Expecting Benjamin

[Bruderhof News]

Check out this article at Bruderhof.com:
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Expecting Benjamin - The Value of a Life
by Eldad Ben-Eliezer

"I am sorry to have to tell you this, but there is a high probability that the
fetus you are carrying has Down syndrome." How did I react when my wife and
I heard this news?

Read the rest of this article at:
http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[carrie]

As a mother of a child with DS i thought this was a wonderful article. I agree
that children with ds enrich our lives more than we could have possibly thought.
There is a bond between parents of special needs children that others can not
understand.

carrie
Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[Jo Ann Caseiras]

As a parent of a Down Syndrome child, the article was most interesting to read.
Support is definitely needed for such families. When our son was an infant
and young child, we received such support. Now that he is twelve, that support
is hard to find. Things get harder as he ages and our society is more rejecting
of him as his behaviors are harder to accept.

Jo Ann Caseiras, Cottekill, NY United States

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[Mary]

Beautiful testimony...thank you for writing it. God will surely give you the
strength and continue to fill your family with joy. We have a handicapped child
ourselves who is now a young man and we know the great gift that he is. Please
continue writing...it will help others tremendously if you would continue to
write of your joys and difficulties.

Mary, United States

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[Rina Avishai]

Helping implement physiotherapy to such a child lead us near some of the difficulties
you'll face. With love you'll overcome. It's one more opportunity to feel the
power, support and love enveloping you by the brothers and sisters. This is
one of the3 topics commune is so great for.

Rina Avishai, Shaar-hagolan Kibbutz Israel

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[Alyssa]

Great Article! Benjamin is truly a special gift from God!

Alyssa

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[Frank Tavella]

Having been born with Cerebral Palsy, I know first hand what this 'special'
child will go through. My parents did not see me as a problem. They saw me as
having a problem that had to be dealt with. I was a pereson with a problem,
rather then the problem itself. This attitude predated all the talk about 'person
first' speech regarding the disabled. I just celebrated my 50th birthday, and
I don't think I would have been able to get this far without parents and a family
that saw me as a person long before the society started talking that way. We
still have a long way to go in welcoming all the children God gives us as a
society, but with God's help we can change attitudes one person at a time.

Frank Tavella, Massapequa, NY United States

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[gayle aroian]

how deeply touching and beautiful this story is to me. you see, my husband and
i have a son now age 20. one day while looking at a newsletter from a world
adoption resource type agency i stumbled upon a photo of a child perhaps 4 mos.
old in need of a "loving and supportive family" ...we named our new son Ian
which we are told means gracious gift from God.... And that he is !!!! in a
nutshell there has been much to "contend" with, hydrocephalus,seizure disorder,
mental retardation, severe vision impairment, hypothyroidism, attention deficits,
all of which contribute to behavior difficulties,blocked tear ducts, no sense
of smell and on and on...but above and through it all is a spirit that could
only have been breathed from our Heavenly Father... and for us it is nothing
short of an honor and a privilege to be his dad and mom...So, after 20 years,
having been told early on that the type of seizure disorder that Ian has, does
in fact carry a grim prognosis, we are grateful to God for carrying us at times
of waning strength and courage, to be able to be family and to have all of us
reach our fullest potential....It is not often easily understood by {still}
extended family, friends or people we are meeting for the first time.. and i
guess that is the gift that is truly meant for us from God that only we can
understand.. We bless the Lord!

gayle aroian, barre, mass

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[Rebekah Domer]

I appreciated Eldad's article very much. Having lived with my own sister with
Down Syndrome for 27 years, I can testify to the joy and love that come to a
family and community from such a child. Although my own sister suffered great
physical pain throughout her life, we did not think of her as a "disabled" person.
Rather, she was a special gift, the light of our party, the sunshine of our
family. Life has not been the same since she died in 1996 at age 28. But her
spirit lives on as a part of each of our lives. Our exceptionally "gifted" sister
continues to spread sunshine, humor, love and joy through the lives of all who
knew and loved her.

Rebekah Domer, Farmington, PA United States

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[frances]

I believe that Benjamin is a gift, a gift to the universe and to his family.
I work in a Camphill Village and cannot tell you how much joy my supposedly
"disabled" friends have brought to me. Every person is unique and makes his
or her own contribution to the world. Undoubtedley Benjamin has come here to
make his contribution to a better and more loving world. Blessings upon Benjamin
and his family...

frances

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[Tom Gray]

I can't say that God places special children with special parents. Instead,
I believe God gives us the ability, the gift, to become special parents, if
we will only allow Him.

Tom Gray, Seagrove, NC United States

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[Annalita Lancaster]

I have a great nephew, our very own Benjamin, who is now five years old. Our
entire family feels so blessed to have the opportunity to welcome such a blessing
into our midst. All of us have experienced the beauty of this child, his warm
and loving personality, his personal confidence and his ability to relate with
such transparent simplicity. He has finished preschool and is now in a regular
kindergarten, enjoys his friends and is the favorite of teachers. Every parent
who faces such disappointing news need not fear. They are in for great joy!

Annalita Lancaster, Maple Mount, KY United States

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[Tina Coulson]

I just don't really know what to say, the love for these children is just great.I
have a son with Fragile X Syndrome he is 8 yrs old, he has an interlectual disability
and has alot of needs, but we love him just the same.Then there is my brothers
children Sarvarna 4, and Shaydon 2, Shaydon has Down Syndrome and is just lovely,
alot of hurdles for this little boy as well. Where Sarvarna is so advanced for
her age. My Parents could not believe how special their two grandsons are. You
could sit down and think why us, why our family, but we dont, we love all our
children just the same and thank god for giving us this special gift in our
lives. Never forget your not on your own.

Tina Coulson from Tasmania, Australia

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[Tascha Dresser]

I have a learning disability and too have felt the stigma society has placed
on my sholders to be perfect and the rejection it has shown me for not being
perfect and having some problems. This is why I chose to become an advocate
for others with my disability. I grew up during a time when "Mother blame" was
in and the very early inception of what was called special education. I was
often called retarded by my so called peers and discounted by the schools I
attended. No one at the schools would recognize me today nor would the students
who used to torment me. I have gone beyond their low and negative expectations
they had of me and done things they had thought impossible, all with my own
hard work and determination and with the belief my mother had of me and still
has to this day. I went on to not only complete high school but also was included
in the classes my none disabled peers attended including an advanced academically
enriched class that other special education students had to get pulled out of
it, with mixed grades. Years later I would earn A GED, go to a community college
and do very well, have an article done on me in a news paper, write letters
to an editor, write articles on various issues for another small paper, have
my poetry published in anothologies, and one article on learning disabilities
reprinted in the Rebus Institute Report and a profile done on me in The Marin
puzzle People news letter, create, write and distribute my own news letter
and now I have just published a large book of my poetry entitled Coming Out
Of The Closet And Breaking The Chains:Poetic views from the other side of a
special education class room.....

Tascha Dresser, Bend, Oregon United States

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[Dick Rood]

I pray that I would have been just as accepting as Eldad Ben-Eliezer. I have
been blessed with normal children, now grown. This does not relieve me of praying
for their welfare in an increasingly dangerous world society.

Dick Rood

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[Helen Blackburn]

I was deeply moved by 'Expecting Benjamin'. I hope Benjamin grows up to have
a full and fulfilling life. I teach young people with learning disabilities,
and am often humbled by their sheer determination. Clearly Benjamin will be
loved whatever he achieves or doesn't quite manage to achieve.

Helen Blackburn, United Kingdom

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[Tamara]

In 1989 during my pregnancy with our youngest daughter, Eleanore, I refused
AFP or amniocentesis testing, but agreed to ultrasound. In 4 months I had 4
ultrasounds, when finally they told us there was nothing "wrong". She was born
with hypotonic cerebral palsy and profound deafness with developmental delays.
But the person she was, went far beyond those labels! Eleanore brought much
love and joy of life, and seemed gifted in many ways. Her life was difficult,
as was ours by the standards of modern society, but life with her was also extraordinarily
rich. Our hearts were broken, nursing negligence caused a medical accident that
killed her 22 months ago. Her spirit lives on in our family and amongst many
who knew her. Eleanore was God's greatest gift to me, and I will always be grateful
to be her mother. I hope you find the same with your little boy.

Tamara, United States

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[Belva Barnhardt]

It has been my personal and professional experience as a director of special
education program in the public schools that God places "special" children with
special parents. They are warmly blessed with the love of these children, as
are we who work with them all too briefly. To have such happy children embrace
your heart as well as your body is to behold the wonders of all that God creates.

Belva Barnhardt, Dalton, GA United States

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[Pat Hartmann]

It is always encouraging to hear from a parent with the courage to love a special
child. I wish to tell the author that when his family feels alone in their
struggle, to remember that there are many of us raising children with special
needs, and that we parents may be the only ones who see the unique gifts God
has given to our child, gifts which are hidden behind the disability that outsiders
see. Some people have told us that God gave us a job that only we could carry
out. Of course, this is flattery, but stripped of its glitter, it reminds us
of the responsibility that God gave us. I pray that the author and his family
will see the fruition of their love for their special son, as I pray that God
will allow our daughter to use her gifts of a generous heart, a love for people,
an eye for the underdog and the afflicted, and the capacity to love those who
do not love her in return. I pray that the author and his family willl also
discover their son's gifts, and rejoice.

Pat Hartmann, Harlingen, Texas United States

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[Ellyn Zarek]

It is nice to hear about people who are more concerned with love and family
than "perfection." I had a baby at 44 years old and refused pre-natal testing
as I felt the life I was carrying was precious, even with higher risk of disability....

Ellyn Zarek, Massachusetts United States

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[Tony]

It is wonderful to see grace at work in the acceptance of a gift!

Tony, Hobart Australia

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[Taylor P.]

My aunt had Down-syndrome, and taught me so much about life and love before
she passed away a few years back. I was young then, but I still understood what
it meant to accept someone as they were and love them for that reason.
I just want to thank you for sharing this amazing story with us, and most of
all, for loving Benjamin just as he is: a beautiful child of God!

Taylor P., Mountain View, Oklahoma United States

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[Linda]

Thank you and may Jesus continue to bless you, your wife and your 6 beautiful
gifts from the Creator of life.

Linda, Greer, SC United States

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[gene heath]

Thank you for sharing that wonderful story.

gene heath, Tampa, FL

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[Leah Pringle]

Thank you for your story. I cried through most of it. I too have a child with
Down syndrome. David will be 4 on September 2, 2003. I couldn't love him more.
No, I never thought I would have a child with Down syndrome but I feel that
God prepared me without me even knowing it. I grew up with a family who had
a wonderful daughter 5 years younger than I who had Down syndrome. I had never
heard of this condition before. I loved her then and I love her now. She is
43 years old. When David was born I felt no fear because of knowing Carole.
I didn't know about all of the medical problems that could occur but fortunately
for our family David has only had upper respiratory problems for which he has
had his first set of tubes placed in his ears. David is beautiful. His stature
is short but well proportioned. He is a dream to wake up to and I have learned
more about love through him than I thought was possible. Thank you for your
story. Sincerely, Leah Pringle

Leah Pringle from Texas, United States

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm
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[Ed King]

Thank you for this article and thanks to our Father in heaven for giving Benjamin
and each of us life. What a precious gift - being created in the likeness of
God, our Father.

Ed King, Littleton ,CO.

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[Becky Braman]

Thank you for this thoughtful and loving essay. I would also recommend "Expecting
Adam" by Martha Beck. She tells of the hostility and anger she and her husband
faced when they decided to welcome their Down's syndrome baby. Also "Riding
the Bus with My Sister" by Rachel Simon about the life of a mentally disabled
adult and the acceptance her sister learns. All these experiences help us to
learn more about what it is to be human and what God loves in us.

Becky Braman, Jackson, WY United States

[michael o callaghan]

Thank you, I have read it before and I draw inspiration and hope from it. I
was born with a leaking heart valve and convoulsions which has left me with
slight brain damage. In the face of abuse, negativity and of put-downs this
is a breath of fresh air.

michael o callaghan, dingle ci kerry Eire

[Wijke Hails]

This is a beautiful essay, full of hope and truth. I would comment that it's
probably not "inconvenience" that causes many families to dread having a handicapped
child. The writer, being a professional doctor, is doubtless in a financial
position to have his wife stay at home full-time and provide all the support
this child needs. For millions of families, where both parents must work to
provide the income needed to keep the family surviving, "inconvenience" would
be far to mild a description of the burdens such a child would levy. God bless
those families!

Wijke Hails, Brampton Canada

[Naila]

I think it is so true what u have said. I have a daughter with down dyndrome, but she has brought so much joy and love to us we never imagined. I have three children before her 20 yrs 19 yrs 16 yrs and they all love her.

[John Walker]

What a beautiful article! Two years ago, my wife and I went through a similar experience. Between the initial ultrasound and a higher-resolution follow up, we waited ten agonizing days. They were the worst, yet most grace-filled of my life. In the end, our daughter was determined not to have Down syndrome, but five months later she was still born. I shall always have a special place in my heart for children with D.S. and their parents God chose to rear them.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[Kadi]

I think that you did the right thing. Every child and unborn, deserves a chance to live and live life to it's fullest. Even if that person may struggle at some times, he/she means well. You took a big risk and dedicated your whole lives to your child and I have much respect for that.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[Heidi]

What a wonderful story! I work with children with special needs and would wish that everyone could see each child as the blessing that he or she is. These stories really inspire me - keep them coming!

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[Rebecca Wold]

What a heart wrenching story. I am 61 and have two "Special Children". One has physical deformities that of a Cleft Palate and lip...With that came years of surgery, lots of pain - physical and emotional, lots of teasing from peers and even from well meaning "Christians" which hurt the most. Now at 35 after years of struggling with his deamons he is a happy productive citizen in Society. The struggle with his faith still goes on mainly because what pieous christians said to him and about him....My Second "Special Child" is visually and mentally impaired. She is for the most part a grown up "3" year old. She too has had many many surgeries on her eyes and has developed some sever behavior problems. She is 33. She still lives at home and is quite content in her own little world. I wish I were of a stronger nature and could say that life is good and we have been blessed beyound measure because of these children. But I can't say that. Life has been very, very difficult and extremely painful. I worry constantly about what will become of our precious daughter when we can no longer care for her. My head and my heart believe that Jesus in His great mercy will take care of her and He already has a plan in place for her. What I will say is that because of our chilfren we have become much more aware of the pains of the world and the suffering that comes when people are not compassionate and loving as Jesus commands us to be. I will also say I could have never gotten through all we've been through without the Hand of My Heavenly Father on my shoulder and whisper of His voice in my heart telling me "you can do this - I'll neve leave you or forsake you." Our Great and Mighty God has held us in the Hollow of His Hand and brought us through the DEEP DEEP Valleys and DEEP DEEP WATERS. I guess at the beginning of the life of a special child when they are so helpless and cute and precious, we can't see beyond that point. But because of that "SPECIALNESS" WE HAVE TO LOOK AHEAD FAR AHEAD and give the that child every advantage to reach the potential God has for him/her. In many respects unless one has a very supportive family it is a lonely place. I pray that God will give the family the strength they need to face what is ahead and hold on to Jesus and fight, fight for that child and PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR THAT CHILD.....

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[Ray Gaebler]

What a truly affirming testimony. Any of us who have "Special" friends know the truth of the statement that we recieve more than we give when we live with a special child but we have to recognize how hard the initial impact must be when it is our own child about to come into the world. That this message hits a resounding chord is underscored by the 26 reponses already registered to their story.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[Bruderhof]

The writer serves as a medical doctor at the Darvell Bruderhof in East
Sussex, England, where he lives with his wife and six children.

> http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[John Burton]

What an uplifting story. We have an extended family member was born with Downs some 13 years ago and has been a source of joy as well as work for the family but she is uncomplicated and loving. Fortunately, ther is greater acceptence of those wonderful people who remind us daily of the joy that exists in simply being alive in a world of beauty, a world that greets us with new gifts each day if we can only escape the pressures of "making it" in our culture.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[kim]

When our Abi was born in 1989 we were told by 'highly educated and trained' staff at UCSF in San Francisco that we could place our daughter in an institution. Hah! She was in need of surgeries to repair a GI defect. Her surgeon was able to develope a new technique on her and was astounded by the ease of the procedure and the small amount of trauma to the patient. Of course, we credit Jesus for the revelation because we and many others were in deep prayer for the surgeon that morning.
As a toddler Abi was a worship warrior, rocking back and forth singing her heart out to God. Now at 14, so many times, teachers and other school workers will tell us what a joy she is to know. How can a medical worker tell new parents that their handicapped child will never do such and such? And may not accomplish this or that? God is so much bigger than our own understanding...

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm

[Betty]

Your story is very touching. I have been blessed with 3 healthy children and 6 grandchildren but I cannot understand how people can abort any child and I certainly don't understand how if they love their other children they can kill one of God's special ones. I always taught my children that kids with any dissabilities were God's special people and they are the most lovable people on earth.

Responding to http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/Benjamin.htm