Healing Through Grief

[Bruderhof News]

Check out this article at Bruderhof.com:
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Healing Through Grief -
by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD.

Grieving may be one of the most fundamental of life skills. It is the way that the heart can heal from loss and go on to love again and grow wise.

Read the rest of this article at:
http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm
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[John Tacker]

I have been through personal grief with the loss of a sister and neice, then a brother and then two months to the day a spouse. You never get over it. It just gets easier to live with as time passes. Without Gods Holy Spirit as our comforter, I dont know how people cope. I know for many it takes years of therapy. Therapy of grief sessions through a reliable Church Program can help. Ultimately you must commmit it to God and get on with your life. Bitter does not make us better. Empathy can help to heal others. True scientist dont throw in references of biological billions of years of evolution. If you know a miracle of God, You know His power is sufficient to speak things into existence instantly! So, by trusting in Him you can heal more rapidly from grief by turning your feelings over to Him.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Lorne Friesen]

I appreciate the wisdom of Rachel Naomi Remen. Please include more of her writings in future digs.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Brie Bourn]

Every time I start to feel doubt, I get a Daily Dig and it helps me to hear, my life isnt so bad. Thank you!

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Patricia]

This article really meant something to me. I am allowing the Holy Spirit to lead me in the grieving process. I am recalling losses Ive experienced that involve my relationship with my daughter. I am praying my entire family can grieve losses through the leading of the Holy Spirit and go on to live life by creating positive experiences with each other. Please pray for us. Thank you.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Bruderhof]

Patricia wrote:

> This article really meant something to me.

Every great loss demands that we choose life again. We need to grieve in
order to do this. The pain we have not grieved over will always stand
between us and life. When we don’t grieve, a part of us becomes caught in
the past like Lot’s wife who, because she looked back, was turned into a
pillar of salt.

[Bruderhof]

Grieving is not about forgetting. Grieving allows us to heal, to remember
with love rather than pain. It is a sorting process. One by one you let
go of the things that are gone and you mourn for them. One by one you take
hold of the things that have become a part of who you are and build again.

[Bruderhof News]

Bruderhof wrote:

Excerpted from the book My Grandfather’s Blessings: Stories of Strength,
Refuge and Belonging, by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1573228567

[Bhawana]

I agree with the writer. Grief is the fundamental part of our life. Without it we wouldnt be able to feel the ecstasy, the blissfulness. The more we are willing to face the challenges the more we become confident and strong. So we should face it boldly.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Anne]

The concept that resonates with me is that of "The Wounded Healer." Henri Nouwen wrote of this in a book by that name. Our wounds remain but we allow them to be used in the healing of others. A former classmate illustrated this vividly. John Claypool was a Baptist preacher and later an Episcopal Priest. When his little girl was ill and later died of leukemia, he preached a series of sermons concerning his struggle with grief....

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Claire]

The article is quite true.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Mildred]

As a Christian, I struggled
for many years with loving
those people who hurt me
over and over again...until,
Gods grace made the words
of his commandment becoame
real in my life, "You must
love one another as I also
love you."
That day will always remain
vivid in my life, and I will
be forever grateful as it
changed my life 70X7.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Clément de la Providence]

Grateful to Rachel Naomi Remen for her Nice words of heart healing.But Im gone tell you that it is not so easy to forget all the memories of the past. We are broken and wounded , the cognitive and emotional forgiveness, affirmation can help us to heal ourselves. As religious, I give all my worries of the past in merciful hand of almighty God, my present to his love and my future to his providence. Guidance, prayer and sacrements especially the Eucharist can still have a tremendous succes. I apologize if my english is so poor, I often speak french.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Heena]

Healing through grief opens the door for a new journey of life making us more strong and become able to enjoy happy moments much better than before.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Major]

Healing Through Grief, by
Rachel Naomi Remen, MD., is timely. Though disasters, manmade, natural, or supernatural are ongoing, the intensity, both in number and strength, seem to be increasing. Reader commentary points to variations in response to varieties of grief but one common denominator mentioned often is that grief is the 20/20-hindsight-enabler of wisdom. The view through contrition, that examines affectations of ones self that present stumblingblocks to healing and prevents increases in clarity of the knowledge of truth in every pursuit to pre-empt grief, has been cited by ancient wisdom as the "solvent celestial." This is the path of peace.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Rick Herod]

Grief is a time when God allows (Leads) us to the Throne of Grace.. We Cry Abba Father (on our faces) and a special blessing will be sent to us. The grief will turn into a warm memory and lifes lessons of humility and Grace which replaces the grief.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Mani Pulimood]

Job of the Old Testament clung to the word of God and valued it more than anything else in the world. He knew if he was steadfast he would not be led to the miry clay of despair, doubts, self pity or hatred toward God. It is this despair that draws away and get side tracked. These feelings can destroy a persons faith. Job found comfort in assuring himself with Gods word that strengthened him at his time of trouble. The word kept him focused on God and His ways.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Ramesh]

It is very true.
Dissappointments and losses are part of the life. It is Gods way to bring ones true potentials out. But grieving about them truly makes one light and unbudens the guilt one tends to carry. While I grieve God is with me, He holds me dear to his heart, allows me to silently unburden all that heaviness I carry and gets me ready for the challenges ahead.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Lynne Sorgen]

I am huge fan of Rachel Naomi Remen. This article is particularly pertinent to my life. Three years ago my beautiful, precious mother Patricia, died of brain cancer and this past Feb., after his mothers death and his 55th birthday, my husband of 25 years decided he was in love with his first ex-wife (whom he had had no contact for 32 years) and now we are divorced and she has moved in. I trust all of it as being perfect ultimately, but I also know that I still must grieve. There is a fine line between acceptance and rationalization, and I have many dear friends and family members who have warned against forcing forgiveness and speeding up my healing process before their time. I trust the process and as a volunteer grief counselor I know that it takes what it takes in the time that it takes! I need reminders such as this periodically though.
Peace to us all,

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Dr. Robert M. Santry]

I thank Dr.Rachel Remen for her excellent article on grief work. I concur with her. Grief work is part and parcel of the healing process. We should not attempt to eradicate or smother it by medication, denial, or delay. Feeling the ache and pain of the loss remains an important part of the process. Gradually--over time--we heal. The ache and pain subside and are replaced with peace.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Nancy Mattox]

I have been through much pain in my life and because I have taken the time to heal, I enjoy bigger blessings and gifts!

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Joanna G Farmer]

I thank Rachel for providing this message and I know it was divinely sent to me. I am grieving my parents death. It will be 8 years this November 2005. They committed suicide, two weeks apart and I thought I had lost them. But Ive learned, by grieving, allowing the process to happen, that they are still with me. In fact, I now believe and understand that God gives me their Spirits to nurture and comfort me when I do miss them. And there are so many precious memories and I realize that I am so very fortunate for they left such an enduring legacy.

Thank you, Almighty Creator, for Rachels word of comfort. I know that you work all the time to heal and nurture, providing strength and health so that I move forward with even greater love to do the work You call me to do. Amen.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Malinda]

The article this morning is what I needed, I have been depressed for the last two weeks, God always find a way to bring good news to his children. I lost my job and I believe it will end a chapter in my life. I feel so useless, dumb and incapable of being productive on another job. I have ADHD and depression, I told my supervisor because of the workload they gave me that I needed help, they fired me. I will miss teaching and planning and everything that goes with the job. My family is suffering financially my husband might be layed off his job because of hurricane Katrina, I trust God but I hurt so much. Thanks for your wisdom and love for God to share this article.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Lawrence Moir]

Rachel Naomi Remens reflection on "Healing Through Grief" has struck a strong cord within me. She writes "When we dont grieve, a part of us becomes caught in the past like Lots wife who, because she looked back, was turned into a pillar of salt." This image stands out as I remember my own non-grieving and how it stifled my creativity, and my interaction with the world. I presented as it were a "flat aspect."

As a pastor, and as friend of people in grief (since all experience loss there is an unlimted supply) I have seen and experienced the intra-personal and inter-personal damage that occurs when we do not learn grieving as a fundamental life skill.

A middle aged woman who lost a dear friend to cancer a decade ago is given to angry denunciations of those she deems imperfect or sick. She declares that if a co-worker is ill with the flu or cold, they should take an asprin, and drink plenty of fluids, but go to work instead of being "lazy goldbricks." And even if her mother died, she would bury her mother as soon as possible, without a period of mourning or visitation and retrun to work as soon as she was buried. She has no time for the weakness of grief.

Lots wife! A pillar of salt has no life, no being or sense of self, no sense of others, no sense of the divine. And it is brutally brittle.

Such a "life" is subject to erosion, where finally the self, the soul is washed away. There is no vision of the future, no purpose, no hope, no movement.

Remens words ring true, "Untouched, (by grief)we will suffer anyway. We just will not be transformed by our suffering."

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Karen]

I think to embrace the idea of healing through grief is important because healing is often a lifetime process that has no definite ending. I enjoyed todays passages as well as the comments I have read.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Leath]

I needed to hear these wise words on grieving today. I have lost a friend, a lifetime
friend, or so I thought.
So now I must grieve and it is hard, but I will do it now with renewed hope because of these wise words.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Susan]

If grieving is a skill, then where does one really start. What are the steps of grieving? From here to there.
From pain and suffering back to being healed.
My heart hurts today. Physically hurts. Sometime the chestpain I treat as a nurse is often emotionally bound. Nitroglycerin for the death of a loved one? Yes, actually.
If there is another treatment then tell me. Yes, I pray, I greive, I talk to God. Sometimes I think we are not supposed to fully healed. That we remained humbled and in need of our God if we are suffering. Are we a better person from having been hurt and suffered? Yes, I think so.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Meliton]

It gives me strength that helps me spiritually, to encourage, and how to overcome, all bordens, problems. I realize that Jesus is great and always with me.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Gabriel Ani]

Many thanks Dr Remen for this most comforting and soul-lifting piece. I agree completely with you, but in addition, we need to ask the Almighty God for the special gift of genuine grief of healing rather than that of self-accusation, despondency and despair. God bless.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Neil Carmen]

It is true that grief is an important part of a healing process during the time of loss. I cant totally disagree with the author that grieving makes our heart stronger to love once more and made us wise in life.
But personally I would like comment to the fact that grieving is a choice one must make, for all animals except man seems to be unaccustomed to grieving ( of course this is scientifically debatable).
We grieve because we choose to. I have had pains in life, I even have come to the point that I think I just can go on, but with much interaction with other faithful to God and reading inspirational materials like this that come from your website, I came up with a totally new perspective in life.
Pains are unwanted misfortunes that befall to man , but I think this could also be a blessing, a gift from God. I cant remember where but someone has told me that sometimes we lose to be completely involved with Gods plan for us.
Beside pain can be transformed into prayers, by pain we are in union with our suffering redeemer, we can offer our hurts to our God and what more greater gift can we offer to God than the assurance of our Love and Trust to Him in times of our most trying life.
Denial, substitution, avoidance and rationalization is a basic defense mechanism of man. But these defenses are never true to the men who have come to the reality that in a Christian life pain and suffering is essential to make our life truly worthy in the eyes of God.
God Bless and more power to our daily digs.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Helen Carter]

Thank you so much for this passage. How I wish that we could all learn to grieve well. In my culture I dont think we cope with loss well and therefore do not grieve well. Healing so often does not happen, and the residual anger and hurt is held on to, as well as the guilt. We do not understand the necessary process for healing to take place. I hope many people read your wonderful words here and learn from them.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Rosemary]

What a great help to me! Guess I was in great denial. I lost my sister to cancer a few months ago and right before her passing, her son was murdered. I felt angry, confused and great sadness. I was laughing on the outside but inwardly I was falling apart. Thank you so much for this article on grief!

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Anna Anefu Ada]

Thank for the message. Its wonderful.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Neil Mukerji]

This is wonderful. Thank you very much.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Karen]

This was very helpful to me at a time when I feel a turning point in my life. I am 35 next month and I feel I am on verge of a huge milestone in the way I experience life. This article mirrors that and at the same time enlightens and helps to guide my steps. Thank you for this beneficial service.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Lyn Vaughn]

Uh-h-h, I must have missed something, but this Daily Dig seems like a clinker! She just repeats the same idea, over and over, and never really says anything about how one is supposed to "heal" emotional wounds. There is no insight at all about how to distinguish legitimate "grieving" from mere self-pity.

This writer seems to be of the "God is mist on the meadow, and smiles on the face of a child" school of theology. I bet the worst hurt she ever experienced was when someone took her assigned parking space.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Charles Sinay]

What a beautiful article --
enough to think and pray about for a life time! I cant help but also think, though, that if we are to really heal through being open to our grief, it is almost unimaginable to do it without community....

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[John Karondukadavil]

Yes I do believe the true grief born of love and contrition can heal the hearts of people. But modern man is ruled by grief born of guilt and self centerdness. This can only bring more pain and suffering. So we need to grieve from genuine contrition born love and trust.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm

[Rebekah]

Your statements about grief ring so true with me. Losing a child has been one of the most painful and profound losses I have ever experienced. I have found that commentt like "put the past behind you" hinder my growth as a person. Taking the past with me, being tranformed by it, and taking it with me into the future to experience life on a fuller level, has allowed me to heal in ways I have never imagined. Thank you for your words about grief.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Grieving.htm