Problem with Awesome If Risque Political Joke Set in Star Wars Universe
03:15:38 GMT
in the Star Wars universe. It has a liberal bent, so I plan to tell it
to a marriage-redefining, latte-swilling nerdling the next time I want
to make one bust a gut. But I have a problem.
I don't want to tell the joke to a tree-hugging, Michael-Moore-loving
dweeb only to hear that it's based on an impossible premise. The
joke's punch line, you see, depends on Darth Vader taking a dick up
his bum. This obviously raises the question of whether it is
physically possible to insert a penis in Darth Vader's rectum.
Not being a sucker, I didn't go see the sixth episode so I don't have
an exact idea of the injuries the kid suffered. If I understood the
'Net commentary I read on the topic correctly, he fell into a lava pit
that did a number on the lower part of his body. Is that correct? If
so, do we know what became of his anus? Is there still a hole there?
I hope one of you Star Wars experts can help me with this one. You'd
be helping me to give some ACLU-funding, Volvo-driving geek a good
laugh. This joke really is a killer, especially the way I tell it.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
Darth Mura
03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> Not being a sucker, I didn't go see the sixth episode so I don't have
> an exact idea of the injuries the kid suffered.
If getting the facts are so important, then go watch the film.
03:15:38 GMT
Getting this one pertinent fact is important - as it should be to any
friend of risque, science fiction themed political jokes - but why
can't I just ask about it on Usenet? This is by far the more
convenient option plus I won't risk wasting time by watching a boring
movie that may not even contain the information I need.
Let me pose this hypothetical situation: if, for the purposes of a
risque political joke set in the Garfield universe, you needed to know
whether the cat in _Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties_ is anatomically
correct, would you go see the awful film or would you rather ask
saddoes who have seen it? I bet you'd be posting away on Usenet, happy
to not have to give Jim Davies a single penny.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
Flava Flavius Josephus
news:epr3c2hc9064qm684...@news.readfreenews.net:
I don't think the fire cauterized it, as such. Sure, it could have been
sewn shut due to damage, and a colostomy bag installed in it's place.
But can't we just assume, for the sake of argument, that his backdoor is
intact, to some degree? I'm really interested in hearing this.
--
Rhyme Torrents Volumes I-IV
Free Nerdcore Hip-Hop Compilation CDs
http://www.rhymetorrents.com
http://www.nerdcorehiphop.org
http://www.bedoper.com
Flava Flavius Josephus
@p79g2000cwp.googlegroups.com:
Does the film then show his rectum? If not, what's your point?
Flava Flavius Josephus
I saw it, but I'm not sure. In the Garfield universe, he does have a
girlfriend of sorts named 'Earlene', I believe. So that would tend to
suggest has has a sex drive, and, ergo, intact sexual organs.
Flava Flavius Josephus
news:pan.2006.07.22....@nntp.sun-meatplow.local:
> I like Volvos but always wondered why they put the rear mudflaps in
> front of the wheels.
>
>
Because Volvo drivers are a tidy bunch. ShitFacE.
Flip Wilson
> Does the film then show his rectum? If not, what's your point?
I think it's one of the "deleted scenes" GL will restore for the Blu-ray
edition.
Hugh Jassman
news:pan.2006.07.22....@cha.com:
Sounds like typical George Lucas behavior. Greedo shoots first, Darth Vader
does a Goatse.
Darth Mura
03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> "Darth Mura" <shri...@yahoo.com> did this:
>
> > 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> >
> > > Not being a sucker, I didn't go see the sixth episode so I don't have
> > > an exact idea of the injuries the kid suffered.
> >
> > If getting the facts are so important, then go watch the film.
>
> Getting this one pertinent fact is important - as it should be to any
> friend of risque, science fiction themed political jokes - but why
> can't I just ask about it on Usenet?
You can, but the answers will always be suspect, unless they are from a
trusted source. Why not take the time to verfiy it yourself? In the
time you've spent typing these messages you could have viewed the
relevant section of the film.
Darth Mura
Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
> "Darth Mura" <shri...@yahoo.com> wrote in news:1153562996.132332.73540
> @p79g2000cwp.googlegroups.com:
>
> >
> > 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> >
> >> Not being a sucker, I didn't go see the sixth episode so I don't have
> >> an exact idea of the injuries the kid suffered.
> >
> > If getting the facts are so important, then go watch the film.
>
> Does the film then show his rectum?
Indeed, it does.
Darth Mura
Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
>
> But can't we just assume, for the sake of argument, that his backdoor is
> intact, to some degree? I'm really interested in hearing this.
>
03:15:38 now has an audience of one.
Chuck
news:Xns9808A2DB2...@207.14.116.130...
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in
> news:nm04c25j2o9holg81...@news.readfreenews.net:
>
> > "Darth Mura" <shri...@yahoo.com> did this:
> >
> >> 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> >>
> >> > Not being a sucker, I didn't go see the sixth episode so I don't have
> >> > an exact idea of the injuries the kid suffered.
> >>
> >> If getting the facts are so important, then go watch the film.
> >
> > Getting this one pertinent fact is important - as it should be to any
> > friend of risque, science fiction themed political jokes - but why
> > can't I just ask about it on Usenet? This is by far the more
> > convenient option plus I won't risk wasting time by watching a boring
> > movie that may not even contain the information I need.
> >
> > Let me pose this hypothetical situation: if, for the purposes of a
> > risque political joke set in the Garfield universe, you needed to know
> > whether the cat in _Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties_ is anatomically
> > correct, would you go see the awful film or would you rather ask
> > saddoes who have seen it? I bet you'd be posting away on Usenet, happy
> > to not have to give Jim Davies a single penny.
> >
>
> I saw it, but I'm not sure. In the Garfield universe, he does have a
> girlfriend of sorts named 'Earlene', I believe. So that would tend to
> suggest has has a sex drive, and, ergo, intact sexual organs.
You can have sexual drive, but not intact organs.
--
Chuck
Chuck
Perhaps all of his bodily fluids are recycled in that suit of his . . .
Of course, I can't say I've ever heard ONE SW character interrupt a dialogue
and use the potty.
Could you imagine . . . Darth Vader squeezing his legs tight and tip-toeing
off screen whimpering something about having to use the potty in the middle
of a saber duel?
Whoa! Darth-Maul must make some face when constipated . . . not to mention
Darth Sidious - he must use the Force to wipe himself . . . did you ever see
those finger-nails?
--
Chuck
03:15:38 GMT
> "Flava Flavius Josephus" <jas...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns9808A2DB2...@207.14.116.130...
> > "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in
> > news:nm04c25j2o9holg81...@news.readfreenews.net:
> > > Let me pose this hypothetical situation: if, for the purposes of a
> > > risque political joke set in the Garfield universe, you needed to know
> > > whether the cat in _Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties_ is anatomically
> > > correct, would you go see the awful film or would you rather ask
> > > saddoes who have seen it? I bet you'd be posting away on Usenet, happy
> > > to not have to give Jim Davies a single penny.
> >
> > I saw it, but I'm not sure. In the Garfield universe, he does have a
> > girlfriend of sorts named 'Earlene', I believe. So that would tend to
> > suggest has has a sex drive, and, ergo, intact sexual organs.
>
> You can have sexual drive, but not intact organs.
I'll have to agree with Chuck here. After all, Jon Arbuckle is always
chasing after ladies and he's clearly a dickless wonder.
WHAMMO. I strike again!
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in
> news:nm04c25j2o9holg81...@news.readfreenews.net:
> > Let me pose this hypothetical situation: if, for the purposes of a
> > risque political joke set in the Garfield universe, you needed to know
> > whether the cat in _Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties_ is anatomically
> > correct, would you go see the awful film or would you rather ask
> > saddoes who have seen it? I bet you'd be posting away on Usenet, happy
> > to not have to give Jim Davies a single penny.
>
> I saw it, but I'm not sure. In the Garfield universe, he does have a
> girlfriend of sorts named 'Earlene', I believe. So that would tend to
> suggest has has a sex drive, and, ergo, intact sexual organs.
But what is the nature of Garfield's relationship with this "Earlene"
cat? Based on what I've seen of the cartoon, I would guess that it
doesn't display Garfield and Earlene humping away in any graphic way,
but maybe post-coitus gags about how Garfield wants to immediately
smoke some lasagna or something wouldn't be out of the question.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
> 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> > "Darth Mura" <shri...@yahoo.com> did this:
> > > If getting the facts are so important, then go watch the film.
> >
> > Getting this one pertinent fact is important - as it should be to any
> > friend of risque, science fiction themed political jokes - but why
> > can't I just ask about it on Usenet?
>
> You can, but the answers will always be suspect, unless they are from a
> trusted source. Why not take the time to verfiy it yourself? In the
> time you've spent typing these messages you could have viewed the
> relevant section of the film.
You see, Darth Mura, I strongly believe that the Usenetosphere is
self-correcting. When we Usenetizens see mistakes, we correct them. No
one could get away with spreading lies about Darth Vader's rectum
around these parts.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
> Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
The franchise has obviously gotten smuttier since the last time I
viewed one of these flicks. More importantly, though, this indicates
that shoving a penis up Darth Vader's butt is indeed possible.
Thank you for this vital piece of information, Darth Mura.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in
The conversation strongly suggests that there's no clear proof that
Darth Vader doesn't have an operational anus. The matter is
inconclusive at best. This means that I can operate under the
assumption that he has an enterable rectum without fear of being
corrected by any criminal-coddling, pot-smoking nerds.
I shall tell the joke, but since you can't see me acting it out, I
want you all to concentrate fully on what you're reading or you might
miss its gist. I also need everyone to be really, really quiet for the
duration.
Here it comes. Shh.
Q: What did the Emperor say while ramming Darth Vader from behind?
A: "Hey! I'm like USA in Iraq - in Vader!"
Ta daa!
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
> Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
Don't be rude, Darth Mura. I'm sure risque political comedy with a
science fiction theme interests lots of people, not just Flava Flavius
Josephus.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
Darth Mura
03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> Q: What did the Emperor say while ramming Darth Vader from behind?
>
> A: "Hey! I'm like USA in Iraq - in Vader!"
>
Flacid.
Is that it?
Flip Wilson
Not at all funny.
03:15:38 GMT
> 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
Erect, more like.
WHAMMO. You can't stop me!
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
Bill Cleere
Better than that....rumor has it that there will be a bonus track
mini-documentary on cornholing in the SW universe.
-- Bill Cleere
"I prefer the pleasure of writing bits of nonsense to that of
wearing an embroidered coat which costs 800 francs." (Stendhal)
Bill Cleere
Don't forget Bobba Fart's propulsion technology.
Bill Cleere
news:obc6c213es55euq6h...@news.readfreenews.net...
> I shall tell the joke, but since you can't see me acting it out, I
> want you all to concentrate fully on what you're reading or you might
> miss its gist. I also need everyone to be really, really quiet for the
> duration.
>
> Here it comes. Shh.
>
>
> Q: What did the Emperor say while ramming Darth Vader from behind?
>
> A: "Hey! I'm like USA in Iraq - in Vader!"
>
>
> Ta daa!
That was worth waiting for.
Hugh Jassman
I never really understoond political humor. Sorry.
03:15:38 GMT
> "Flip Wilson" <Righ...@cha.com> wrote in message news:pan.2006.07.22....@cha.com...
> > On Sat, 22 Jul 2006 20:59:21 +0000, Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
> >
> >> Does the film then show his rectum? If not, what's your point?
> >
> > I think it's one of the "deleted scenes" GL will restore for the Blu-ray
> > edition.
>
> Better than that....rumor has it that there will be a bonus track
> mini-documentary on cornholing in the SW universe.
Hopefully the Yedi pedophile scandal will be covered.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
Hugh Jassman
@i3g2000cwc.googlegroups.com:
How could he enter him flaccid? Am I missing the gist, here?
Hugh Jassman
Not only is it not funny, I think he spelled it wrong.
Hugh Jassman
We're like Wikipedia, with fewer dickheads.
Bill Cleere
news:4bb7c2lk4f1p3esjk...@news.readfreenews.net...
Covered up, more likely, by those filthy Yedophiles.
That's why Jimmy Smits carried Yoda on his back. That's the
only way you can keep the little perv out of your pants, and
stop another Yedi (hideous offspring of Yoda and Jedi) from
being spawned.
03:15:38 GMT
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in
> news:trb6c2hduqsoja5pp...@news.readfreenews.net:
>
> > "Darth Mura" <shri...@yahoo.com> did this:
> >
> >> 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
> >> > Getting this one pertinent fact is important - as it should be to any
> >> > friend of risque, science fiction themed political jokes - but why
> >> > can't I just ask about it on Usenet?
> >>
> >> You can, but the answers will always be suspect, unless they are from a
> >> trusted source. Why not take the time to verfiy it yourself? In the
> >> time you've spent typing these messages you could have viewed the
> >> relevant section of the film.
> >
> > You see, Darth Mura, I strongly believe that the Usenetosphere is
> > self-correcting. When we Usenetizens see mistakes, we correct them. No
> > one could get away with spreading lies about Darth Vader's rectum
> > around these parts.
>
> We're like Wikipedia, with fewer dickheads.
Citation needed.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
"Villi karju tuupertui taskupistoolilla / ja naamioitu ratsastaja
Kalashnikovilla; / pistin kykloopilta silmän puhki sapelilla; /
hoidin julman paskaloordin silppuhakkurilla!" -- Tuomari Nurmio
Bill Cleere
news:jup9c2hjt6b2qconi...@news.readfreenews.net...
> Hugh Jassman <jas...@yahoo.com> did this:
>
>> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in
>> news:trb6c2hduqsoja5pp...@news.readfreenews.net:
>>
>> > "Darth Mura" <shri...@yahoo.com> did this:
>> >
>> >> 03:15:38 GMT wrote:
>
>> >> > Getting this one pertinent fact is important - as it should be to any
>> >> > friend of risque, science fiction themed political jokes - but why
>> >> > can't I just ask about it on Usenet?
>> >>
>> >> You can, but the answers will always be suspect, unless they are from a
>> >> trusted source. Why not take the time to verfiy it yourself? In the
>> >> time you've spent typing these messages you could have viewed the
>> >> relevant section of the film.
>> >
>> > You see, Darth Mura, I strongly believe that the Usenetosphere is
>> > self-correcting. When we Usenetizens see mistakes, we correct them. No
>> > one could get away with spreading lies about Darth Vader's rectum
>> > around these parts.
>>
>> We're like Wikipedia, with fewer dickheads.
>
> Citation needed.
$50 for posting that stupid joke.
(Heh...oldest gag on Usenet, yet do I ever get tired of it?
Not likely.)
03:15:38 GMT
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in message
> news:4bb7c2lk4f1p3esjk...@news.readfreenews.net...
> > "Bill Cleere" <bcle...@SPAMgmail.com> did this:
> >
> >> "Flip Wilson" <Righ...@cha.com> wrote in message
> >> news:pan.2006.07.22....@cha.com...
> >> > On Sat, 22 Jul 2006 20:59:21 +0000, Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
> >> >
> >> >> Does the film then show his rectum? If not, what's your point?
> >> >
> >> > I think it's one of the "deleted scenes" GL will restore for the Blu-ray
> >> > edition.
> >>
> >> Better than that....rumor has it that there will be a bonus track
> >> mini-documentary on cornholing in the SW universe.
> >
> > Hopefully the Yedi pedophile scandal will be covered.
>
> Covered up, more likely, by those filthy Yedophiles.
>
> That's why Jimmy Smits carried Yoda on his back. That's the
> only way you can keep the little perv out of your pants, and
> stop another Yedi (hideous offspring of Yoda and Jedi) from
> being spawned.
OVER THIS INTERVIEW IS.
Adie
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in message
> news:obc6c213es55euq6h...@news.readfreenews.net...
>> I shall tell the joke, but since you can't see me acting it out, I
>> want you all to concentrate fully on what you're reading or you might
>> miss its gist. I also need everyone to be really, really quiet for the
>> duration.
>>
>> Here it comes. Shh.
>>
>>
>> Q: What did the Emperor say while ramming Darth Vader from behind?
>>
>> A: "Hey! I'm like USA in Iraq - in Vader!"
>>
>>
>> Ta daa!
>
> That was worth waiting for.
Ive been waiting here since the end of time, and I can tell you that it
wasnt worth waiting for.
Bill Cleere
Not at all. I can't remember writing that, even sarcastically.
Usenet is like the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Bill Cleere
> "Bill Cleere" <bcle...@SPAMgmail.com> did this:
>
>> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in message
>> news:4bb7c2lk4f1p3esjk...@news.readfreenews.net...
>> > "Bill Cleere" <bcle...@SPAMgmail.com> did this:
>> >
>> >> "Flip Wilson" <Righ...@cha.com> wrote in message
>> >> news:pan.2006.07.22....@cha.com...
>> >> > On Sat, 22 Jul 2006 20:59:21 +0000, Flava Flavius Josephus wrote:
>> >> >
>> >> >> Does the film then show his rectum? If not, what's your point?
>> >> >
>> >> > I think it's one of the "deleted scenes" GL will restore for the Blu-ray
>> >> > edition.
>> >>
>> >> Better than that....rumor has it that there will be a bonus track
>> >> mini-documentary on cornholing in the SW universe.
>> >
>> > Hopefully the Yedi pedophile scandal will be covered.
>>
>> Covered up, more likely, by those filthy Yedophiles.
>>
>> That's why Jimmy Smits carried Yoda on his back. That's the
>> only way you can keep the little perv out of your pants, and
>> stop another Yedi (hideous offspring of Yoda and Jedi) from
>> being spawned.
>
> OVER THIS INTERVIEW IS.
If you're pissed that you haven't seen the great scenes on
the planet Rectator because you wouldn't watch the movie,
don't take it out on us.