At last - Jesus appears
The BORG
known and he put in a surprise appearance at mass.
No one noticed his dress too much and thought he was a
hippie with his long flowing robe, his long beard long hair
and sandals.
The Priest reached Jesus and said
"The BODY of Christ"
At that moment a dove appeared and a host of heavenly angels
sang glory glory glory.
"Begorrah! said the Priest "'tis the wee Jesus hisself!"
"You Irish?" said Jesus "I am going somewhere else."
So Jesus went to another Church
No one noticed his dress too much and thought he was a
hippie with his long flowing robe, his long beard long hair
and sandals.
The Priest reached Jesus and said
"The BODY of Christ"
At that moment a dove appeared and a host of heavenly angels
sang glory glory glory.
"Gee whizz man" said the Priest "'tis the Lawd Jesus"
"You American?" said Jesus "I am going somewhere else."
So Jesus went to another Church
No one noticed his dress too much and thought he was a
hippie with his long flowing robe, his long beard long hair
and sandals.
The Priest reached Jesus and said
"The BODY of Christ"
At that moment a dove appeared and a host of heavenly angels
sang glory glory glory.
"Is your name Brian?" said the Priest
The BORG
beard and sandals.
When the Priest arrived at the duck he said
"The BODY of Christ"
At that moment a dove appeared and a host of heavenly angels
sang glory glory glory"
"Well I know YOU are not Jesus" said the Priest
"The duck took off the false beard and robe and sandals.
"Maybe I am" he quacked "not normal for a dove and a host of
heavenly angels to appear in one of my jokes."
And he proceeded to have an identity crisis and no matter
how much he thought of self and his conscious self, and his
self self conscious within and without he could only achieve
a self conscious self conscious self of Christ.
"Maybe Christ was a duck and not a lamb.............." he
mumbled "why not, the holy duck of God sounds just as good
as the holy lamb of God."
At that moment a voice boomed from the sky
"THIS IS MY SON WITH WHOM I AM WELL PLEASED!"
The Priest fainted, and the congregation swarmed around the
duck.
"You ARE Jesus" they cried "ALLELULIAH ALLELLULIA Jesus has
returned"
"Well you must all love each other" said the duck "and if
someone hits you you must turn the other cheek and you must
love each other as your self self self and you must do unto
others as...."
"Yes we know all that" said the Priest who had recovered
"have you anything new to add since you last visit"
"Not really" said the duck
"Are you going to perform some miracles? The Communion wine
here is very expensive, how about I fill a few barrels up
with water and you turn it into wine for me?"
At that moment was a huge crack of thunder, and wine poured
down from the skies.
More and more wine poured down, and even Brian Fletcher at
6ft 10 was soon up to his ears in wine.
"Er, that's enough" said the Priest.
At that moment the wine ceased.
Humans quickly drank all the wine and soon the world was
back to normal.
(to be continued.)
The BORG
Jesus.
They changed all the wording in their masses and prayers,
and Handel's Messiah and other great works to be the Holy
Duck of God rather than the Holy Lamb of God.
They decided they had better be careful what they asked for.
tooly had heard rumours about the return of Jesus, and he
knew that all he had to do was touch the robe of Jesus and
he would be cured! His penis was only one inch long and he
had suffered many years with this terrible affliction.
He followed Jesus around and then tentatively touched the
hem of the ducks robe.
He did wish he has not.
He would had preferred a few inches as indeed the Priest
would have preferred a few barrels of wine rather than a
global flood and sadly to this day tooly sits on top of
Mount Everest and people come from far and wide to drop
pennies at the foot of his penis which lies in the midst of
the jungles of Africa.
But worse, was that when tooly had an erection and the blood
rushed from his head to his penis he totally lost the self
and conscious self and self and conscious self completely
and even Brian Fletcher could do nothing to help as a penis
this size had never been heard of or written of in any of
the stories or religions of Earth.
curmudgeon searched the bible, turtoni scanned Vedic
literature to see if anywhere there was something written
about this occurrence, Sir Frederick muttered confabulations
and various words and even the remarkable Woody could think
of nothing philosophical to say.
"It was but a brief visit from Jesus" said the Priest, "but
we learnt a lot, there were only two miracles, the flood of
wine and the cure for the affliction that had blighted tooly
all his life."
"Now let us pray. May the love of the Duck, the Holy Duck
of God be with you........."
"Hold on" said a BORG, you can't believe this is true?
"Oh yes" said Michael Gordge, "if I can see it and feel it
and touch it and taste it, it was definitely true."
"But surely you can't believe a story like this"
"Well it happened" said Michael Gordge
And Sir Frederick was very pleased he had not asked for a
cure for his affliction which no one knew about, and he was
quite happy to live with his most secret horrible affliction
rather than have a miracle such as what happened to tooly.
He lifted up his penis, folded up as much as he could, and
placed it in a small wheelbarrow and went out his business
as usual.