Charles Trimble: Santa in the age of climate change
runningwolf
Charles Trimble: Santa in the age of climate change
Monday, December 21, 2009
Filed Under: Opinion
I would first ask my readers, especially those who are serious about
global warming, to know that I am not making fun of their hero, Al
Gore. After all, using the name of Al Gore and the word fun on even
the same page is oxymoronic. Nor do I want to be seen as belittling
their deep anxiety over global warming and humanity’s slim chances of
survival if we don’t do something about it.
News from the Copenhagen summit on global warming has got me
concerned, not only over the dire predictions of Armageddon, but
another thing more imminent that is being overlooked. For this
eventuality will cause political strife in America that would make the
health care reform melee in Congress seem like a 1960s love-in by
comparison.
In a keynote speech at the summit, Mr. Gore quoted one of his
dedicated team of scientists as predicting that the polar ice cap
would melt in seven years, and leave only what has been there since
earth's creation, an ocean.
My concern, therefore, is about Santa Claus. We will have to create a
whole new Santa myth for children of generations hence. Gone will be
the sleigh and the reindeer to pull it, for sleighs don't float well,
and reindeer aren't great swimmers and would become prey to killer
whales and sharks even if they did. And what about the little elves
who slave happily for Santa to fill the wish lists of toys, dolls, and
violent electronic games for deserving children?
Mrs. Santa would finally have cause to persuade her chubby hubby to
move to Phoenix and get a real job. There is, after all, a much better
social life even in Phoenix than at the North Pole.
What a tragedy it would be; who will tell the children? Or worse, who
will tell Senator Harry Reid and Speaker Nancy Pelosi that Santa is
gone – or that Santa was one great sham put over on generations of
innocent little minds of children and gullible voters?
My good friend Omahan Walt Duda came up with a possible answer based
on another concern emanating from the great global warming terror –
the appearance of massive new glaciers in the Himalayas, presumably
from evaporation of North Pole ice. Duda opines that we could move
Santa's mythical residence and workshop to Nepal or Tibet. Maybe we
could even enlist the Yeti himself to be the new Santa, pulled around
the world by yaks.
But we must get busy, for seven years is just a blink in time. This
may demand emergency federal funds to hire the best American minds in
the arts, sciences and communications to help reinvent Santa.
With “Night Before Christmas” poet Clement Clarke Moore, who created
the American Santa, and Thomas Nast who illustrated Moore’s creation
both long dead, we'd have to have the arts involved.
The makeover will be contentious indeed. To satisfy the vegans and
health nuts, for instance, the jolly fat-man image has got to go, for
what kind of role model is that for our children? How can anyone but
lithe, diet conscious sufferers be truly happy? This would call for
huckster advertising men like those who sold us the fat man in the
first place.
Then comes the biggie: Why a man? Why not a woman? I have neither the
imagination nor the guts to even approach this mud match.
But as in all reforms, we might as well go all the way and rename the
mythical philanthropist, for the word Santa presumes Christianity.
Santa in Latin languages means holy or sacred. Santa Claus derives,
some say, from Saint Nicholas. The atheists would put up such a fuss
and with the support of the ACLU, would fight to free our children
from the burden of faith and irrational joy that the name Santa evokes
in their little minds and dreams.
Science fiction writers would be called upon to invent a new system of
hypersonic transportation to carry the new creation to every farm,
town, Indian reservation, and city in much of North America in twenty-
four hours or less. And with feelings so intense about global warming,
the chimney itself represents an affront to our environment, demanding
a new entry for Santa into homes to deliver gifts to children; which
beget challenges that portend even greater horrors – getting lawyers
involved.
With the disappearance of Santa and not even a myth to assuage our
angst over global warming, I say, “Forget it, Al Gore – leave us be.”
Let us resign ourselves to the ageless process of the universe, and go
the way of the dinosaur, the mastodon, and other critters that fell to
asteroid impact, volcanoes, and periodic Ice Ages. As prehistoric life
did for us, let us be resolved to the stuff that greases axles of
evolution eons hence.
Enjoy a Merry Christmas while we still have Santa.
Charles “Chuck” Trimble, Oglala Lakota, was principal founder of the
American Indian Press Association, and served as Executive Director of
the National Congress of American Indians from 1972-78. He is retired
and lives in Omaha, Nebraska. He may be reached at cchu...@aol.com.
His website is iktomisweb.com.