Nine Circles of Hell, What they mean
when they say..., and Plannerese.
Samples from the dictionary:
AICP: any idiot can plan
MCIP: my career is painfull (Member, Canadian Institute of Planners)
BANANA: build absolutely nothing anytime near anything
DUDE: developer under delusions of entitlement
What is the difference between a City Manager and the Pope?
You only have to kiss the Pope's ring.
For a copy of the dictionary, send $7 check to IES CCAPA, c/o Ric
Stephens, Keith International, 22690 Cactus Avenue, Suite 300, Moreno
Valley CA 92553. Tel (909) 653-0234. Fax (909) 653-5308.
We are also currently working on the first annual international bad
writing contest--the "Dark and Stormy Planning Prose" Contest. First
prize $200. If you would like more information, please contact me.
Richard Stephens
>
>Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post:
The Plannerese Dictionary contains several hundred humorous planning
terms and references. It was first circulated in 1991 by the Inland
Empire Section, California Chapter American Planning Association.
Samples include:
AICP Any Idiot Can Plan
MCIP My Career Is Painfull
BANANA Build Absolutely Nothing Anytime Near Anything
DUDE Developer Under Delusions of Entitlement
CAVEman Citizen Against Virtually Everything
What is the difference between the City Manager and the Pope?
You only have to kiss the Pope's ring.
The dictionary is available for $7 payable to IES CCAPA, c/o Ric
Stephens, Keith International, 22690 Cactus Avenue, Suite 300, Moreno
Valley California 92553 USA. Tel (909) 653-0234. Fax (909) 653-5308.
Mark Brodeur, Mike Multari AICP, Marvin Roos AICP, and I have been
presenting the "Humor in Planning" program since 1992 to CCAPA, League
of California Cities and the Southern California Planning Congress. The
Inland Empire Section is also hosting the first annual international
writing contest for planners: the "Dark and Stormy Planning Prose"
Contest. First prize $200. For more information, please e-mail.
Lina Samuel
Some Urban Planning Jokes: (I didnt say they were good ones):
q:How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
a: At least four: One to change the bulb, another to say that the third
person should have been consulted first, and the fourth to prove that
this wasnt enough.
Q: How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least two: One to change the bulb, another to say "I could have
done that better if I had had more support".
A. Walks
University of Waterloo
Daniel P Tasman
> q:How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
> a: At least four: One to change the bulb, another to say that the third
> person should have been consulted first, and the fourth to prove that
> this wasnt enough.
There's this variant ...
Q- How many City of Buffalo planners does it take to change a light bulb?
A- Ten. Eight to wrote a report recommending installation of a three-way,
100/200/250 watt lightbulb, one to write an editorial in the Buffalo
News praising the study, and one to screw in a 10 watt bulb instead.
Q- How many Town of Amherst* planners does it take to change a light bulb?
A- Just one, but they steal their light bulbs from Buffalo*.
* Substitute the "power suburb" and beleagured city of of your choice
here, for instance, Chesterfield and St. Louis, Southfield and Detroit,
Merrillville and Gary, Schaumburg and Chicago, and so on.
BTW, urban planners do it over the long term.
--
Dan Tasman tas...@acsu.buffalo.edu http://www.acsu.buffalo.edu/~tasman/
UB School of Architecture and Planning http://www.arch.buffalo.edu/
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| "I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. |
| indeed, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all." |
| Odgen Nash, Song of the Open Road |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Raymond Arritt
Lina Samuel <lsa...@uoguelph.ca> wrote:
>
>Some Urban Planning Jokes: (I didnt say they were good ones):
>
>
>a: At least four: One to change the bulb, another to say that the third
>person should have been consulted first, and the fourth to prove that
>this wasnt enough.
>
>A: At least two: One to change the bulb, another to say "I could have
>done that better if I had had more support".
Some more (and yes, I didnt say these are good ones either):
Q: How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They provide the concept, but actually putting
in the bulb is the developer's job.
Q: How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A consortium of planners conclude that the light fixtures
needlessly "sprawl" all over the house. It would be more
efficient to have all of the lights in one room. (The bulb
never does get changed.)
--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Raymond W. Arritt e-mail rwar...@iastate.edu
Dept of Agronomy, Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa 50011 USA
"The largest flying land mammal is the absent mind." - DVV
Robert Cote
Q: How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Lightbulbs are nonsustainable nonrenewable nonrepairable and
therefor to be avoided. In order to accomadate everyone with one
uniform level of service, darkness is decreed by staff
recommendation and approved by the commission who we all
agree are in the dark anyway.
The punchline follows but its too dark to read. <g>
Richard Stephens
1) Time for a long, boring presentation by a developer. Presentation must
include: a long list of consultants, models, charts, graphs, maps,
renderings, photographs, and other displays. Followed by a discussion
period, which gives citizens a chance to attack the developer's business
sense, aesthetic judgement, and parentage. D. Ring 2) Modern day firing
squad. R. Castillo 3) Cheap theatre. D. Bess Phd 4) Circus Minimus, Days
of Our Lives, Let's Make a Deal, Show & Tell, Under the Big Tent, the
Inquisition... R. Stephens 5) Stadium scenes from "Ben Hur". R. Castillo
from the Plannerese Dictionary
While browsing in an antique store, a planner sees a brass kangaroo rat.
The store owner says the brass rat is $5, but the story about it is $100.
As the planner leaves the building, he gradually becomes aware that he is
being followed by kangaroo rats. Eventually he is running with a pack (or
mob) of kangaroo rats behind him. Reaching the end of a peer, he throws
the brass kangaroo rat into the ocean, and the pack follows it off the
peer. Shaken up, the planner returns to the antique store where the owner
says, "I knew you'd be back to buy the story." The planner replies, "No,
thank you. But do you have a brass attorney?"
from the Humor in Planning program.
Doesn't anyone have a joke to share?
Ric Stephens
spa...@vixa.voyager.net
: Q- How many Town of Amherst* planners does it take to change a light bulb?
: A- Just one, but they steal their light bulbs from Buffalo*.
: * Substitute the "power suburb" and beleagured city of of your choice
: here, for instance, Chesterfield and St. Louis, Southfield and Detroit,
: Merrillville and Gary, Schaumburg and Chicago, and so on.
Southfield had not occurred to me as being a "power suburb" of
Detroit; I propose Bloomfield Hills.
Gconklin
+
+Q: How many urban planners does it take to change a light bulb?
+
+A: Lightbulbs are nonsustainable nonrenewable nonrepairable and
+therefor to be avoided. In order to accomadate everyone with one
+uniform level of service, darkness is decreed by staff
+recommendation and approved by the commission who we all
+agree are in the dark anyway.
+
+The punchline follows but its too dark to read. <g>
How many planners does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They define darkness as a new planning standard.
Richard Stephens
Planners and engineers like to poke fun at each other (when cattle prods
are not available):
ENGINEER
1) There are three ways to be ruined in this world: first is by sex,
second is by gambling, and the third is by engineers. Sex is the most
fun, gambling is the most exciting, and engineers are the surest [Three
Rules of Ruination]
2) Arguing with an engineer is like mud wrestling a pig. Pretty soon you
realize the pig likes it. Anon.
3) The people who highlighted their textbooks in black magic marker. W.
Kulash
from the Plannerese Dictionary
Any additions?
Robert Cote
In article <4lpk8l$o...@dfw-ixnews5.ix.netcom.com>, Richard Stephens <netz...@popd.ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> Planners and engineers like to poke fun at each other (when cattle prods
> are not available):
>
> ENGINEER
> 1) ...
> 2) ...
> 3) ...
> Any additions?
Not a joke but I do find it funny that a request for planner jokes
gets engineer jokes in response. Go to an engineering newsgroup
looking for engineering jokes and you'll get engineering jokes.
Hmmm.
Richard Stephens
Planner
1) Navigator responsible for sailing the ship to the correct port despite
hurricanes, clam seas, other ships, lack of steering equipment and
instruments, and under the command of numerous captains who may not agree
as to the heading, tack or even correct port. A multiple noun (i.e. den
of theives, deck of cards, school of fish etc.) for planners is a 'plot'
or 'place' of planners. Stephens
2) Having acquired a little knowledge about a lot of things in school,
the planner continues to learn less and less about more and more until
eventually the planner knows nothing about everything. This contrasts
with the engineer who learns a lot about a very few things and eventually
knows everything about nothing-- a situation which makes for interesting
working relationships between the two disciplines. Private Planning
Perspectives
3) A planner is a person who, given 2+2, will arrive at a range somewhere
between 3 1/2 and 4 1/2. J. Freiman
4) A planner is an individual who collects incomplete information from
unreliable sources, then uses it to draw a mathematically precise line
from an unwarranted assumption to a politically predetermined position.
C. Baker
5) Developer/Council fodder. Dear Mary, The Dispatch
from the Plannerese Dictionary
Gconklin
In article <4lv3i5$o...@dfw-ixnews8.ix.netcom.com> Richard Stephens <netz...@popd.ix.netcom.com> writes:
+4) A planner is an individual who collects incomplete information from
+unreliable sources, then uses it to draw a mathematically precise line
+from an unwarranted assumption to a politically predetermined position.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Just change that to 'ideologically predetermined position'
and you pretty well have it. You just assume that front porches,
1920 housing patterns and buses will make the world a better
place.
Star Gazr9
Conklin writes
>Just change that to 'ideologically predetermined position'
>and you pretty well have it.
For a recently unemployed planner, that may be true. But to a politically
predetermined position (by the planning board and city council) is what
keeps the planner around. City budget cuts notwithstanding.
Ollie Shearer
nolan...@gmail.com
> Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post:
Yo mama's so classless...
...she could be a Marxist society!
austi...@mpspk12.org
> Does anyone know any Urban Planning Jokes?? Please Post: