Klaude Koleman Killed THE WEEN CONNECTION

[John Witkowski]

Deaner clung from the side of the enclosure. He had accidentally tripped over the edge of the world's largest termite mound exhibit at the Lewis and Clark adventure park for the physically challenged. His legs dangled and swayed like a metronome as the termites grew peckish below. Park staff eagerly shot at the monolithic structure to no avail as Deaner screamed like a kookaburra, pleading for mercy. As the cries left his body, mouth wide open like the gate to heaven, his prized dentures almost leapt from his face as they careened down the dead center of the termite mound. The dentures were made from the teeth of Dean’s idiotic fans, who he thought had ‘irresponsible dentition.’ (change how you see fit) At past concerts, Deaner would single out appropriate fans and challenge them to eat an entire Bison Burger, which was in truth just a plank of wood spray painted black and smothered in old fryer grease between Texas toast. In return they would get something, like say, a handshake or a wink. His oblivious followers would unwittingly leave their teeth behind in the plank so Dean could collect them for his dentures. It had been a long time since Dean had taken the dentures out to study or even think about them, and after these memories had finished trampling through his LSD fried brain, the termites had already finished reducing them to nothing but a speck of Damascus Goat meat that was in between his incisors.