Jolly Olde England (Humor)
Harald Johnson
Good show!
-------never mind what the cowpoke says!
Harald
---------
On 12 Nov 1997 21:16:38 GMT, desh...@aol.com (Deshazo48) wrote:
>Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
>CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
>
>Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
>
>In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE
>BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
>
>Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF
>
>In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
>UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
>
>On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
>DOOR.(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
>
>Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING
>MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
>
>Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
>Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER
>BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
>
>Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,OUT FOR
>DINNER ALSO
>
>Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING
>FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
>
>Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
>
>Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL
>BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
>
>Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING
>PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES
>BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
>
>Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR
>MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
>
>Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS.YOUR
>LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
>
>Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
>
>Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
>
>Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
>THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
>
>Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
>BUT THE BULL CHARGES
>
>Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW
>TO GET LESSONS
>
>Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON
>THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
>
>Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE
>NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
>
>
"He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news."
------Bertolt Brecht
Michael J Meehan
In article <19971112211...@ladder02.news.aol.com>, Deshazo48
<desh...@aol.com> writes
Allow me to add another one......On Clifton suspension bridge, which is
a popular place for people to commit suicide theres a notice that says
Samaritans Care......phone on other side of bridge!
In Victorian times a young woman attempted to commit suicide ofF this
bridge and her petticoats acted as a parachute and slowed her descent
she actually lived to a ripe old age.
JohnM
--
John Meehan
lgro...@mail.online.no
In <64g2jc$be7$1...@o.online.no>, Odd Hanken okha...@online.no writes:
>X-no-archive:yes
>In <4AZVaDAI...@sonata.demon.co.uk>, on 11/13/97
>
>
>>Allow me to add another one......On Clifton suspension bridge, which
>>is a popular place for people to commit suicide theres a notice that
>>says
>
>>Samaritans Care......phone on other side of bridge!
>
>>In Victorian times a young woman attempted to commit suicide ofF this
>>bridge and her petticoats acted as a parachute and slowed her descent
>>she actually lived to a ripe old age.
>
>>JohnM
>
>suicide at that time?
>
>-------------------------------
> Odd Karsten Hanken
> - Aalesund Norway -
>-------------------------------
Or she might have been exported to Australia.
Lars A Gronningsater, AAlesund, Norge.
Kelly
Jolly good! I love British humour - and American!! The French huour is
not exactly the same!
Hallo to Norway!! Det er ikke så mange av oss der ute, men er ikke vi de
beste tro??
Kelly, a former inhabitant of that faraway country!! - But I must admit
I prefer British humour to the Norwegian one!
--
MZ