IF THOR BATTLED JESUS {Metaphysical comix!}
Ironywaves
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/temple_ofisis
from my website: www-rcf.usc.edu/~jamesony/d_xrelated/x-bible.htm
Retconning the Bible and You
Below is retcon (retracted or retroactive continuity) of one of the more
sacred texts in
the real world, the Holy Bible. It was first started by one of the
racm-x'ers, Matthew who
asked about a quote from one of the x-books. I have included each person's
comment, each
speaker represented by a number.
It is a bit confusing to read, but as this is compiled by me from about 10
different posts
and threads, it will be. Confusing that is. Just read it from top to bottom,
with the
background idea that people are interupting and commenting each other.
(I bet Matt never dreamed it would become this big!!)
Uhm, please excuse any blasphemy by us. :o)
1. Matthew H. Clark
2. Andrew Wheeler
3. Vorpal Bunny
4. Paul O'Brien
5. Daniel McEwen
6. Jeffrey Joshua
7. Don Jarvis
8. Lord of deXness
9. Brucha A Meyers
10. Lady Amythst
1. In AOA, X-men Omega, what does the quote by Havoc "not even, Judas."mean?
This is when
Cyke states that all this brotherly feuding has gotto stop. Judas?! Been
buggin me ever
since.. can't even sleep.
2. Judas is a character from the popular book 'The Bible'. Judas was one of
the disciples of-
3. Does he have claws? And are they adamantium?
2. No, but he can kill people with his kiss, a bit like Poison Ivy only not
Uma Thurman.
6. No, but I think he has iron spikes that stick out of his hands and feet
(see the
classic Bible: New Testament #37 for a great story, where Jesus and his
Howling Apostles
were finally defeated by Pontius Pilate and the Romans, their arch-enemies.
The page where
he comes "back from the dead" is great). I'm not sure if they're as sharp as
Wolvie's, but
with the last power up he can roll away giant stones, so he's got some punch
behind 'em.
2. -the hero of one of the latter sections of the book (which is basically a
collection of
stories about God, his supporters and his detractors, a very good read,
check it out, most
bookshops still have some copies). This hero is a man called Jesus who was
wanted by the-
3. But was Jesus proven to be a hero? Or was this retconned in?
2. He was one of the good guys from the start, just a bit precocious. The
only retconning
was done later still, by people reading the Bible. 3. And what's this crap
about
water-to-wine? Didn't he have ANY idea how much damage he was doing to the
wine industry?
And what about the minors he was intoxicating? You'd have dozens of
four-year olds running
around getting totally drunk! No wonder he was wanted!
2. Hey it's only a story. Besides, the wine industry wasn't great, not if
they can't even
get enough for a wedding. In a busy metropolis like Cana, no less. And it
was a special
occassion. Even kids can have wine at a wedding. If it's... er... watered
down. There's a
flaw in that plan, isn't there?
4. These questions and more will be addressed in the upcoming JESUS
UNLIMITED #1,
featuring a story by Howard Mackie and art by yet another poor uncredited
Brazilian. The
story leads into Marvel's big fall crossover, "Saviour Rising", which will
run through
AMAZING JESUS #28-30, IMPLAUSIBLE JESUS #64-66, CHURCH OF JESUS #3-5, UNTOLD
TALES OF
JESUS #8, and UNADJECTIVED JESUS #98-100. Apocalypse and Hellstorm appear
prominently,
though neither will act in character.
6. Actually, the "water-to-wine" power was turned into a very effective
attack in Amazing
Gospel Stories #14. The human body is 70% water. Imagine it all becoming
wine. Ouch! 2.
-authorities for claiming to be the son of God (long story, read the book),
so Judas
betrayed him to the Romans in exchange for cash.
3. Yes, but wasn't it later revealed in PAUL #12 that Judas was actually
Jesus' evil twin
clone who later became good and decided to become an orthodonist but was
exposed to Green
Kryptonite and suffered memory lapses.
2. Yeah, but that's part of the Gnostic stuff, they got rid of it in
Revelations Hour
6. No, no, you're thinking of the Judas from the alternate future universe,
in the Days of
Future Popes storyline (Further Adventures of Judas Iscariot #5). Judas
Prime eventually
reformed, and became a grief-driven avenger of the night. Look for a good
appearance in
Judas & Paul #1-4, a LS that came out a few years ago. 2. The term Judas has
since come to
refer to any person who betrays another. Cyclops in AoA betrayed Apocalypse,
so Havok
called him Judas.
3. Wait, does that mean Cyclops wore a robe and washed people's feet?
2. Well he wore a robe. Well, a cowl. 3. And what about Havok? Would he be
Peter?
2. No, he's Alex, Colossus is Peter. 2. What this proves is that even in the
Age of
Apocalypse, sales of the Bible were high.
3. But was this before or after the chromium covers? And when can expect a
trade paper back?
2. There's going to be a sequal set in the future I think. Burning Bibles:
The Last Judgement.
6. I like the trading cards they put in, especially the one from B:NT #37,
with Jesus
shoving that spike through a Roman's chest. Prayer time, sinners! 8. I
believe the best
seller was the holographic triple-gatefold gold and silver chromium covered
annual with
the Peter and Paul interviews. I think it's the one where Jesus teams up
with Venom and
the Scarlet Witch to rescue children from Sinister's labs. I've got an
autographed King
James version around my apartment somewhere.
5. Obviously it was from _this_ book that Marvel learned retcons! (King
James
*version*--as in, different from previous ones.)
1. You made a simple Mistake. King James is the name of the editor. Like
Bobby H., he is
sure that his Version is the best, though I don't think he ever read any of
the back
issues, opinions differ! There were multiple writers, artists and inkers but
some guy
names Guttenberg(sp) did the lettering, I think. 2. Can't keep a Good Book
down. The
Bible: buy now, pay forever.
3. Details, Wheeler, details!
2. What can I say? You should read it, it's a classic. You should see the
Dark God saga,
where he kills the asparagus people of Soddom and Gomorrah, and even the
Shi'ar can't stop
him.
6. Don't worry, I hear Marvel is going to do a reprint series. Otherwise,
just pick up
Bible Masterworks and read it yourself. I heard that the last issue will
feature Apocalypse.
7. There will also be several spin off series. GUARDIAN ANGELS #1: This
issue reveals
Vanisher is really Mephisto as they fight his enslaved evil army the fallen
angels, also
Devil Dinosaur is a very accurate name for the character. PAULS TRAVELS #1:
Paul travels
the holy land GUEST STARRING Wolverine. JUDAS #1: No info yet on this
series, rumor says
they retcon him as a hero. MOSES #1: He has the power to divide the red sea
but can he
defeat Magneto.
9. From:
"X-Men in the Savage Land... Let my mutants go!" TOMB OF JESUS SPECIAL: This
issue has a
polybagged, chromatic, glow in the dark, die cut cover. but this is just a
gimmic to get
fanboys attention because the book is empty.
10. There's been an awful lot of speculation on this thread as to the plans
for after
Onslaught. Now we all know their resetting the Universe back to 0 A.D. but a
lot of other
stuff has been mentioned that just isn't true. I've been talking to the guy
in charge (God
as opposed to GOD) and here's what I've been told:
There will be twelve regular titles filling the space that was once filled
by the X-Men. I
can tell you a few of them. The Apostles and The Uncanny Apostles. These
will be very
closely associated and will cover the two main teams. They haven't quite
worked out the
split yet but Peter will be the leader of the white team who will feature
mostly in
Uncanny Apostles and Judas will lead the brown in Apostles. The Adventures
of Mary
Magdalene; The Fall of Eden: Background stuff mostly. You don't really need
to get this
one to follow the series though; Apostles 2099: This is sub-titled
Revelations so I'll
leave it to you to work out the basic plot.
There's also supposed to be a series following a group of street kids in
Jerusalem and a
limited series on a guy called Herod.
"~consul" <xdedes...@dolphins-cove.com> wrote in message
news:3E7F9EB0...@dolphins-cove.com...
> from my website: www-rcf.usc.edu/~jamesony/d_xrelated/x-bible.htm
>
> Retconning the Bible and You
> Below is retcon (retracted or retroactive continuity) of one of the more
sacred texts in
> the real world, the Holy Bible. It was first started by one of the
racm-x'ers, Matthew who
> asked about a quote from one of the x-books. I have included each person's
comment, each
> speaker represented by a number.
> It is a bit confusing to read, but as this is compiled by me from about 10
different posts
> and threads, it will be. Confusing that is. Just read it from top to
bottom, with the
> background idea that people are interupting and commenting each other.
> (I bet Matt never dreamed it would become this big!!)
> Uhm, please excuse any blasphemy by us. :o)
>
> 1. Matthew H. Clark
> 2. Andrew Wheeler
> 3. Vorpal Bunny
> 4. Paul O'Brien
> 5. Daniel McEwen
> 6. Jeffrey Joshua
> 7. Don Jarvis
> 8. Lord of deXness
> 9. Brucha A Meyers
> 10. Lady Amythst
>
> 1. In AOA, X-men Omega, what does the quote by Havoc "not even,
Judas."mean? This is when
> Cyke states that all this brotherly feuding has gotto stop. Judas?! Been
buggin me ever
> since.. can't even sleep.
> 2. Judas is a character from the popular book 'The Bible'. Judas was one
of the disciples of-
> 3. Does he have claws? And are they adamantium?
> 2. No, but he can kill people with his kiss, a bit like Poison Ivy only
not Uma Thurman.
> 6. No, but I think he has iron spikes that stick out of his hands and feet
(see the
> classic Bible: New Testament #37 for a great story, where Jesus and his
Howling Apostles
> were finally defeated by Pontius Pilate and the Romans, their
arch-enemies. The page where
> he comes "back from the dead" is great). I'm not sure if they're as sharp
as Wolvie's, but
> with the last power up he can roll away giant stones, so he's got some
punch behind 'em.
> 2. -the hero of one of the latter sections of the book (which is basically
a collection of
> stories about God, his supporters and his detractors, a very good read,
check it out, most
> bookshops still have some copies). This hero is a man called Jesus who was
wanted by the-
> 3. But was Jesus proven to be a hero? Or was this retconned in?
> 2. He was one of the good guys from the start, just a bit precocious. The
only retconning
> was done later still, by people reading the Bible. 3. And what's this crap
about
> water-to-wine? Didn't he have ANY idea how much damage he was doing to the
wine industry?
> And what about the minors he was intoxicating? You'd have dozens of
four-year olds running
> around getting totally drunk! No wonder he was wanted!
> 2. Hey it's only a story. Besides, the wine industry wasn't great, not if
they can't even
> get enough for a wedding. In a busy metropolis like Cana, no less. And it
was a special
> occassion. Even kids can have wine at a wedding. If it's... er... watered
down. There's a
> flaw in that plan, isn't there?
> 4. These questions and more will be addressed in the upcoming JESUS
UNLIMITED #1,
> featuring a story by Howard Mackie and art by yet another poor uncredited
Brazilian. The
> story leads into Marvel's big fall crossover, "Saviour Rising", which will
run through
> AMAZING JESUS #28-30, IMPLAUSIBLE JESUS #64-66, CHURCH OF JESUS #3-5,
UNTOLD TALES OF
> JESUS #8, and UNADJECTIVED JESUS #98-100. Apocalypse and Hellstorm appear
prominently,
> though neither will act in character.
> 6. Actually, the "water-to-wine" power was turned into a very effective
attack in Amazing
> Gospel Stories #14. The human body is 70% water. Imagine it all becoming
wine. Ouch! 2.
> -authorities for claiming to be the son of God (long story, read the
book), so Judas
> betrayed him to the Romans in exchange for cash.
> 3. Yes, but wasn't it later revealed in PAUL #12 that Judas was actually
Jesus' evil twin
> clone who later became good and decided to become an orthodonist but was
exposed to Green
> Kryptonite and suffered memory lapses.
> 2. Yeah, but that's part of the Gnostic stuff, they got rid of it in
Revelations Hour
> 6. No, no, you're thinking of the Judas from the alternate future
universe, in the Days of
> Future Popes storyline (Further Adventures of Judas Iscariot #5). Judas
Prime eventually
> reformed, and became a grief-driven avenger of the night. Look for a good
appearance in
> Judas & Paul #1-4, a LS that came out a few years ago. 2. The term Judas
has since come to
> refer to any person who betrays another. Cyclops in AoA betrayed
Apocalypse, so Havok
> called him Judas.
> 3. Wait, does that mean Cyclops wore a robe and washed people's feet?
> 2. Well he wore a robe. Well, a cowl. 3. And what about Havok? Would he be
Peter?
> 2. No, he's Alex, Colossus is Peter. 2. What this proves is that even in
the Age of
> Apocalypse, sales of the Bible were high.
> 3. But was this before or after the chromium covers? And when can expect a
trade paper back?
> 2. There's going to be a sequal set in the future I think. Burning Bibles:
The Last Judgement.
> 6. I like the trading cards they put in, especially the one from B:NT #37,
with Jesus
> shoving that spike through a Roman's chest. Prayer time, sinners! 8. I
believe the best
> seller was the holographic triple-gatefold gold and silver chromium
covered annual with
> the Peter and Paul interviews. I think it's the one where Jesus teams up
with Venom and
> the Scarlet Witch to rescue children from Sinister's labs. I've got an
autographed King
> James version around my apartment somewhere.
> 5. Obviously it was from _this_ book that Marvel learned retcons! (King
James
> *version*--as in, different from previous ones.)
> 1. You made a simple Mistake. King James is the name of the editor. Like
Bobby H., he is
> sure that his Version is the best, though I don't think he ever read any
of the back
> issues, opinions differ! There were multiple writers, artists and inkers
but some guy
> names Guttenberg(sp) did the lettering, I think. 2. Can't keep a Good Book
down. The
> Bible: buy now, pay forever.
> 3. Details, Wheeler, details!
> 2. What can I say? You should read it, it's a classic. You should see the
Dark God saga,
> where he kills the asparagus people of Soddom and Gomorrah, and even the
Shi'ar can't stop
> him.
> 6. Don't worry, I hear Marvel is going to do a reprint series. Otherwise,
just pick up
> Bible Masterworks and read it yourself. I heard that the last issue will
feature Apocalypse.
> 7. There will also be several spin off series. GUARDIAN ANGELS #1: This
issue reveals
> Vanisher is really Mephisto as they fight his enslaved evil army the
fallen angels, also
> Devil Dinosaur is a very accurate name for the character. PAULS TRAVELS
#1: Paul travels
> the holy land GUEST STARRING Wolverine. JUDAS #1: No info yet on this
series, rumor says
> they retcon him as a hero. MOSES #1: He has the power to divide the red
sea but can he
> defeat Magneto.
> 9. From:
> "X-Men in the Savage Land... Let my mutants go!" TOMB OF JESUS SPECIAL:
This issue has a
> polybagged, chromatic, glow in the dark, die cut cover. but this is just a
gimmic to get
> fanboys attention because the book is empty.
> 10. There's been an awful lot of speculation on this thread as to the
plans for after
> Onslaught. Now we all know their resetting the Universe back to 0 A.D. but
a lot of other
> stuff has been mentioned that just isn't true. I've been talking to the
guy in charge (God
> as opposed to GOD) and here's what I've been told:
> There will be twelve regular titles filling the space that was once filled
by the X-Men. I
> can tell you a few of them. The Apostles and The Uncanny Apostles. These
will be very
> closely associated and will cover the two main teams. They haven't quite
worked out the
> split yet but Peter will be the leader of the white team who will feature
mostly in
> Uncanny Apostles and Judas will lead the brown in Apostles. The Adventures
of Mary
> Magdalene; The Fall of Eden: Background stuff mostly. You don't really
need to get this
> one to follow the series though; Apostles 2099: This is sub-titled
Revelations so I'll
> leave it to you to work out the basic plot.
> There's also supposed to be a series following a group of street kids in
Jerusalem and a
> limited series on a guy called Herod.
> --
> "Back in the day, Mickey Rooney was the biggest name in entertainment in
all of the 38
> states" --Steve Martin 75th Oscars
> till next time,
> Jameson Stalanthas Yu http://www.dolphins-cove.com
> dedesi...@Xdolphins-cove.com (remove x's to reply)
>
Chris Siren
I actually have a soft spot for the Golden Age Judas, who used to appear in
the old Captain Macabbee comic by Pseudepigrapha Comics - they only got
to issue 4 though, but the first two aren't too hard to find in
reprints. Anyway,
the Golden Age Judas was actually a hero --- all he had to do was shout
"Adonai!" which was the name of a supernatural spirit responsible for
all of
Judas's superpowers. His signature trick didn't have anything to do
with kisses
or spikes though - it was flame control.. He did require at least a
small amount
of fuel though to get going.
Groups trimmed 'cause they seemed excessive.
Chris Siren
Ironywaves
There was the Earth One Judas, who hanged himself, and the Earth Two Judas,
who ripped his guts out on a riverbank, right?
Will