Marry a Moviestar - for FREE!!
Mike Jittlov
>This program posts news to thousands of machines throughout the
>entire civilized world. Your message will cost the net hundreds
>if not thousands of dollars to send everywhere. Are you absolutely
>sure that you want to do this? [ny]
(Uhhhhh.. Wait. Nah, what could possibly go wrong?)
[y]
>WELCOME! YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS HAS BEEN ADDED TO SPAMMANIA'S WORLD
>LIST DISTRIBUTION! PLEASE INCREASE YOUR MAILBOX BY 6 MEGABYTES!
{sighhhhhhhh}
There has been a little (BLaHaHAA!) fallout from my last megapost
in "my" humble newsgroup. In lieu of further reportage on frolics
about Boston-land, or the upcoming "Wizard of Speed & Time" personal
appearace at Atlanta's DragonCon, I feel compelled to crosspost..
LIVE -- from Mount Email!!:
>superficial! What I can't understand is how someone otherwise so
>deeply sensitive can also be so shallow!
There is a balance to all things.
>looking forsome racially pure blue-eyed Baywatch blonde bimbo
No, thanks, I've met enough life-is-a-beach blondes who are
obsessed with cooking their skin and chancing skin cancer. They
don't need much sunlight to counteract SAD and some forms of
arthritis -- less than a minute per day. IMHO, fads and fashions
are more detractive than attractive. I like _natural_ natural.
Laughingly resistant to the insanities of social programming.
And if I wanted racial purity, I'd be searching for a woman who's
10th generation Tanzanian. C'mon, people -- we're _all_ mutants
here. And blonde hair & blue eyes don't really matter, when the
candles are out and the love-lights glow on.
That said, there are some qualifiers, because the divorce rate
is evidence enough that we're not all completely compatible.
>really can't believe you still live with your mother.
Sometimes I wonder why that's a problem for the questioner. Is
it jealousy? Many people would give anything just to be able
to _see_ one of their parents alive again -- let alone talk with
them, and listen to their wisdom, stories and recollections.
1) I live at my family home, in the same house my mother lives
in. Girlfriends thought that really odd, until they met her.
And then wished they had a mother like that. Same thing with
our movie crew. Our family is not like everyone else's.
(Which didn't prepare me for the cut-throat, aggressive, game-
playing of Hollywood industry or the singles scene. But, so
what? Plenty of people are already in that, and apparently enjoy
it. Fine. I'm different. If there's only one woman in the world
who I'm right for, that's absolutely perfect.)
2) Unlike most single men in L.A., I'm comfortable sharing a
home and homelife with someone. Specifically with a woman.
If I can still live at home with Mom, I must be extremely easy
to live with.
3) And if I've never run away from home, in all these years,
I would never run away from my wife or new family.
4) I have no personal dwelling holding me to one area. No
children, no pets, no gardens or webpages to constantly attend.
I'm very mobile, adaptable, and easily relocateable with my wife
to a new place of our mutual choice and comfort. A woodsy cabin
in Northern Norway would be nice. Or Ireland. Or California,
Washington State... It'd be neat to travel, and look for home.
>Oh please, Mr. Wizard, tell us more!
Well...if you insist. (And they say subliminals don't work - HA!)
This is my golden opportunity to netdump a Matchmaker's Ad, which
may haunt me long after I post this on the Internet, yet I am
serious about finding a mate.) All I desire is to meet, marry,
and live happily-and-productively-ever-after with a bright, pretty,
fun-loving, natural girl-nextdoor, who is honest, optimistic,
idealistic, artistic, sometimes mystic; nonreligious but
spiritual, old-fashioned but pro-choice and Equal Rights;
passionately creative, caring, courageous, independent, unafraid
of being special; she's warm, easy-going, patient, gentle,
prefers harmony to conflict, and never gets angry without real
reason; a cat-person, bird-lover, talkative listener, too curious,
playful and interesting to ever use the word 'boring'; of mostly
Nordic ancestry, mixed Northern European-AmerIndian-Asian also
welcomed; with a cute nose, starry blue eyes, long blonde hair,
slender and trim without trying; tall (5'8"-5'11"), long straight
legs and arms, naturally athletic, a hiker, bicycler, distance
walker; chronologically 26-42, but young-looking/thinking/feeling,
hasn't thrown away her youth or dreams; non-abusive, non-abusee,
who doesn't hate her parents, or men, or women; free of diseases,
divorces, dependents, defendants and financial debts; doesn't
smoke, toke, drink, do drugs, swear, snort, snore or eat sushi;
not jaded or hardened, not into dominance, leather, Manhattan,
etcetera; no fears of flying, heights, loud noises, cameras or
audiences; monogamous, faithful, an absolute romantic, Big Sur
by moonlight, cuddling by candlelight, sweet, sexy, shy, sensuous
and super-sensitive, who loves getting (and giving) earth-moving
backrubs; who's never married, or much else, a prodigy who would
love progeny; who is looking for her soulmate, lifemate, best
friend and equal partner in life. And who has read all the way
to here without laughing hysterically.
In other words -- I'm looking for my female twin. Except that
I'm 6'2", 180#, and age 49 outside (24 inside). With all of my
eyes, teeth, fingers and toes! And 95% of my hair! (And half
my wits.) In Los Angeles!! That ought to count for something.
Talk about stamina, survival skills, and supernatural Luck.
(Ghod, I'm so easy. Hope all the women don't call me at once.)
>Why are all of you *#@!^H^H^H^Hmen fixated on tall, slender,
>blue-eyed ^H^H^H^Hblondes?!?
I am a tall, slim, blue-eyed, dark-blond male. It is allowed.
I actually have sound, understandable, non-ubermensch reasons for
my mate-preference -- along with reflexes fast enough to dodge
objects when prospective girlfriends hear those reasons. Blame
overdeveloped senses from prolonged celibacy, and a restrictive
heredity. Blue-eyed blonds are reportedly a Tibetan-Mongolian
mutation, brought by the nomads to Europe; with generally smaller
pores and more translucent skin and bones, most need cooler
environments with cleaner air and less overhead sun. Definitely
not Los Angeles -- where brunettes, noirettes, orangettes and
Germanic blondes seem to thrive. Such femmes are physically too
hot for me, preferring the Caribbean Islands to the Lofotens,
Cancun to Svolvaer. Dark-haired/eyed women also have too much
of my mother's scent. Mom's absolutely terrific, but -- ask
Freud and the major-histocompatibility researchers. Brown-eyed
brunettes are just too much like Family. Blondes are...ummm..
..we're more like catnip to each other. And I _like_ that. ;)
BTW, I've been to Scandinavia. Where blonds are a 10% minority.
Norway (6%) nevertheless felt like Home, especially along its
rugged north coast -- but all women attracted to me were either
married, smoking, or still in high school. Or all three. I've
searched through Sweden, Iceland, Ireland, Scotland, England,
Denmark, Disneyland...yet I am still matchless. All I want is
my perfect dream -- is that too much to ask?? Do not try to
cheer me with lists of Blonde Jokes, my lonely braincell does
not enjoy that sort of teasing.
This Wizard also humbly suggests readers not change the color of
their hair/eyes/scent just to attract a mate, unless they _want_
someone with the IQ of a network programming executive. Human
animals have unique plumage and other sensory triggers for
natural purposes. Confusing nature has become a goldmine for
modern science, the cosmetics industry, and the legal profession.
Divorce rates climbed steeply just after oral contraceptives were
invented, reportedly because women on the Pill prefer the stench
of less compatible men, and woman off the drug wake up. 50% of
American marriages now end in divorce. ...Which means, that
the other 50% end in death. ...Hmm, I must ponder this.
__________________________________________ ___._`.*.'_._ ________
Mike Jittlov - Wizard, etc . . + * .o o.* `.`. +.
WizWorld, Hollywood, California ' * . ' ' |\^/| `. * . *
(213) No-Human (noon, to moon) (: May All Your \V/ Good Dreams
<& alt.fan.mike-jittlov> and Fine Wishes /_\ Come True:)
=============================================== _/ \_ ===========