BUSH DAUGHTERS TO POSE FOR 'PLAYBOY' PICTORIAL
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NEWS ITEM: WASHINGTON (Washington News Service) – The White House
confirmed today that "First Daughters" Jenna and Barbara Bush have
agreed to pose nude in a "tasteful" Playboy magazine pictorial. Funds
raised from the sale of the magazine will go towards alcohol awareness
programs directed at underage youth, sources say. Recently, the
fraternal twins of President George W. and Laura Bush were jailed in
Austin, Texas, after attempting to purchase alcohol using false
identification.
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Well, this news certainly gives an entirely new meaning to the phrase,
"the bush daughters."
And it means it's time to finally write the obituary for feminism (which
actually died when Gloria Steinem admitted that it was time to scratch
the longtime itch between her legs by finally promising to obey her new
husband in sickness and in health.)
In retrospect, we suppose that "Playboy" is a more respectable choice
than Larry Flynt's "Barely Legal" (a magazine whose title could equally
apply to the Jenna and Bab's approach to margarita purchases.)
According to sources, the Bush girls thought posing nude would "be a
neat father's day gift to all the men in the United States who
appreciate the firmness of the female form that is still intact among
late teenage girls." They apparently added that, "At our age, our bodies
haven't yet started to sag unappealingly like our mom and other women
well past their sexual prime."
All of this brings up the intriguing question: "Are Jenna and Barbara
Bush still virgins?"
Our bet is that they are not. Frankly, if they know how to gulp down
more Jagermeister than a young Adolph Hitler, then they certainly know
the other skills that are required of the adult female.
And that includes pleasuring their non-homosexual male classmates for
whom nailing a First Daughter would be a worthy notch in the old pica
pole indeed.
The sexual awareness of the Bush daughters is in stark contrast to the
former titleholder of First Daughter, the prissy Chelsea Clinton.
Chelsea was an Emily Bronte-type character who sported the same thick
ankles as her mother and as well as their shared aversion to Oval Office
fellatio.
That, it seems, was left up to another thick-ankled female who is now
leveraging her fame into a career designing handbags. This is why Tim
McVeigh doesn't have to worry about his unfinished task of destroying
America. We're quite capable of accomplishing that all on our own,
thank you very much.
Playboy's Bush issue is sure to sell out. And it's sure to be loaded (so
to speak) with liquor ads. Perhaps Jenna will even endorse her favorite
margarita mix.
Most importantly of all, we know we share the enthusiasm of everyone in
alt.obituaries as we eagerly await word from Playboy about whether the
twin's nips are a luscious blushing pink or a succulent chocolate brown.