New Mom and Parenting Style

[Lori Greenberg]

Hi everyone.

I'm a new mom (3 mos.) and just curious as to why people do what they do
parenting-wise. I am interested in the little that I know about attachment
parenting, but not as interest in following one set method.

I do feel best following my own instincts and that has been working very
well, however, I am also looking for support, as what I do is not always
what others think should be done. For the most part I don't let them
influence what I feel is best for our family (although I don't stand up and
advocate either)...I just have this nagging sense in the back of my head
wondering about 'breaking habits' later....you know....don't hold them all
the time, they'll have to learn to fall asleep on their own, etc....just
because what I'm doing 'feels good' for me and baby, maybe it's not?

What am I doing? Letting him go to sleep when he's tired, not at a certain
set time. When he DOES go to sleep he falls asleep either in my arms, very
near me or laying on our bed. (I see a natural transition when he gets a
bit older to read to him in his own bed and let him fall asleep that way).
Staying close to home and choosing not to do as many 'outings' as friends
with new babies do because we are more comfortable at home rather than
making him sit in a seat or stroller for hours. Bringing him into bed with
me in the mornings and snoozing for a while together. Dropping what I'm
doing when he cries because I can't stand hearing him cry for very long!

Am I going to have a spoiled baby or one that will have separation anxiety
worse than usual? Am I setting up a situation where it will be hard for him
to transition later?

Thanks in advance.

--
Lori Greenberg
http://www.abundancebox.com
justbeads auctions:
http://www.justbeads.com/search/ql.cfm?s=47723

-
APA Charter, FAQ, links and more:
http://apa.artoo.net/

[princess leia]

"Lori Greenberg" <ne...@abundancebox.com> wrote in message
news:N3%s8.24521$CA6.3...@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net...

> Am I going to have a spoiled baby or one that will have separation anxiety
> worse than usual? Am I setting up a situation where it will be hard for
him
> to transition later?

---
you are NOT going to have a spoiled baby! you sound like a terrific mom,
and the way you have chosen to parent your baby will actually produce a
child who is secure, happy, has a high self-esteem, and is not afraid to
explore the world without mommy.

if you chose to ignore your instincts and fall for the "you're going to
spoil him" advice, you will produce a child that is whiny, clingy, has a low
self-esteem, and has difficulty in forming healthy relationships with
people.

if you haven't already, i strongly suggest you check out www.askdrsears.com
for some info and support in attachment parenting. also i highly recommend
the book "The Attachment Parenting Book" by william sears, m.d. i guarantee
you will read it and go "wow, so i am doing it right!" it will help you
understand this whole parenting thing. it will also give you facts and
studies to back up your parenting style (always nice to have when your
mom-in-law says for the hundreth time "don't you think you're holding him
too much).

want a little proof? i held my daughter 24 hours a day for the entire first
four months. we slept togther, naps and all. we were never apart for a
second. she is now 11 months old and i have to chase her down at the
playground. she takes off and never looks back! she can also sit in the
living room surrounded by toys and amuse herself for up to half an hour at a
time, which is amazing considering she's at the separation anxiety stage.

hang in there. and stick around. you will get tons of support here. ask
anything you want. you will never get a harsh word around here. everyone
is terrific!

[Lori Greenberg]

Thanks! That's exactly what I needed to hear.

Even though we (or, I shoudl say 'I') 'know' what is right instinctually
there is still that doubt when I want so much just to do what is right for
these little guys and it just feels soooo good to tend to their every need.
:)

Thanks for the website and book reference...another great reason to head off
to the book store!

--
Lori Greenberg
www.grovergreenberg.com

"princess leia" <le...@leia.com> wrote in message
news:uamt8.772$3z3....@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net...

[Sarah]

I think what you are doing sounds great. I also slept with my son from day
one, and didn't let him cry. We didn't go out that much, and he has never
been partial to strollers, but loves his sling. He is now 16 months old and
has never had any real seperation anxiety. Everyone in the family thought
he would be spoiled, but they all admit that he is not. He is terrific and
I get a lot of compliments. He still sleeps with us, but we don't mind. He
still nurses once a night. I am too lazy to bother to move him to his own
bed, until he is weaned at least. I also work, so I feel sleeping together
gives us some extra close time.

I think you should just follow your instincts. You don't have to follow AP
to the T, but you might find that your beliefs are more in line with that
than anything else.

--
Sarah

"Lori Greenberg" <ne...@abundancebox.com> wrote in message
news:N3%s8.24521$CA6.3...@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net...

[Evil PiXy]

[Jaclyn]

Sounds a lot like how I was when my daughter (now 14 months) was when she
was a baby - and I think she is a GREAT kid (might be bias tho :) ). I
think it's fine to be with them all the time - they are too young to be
spoiled. My daughter still sleeps with us, and actually still nurses every
2 hours at night (which I admit I wish I could cut that down a bit.. but
can't say I've really tried). As far as most of the "bad habits" go, I
think they will just grow out of them in their own time. My daughter
wouldn't even take a nap alone for a very long time, but has recently
decided it is ok, and tells us when she is tired (we have no schedules even
now). I agree with the other moms who responded - you are doing a great
job! And I can't tell you how many people have offered me ferber books to
read, and advice on how to get my baby to sleep alone, I read the books, but
then stuck with my ideas (I also can't let her cry). Keep up the good work.

"Lori Greenberg" <ne...@abundancebox.com> wrote in message
news:N3%s8.24521$CA6.3...@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net...