Average lifespan of email penpal

1 view
Skip to first unread message

blaze

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?


Andrew Jenkins

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
Problem is...distance. How many of the men you conversed with live in
your area? I've been lurking (yeah, I know the drill) here for weeks
and haven't sen a single posting from a woman in my location, nor any
from any women within a reasonable driving distance. E-mail relation-
ships can only go so far. IMHO, it's a touchable, human relationship
that people desire, and so the interest slowly falls way...

regards,

Andy

Dada

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
: Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
: it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
: and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
: Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?

Not necessarily. What I think happens, and it happens to the best of us,
is that the one time you read e-mail and say "I'll reply to it later,"
something suddenly comes up and you forget to reply, and the other person
never sends another one because they are awaiting your reply...

If a person stops e-mailing me, I'll send, over time, 2 to 3 messages,
and then get the hint <grin>... SOmetimes >I< am too busy to reply to a
message right away, and it ends up that I rarely go back to old messages,
so if I am at fault and forget to write someone I regularly write, they
usually know tos end me something again :)

--
dada of tzara

URL: http://www.mcs.net/~ibc/home/dasa.htm (DAda and SAmnation homepage)


Mark D. Garfinkel

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>,

blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
Depends upon the species of the fly. The ones I work with take
anywhere from nine days to three weeks to go from egg to adult, depending
upon culture conditions, but the adult-phase animals can live up to two
months.

As for e-mail "relationships," it really varies quite a lot. Some
of mine have lasted for over two years, but these involve phone calls & the
occassional visit as well. Other e-mail relationships, such as those arising
from this newsgroup, can be as simple as a brief conversation -- two or three
rounds of messages and then the immediate topic is *done.* But if one lingers
in the newsgroup, other e-mail conversations with the same people eventually
arise.

Mark
--
Mark D. Garfinkel (e-mail: mg...@midway.uchicago.edu)
(c) 1995; all rights reserved. Permission granted for Usenet quotation
with attribution.


Jim Dutton

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>,
blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>

Maybe it was that boil thang?

-Jeem


========================================================================
Steatopygias's 'R' Us. doh#0000000005 That ain't no Hottentot.
Sesquipedalian's 'R' Us. ZX-10. AMA#669373 DoD#564. There ain't no more
========================================================================

blaze

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
so if you dont write back.. I should write you anyway <G>


blaze

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
well if we are all posting in Chi.. then I would assume we arent that far
away. unless of course you want someone that is just around the corner. I
have written people all over the country and met many. I just wonder why
someone writes and intensifies the letters to the point you are talking
about meeting and then just skips...why bother to get to that point.


blaze

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
Mark I was talking about email correspodence that starts out that way and
seems to be about gettin to know one another, as real people not just
someone inside a computer. at any rate at least the topic has gotten
folks to start replying here.. I knew there had to be Chi folks around
somewhere


Dada

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
: well if we are all posting in Chi.. then I would assume we arent that far

Could be a couple of reasons. First that I can think of (and know
through experience from when I met people who I was introduced to over
the net) is either they lied about their nature or appearance (usually
appearance) and don't want to fork over the truth they they are not Brad
Pitt/Pamela Anderson look-alikes.

Also, some people have great self-esteem when hiding behind their
monitor. But when it comes time to leave the keyboard, they lock up in a
shell. Not that it's a bad trait, just one that's fairly common...

Dan Bolognani

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>
Well, I'ld like to try and beet the record. Hello This is my second post
here my first reply to a message (no one answered my original post).
I have someone on cserve I have been writing to on and off for six
months now sometimes its weeks before we'll write but so far we are still
staying in touch.
Sometimes I get busy and just dont have time to even sit and do
anything on this machine, my wife already thinks I spend to much time
here, I really dont compared to some people.
here's hoping to beet the record Dan


John Monk

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>, bas...@interaccess.com
says...

>
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?

Anyone ever notice how people take their own personal experience and try to
promote it as "average" or common?

Him Again
>


Stella Rogers

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>, blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> says:
>
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>

I used to think the same thing, until I met someone that I totally hit it
off with in November 1994. We finally met face to face in January 1995,
800 emails later. He came to visit every weekend for 4 months, he lived
140 miles away and in May 1995 he got a new job in Orlando, moved in with
me and one day we plan to get married!!! My mother always nagged me about
getting out, "You are not going to find the man of your dreams staying at
home!!" Boy was she wrong, I have definitely found the man of my dreams!

So, don't give up, because good things definitely come to those who wait!!!

Good Luck!
Christine

blaze

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
Thanks Christine I have heard a lot of stories like yours...thought I was
having one of those stories <G>...but the man has turned into
disappearing ink.. best of luck


blaze

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
I always try to be very candid about the way I look. I dont want to throw
that at someone after some interest is developing. I know folks hide
behind the computer screen and that is fine if you choose to stay that
way. But then you shouldnt push about meeting if you never intend to.


Candy-Colored Clown

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
In article <3tkq98$b...@gateway.gtech.com> cha...@gtech.com (Clint H.) writes:
>From: cha...@gtech.com (Clint H.)
>Subject: Re: Average lifespan of email penpal
>Date: 8 Jul 1995 02:24:40 GMT

>In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>, bas...@interaccess.com
>says...
>>

>>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>>

>I had a pen-gal for over a year! Then she lost her computer in a nasty
>divorce. I sure miss our discussions.

>Clint

I also have noticed that e-mail penpals disappear after about 2 weeks. Upon
further investigation, I have discovered that they actually HAVE disappeared.
Neighbors, family, and friends claim to have never heard of the person.
Credit records, birth certificates, entire personal histories appear to have
been wiped clean. I believe that a sinister conspiracy is underway, headed by
the Persons Against Perpetrating Similar Meaningless Endeavors And Rendezvous
(P.A.P.S.M.E.A.R.). We in the Chicago area must stick together. Do not
become e-mail penpals. That is all.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A CANDY-COLORED CLOWN THEY CALL THE SANDMAN"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David W. Garber

unread,
Jul 7, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/7/95
to
In article <breitt.17...@interaccess.com> bre...@interaccess.com (Candy-Colored Clown) writes:
>I also have noticed that e-mail penpals disappear after about 2 weeks. Upon
>further investigation, I have discovered that they actually HAVE disappeared.
>Neighbors, family, and friends claim to have never heard of the person.
>Credit records, birth certificates, entire personal histories appear to have
>been wiped clean. I believe that a sinister conspiracy is underway, headed by
>the Persons Against Perpetrating Similar Meaningless Endeavors And Rendezvous
>(P.A.P.S.M.E.A.R.). We in the Chicago area must stick together. Do not
>become e-mail penpals. That is all.

And so you pathetic fools think you can protect yourselves against our
superior technology? All we have had to do is arrange for the Cubs to trade
away every infielder who has ever had a chance of demonstrating Big League
Potential. This dulls the minds of the entire Greater Chicago viewing area,
making them easy pickings for the penpal conspiracy (aka America First). Let
me just say that my good friend, Lyndon LaRouche, is paying close attention to
the penpal phenomenon, and we in P.A.P.S.M.E.A.R. know what's best for you,
and will arrange that you do it, whether you like it or not.

Thank you for your support.

ASLATTON

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
In <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com> blaze <bas...@interaccess.com>
writes:
>
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship
gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men
writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts
in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>

I can only give you my basic philosophy of life:

"Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs...
before you find a Prince"

Now, isn't that more fun than: If at first you don't succeed, etc.?


David W. Garber

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
>In <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com> blaze <bas...@interaccess.com>
>writes:
>>
>>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship
>gets
>>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men
>writing
>>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts
>in...
>>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>>

There are certain immortal truths. Four of a kind beats a full house. Never
take a shower right after you do a load of laundery. Local beats long
distance every time. The last one might have something to do with that
abbreviated life cycle.

-D

"A book I read when I was young recommended an easy way to find
caterpillars to rear: you simply find some fresh caterpillar
droppings, look up, and there's your caterpillar." -Annie Dillard

Mark D. Garfinkel

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
In article <3tjhtm$n...@nntp.interaccess.com>,

blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>Mark I was talking about email correspodence that starts out that way and
>seems to be about gettin to know one another, as real people not just
>someone inside a computer.
So was I. You don't think the two-year-long e-relationships I
was referring to were limited to single topics, now, did you?

If one hangs around in soc.singles long enough & contributes
interestingly to the various wide-ranging conversations, e-mail friendships
will arise. The comraderie extends to off-net socializing activities too.
Sometimes these e-friendships become romantic relationships (indeed, among
regular posters in soc.singles there are several couples whose relationships
began via the newsgroup). Long-distance romances, of course, have their
drawbacks -- no romance is ever trouble-free -- and so the principals just
deal with them.

>at any rate at least the topic has gotten
>folks to start replying here.. I knew there had to be Chi folks around
>somewhere

Oh... hmmm... So your primary posting interest is in the chi.personals
group? Neither my primary nor my secondary Usenet news-server site carries
that one. On the other hand, soc.singles is a *very* active newsgroup for
discussions that, at least occasionally, have to do with singlehood.

Mark
--
Mark D. Garfinkel (e-mail: garf...@iitmax.acc.iit.edu)
My views are my own, which is why they're copyright (c) 1995

Mean Green Dancing Machine

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>,

blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?

It's probably because you're boring. I've kept one relationship going
(off-and-on) for about three years, and we still haven't met.
--
--- Aahz (@netcom.com)

Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6
Androgynous kinky vanilla queer het

Usenet is not a democracy. It is a weird cross between an anarchy
and a dictatorship.

Jason C. Daniels

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to

In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>, blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> says:
>
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>
Actually, my penpal relationships (when I get penpals) have typically
lasted around 2 months, wehre emails are exchanged on a bout an every
other day basis until either of us starts getting really busy at the
job. However, when I dig through my mail box (I rarely clean it) and I
try to start up the email thing again, I usually get a response say "Who
are you!??!?"...

Jason

------------------------
" To me, truth is not some vauge, foggy notion. Truth is
real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and
everything in between, plus some things I can't remember,
all rolled into one big 'thing'. This is truth, to me."
- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy


David W. Garber

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to

Disappearing _ink_? What kind of CRT do you have, anyway?

Seth Breidbart

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
In article <3tlsdp$5...@ixnews2.ix.netcom.com>,
ASLATTON <asla...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:

> I can only give you my basic philosophy of life:
>
> "Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs...
> before you find a Prince"

And then the Prince dumps you because you have warts on your lips.

Seth [the story of my life]

Clint H.

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>

John Fereira

unread,
Jul 8, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/8/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com> blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> writes:
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
>Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>

I don't know. I have been corresponding via email with a women that I met
here for six years or so. Up until a couple of months ago we lived on
opposite coasts. I'm not even very pissed off that she stood me up a week
ago after we had planned to meet when I was near her home town for a couple
of days.

Never have any expectations about how an email correspondance is going. No
matter how steamy it might get, it has nothing to do with R/L.

--
John Fereira
fer...@isis.com
Isis Distributed Systems Ithaca, NY

ASLATTON

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
In <3tn5ci$l...@panix3.panix.com> se...@panix.com (Seth Breidbart)
writes:

Seth, I don't think that was a real prince, just a frog in
disquise. Keep kissing those frogs, one on them will be a genuine
prince.

Robert Bonomi

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
In article <garber.19...@aru.dom.uab.edu>,

David W. Garber <gar...@aru.dom.uab.edu> wrote:
>In article <3tke8n$p...@nntp.interaccess.com> blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> writes:
>
>>Thanks Christine I have heard a lot of stories like yours...thought I was
>>having one of those stories <G>...but the man has turned into
>>disappearing ink.. best of luck
>
>Disappearing _ink_? What kind of CRT do you have, anyway?
>
Obviously, its a 'short persistance' display!! <snicker> *grin*

David W. Garber

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
In article <3tkq98$b...@gateway.gtech.com> cha...@gtech.com (Clint H.) writes:
>I had a pen-gal for over a year! Then she lost her computer in a nasty
>divorce. I sure miss our discussions.

>Clint

Once upon a time, there was a device called mail. Not e-mail, just mail. I
know I haven't used it recreationally for a long time, but I think I would,
rather than lose a good friend.

-D
"Tis better to have loved and lost, than to hit into
a double play with a man at first and third and
one away." -Dr. Fixit

Zeus Paleologos

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
Mean Green Dancing Machine (aa...@netcom.com) wrote:
: In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>,
: blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
: >Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
: >it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
: >and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
: >Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?

: It's probably because you're boring.

No, it's probably because she doesn't tell the kind of whoppers that make
a soap opera look like real-life by comparison.

: I've kept one relationship going


: (off-and-on) for about three years, and we still haven't met.

: --
: --- Aahz (@netcom.com)

: Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6
: Androgynous kinky vanilla queer het

: Usenet is not a democracy. It is a weird cross between an anarchy
: and a dictatorship.

--
"Nonsense is the safest form of fiction needing as it does no disclaimers."
--ZP


Ray Doeksen

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
Andy, I saw that the message here was cross posted to alt.personals and
soc.singles, otherwise I wouldv'e gotten the flamethrower out for a test
fire. I'm primarily looking at chi.personals too, and it is funny how many
messges and threads get sucked in by someone in chi.personals
cross-posting, then the message thread is carried back by someone in
Kathmandu. Makes little sense to cross-post out like that. I think blaze
and others would be targeting better by keeping their posts inside chi.
But that goes against the grain of internet postings, where you dangle
bait in poor fishing holes because it is easy.

We shall see. I'm going to stick to chi.personals unless I just want to
discuss something with a wide audience. No trolling long distance.

Andy, In article <3tibug$q...@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu>, ax...@po.cwru.edu
(Andrew Jenkins) wrote:

> In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>, blaze

<bas...@interaccess.com> says:
> >
> >Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
> >it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
> >and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
> >Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
> >

> Problem is...distance. How many of the men you conversed with live in
> your area? I've been lurking (yeah, I know the drill) here for weeks
> and haven't sen a single posting from a woman in my location, nor any
> from any women within a reasonable driving distance. E-mail relation-
> ships can only go so far. IMHO, it's a touchable, human relationship
> that people desire, and so the interest slowly falls way...
>
> regards,
>
> Andy

--
Ray Doeksen Doeksen Design + Consulting
rdoe...@design.chi.il.us http://www.interaccess.com/rdoeksen/

Ray Doeksen

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
Interesting enough post to get me to write!

What was the background there, on these penpals that drop off the face of
the earth? I have a feeling that the e-mail thing loses out after a while
partly becuase the technology isn't exactly slanted towards maintaining
anything over time. You lose data, and current computers dont exactly help
you fight entropy. Preferences files get corrupted, hard drives crash,
things get deleted, things are hard to integrate and associate, and in
general don't work like humans need them to.

Old-style penpals could usually dig up old letters that had artifact or
fetish value, that grew precious over time. E-mails just get deleted when
the bin gets too full for the program to deal with it.

Current e-mail programs also don't associate the person closely enough
with the message. Old style mail had a feel to it that was differnt for
every person. I have a stack of old letter from an old friend that all
have a similar feel to them: paper, writing style, heft, etc. Despite
having a good version of Eudora, I cannot seem to search through my saved
e-mail and find what I need.

One day I will set down to write a better mousetrap, but until then I'm
trying to find kludges that will do it.

Hey, you don't even have a Project W page. That might help. I find that
having a Web page that friends can use to find me, mail me, see me, helps
a lot.


In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>, blaze

<bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:

> Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
> it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
> and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
> Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?

--

piranha

unread,
Jul 9, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/9/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>
blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> writes:
> Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
> it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
> and one by one poof they are gone.. Then a whole new group starts in...
> Is the life cycle of email about as long as the life of a fly?
>
i've carried on email relationships (pen-pal ships, really)
for years. many don't last, for a variety of circumstances,
often rooted in the corresponding people's lives. just like
many potential friendships in RL don't ever work out. but
some do -- my longest email relationship is still going on,
and has lasted for 7 years; we have not yet met and will
likely not meet real soon either. it's pretty intense; we
don't exchange pounds of email every week, but we talk about
a lot of intimate subjects.

i've also carried on a LDR over 3 years, mainly thru email
-- it was such an improvement over snailmail, i can't praise
it enough. but we met before we started emailing.

23 correspondents? my guess would be that the email had to
be at a pretty darn shallow level, unless you mailed out
cc's to everyone -- or that alternatively you spent 20 hours
a day writing. i wouldn't be surprised if people got bored
rather quickly at that level. i would. i don't have the
time to do quite a few people justice with whom i'd love to
correspond more intensely; there are too many interesting
people and too little of my energy, alas.

-piranha

blaze

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
Mark like everything on the newsgroups we all see things from our own
personal angle.. I am interested in the other newsgroups as well. Sorry I
thought you were replying from the chi group.
I was referring to a different phenomina that happens sometimes where one
person intensifies things and finally gets the other to start to agree
that there is a realationship going on and then the first person skips
out. seems so senseless to me.


blaze

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
go for it Dan...re the record..

and for the individual that speculated that perhaps I was boring.. far
from it.. of course I suspect that person finds most things boring.


blaze

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
Andy I would have been happy to have just posted the note in Chi.
personals but up until now this newsgroup has been a virtual wasteland ..
I am happy to see there are people out there lurking and now finally
writing. I seriously doubt that most women are going to post to an empty
newsgroup. It is tough enough being a women on the net. Someday someone
needs to explain to me how you expect a newsgroup to survive if everyone
is lurking.


Mark D. Garfinkel

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
In article <3tpubo$9...@nntp.interaccess.com>,

blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>I was referring to a different phenomina that happens sometimes where one
>person intensifies things and finally gets the other to start to agree
>that there is a realationship going on and then the first person skips
>out. seems so senseless to me.
But not so uncommon, however it is that the two parties meet
in the first place. If I had a dollar for every person with
whom I wanted to "intensify things" and that feeling was not
reciprocated I'd be wealthier than I am today.

Mark
--
Mark D. Garfinkel (e-mail: mg...@midway.uchicago.edu)
(c) 1995; all rights reserved. Permission granted for Usenet quotation
with attribution.


Dan Bolognani

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
I have read some of your other posts while I was lurking around
(before I became brave enough to actually post some thing) and you are by
no means boring.
You know my only problem with trying to beet the record is
forgetting to check in with the newsgroups. I get on a good cycle of
reading them then I start surfing the net and forget to come back over.
Of course that was before I started posting things here.
By the way I have seen your name here before but dont know much
about you what do you like to do.
I like movies (I know that sounds corny on a message but I REALLY
do) I go all the time and am a big behind the scenes guy. Meaning I like
to watch all of those how this movie was made type of things.


Dan Bolognani

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
blaze I do agree with you I lurked for a long time with the idea that I
didnt want to but into anyones conversation. I came to realize that that
was pretty much what the newsgroups are for for everyone to give there
opinion. ( I think?) Excuse me for stating the obvious but hey
I can also see what you mean about being a woman on the net while I
am male I dont see many women at least in chi.


blaze

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
think I am looking at the flip side a bit. I wasnt the one that wanted
things intensified, he was. that was why it was a surprise to me that he
skipped. i kept telling him until we met it was pointless to discuss it
as a relationship.. you couldnt know unless you did meet.


blaze

unread,
Jul 10, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/10/95
to
ok everyone. glad to see this stirred things up a bit but obviously we
are all coming from different experiences as can be expected.


Michael Sullivan

unread,
Jul 11, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/11/95
to
In article <3ti5sj$j...@nntp.interaccess.com>,
blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>Anyone ever noticed that no matter how intense an email relationship gets
>it only seems to last about two weeks. 10 days ago I had 23 men writing
>and one by one poof they are gone..

Well -- the large percentage of them do. It's because that's about how
long it takes to give the basic gut spill and fluff out for a while,
before you start to realize that you don't have that much to talk about
after all.

There will be a few e-correspondences that don't die down if you wait
patiently and choose carefully.

Note that responding to 23 people in anything like the kind of depth
necessary to hold interest would take far more time than I have to give.
Try picking three or four of the most promising ones in your next batch

It's also possible that you've got one or two who are going to continue
but are leaving you in their mailbox for a bit. Once I've established a
connection with someone, I can sometimes leave their mail alone for a
long time just 'cause I'm busy or whatnot. or even forget about it.

I know I have one email correspondent who I fully intend to keep up with,
if I don't succeed in pissing her off for lack of writing. She's been
waiting about two months for a promised missive. It's a little over a year
since we started sharing messages, and we haven't met yet.


Michael

blaze

unread,
Jul 11, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/11/95
to
Andy there are all kinds of email relationships and not all are meant to
be romance or where you do plan on meeting. sometimes it is nice to just
have the friendship.. but sometimes one of those casual penpals can turn
into more and then distance may be a problem but not always. I have known
many people that started out this way and eventually got together. Many
have married. If there is someone out there for me I dont know where he
might turn up. easier if he is in Chi.


blaze

unread,
Jul 11, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/11/95
to
doubt that it is because I am boring. since I have had enouugh penpals
tell me otherwise. and if I was so boring then why was he so interested.


andrew Jenkins

unread,
Jul 11, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/11/95
to

I agree with both the above example and your own personal insight. People
can meet in a variety of ways, and they can become more...
It's also much easier for you, me, and likely most people, to find
"compatables" in my own backyard, simply because the complications of
life; work, chores, etc., tend to make a jet-setting (??) lifestyle
difficult and expensive, if not impossible. That is, long distance
relationships a VERY hard to maintain.

Unfortunately, one's own backyard can be just as difficult a place
to search. If you're into camping, tending gardens, riding bikes,
going to the park, playing with the computer, staying home, necking,
etc, instead of going to the bars and other "Agoras", it's especially
difficult to meet people (in my case, women).

So there's the paradox. In either case, it's still a lonely life.

Andy
ax...@po.cwru.edu

Andrew Jenkins

unread,
Jul 11, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/11/95
to
In article <3tpuo1$9...@nntp.interaccess.com>, blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> says:
>
>Andy I would have been happy to have just posted the note in Chi.
>personals but up until now this newsgroup has been a virtual wasteland ..
>I am happy to see there are people out there lurking and now finally
>writing. I seriously doubt that most women are going to post to an empty
>newsgroup. It is tough enough being a women on the net. Someday someone
>needs to explain to me how you expect a newsgroup to survive if everyone
>is lurking.

Hi,

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my reply, it's just that
I feel a relationship, whether person-to-person or otherwise,
needs to result in more than words. IMHO, as humans, we have
a basic need to *be* with people, and while there is nothing
to say that e-mail relationships aren't fufilling in and
of themselves, a relationship that is going nowhere is, after
all, a relationship that is going nowhere. Humans (again IMHO)
have a need for a mate, and we have a strong drive to find
one. If it isn't working, then why not bail?

(ooh, I sound like a real jerk now, don't I?) But I'm not.

Example... I want children. If I date a woman who, after a time,
reveals that she wants nothing to do with children, why in the
earth would I stay in the relationship. It would be a slow form
of suicide. Love? A good reason, but is it enough?

Example...I find myself falling in love with someone I've
been conversing with via e-mail for months, but much of
what she says in the messages point to her desire for an
"e-mail only" relationship. Why would I continue?
Love? NO! At that point it would become shear Masochism,
because, according to her rules of engagement, nothing
more can come of the relationship.

Now, of course, I'm not saying here that I'm actually falling
in love with anyone, nor am I saying that e-mail cna't be fun,
but that one shouldn't be suprised when pen-pal realtionships
fail. It's their nature. People are menat to be *with*
people.

regards,

Andy

Patricia Steward

unread,
Jul 11, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/11/95
to
In article <3tpuhg$9...@nntp.interaccess.com>,

blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> wrote:
>go for it Dan...re the record..
>
>and for the individual that speculated that perhaps I was boring.. far
>from it..

To which your scitillating messages attest, no doubt.

>of course I suspect that person finds most things boring.

It was Aahz, wasn't it? I doan' theen so, Ceesco.

--
Patricia Martin Steward pams...@nyx.cs.du.edu
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is;
I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express senti-
ments that differentiate me from a doormat. --Rebecca West, 1913

Andrew Jenkins

unread,
Jul 12, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/12/95
to
In article <3tke6a$p...@nntp.interaccess.com>, blaze <bas...@interaccess.com> says:
>
>I always try to be very candid about the way I look. I dont want to throw
>that at someone after some interest is developing. I know folks hide
>behind the computer screen and that is fine if you choose to stay that
>way. But then you shouldnt push about meeting if you never intend to.
>
I agree. If someone says "let's meet" theen they ought to have
the guts to get on with it.

regards,

Andy

blaze

unread,
Jul 12, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/12/95
to
Michael guess you didnt see the part about the one guy in particular..
the one that I was having indepth conversation with..trust me I dont have
that kind of conversation with 23 guys.... it is the ones I start to
trust . .when they disappear.. well...


blaze

unread,
Jul 12, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/12/95
to
Andy guess that is why there are a lot of people on the net and other
services...


blaze

unread,
Jul 12, 1995, 3:00:00 AM7/12/95
to
no actually I havent found much to be scintil