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Love and Expectations
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Ilya Shambat
Jan 28, 2023, 2:24:15 AM1/28/23
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I have heard it stated that people who fall in love subject their partner to unrealistic expectations, which is bad for their partner.
My response is that a good person of either gender would hold themselves to a high standard of conduct, and that in likewise expecting excellence of their partner the lover would not be doing any violence to her values or her propensities.
What happens when the woman “falls off the pedestal” and fails to live up to the man’s expectations? That is when we get to find out what kind of a guy you are. If you start treating the woman like dirt, then you are a jerk and your love is bullshit. But if you continue treating the woman well, then your love is worth a hill of beans.
I knew of a man who, when his wife had a stroke, started brutally beating her. I knew a woman whose husband likewise started brutally beating her when she refused to abort their child. In both cases, the men really were jerks, and their love really was bullshit. I have taken a different route. I was never violent or abusive to Melanie, even though she was quite contentious and frequently insulting.
Are men’s expectations burdensome for the women? Yes; but so are the feminists’ expectations. So we are seeing women raised in matriarchal settings endorsing such people as Eminem. They have preferred violence by mean but sexy young men over emotional bullying by mean, unattractive older women. It should raise alarms for many people in feminism if women raised in matriarchal settings find people such as Eminem attractive.
Do the people who fall in love have unrealistic expectations for women? There are many women who are perfectly happy to meet these expectations. Once again, a good person of either gender would hold themselves to a high standard of conduct. Rewarding women for that is rewarding them for a work well done. And that is good for these women as well as good for the world.
My response is that a good person of either gender would hold themselves to a high standard of conduct, and that in likewise expecting excellence of their partner the lover would not be doing any violence to her values or her propensities.
What happens when the woman “falls off the pedestal” and fails to live up to the man’s expectations? That is when we get to find out what kind of a guy you are. If you start treating the woman like dirt, then you are a jerk and your love is bullshit. But if you continue treating the woman well, then your love is worth a hill of beans.
I knew of a man who, when his wife had a stroke, started brutally beating her. I knew a woman whose husband likewise started brutally beating her when she refused to abort their child. In both cases, the men really were jerks, and their love really was bullshit. I have taken a different route. I was never violent or abusive to Melanie, even though she was quite contentious and frequently insulting.
Are men’s expectations burdensome for the women? Yes; but so are the feminists’ expectations. So we are seeing women raised in matriarchal settings endorsing such people as Eminem. They have preferred violence by mean but sexy young men over emotional bullying by mean, unattractive older women. It should raise alarms for many people in feminism if women raised in matriarchal settings find people such as Eminem attractive.
Do the people who fall in love have unrealistic expectations for women? There are many women who are perfectly happy to meet these expectations. Once again, a good person of either gender would hold themselves to a high standard of conduct. Rewarding women for that is rewarding them for a work well done. And that is good for these women as well as good for the world.
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