Things I learned living in Texas .
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps
in the middle of the road
2. There are 5,000
types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a
couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite
5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. "Jaw-P?" means "Did ya'll go to the
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. "fixinto" is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner
and then there is supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start
drinking it when you're two & We do like a little tea with our
12. Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about
13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't
matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.
16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question "Did you
bring any beer?"
17. You measure distance in minutes.
18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
19. All the festivals across the state are named after a
fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
20. You know what a "DAWG" is.
21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN
22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete,
Tabasco and Ketchup.
23. The local papers cover national and international news
on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school
24. You think that the first day of deer season is a
25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".
26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and
27. Going to Wal-Mart is a
favorite past time know as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as
good chicken stew weather.
29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
30. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we
can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your
Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.