OT: Billy's Desiderata by Billy Connolly

[Matthew Kruk]

From Billy by Pamela Stephenson, Harper Collins Entertainment, first
published in 2001.

Billy's Desiderata by Billy Connolly

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of long lie-ins.
Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and if you must lie
about your age do it in the other direction: tell people you're 97 and
they'll think you look fucking great.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go
and seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. If you
don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just
sitting.

Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody
you like. Eat plenty of liquorice allsorts. Try to live in a place you like.
Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like. Never turn down an
opportunity to shout 'fuck them all!' at the top of your voice.

Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your bed become to you what the Pole
Star was to sailors of old... look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear
on aeroplanes. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that,
who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when
there's spinach on them. Avoid people who know the answer. Keep the company
of people who are trying to understand the question. Don't pat animals with
sneaky eyes. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11am, start one.

Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international
language, it has no swearwords; if you don't count Wagner which in my
opinion is one long one and should be avoided at all cost. If you write a
book, be sure it has exactly 74 'fucks' in it.

Send Hieronymous Bosch prints to elderly relatives for Christmas. Avoid
giving LSD to guide dogs. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute
nobody. Campaign against blue smarties.

Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and
square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over
your spice singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say 'It's good to
be alive!'

[R H Draney]

Matthew Kruk filted:

And trust me on the sunscreen....r

--
"You got Schadenfreude on my Weltanschauung!"
"You got Weltanschauung in my Schadenfreude!"

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