work and wedding gifts
karen...@hotmail.com
Valentine's Day this year. Yea. Good for her. Never so happy. Blah blah
blah.
Well yesterday she and I were venting about family frustrations when she said
she was hurt that almost no one in her family gave her a wedding present.
That may sound odd, but wait! There's more!
She is almost 38, has been married before, and eloped BIG TIME for this
second wedding. No invitations were sent (understandable for an elopement)
and no announcements were sent other than something like this: <standing at
the copy machine> "By the way, I got married last weekend." I mean, she
CALLED IN SICK to work to go to TN to get hitched and didn't even tell anyone
in her family until a week after they returned. She'd been dating him for
about 6-7 weeks but has known him and his two teenagers for a long time,
apparently.
So, being prone to over-analyze everything, I was wondering if she was also
giving a hint that no one in the office gave her anything. I don't expect
you guys to know what her motives were, but I sure didn't have the gumption
to tell her that if you elope and if you don't sent announcements and if you
call in sick to get married, there's just not a whole lot you can expect from
people. I gave her sincere congrats when she finally told us and I suppose I
could've sprung for a nice card, but I didn't.
It's been almost two months now. Would you give her a card now or a token
gift or something? Or would you just let it go? I am not especially close
with her, but I do have to work with her daily and don't want to exacerbate
any hard feelings about this.
--
koa
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yah...@eagle.cc.ukans.edu
karen...@hotmail.com wrote:
: It's been almost two months now. Would you give her a card now or a token
: gift or something? Or would you just let it go? I am not especially close
: with her, but I do have to work with her daily and don't want to exacerbate
: any hard feelings about this.
I wouldn't go out of my way to do much, but then again, that's
just me. They eloped, they didn't let anyone know about it beforehand,
there haven't been any public festivities, etc. Also, it's their second
wedding...it's not like they probably need much to set up house together.
A card might be nice, but that's about all I would do.
Jill
fdrc
<snip>
> Well yesterday she and I were venting about family frustrations when she said
> she was hurt that almost no one in her family gave her a wedding present.
> ... no announcements were sent other than something like this:
<standing at
> the copy machine> "By the way, I got married last weekend."
Doesn't sound to me like she's fishing for gifts from coworkers, just being
upset that her family didn't honor her marriage in the way she expected.
Anyway, if you gave her a gift now, it would look like you're doing it just
to make her feel better! Save your guilty feelings for something more
worthwhile.
Fiona
S & A
anything (even if for the fact that she was HINTING, gifts are supposed
to come from the heart, not some sense of obligation)
If I was close to this co-worker (chatted with her at lunch, over coffee
etc.) then I would probably get her a gift and a card.
Alison
karen...@hotmail.com wrote:
>
> So there's this co-worker in my office who got married the weekend after
> Valentine's Day this year. Yea. Good for her. Never so happy. Blah blah
> blah.
>
> Well yesterday she and I were venting about family frustrations when she said
> she was hurt that almost no one in her family gave her a wedding present.
> That may sound odd, but wait! There's more!
>
> She is almost 38, has been married before, and eloped BIG TIME for this
> second wedding. No invitations were sent (understandable for an elopement)
> and no announcements were sent other than something like this: <standing at
> the copy machine> "By the way, I got married last weekend." I mean, she
> CALLED IN SICK to work to go to TN to get hitched and didn't even tell anyone
> in her family until a week after they returned. She'd been dating him for
> about 6-7 weeks but has known him and his two teenagers for a long time,
> apparently.
>
> So, being prone to over-analyze everything, I was wondering if she was also
> giving a hint that no one in the office gave her anything. I don't expect
> you guys to know what her motives were, but I sure didn't have the gumption
> to tell her that if you elope and if you don't sent announcements and if you
> call in sick to get married, there's just not a whole lot you can expect from
> people. I gave her sincere congrats when she finally told us and I suppose I
> could've sprung for a nice card, but I didn't.
>
> It's been almost two months now. Would you give her a card now or a token
> gift or something? Or would you just let it go? I am not especially close
> with her, but I do have to work with her daily and don't want to exacerbate
> any hard feelings about this.
>
> --
> koa
Wende A. Feller
>
[snip of colleague's elopement, virtually secret wedding, and complaints
about not receiving gifts.]
> It's been almost two months now. Would you give her a card now or a token
> gift or something? Or would you just let it go? I am not especially close
> with her, but I do have to work with her daily and don't want to exacerbate
> any hard feelings about this.
Let it go. Wedding gifts are traditionally not expected from people who
did not attend the wedding, and certainly not from people who were not
even invited to the wedding. Close family members might make an
exception, but there's no reason why you should feel guilty. (If this
were a dear, close friend, you wouldn't be asking -- you would have
given at least a token gift two months ago, without thinking hard about
it.) If she can't figure out why no one was excited about a wedding that
*she* apparently wasn't excited about... If you still feel guilty in
another four months, give a card on their six-month anniversary.
Wende
Wende A. Feller
>
> If I wasn't especially close to someone in that position, I wouldn't do
> anything (even if for the fact that she was HINTING, gifts are supposed
> to come from the heart, not some sense of obligation)
My Evil Twin just had an additional thought... next time you're chatting
and the subject of weddings comes up, you *could* bemoan how some people
think sending them an invitation means it's a gift grab, and how lucky
she is that no one could possibly suspect HER of wanting gifts. She
would have to be pretty shameless to respond with "Actually, we really
think people shorted us by not sending presents."
Wende
Althea
and my ability to just blurt things out, I would have asked 'innocently
enough' (hehehe) "Maybe people just didn't realize they were supposed to do
gifts because of the elopement and all."
Althea
Wende A. Feller wrote in message <371392B7...@skypoint.com>...
halwi...@gmail.com
se...@sentientit.net
> So there's this co-worker in my office who got married the weekend after
> Valentine's Day this year. Yea. Good for her. Never so happy. Blah blah
> blah.
>
> Well yesterday she and I were venting about family frustrations when she said
> she was hurt that almost no one in her family gave her a wedding present.
> That may sound odd, but wait! There's more!
>
> She is almost 38, has been married before, and eloped BIG TIME for this
> second wedding. No invitations were sent (understandable for an elopement)
> and no announcements were sent other than something like this: <standing at
> the copy machine> "By the way, I got married last weekend." I mean, she
> CALLED IN SICK to work to go to TN to get hitched and didn't even tell anyone
> in her family until a week after they returned. She'd been dating him for
> about 6-7 weeks but has known him and his two teenagers for a long time,
> apparently.
>
> So, being prone to over-analyze everything, I was wondering if she was also
> giving a hint that no one in the office gave her anything. I don't expect
> you guys to know what her motives were, but I sure didn't have the gumption
> to tell her that if you elope and if you don't sent announcements and if you
> call in sick to get married, there's just not a whole lot you can expect from
> people. I gave her sincere congrats when she finally told us and I suppose I
> could've sprung for a nice card, but I didn't.
>
> gift or something? Or would you just let it go? I am not especially close
> with her, but I do have to work with her daily and don't want to exacerbate
> any hard feelings about this.
>
> koa
>
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