Ellen Harper McGarr, 50-ish; Hilarious Obit
Bill Schenley
Photo: http://tinyurl.com/3hhzpdy
FROM: The Idaho Statesman ~
(Paid obit)
Ellen Harper McGarr died peacefully at home following a struggle with
cancer. Family and friends were awed at her composure. Carried away on the
wings of angels, she is secure in the arms of our Savior, her head
comfortably and attractively tilted at about a 45 degree angle so that it
rests on our Lord's right shoulder.
Miss McGarr was born with a strong and unique sense of humor that not only
entertained strangers and sustained friends for decades, but allowed her to
contribute her own unique touch to her obituary.
Miss McGarr was born and raised in Tallassee, Alabama, a cotton mill town
populated by good-hearted people but with very few fine old families of
respectable lineage. Fortunately, the McGarrs were one of the lucky families
and enjoyed the benefits of sterling flatware at holidays, relatives
represented in the Museum of the Confederacy, and the general satisfaction
that comes with knowing who one's people are.
Miss McGarr learned the importance of good manners from an early age and was
admired by many.
Miss McGarr showed an early interest in music, which was nurtured at the
First United Methodist Church and by her mother, Mrs. Leonard McGarr, Jr.
(Nancy), who holds a piano performance degree from LaGrange (Georgia)
College, and is equally happy putting her talents to use in the piano bar at
Kowliga resort as she is at various churches.
Miss McGarr distinguished herself at Tallassee High School, serving as the
band's drum major and as editor of the Talla-Hi News. She was one of four
graduation speakers elected by the faculty for 1978 commencement exercises.
All of this was achieved while maintaining a 1.8 grade point average.
Accepted to the University of Montevallo (Alabama) (the alma mater of both
grandmothers), Miss McGarr enrolled for two semesters and actually attended
class for one. She then transferred to William Carey College in Hattiesburg,
Mississippi, where she was awarded the Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in
Theatre in 1982.
Miss McGarr performed in numerous productions at the college, including four
summer seasons of Carey Dinner Theater. Her notoriety as a performer spread
beyond the campus and she was recognized frequently when shopping in the
Hattiesburg mall. She never tired of telling the story about the total
stranger who came up to her and asked, "Did I see you at Carey Dinner
Theater last Saturday?"
Miss McGarr launched - and pretty much ended - her professional theater
career with the 1982-83 tour of the Sheffield Ensemble Theater, performing
in an original musical comedy called Videosyncrasies. She then moved to New
York City and pretended to pursue a career in theater. When it became
apparent that she was too lazy for a theatre career, she turned her
attention to other opportunities. After two years as a Telex operator, Miss
McGarr became the executive assistant to the president of Keizaikia New
York, Inc., a subsidiary of a Japanese publishing and business consulting
firm. As one of two people on staff, she held significant responsibilities.
After six years, she moved to the American Red Cross of Greater New York
where she served as executive assistant to the CEO. She resigned after only
nine months due to the fact that she was about to be fired. During those
years, Miss McGarr's personal life was more interesting than her
professional life. She visited her family in Alabama frequently, but good
taste prevented her from disclosing most of what was going on.
After fourteen years in New York City, Miss McGarr bid adieu to a beloved
circle of friends (many of whom were Southerners she had known since
college) and moved to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to attend the Lutheran
Theological Seminary at Philadelphia in preparation for ordained ministry in
the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. She managed a few semesters
before realizing what a terrible mistake she had made. Miss McGarr quit full
time study, but stayed at the seminary to work as a staff member and attend
classes part time. This enabled her to remain a part of the seminary
community she enjoyed so much while still quitting something.
Quitting was an activity she had come to love and would enjoy for the rest
of her life. In addition to the chance to quit something, her seven years in
Philadelphia provided Miss McGarr with many wonderful friendships.
Interestingly, she took in stride her many years in Northern cities, perhaps
because she was able to meet Southerners wherever she went. Sadly, she
stopped making homemade mayonnaise and began to put dark meat in her chicken
salad, but she did remember how to set a table.
While in Philadelphia, Miss McGarr met her long-time companion, Miss Judy
Troyer, with whom she would share many lovely vacations and several
questionable real estate transactions. [1]
The Misses McGarr and Troyer moved to Idaho in 2002. Miss McGarr was
employed seven years by the Idaho Department of Correction in a series of
tasteful positions, and developed cherished friendships with many of her
colleagues. Though unable to convince anyone to give her a weapon, badge, or
pepper spray, she loved working for "The Department." Miss McGarr was
preceded in death by her father, Mr. Leonard McGarr, and by her
great-great-grandfather, Peter Hurst, Bandmaster of the Alabama
(Confederate) Regimental Band.
She was entitled to membership in Daughters of the Confederacy, an honor she
never bothered to claim.
She is survived by Miss Troyer of Garden City, ID; her mother, Mrs. Leonard
McGarr, Jr.; and her brother and sister-in-law, Mr. and Mrs. Samuel H.
McGarr II, all of Hoover, AL. ARequiem Eucharist service will be held Monday
April 25, 2011 at 1:00 p.m. at St. Michael's Episcopal Cathedral (518 North
8th Street Boise, ID). Arrangements are with Boise Funeral Home Aclesa
Chapel (322-3999).
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Personal Assistance Fund,
Mountain States Tumor Institute, 100 E. Idaho St., Boise, ID. 83712
---
Obit and guestbook:
http://tinyurl.com/3cwvomu
---
The woman behind the funny obituary
Her obit had us howling. But Harper McGarr was more than just funny.
FROM: The Idaho Statesman ~
By Tim Woodward
She took the name of a famous author, but never wrote a book or even a short
story. What she did write was an obituary - her own - that became an instant
classic.
Ellen Harper McGarr died April 15, succumbing to cancer some 18 months after
being diagnosed. No one would have known how sick she'd been from reading
her April 21 obituary, which became the talk of the town. Memorable
excerpts:
- In high school she "served as the band's drum major and as editor of the
Talla-Hi News. She was one of four graduation speakers . All of this was
achieved while maintaining a 1.8 grade point average."
- "When it became apparent that she was too lazy for a theater career, she
turned her attention to other opportunities."
- "She resigned after only nine months, due to the fact that she was about
to be fired."
- "Quitting was an activity she came to love and would enjoy for the rest of
her life."
McGarr's requiem service at St. Michael's Cathedral was standing-room-only.
When a speaker asked members of the congregation to share a story about her
with the person next to them, the woman next to me asked me if I'd known
her.
"I didn't, either," she admitted. "But after reading that obituary, there
was no way I was missing this. I sent it to people all over the world."
So who was this woman who made people laugh in the face of her own death?
She was born Nancy Ellen McGarr in Tallassee, Ala, but never felt
comfortable with her given names. Told that, a friend suggested she change
one of them.
"To what?" McGarr asked.
"How about Harper?"
"You mean like Harper Lee? (The "To Kill a Mocking Bird" author also was an
Alabama native.) I like it."
And, just like that, Harper McGarr came to be. Though never famous, she
acquired almost mythical status wherever she went. It was said that no
matter where she was in the building where she worked for the Idaho
Department of Correction (which created a service award in her memory),
people knew when she was around. Her zest for life, even when she was dying,
set her apart.
Like her humor.
"She could tell any story better and funnier than anyone," said Alice
Farquhar-Mayes, the celebrant at her service. "She wrote the book on funny."
Deb Hess, a friend, added that McGarr "found the grace and the fun in any
situation. . She was picking out her urn online and laughing about whether
she should get a keepsake urn. She said she was a full-figured gal but didn't
know if she could fill that many urns."
The book on McGarr's nightstand during her last days was "Being Dead Is No
Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide To Hosting the Perfect Funeral."
She used it to draft a nine-page email to St. Michael's, specifying every
detail of her memorial service.
She was only half joking when she wrote in her obituary that she enjoyed
quitting. In her half century of life, she was, among other thing, an
actress, a Telex operator, caterer, seminarian and administrative assistant.
Quitting was her way of starting a new chapter.
She was, by all accounts, a stellar cook.
"She once made poached pears with homemade carmel sauce - while she was
talking to me!" Hess said. "They were so good they made me cry."
One of her favorite lines: "Everything tastes better with a stick of butter
in it." She liked Southern cooking, dinner parties, moose, gnomes, her
friends - so many that toward the end they made appointments to see her -
and her orange Buddy 125 Scooter.
Farquhar-Mayes remembers her as "funny, wise, compassionate and insightful.
And she wasn't afraid to die. She was looking forward to it as the next
great adventure."
A few of her friends said that the way she faced death, with humor and
audacity, made them unafraid of it. More than a few said that when she died,
it was as if someone switched off the sun.
---
[1] http://tinyurl.com/3zvd9um
Kris Baker
"Bill Schenley" <stra...@neo.rr.com> wrote in message
news:it1ahg$ldd$1...@dont-email.me...
> Ellen Harper McGarr - 2011
>
> Photo: http://tinyurl.com/3hhzpdy
>
> FROM: The Idaho Statesman ~
> (Paid obit)
>
> Ellen Harper McGarr died peacefully at home following a struggle with
> cancer. Family and friends were awed at her composure. Carried away on the
> wings of angels, she is secure in the arms of our Savior, her head
> comfortably and attractively tilted at about a 45 degree angle so that it
> rests on our Lord's right shoulder.
Oh, man. The only funny person in Idaho is dead.
Thanks, Bill.
Great one.
Kris
Charlene
> "Bill Schenley" <stray...@neo.rr.com> wrote in message
That was a great one. I loved the mention of her great-great-
grandfather!
wd47
Jane Margaret Laight
>
> read more »
this is a treasure--it looks like we were in Philadelphia about the
same time, although we evidently did not move in the same circles; I
would have loved to have met her...
and here's her picture: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=68502431
thanx Bill
JML
another Southern Belle--out of order