8 year old boy co-sleeping with aunt?!
anonymoususer
I wondered if anyone had any thoughts or wisdom on this. My G/F (21 years
old) doesn't see any problem with letting her 8 (nearly 9) year old nephew
sleep in her bed with her. This occurs approximately once a month. There
isn't any obvious particular purpose to doing this other than he turns up at
her house in the evening to do a small number of limited activities which
could be done during the day anyway, he just sleeps there and he lives very
closeby where he has his own bed. It's not like there is a shortage of
alternative sleeping arrangements either, there is a sofa. He requests to
sleep with her and has done for a long while approximately every month or
more.
Dare I say it, the young boy is most likely beginning to acquire some level
of self sexual awareness and/or concept. I see co-sleeping as an intimate
act and wouldn't even consider it appropriate for an 8 year old to be
sleeping with their parent's, nevermind their aunt.
I suggested if she wants to spend time with him they should spend the day
doing something with purpose, eg. going on a day trip somewhere interesting
rather than sleeping together for the sake of it which she didn't think
anything of. I asked what she would think if her niece (when she reaches age
8) slept with an uncle of similar age to her (to try and suggest it's not
appropriate and get her to realise this) to which she then complained of
being branded a pedo and not trusted which I personally think again is a bit
weird. She then said this would be ok if the uncle was trusted which I,
again, think is weird.
I personally think this is most inappropriate and should have stopped a
number of years ago. She doesn't see anything wrong with it and doesn't
intend to stop this going on in the forseeable future.
Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance for your responses etc...
Regards,
Ian
"anonymoususer" <any...@home.com> wrote in message
news:buvmm...@enews3.newsguy.com...
Do you have kids???? An 8 year old boy being sexually aware???? I see
nothing at all wrong with this. I think it is you that has the warped mind.
Maybe you are jealous that she is close to this boy. An 8 year old would
probably be scared at sleeping on the sofa alone. My 7 year old always co
sleeps with her grandparents and with us sometimes when she is ill. Stop
worrying about something that does not concern you.
Lostin1999
if you see this as wrong and your hinting at perversion and sexual
activities makes you look sick!
as a full time single parent to a child who is 8.5 and regularly seeks the
comfort of sleeping in same bed as me, your question turns this into
something sworded and bad, which its not!! soon my child will decide not
too and when the child makes that choice it will be in the child's interests
to do so!!
a habit that started when my child was 3 (when the mother walked out and
left us) is not gonna brake that fast..
but the way YOU see it if I told peeps id be looked on as an oddity whereas
I think I am not!
IMHO if you can see an 8 year old as having"self sexual awareness and/or
concept. I see co-sleeping as an intimate act and wouldn't even consider it
appropriate for an 8 year old to be sleeping with their parent's" then it is
YOU who need counselling and help...
in the same way as people who complain about clothes for 10+ year olds as
being "sexy", if you can look at a 10 year old in any outfit and think they
look sexy then it is YOU who has a problem not them.
HTH
Mark (hoping ive not just fed a troll)
Lisa D
I would have no difficulties sharing bed with my nephew, who is 6years old.
However, if this was my daughter speeling with her uncle i might feel
differantly.
As for children aged 8 being sexually aware this is true. I work with a
number of children, some whom have no diffficulties making themselves arosed
by touching themselfs. However, I do believe they do this because they feel
it feels nice but are not aware that this is a sexual act.
I think you might feel uncomfertable about it because of your own feelinga
and not hers.
If she is okay with it, and he and his parents are fine with it, what is the
problem.
I think we are to over protective about giving cuddles just incase. This
really gets my wick as my staff have to go in twos to change a nappy, take a
child to the loo and even being alone in a room with the door shut is not
allowed.
We have become so over the top that children just aren't getting the
physical contact that they want (and I mean cuddles and kisses)
Lia
anonymoususer
"Lostin1999" <HHGTTG...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:bv109r$n17tb$1...@ID-111028.news.uni-berlin.de...
> sounds to me like your the one with a problem..
>
> if you see this as wrong and your hinting at perversion and sexual
> activities makes you look sick!
Since when have I hinted at sexual activities?! You did not me! I'm simply
suggesting he should sleep on his own and I don't see this activity as
favourable. It is in his interests as a developing child.
> a habit that started when my child was 3 (when the mother walked out and
> left us) is not gonna brake that fast..
Letting it happen the first time is like giving a child sweets and expensive
things every time they ask for them. There's got to be a line drawn
somewhere and the child has to learn to understand they can't always get
what they want. Your child will always want to sleep with you for the
comfort it provides and they have to learn they can't always have that.
> but the way YOU see it if I told peeps id be looked on as an oddity
whereas
> I think I am not!
I'm not saying oh it's wrong people like you are whatever and whatever
(won't even say it, you infer, I already know you do that well ;-)). I am
saying it's in the best interests of the child to sleep on their own for
their personal, social, psychological and psychosexual development.
Something most people seem to ignore or not consider.
> IMHO if you can see an 8 year old as having"self sexual awareness and/or
> concept. I see co-sleeping as an intimate act and wouldn't even consider
it
> appropriate for an 8 year old to be sleeping with their parent's" then it
is
> YOU who need counselling and help...
I think you need to read some books on the subject. Dr. Benjamin Spock being
the notable one. He also goes someway to explain people like you. Read the
link below too. Ignoring the true facts of life doesn't change them, it just
means you're less prepared to face challenges which relate to them. To me
everything described in the link below makes sense and I can understand it.
This article isn't about kids doing whatever it's about psychosexual
development which hopefully all of us have gone through (we'll be well
messed up if we haven't)
www.ejhs.org/volume3/Haroian/body.htm
I think you have a problem given that you have tried to suggest I have a
problem. I'm not saying things are happening and all that at all, you said
that not me remember, I'm simply saying as a developing child it's probably
best for him to be sleeping on his own. I'm not thinking anything sordid or
inappropriate whatsoever.
> in the same way as people who complain about clothes for 10+ year olds as
> being "sexy", if you can look at a 10 year old in any outfit and think
they
> look sexy then it is YOU who has a problem not them.
Yes I have thought about that as weird, but then again, if you dress your 10
year old girl in skimpy outfits and they go out on the town what men are
going to be looking, you don't know do you? You can hope for the best or
prepare for the worst. I know which I prefer.
> HTH
>
> Mark (hoping ive not just fed a troll)
Hmmmm, waiting for an expert paediatrician to reply I guess now. Someone
from the stable of Dr. Benjamin Spock would be nice.
I hope I'm not being a troll. You replied saying I have problems because you
inferred things from my post, I have tried to offer a considered response
with an academic article link. These sort of articles are often hidden away
from people and left unpublished (journal bias) because people, like you,
think children have no idea about sex whatsoever, which is completely wrong.
You also seem to think that if they do, then pedophiles must be a good thing
or something which is not the case whatsoever and I'm not saying this at all
and neither is the link above. Read the link mentioned above, I hope you
find it informative and interesting.
Regards,
anonymoususer
news:bv0as0$mpl4q$1...@ID-18817.news.uni-berlin.de...
> An 8 year old boy being sexually aware????
Apologies if this post has appeared numerous times, my newsserver doesn't
appear to be populating the replies i send.
You obviously aren't well read on this subject but thanks for your reply
anyway. There is lots of literature out there, by renowned writers such as
Dr. Benjamin Spock in his book "baby and child care".
For some reason there's a lot of people around who don't think children are
capable of sexual understanding but this has been built into society around
a large amount of ignorance. People seem to think that if they think
children are sexual then they must do what adults do which isn't the case.
I'm in no way suggesting that kids should be doing things etc etc but what I
am saying is that one day in the future your 8 year old child will be having
sex, probably as early as 12, and that doesn't just come from a poof of
smoke like magic.
Ignoring the facts doesn't change them!
I'll provide a few interesting web links on the topic.
www.ejhs.org/volume3/Haroian/body.htm
www.books-reborn.org/yates/sex/
Freud's theory of Psychosexual development.
Also read the Dr Spock book and think about what he says children do at
certain ages in relation to your own children. Just thought I'd put to rest
your dissmissive response.
My attempt isn't to shock but to inform. People have been faced with this
information for years but ignored it.
Ian
> "Ian" <nosp...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:bv0as0$mpl4q$1...@ID-18817.news.uni-berlin.de...
> > An 8 year old boy being sexually aware????
>
> Apologies if this post has appeared numerous times, my newsserver doesn't
> appear to be populating the replies i send.
>
> You obviously aren't well read on this subject but thanks for your reply
> anyway.
I don't need a book about kids. I have a child. How many kids do you have,
troll? Lets hope none, as you seem to have an unhealthy interest in the
sexual development of children.
anonymoususer
"Lisa D" <lisa.a...@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:ROVQb.1$6R...@newsfep1-gui.server.ntli.net...
> I have to say I see both sides of the story.
> I would have no difficulties sharing bed with my nephew, who is 6years
old.
> However, if this was my daughter speeling with her uncle i might feel
> differantly.
> As for children aged 8 being sexually aware this is true. I work with a
> number of children, some whom have no diffficulties making themselves
arosed
> by touching themselfs. However, I do believe they do this because they
feel
> it feels nice but are not aware that this is a sexual act.
Yes, sex is simply a response to physical pleasure which is some sort of
sensation caused by chemical reactions in the brain. I have been reading
about stories of children as young as 18 months doing similar things but I
guess these cases are in the minority.
If you are interested in an academic article on this subject please read
this link which not only attempts to describe physical but also psychosexual
development. As I have said before these sort of academic articles, which
are in no way inappropriate or disgusting, simply aren't published because
people think children are innocent and know nothing and to say otherwise is
disgusting in some way.
www.ejhs.org/volume3/Haroian/body.htm
> I think you might feel uncomfertable about it because of your own feelinga
> and not hers.
> If she is okay with it, and he and his parents are fine with it, what is
the
> problem.
I admit I do have a sort of personal response to it but I also feel he's
getting older and growing up, he should have no problem sleeping by himself.
It's going to have to stop sometime anyhow. Also I wonder if it may have the
potential to damage his psychological development in some way, which of
course then, would be a direct result of her letting him sleep with her and
therefore indirectly her fault.
> I think we are to over protective about giving cuddles just incase. This
> really gets my wick as my staff have to go in twos to change a nappy, take
a
> child to the loo and even being alone in a room with the door shut is not
> allowed.
It's a shame that policy, government and a few nasty people (hopefully most
of have seen jail and picked up a few bars of soap in the showers [my first
nasty sexual suggestion to all those people who think otherwise]) have to
make these sorts of things happen, but then again, if a little extra work
stops one nasty person getting up to no good it's probably all worth it.
> We have become so over the top that children just aren't getting the
> physical contact that they want (and I mean cuddles and kisses)
> Lia
I don't see any problems with hugs and kisses but I think sleeping together
is a bit over the top. Then again I must admit I'm not a parent and I have
had a bit of a sheltered life with little experience of kids, although I was
a kid once and I had a younger sister so that does count. Thanks for your
reply.
Morticia
I, as a parent, do not appreciate the *famous* 'Dr. Spock's' point of
view. I have done reading on this subject as well. You have to remember
that Freud used to be the absolute be all and end all of the way the mind
works. There are other perspectives. I am a single parent and have come
across other literature that sleeping with the parents promotes a healthy
sense of self in a child because they are not abandoned to a room or a bed
on their own when very young. For one example: when someone gets a new
puppy that cannot sleep, one way to calm the pup is to wrap up a clock that
makes a ticking noise to simulate the heartbeat of its mother. My children
are still calmed and hugged best when they have their ear on my chest so
they can hear and feel my heartbeat. Are you going to be concerned that I
have my childrens face close to my breasts? Where do you draw the line?
What about all the families that attend nude beaches? I do not doubt that
there are sick people in the world: I would have a very hard time not
committing a felonous act were one of them to touch my children. However:
these true facts of life that you are trying to point out are only someone's
particular view: perception is everything. I believe that you did ask for
peoples opinions..........and here they are. I hope you are able to talk to
your friend more about this as you are obviously concerned. Sometimes we do
have to trust our 'gut feelings' - if you feel the need, talk with everyone
(parents etc.) and maybe that will solve the situation for you.
Good luck
"anonymoususer" <any...@home.com> wrote in message
news:bv1df...@enews3.newsguy.com...
Sheila J
Most of the world co-sleeps. It is only here in North America where it
seems to be a problem.
I have 4 children: 3 boys and I girl. They have all slept with us at
some point and our now 3 year old continues to do so. We don't court it
- every night he starts out in his own bed. By morning, he is in ours.
I'm sure it is just a warm, comfortable thing for us. Very occasionally
our 6 year old will climb in -usually if he is not feeling well, or if
he has had a nightmare. OUr 10 year old hasn't for years, but I'm sure
this is because he's almost as big as an adult, so it wouldn't be very
comfortable for him. Our 12 year old daughter hasn't since she was about 6.
It may be interesting to mention, however, that our 10 year/6 year old
boys often share the same bed.
Why do I point this out? Because each child has their own feelings on
the subject. Some children take great comfort sleeping in an adult bed-
some like sleeping with other children. I truly believe there is
nothing sexual about this - merely a comfort factor. I also think
self-confidence has alot to do with it. We slept with all our children
for the first few months ( I was too paranoid to put them in their own
bed) but moved them when nursing and night duties weren't so constant.
All of them, more or less, settled into a routine and except for the
youngest, we got very little repeat business.
Children need love and attention in greater quantities, I would argue,
then adults do. Each child will 'ask' for this in a different manner
and adjust to their own comfort level. As parents (or alternate
care-givers) we are just along for the ride! :D My 3 year old Sam is
the perfect example of this. When he wants to be cuddled/kissed, you
can't get away from him. When I need a kiss/hug, and he's not 'in the
mood', I'm just out of luck. Our 6 year old, Mac, wants only hugs - no
kisses. And I wouldn't dare approach our 10 year old Jens (Jimmy)
without a written permission slip. Our 12 year old daughter is just
convinced that we had her to clean the house and force her to listen to
the Clash, so she avoids us as much as necessary....
So, all that said ...my long rambled opinion? Perhaps your girlfriend's
nephew just needs the security, warmth, love and comfort that his aunt
is offering. Perhaps something is missing at home or in his life, that
he needs the extra love? Be a good chap and spend some time with
him...maybe THAT is what he needs more than your girlfriend?
I wouldn't worry about it. Now, if at 22 he is still doing it...then we
should talk!
Cheers,
Sheila
(Oh, BTW, I should have introduced myself. I'm new. Please be kind!)
Sheila J
>
> I have 4 children: 3 boys and I girl. They have all slept with us at
> some point and our now 3 year old continues to do so. We don't court it
> - every night he starts out in his own bed. By morning, he is in ours.
> I'm sure it is just a warm, comfortable thing for us.
I meant him...How freudian was that!!!!
Morticia
Thanks for your comments! I am glad that I am not the only one that feels
that way! (And I am new at the news groups as well *grin*)
Regards,
Michelle Beldi
http://michellebeldi.momceo.com
"Sheila J" <wols...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
news:GebRb.291043$ts4.112716@pd7tw3no...
THIS TO EMAIL ME}@virgin.net Wilkins
ask parents for advice that you don't have any intention of taking on
board...
Lisa
Mum of; girl - 9 still sleeps in my bed now and again
Twin boys - 3 regularly jumping into (and on) my bed!
"anonymoususer" <any...@home.com> wrote in message
news:buvmm...@enews3.newsguy.com...
S. Florida
service field tells me that this young boy does not need comfort from an
adult woman.
And, I will go further and tell you that the young man is very well aware of
his sexual drive (develops much younger in boys than girls- we are built
that way) and will test his "drive" by imagination long before there is an
actual sexual act take place.
Lastly, if I were being asked by a social service investigator why I was
allowing an underaged child of the opposite to sex sleep with me at night...
I would be very hard pressed to explain it with a logical sense of
understanding. And, if the young man needed that kind of comfort than where
is the parent in all this.
Without falsely accusing the woman in this case, I should warn all of you
that pedophiles are always portrayed as "wildly perverted people with very
obvious social traits." Not true! Pedophiles come in all forms: sweet old
grandmas, college professors, military officers, psychiatrist, brothers and
yes, even aunts.
One last thought... I only found out yesterday that my 56 year old sister is
the result of an incesteous relationship between the mom and her brother!
How sad.
greccogirl
he is just a baby.
Tiggy
I had no problem with my kids climbing into bed with us when they are
tired, lonely, afraid of nightmares, whatever, until you sickos started
going on about this. Now I'm afraid I'm doing something wrong.
People like you take innocence away.