Know any good Toastmasters jokes?
Dagnytgrt
A fellow club member called to see if I knew of any Toastmasters jokes? I
can't say I've ever seen any, but if you have any to share, please do so. Or,
if you can make a *good* one up, let's hear it!
Sally Milo, ATM-G
dagn...@aol.com
Roadrunners Toastmasters #3850-3
Tucson, AZ
http://members.xoom.com/roadrunnertm/
Rod Taylor
news:20000328183857...@ng-de1.aol.com...
> Hi all...
> A fellow club member called to see if I knew of any
Toastmasters jokes? I
> can't say I've ever seen any, but if you have any to
share, please do so. Or,
> if you can make a *good* one up, let's hear it!
Not quite politically correct, and I'm not sure how well
Lions International is known in the US, but:
Teenage boy returns home from a night visit to the local
zoo. Tells his mother, "Gee Mom, did you know that Lions
make love six times a night?"
To which his mother replies, "Thank goodness your father's a
Toastmaster"
A Toastmaster is someone who greets people with a few
appropriated words.
Rod Taylor
Able Toastmaster Silver, DTM
Eskom Toastmasters
District 74, Southern Africa
Rick.C...@worldnet.att.net
> A fellow club member called to see if I knew of any Toastmasters jokes? I
> can't say I've ever seen any, but if you have any to share, please do so. Or,
> if you can make a *good* one up, let's hear it!
My Uncle Bob was afraid to get up in front of a group and speak. So, he avoided
it whenever he could. When he did get up, he'd mumble while looking at his
shoes. He finally decided he needed to do something and joined Toastmasters.
It was three days before his Ice Breaker. He had rewritten his speech five times
and was so nervous he was having trouble sleeping. Two nights before his speech
he had rewritten it three more times but wasn't getting anymore sleep. By the
day of his speech, he was tired because he was too nervous to sleep at all.
He was on his way to the Toastmasters meeting to give his Ice Breaker. He was
tired because he hadn't slept for the last 3 nights. He was busy going over his
speech as he walked to the meeting. He was so wrapped up in his speech, he
stepped out in front of a bus without seeing it.
The next thing he knows he is in a large auditorium. We walks up to the lectern
and looks out at the empty seats and he's not nervous. As he tries out his
speech, it flow smoothly. His voice is strong and clear. There are no ahs or
ums. As he builds to the end of the speech, his tempo and volume increases
building to the climax of his speech.
After he finishes practicing, he's excited. He turns to the other speaker who is
sitting at the lectern. All in one breath he says, "I never thought heaven would
be this great; when will the audience be here?"
The other speaker replied, "this isn't heaven."
Andy
A Toastmaster is visiting a National Park.
She encounters a large grizzly bear, the bear rears up claws bared ready to
strike the deadly blow.
Just before the bear stikes our Toastmaster leans over and whispers in his
ear.
The bear stops.........
He drops quickly on all fours and quickly runs away back into the forest.
I bet you would like to know what she whispered in his ear.
"If you kill me, you will have to give a speech at my next Toastmasters
meeting."
It's all in the timing!!
Andy C.
John Sleigh
visiting [Here insert any totalitarian state of your
choice]. They are imprisoned, tried and their execution is
scheduled.
But even in [wherever] they do allow a condemned prisoner a
final wish.
The first, a Toastmaster, asked for the opportunity to
address his captors in front of the other prisoners, and he
would endeavor to explain that the totalitarian ways were
not working, and they could achieve the same goals of
prosperity through democracy. Because of their integrity,
the captors agreed.
The second, who had once attended a badly run Toastmasters
meeting then was asked for her final wish. please shoot me
before the speech!"
John
--
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John Sleigh DTM ATM-S
VPE St George Toastmasters, Sydney Australia
visit our club site:
http://www.stgeorge.freeservers.com
look at my speech topic vault and add your ideas:
http://www.speechtopics.freeservers.com
ICQ 48837737
\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__
John Sleigh
people being thrown to the lions was regarded as wholesome
Sunday activity (before NCAA, I think) a charter member was
accused of some terrible misdeed. (miscounting ahhs! during
the emperor's speech, according to someone whose brother
worked at the palace)
The crowd had assembled to watch the miscreant (word of the
day) competing with the lion.
The errant Toastmaster was the first one out. He seemed
quite poised as he bowed and acknowledged the audience.
The lion came out and the Toastmaster moved towards her.
(Lions had female members before Toastmasters, I am told)
He whispered in her ear.
She lay down and died.
Naturally the victor was free to go.
Someone's brother who worked at the palace came up to the
Toastmaster and asked: How did you do it?
"Oh it was simple said our forebear. I simply told her that
whoever won had to give a victory speech."
For the trivia buffs, that is the first recorded incident
where the fear of death was more potent than the fear of
speaking in public.
Sorry, but i was waiting for some funny people to post some
jokes. Now that i have set the lower end of the standard,
who can raise the level?
Terry L. Robinson
Jones", says the
club president. "Freddy was only a member for
less than than three months, but was one of the most enthusiastic Toastmasters
that I've ever
known. Freddy lived and breathed Toastmasters. He was on the fast-track to
becoming
a CTM - having just given his 8th C&L speech
on the night he died."
"I talked with the investigating officer of the
accident in which Freddy was killed. Seems that
Freddy ran a red signal light and was broadsided.
According to the officer, witnesses reported that
Freddy's last words were,...
..."I thought that I had 30 seconds left when the red light came on."
Sorry for the groaner.
Terry Robinson, VPE
Toast of the Southwest
*
Terry L. Robinson, CTM/, VPE, Toast of the Southwest Toastmasters Club
Remove *spamblox* from email address
My home page: <http://members.aol.com/tlrclutian/page/index.htm>
HVAC Instructor, Lincoln Technical Institute
John Sleigh
was short on members and we were conducting a recruiting
drive.
One evening the weather was terrible and only two of us
turned up, to be greeted by a third person a prospective
member.
we started to apologize, but he told us:
Look I am a farmer. Every evening when it's time to feed my
cows, I feed all of the ones that turn up. Sometimes it's
the whole herd, other times it may only be one or two.
We assumed that he had already mastered the concept of
analogy, so we ran the full meeting.
I was table topics master and challenged my colleague with
five questions.
He then took over and gave me five topics to answer.
He acted as toastmaster and introduced my prepared speech.
I then introduced him and his prepared speech.
We evaluated each other.
He was grammarian, I was harkmaster.
The visitor seemed impressed at each step.
When it was time for guest comments, he spoke up:
When I said if only one or two cows show up I still feed
them, I didn't mean that I make them eat the lot.
Wayne Rivers
Wayne Rivers, ATMG
Lt. Governor Marketing, D2 (Seattle area)
John Sleigh <johns...@msn.com.au> wrote in message
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