Toddler behavior
Sarah
to deal with. Right now he is in the bedroom because I feel so angry with
him that I don't feel like I can even look at him without conveying anger.
He is so completely compulsive about things. He only wants to get into and
do the things that he just can't do, some for his own safety. He will not
leave the dishwasher alone. It's not so much that he opens the dishwasher,
it's that he pushes the buttons and stops it from washing. He won't stop
climbing onto chairs to get to the computer. He pulls the keyboard and
mouse down and stomps on them. He climbs up onto the couch then through the
"window" that is in that wall to the kitchen! I can't move the couch, there
is no where else to put it. I feel like I need to get a screen for that
window. He takes his bottle and watches the liquid just drip all over the
floor, but he won't drink from a cup. He takes towels and clothes from the
drawers and puts them in the tub then turns on the water...... I am at the
end of rope here.
For the most part I am with him and supervising him, but it's just not
possible every second of everyday and I can't trust him alone anywhere at
all! I can't take him with me everywhere I go either because if I am
holding him he just kicks and screams until I let him down. What on earth
happened to my kid? He was never like this before? I have had to say NO
and STOP to him more in the last week than in his entire life. I feel like
I am always yelling at him and he is always crying. Please anyone with some
advice on how to help me be able to step back and understand what he is
telling me by doing all these things and how can I help him focus on other
things.
Sarah
(who wishes do desparately that her son would take a nap)
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David desJardins
> He is so completely compulsive about things. He only wants to get into and
> do the things that he just can't do, some for his own safety.
How old is your child? Very different answers if he's 18 months old, or
24 months, or 36 months, or 48 months.
David desJardins
Sarah
Today has been much better for us. He is still the same, but I made the
decision to drop nearly everything for him. I can't do that everyday
though. :)
Sarah
"David desJardins" <de...@math.berkeley.edu> wrote in message
news:voh8z8l...@math.berkeley.edu...
David desJardins
> I really need some advice. My son has all of a sudden become very
> difficult to deal with. Right now he is in the bedroom because I feel
> so angry with him that I don't feel like I can even look at him
> without conveying anger.
Your son sounds developmentally normal for 15 months. Frustration is
one thing---raising children can be hard---but anger is something else.
I don't quite understand why you are angry at your child.
> He is so completely compulsive about things. He only wants to get
> into and do the things that he just can't do, some for his own safety.
> He will not leave the dishwasher alone. It's not so much that he
> opens the dishwasher, it's that he pushes the buttons and stops it
> from washing. He won't stop climbing onto chairs to get to the
> computer. He pulls the keyboard and mouse down and stomps on them. He
> climbs up onto the couch then through the "window" that is in that
> wall to the kitchen! I can't move the couch, there is no where else
> to put it. I feel like I need to get a screen for that window. He
> takes his bottle and watches the liquid just drip all over the floor,
> but he won't drink from a cup. He takes towels and clothes from the
> drawers and puts them in the tub then turns on the water...... I am
> at the end of rope here.
I think this is all very normal. These are mostly things that my
children did at 15 months (and still do at 18 months). Most of these
activities, like pushing the buttons on the dishwasher or pouring water
on the floor, aren't dangerous to him, so they shouldn't be a big deal.
Turn the dishwasher back on when he's off somewhere else. Give him
sippy cups instead of bottles---these aren't as easy to pour out. Or
give him water, so that when he drips it out and plays with it, he's not
making as much of a mess.
For the activities that are dangerous, like climbing on furniture, you
need to arrange his play area so that he can't get into too much
trouble. Put carpets and pads on the floor for when he does fall. Move
the sofa---there's got to be some way to arrange the furniture in your
house so that he can't climb onto the kitchen counter.
> For the most part I am with him and supervising him, but it's just not
> possible every second of everyday and I can't trust him alone anywhere
> at all! I can't take him with me everywhere I go either because if I
> am holding him he just kicks and screams until I let him down. What
> on earth happened to my kid?
I'll break it to you gently: he's growing up. He wants to do things
himself, he's curious, he doesn't know the difference yet between his
toys and your household appliances, he doesn't know what's safe and
what's dangerous. He needs your attention more than when he was
younger, because he can get into more trouble, and yet he doesn't know
very much about danger yet.
> I have had to say NO and STOP to him more in the last week than in his
> entire life. I feel like I am always yelling at him and he is always
> crying. Please anyone with some advice on how to help me be able to
> step back and understand what he is telling me by doing all these
> things and how can I help him focus on other things.
He's telling you that he's curious and active. These are good things.
There are plenty of boundaries that you have to set. Every time he
climbs somewhere he shouldn't go, you should say "No" and pick him up
and take him down from there. He'll learn those are places you don't
want him to go. He's even look slyly at you when he goes there, to see
if you'll say no again this time. But there's no reason for yelling, or
anger.
Maybe you need a break from being with your child all the time, more
than you need a change in your relationship. Your husband? Family? A
babysitter?
David desJardins
Mary A. Samios
Your son sounds developmentally normal for 15 months. Frustration is one
thing---raising children can be hard---but anger is something else. I
don't quite understand why you are angry at your child.
..........................
I understand it completely. An over-tired momma dealing with continually
frustrating situations can easily have her frustration grow to anger, and
that anger can easily be directed toward the child. In this house, Mommy
goes into time-out as much as (if not more than!) the kiddoes.
It's called being human. Sounds like Sarah needs some time to be Sarah, and
not just "mommy". I think that your suggestion of getting a break was right
on target.
Mary
mom to Lili, Jenny, and Jack
Sarah
>
> Your son sounds developmentally normal for 15 months. Frustration is
> one thing---raising children can be hard---but anger is something else.
> I don't quite understand why you are angry at your child.
Not angry at him, just angry that first I can't convey the message to stop
effectively and that I let it get to me so much. I am really angry with
myself.
>
> I think this is all very normal. These are mostly things that my
> children did at 15 months (and still do at 18 months). Most of these
> activities, like pushing the buttons on the dishwasher or pouring water
> on the floor, aren't dangerous to him, so they shouldn't be a big deal.
> Turn the dishwasher back on when he's off somewhere else. Give him
> sippy cups instead of bottles---these aren't as easy to pour out. Or
> give him water, so that when he drips it out and plays with it, he's not
> making as much of a mess.
I know they shouldn't be a big deal. I wish I could remember that when it's
happening. After turning the dishwasher back on 20 times I feel like I am
losing the battle. I want to teach him that there are lots of things he can
play with and then some things that he can't. He just doesn't seem to get
the message. I try to redirect him, he is persistant. I love him to death
for that. He never gives up, I don't want to change that part of his
personality, I just want to channel it differently.
>
> For the activities that are dangerous, like climbing on furniture, you
> need to arrange his play area so that he can't get into too much
> trouble. Put carpets and pads on the floor for when he does fall. Move
> the sofa---there's got to be some way to arrange the furniture in your
> house so that he can't climb onto the kitchen counter.
You would think that :) The way they built the house, the only plug and
outlets are on the opposite wall and so that's where everything is plugged
in like the tv, computer, etc. The wall the connects the two has a
fireplace and the door to the porch, there is no wall opposite that, just
the foyer (gated) Then there is a wall with the couch and above the couch
is the "window" short of pulling the couch into the middle of the room,
there is no where else. Well I guess I could run wires across the room, but
that seems more dangerous. I gave up trying to tell him not to do it. I
just let him watch me through the window and if he starts to climb over I
tell him no and ask him to get down. Then when he does I come around and
give him hugs and kisses. That seems to be working for now.
> Maybe you need a break from being with your child all the time, more
> than you need a change in your relationship. Your husband? Family? A
> babysitter?
>
> David desJardins
>
Believe it or not, I am only with him full time 3 days a week. I work full
time 40 hours in 4 days. On Sat my parents have him all day, on Sun my
husband's parents have him. Mon and Tues he is with Daddy all day. Then he
has us both all day on Wed and just me Thurs and Fri while my husband works
all day. It's a unique situation. The real problem with it is that in 3
days I have to get my half of the house and yard work done and I am always
feeling tired. I don't want anyone to watch him on my days because I feel
like I am robbing him of time with me, and I can honestly say that usually
I am not a basketcase :) I just had a hard week. I feel really good that
we have kept him out of daycare and my husband is terrific because he is
very much my other half. I just wish there were more days in the week (and
I didn't have to work during them). Thanks so much though for your post. I
think just being able to write it all down, made me feel better. And that
you took the time to give me some suggestion is really wonderful :)
Sarah
princess leia
""Sarah"" <ice...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:10169277...@globe.atl2.mindspring.net...
>
The real problem with it is that in 3
> days I have to get my half of the house and yard work done and I am always
> feeling tired.
leave the chores for now. your baby will be grown and off to school before
you know it. then you can start cleaning house. the time you have with
your child while he is a baby is soooo short. the more time and attention
you give him while you are home, the "better mannered" he will be. he won't
have to compete with the dishes for your attention.
and really, when your son becomes an adult, will you look back and regret
that your house wasn't always clean, or will you regret that you didn't
spend more of those precious moments together?
so drop that mop, and head to the park. the time outdoors will also help
you feel more relaxed. you can spend your time laughing at the playground
instead of sweeping floors.
then come home and slip into bed with your son and take a nap together.
even if you can't fall asleep, you can bring a magazine to bed with you and
still get a little rest instead of doing MORE chores to further tire you
out. laying down together will also boost your son's happiness and boost
his self-confidence.
good luck!!!!!!
David desJardins
> Not angry at him, just angry that first I can't convey the message to
> stop effectively and that I let it get to me so much. I am really
> angry with myself.
I don't think you should try so hard to get your child to stop. Most of
what he is doing sounds ok. Let it go.
> After turning the dishwasher back on 20 times I feel like I am losing
> the battle. I want to teach him that there are lots of things he can
> play with and then some things that he can't.
It's just my opinion, but I think that needs to wait until he is older.
If you want to keep him out of the kitchen, ok. Otherwise I think it's
too much to expect him not to be fascinated and want to play with the
things he sees you "play" with. He's interested in you, he's interested
in what you are interested in. He loves the "You turn it on, I turn it
off" game. Of course you can't outlast him at that. Run the dishwasher
some other time.
> You would think that :) The way they built the house, the only plug
> and outlets are on the opposite wall and so that's where everything is
> plugged in like the tv, computer, etc. The wall the connects the two
> has a fireplace and the door to the porch, there is no wall opposite
> that, just the foyer (gated) Then there is a wall with the couch and
> above the couch is the "window" short of pulling the couch into the
> middle of the room, there is no where else.
Our sofa is in front of the fireplace. That accomplishes two things at
once---it also keeps him away from the fireplace.
I do understand that a crowded space is hard. I'm lucky to have more
space. This one you have to work out for yourself.
> The real problem with it is that in 3 days I have to get my half of
> the house and yard work done and I am always feeling tired.
If your budget permits, hire someone to do yard work and some house
cleaning. Your child won't be so much work forever, and unlike daycare
your yard won't care whether you do the work or someone else. If you
can afford it, just a couple of hours a week of heavy cleaning can make
a big difference.
I'm constantly trying to get my wife to clean less, but it's a struggle.
I understand you probably have an idea of how clean your house has to
be, and it's hard to change that. But go for the least cleaning you can
stand, is my advice, especially if you can't afford any help.
David desJardins
Sarah
but I can't just leave the housework. I am not talking about scrubbing
floors or dusting fanatically. I am talking about vacuuming all the
cheerios from the carpet (ok I am fanatical about vacuuming with 3 cats a
rabbit and a toddler) and keeping the kitchen clean of dishes which attracts
bugs. We live in the country. Ants love us. Last year we had a hard time
keeping them out of the bedroom because we co sleep and at night when I
would nurse Nick on one breast the other one would leak into the bed and the
sweet smell always brought ants. The winter was nice, but spring is here
and I am afraid of getting them again. I have to keep the bathrooms clean
too. It's just got to be done. My husband won't clean with anything that
smells, like no windex or scrubbing bubbles etc so I have to do all the
chemical housework. He does the vacuuming and keeps up with the animals
food/water/litter. We share laundry and dishes. It's not really that much.
I only do a real cleaning maybe once a month, it's just the pickup stuff
that has
to be done to keep bugs away and clothes and dishes clean. I need a maid, I
know I do but it's not an option right now. As for the yard...if I could
just get the stupid weeds pulled up and get the weed block tarp down and
covered in mulch, I will never have to worry about it again. That's my
project for this week :) Wish me luck!
ps, we are going to home school, and by then I won't be working. :) In
fact hopefully this time next year I won't be working and I will have baby
#2, but you are right. Time goes by too fast. I will seriously try to just
do the minimum to keep the house going :)
--
Sarah
"princess leia" <le...@leia.com> wrote in message
news:OLqn8.2758$xa5....@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net...
-
BrooklynMom
you feel torn between wanting the place livable and wanting time with
your son. Something that helped us (DS is now 3) was to involve him
in the chores that he could play a (modified) part in. For instance,
we don't have a dishwasher (well, we do, it's the Mommy5000), so once
I got the sharp stuff out of the way, I would pull up a chair, hand
him a sponge and ask him to "help" me wash the dishes. It took
longer, but if I was relaxed about it and played with him, it worked
out well. (I got my dishes done, too!)
Sweeping up and vacuuming are other things that little ones can "help"
with. Laundry was tricky until I got my son used to the pattern of it
and now he really helps me. (Mommy, you dropped a sock, here!) :)
(He'll be the first freshman guy in college that I've known who knew
how to do his own wash!)
It seems like the counter issue is a little controversial, but my vote
is to get him down, every time. When he was your son's age, ours used
to try to climb a ladder (at our laundrymat, actually) at least 30
times a visit. Finally, after maybe the 200th time (and I'm not
exaggerating, I'm low-balling!), it sunk in and he leaves it alone.
:)
Maevele S.A. Straw
<ice...@mindspring.com> wrote:
>. My husband won't clean with anything that
>smells, like no windex or scrubbing bubbles etc so I have to do all the
>chemical housework.
So use vinegar or baking soda, then he can do it.
Why won't he use any smelly cleaners? But it's okay for you to? If
it's about exposure to the chemicals, you, as a nursing mom, should be
the one being more cautious, unless he has chemical sensitivities, in
which case, should you be using those chemicals on surfaces he's going
to come in contact with anyway? Or is it just an excuse to make you do
the scrub work?
--
Maevele-http://personalpages.tds.net/~maevele/
Emily Roysdon
| In article <10170830...@globe.atl2.mindspring.net>, "Sarah"
| <ice...@mindspring.com> wrote:
| >. My husband won't clean with anything that
| >smells, like no windex or scrubbing bubbles etc so I have to do all the
| >chemical housework.
|
|
| So use vinegar or baking soda, then he can do it.
I was wondering that too. For years I was "too allergic" to clean windows,
etc., but I could have worn gloves, etc.
| Why won't he use any smelly cleaners? But it's okay for you to? If
| it's about exposure to the chemicals, you, as a nursing mom, should be
| the one being more cautious, unless he has chemical sensitivities, in
| which case, should you be using those chemicals on surfaces he's going
| to come in contact with anyway? Or is it just an excuse to make you do
| the scrub work?
Heh. Kinda like my dh telling me, before we moved to a house with a
dishwasher, that he'd do the dishes except that I never dried the old ones
first :-P
Emily
Sarah
alot of sinus issues and I really don't mind doing it. I hate keeping up
with the animals so it's a wash in my mind. I use those clorox wipes for
almost everything. I love those things. They don't smell too bad. I
always keep the rooms really ventilated and leave frequently which is why it
takes so long. Never thought about using anything else, but I have a
feeling if I suddenly bring up cleaning the bathroom on his day off, there
will be a million excuses. It's always been my "job" LOL.
Sarah
"Maevele S.A. Straw" <Mae...@tds.com> wrote in message
news:260320020050199055%Mae...@tds.com...
David, Karen, & Henry
the house. Honestly, our place is not spotless, but we have three people
and two cats in a very small apartment. The minimum is all that gets
done around here, but it really has to be done, otherwise we also get
ants, or the floors are just too dirty to play on. Vacuum, sweep, and
mop, every few days; bathroom twice a week; dishes, laundry, garbage and
recycling, and the yard gets done when it gets done.
What I've found now that really helps is that ds likes to "help," which
makes it easier for me to do things around the house with him, rather
than trying to do it all during the nap or at night. He likes to come up
in the sling while I vacuum, then when I'm done he takes the hose and
his favorite attachments and "vacuums" some more. He likes to stand up
at the sink and play in the water while I wash the dishes. He "helps"
clean the bathroom by spraying the (earth-friendly) cleanser for us to
wipe up. He helps mop by helping me bounce the mop up and down in the
bucket then helping with the squeeze part. He rides in the bakpack while
I mow the lawn, digs beside me looking for worms when I weed. Etc, etc.
I think it's important for kids to learn to participate in doing things
around the house. They learn to share in the care of the family, and
they actually learn how to do the work, which I think is important,
especially for boys. My dh's mother was home and did everything, and
it's still an uphill battle to get him to do anything on a regular basis
or to even notice that something needs to be done.
I think you said your ds is 15 months, which is around the time my ds
started being able to "work" beside me. I try to balance the days, so
we're not doing work all day. But he really enjoys helping, I think it
makes him feel good, and if I start to do a job, he comes up next to me
and says "help" and starts diggin in, whatever it is. I've found
including him in the activities to really take a lot of stress off me,
allows us even more time together (he's not forced to stay in a play
area while I cook, for example), and as I said I think it gives him a
deeper sense of self worth, as I always thank him for his help and
compliment him on the job he did. There are many areas where I find
trying to include him in a more active role, rather than the two of us
doing separate activities, is more successful and less frustrating for
both of us overall.
-Karen, mom to Henry 5/25/00-