No arms, no legs jokes
Smagmapig333
>From: "khamsouk a." aekha...@fresnomail.com
>Date: 4/15/03 3:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time
>Message-id: <b7hlut$12aok$1...@ID-102390.news.dfncis.de>
>
>A dog with one leg walks into a western bar and says to the bartender......
>"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."
is that the one you use after...
hi, i'm bob, i'm a network administrator, wanna fuck?
or
hi, i'm alex, i don't use my real name because i wanna be like every other
white guy, wanna fuck?
hey, i'm bobby, i get mad when i can't get a chick in bed. wanna fuck? NO?
SLUT! WHORE!
mike
khamsouk a.
bartender......
> >"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."
>
> is that the one you use after...
>
> hi, i'm bob, i'm a network administrator, wanna fuck?
lol. you're a sad little man.
talk about reaching, my joke had nothing to do with women. lmao...
i'm gonna take a wild stab at this and guess that you're still mad about the
whole "grammar" thing. apparently, words aren't a part of grammar,
lmao...whew!
isn't it sad, when a half fluent china-man like me has to correct you on
your grammar? ra-ra-ra-ra...
--
tidalcoil (becca) - 310.413.4011
"Smagmapig333" <smagma...@aol.communism> wrote in message
news:20030415155657...@mb-cu.aol.com...
Rajan
"Facing Destiny" <agw...@chello.at> wrote in message
news:ZuVma.46879$UR.3...@news.chello.at...
> I don't think DiCaprio is such a bad actor. Even tough I found the
happiest
> moment of "Titanic" was when his frozen corpse vanished into the ocean.
seconded i thin k i was the only peson laughing
i bleive i got quite a few offended looks
that and the propellerman were my highlights
Rajan
Smagmapig333
>Message-id: <b7hvpn$17etf$1...@ID-102390.news.dfncis.de>
>
>> >A dog with one leg walks into a western bar and says to the
>bartender......
>> >"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."
>>
>> is that the one you use after...
>>
>> hi, i'm bob, i'm a network administrator, wanna fuck?
>
>lol. you're a sad little man.
>
6-4 225 not so small...
>talk about reaching, my joke had nothing to do with women. lmao...
>
no, but it would explain the becca thing.
>i'm gonna take a wild stab at this and guess that you're still mad about the
>whole "grammar" thing. apparently, words aren't a part of grammar,
>lmao...whew!
>
ya, and like i said before i didn't say they weren't.
khamsouk a.
the
> >whole "grammar" thing. apparently, words aren't a part of grammar,
> >lmao...whew!
> >
>
> ya, and like i said before i didn't say they weren't.
quote from earlier post:
>and i was not correcting grammar, he had the wrong lyrics (thought not
taught)
wrong "lyrics" eh? lol, you're definitely not an english major. more like a
truck driver, if you ask me.
correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think he was posting a poem or song.
we can obviously see that you're trying your best not to use the word
"grammar", to describe your grammatical correction of his sentence. i don't
give a fuck what word he uses, you were still correcting his grammar,
dumbass.
Main Entry: 1lyr搏c
Pronunciation: 'lir-ik
Function: noun
Date: 1581
1 : a lyric composition; specifically : a lyric poem
2 : the words of a song -- often used in plural
so in conclusion, by saying that correcting his usage of the word, "taught"
is not a grammar correction. then you are essentially saying that "words"
are not a part of grammar. dumbass.
"lyrics".....lmao...
--
tidalcoil (becca) - 310.413.4011
"Smagmapig333" <smagma...@aol.communism> wrote in message
news:20030415193252...@mb-fo.aol.com...
Smagmapig333
>Message-id: <b7i886$1907a$1...@ID-102390.news.dfncis.de>
>
>> >i'm gonna take a wild stab at this and guess that you're still mad about
>the
>> >whole "grammar" thing. apparently, words aren't a part of grammar,
>> >lmao...whew!
>> >
>>
>> ya, and like i said before i didn't say they weren't.
>
>quote from earlier post:
>
>>and i was not correcting grammar, he had the wrong lyrics (thought not
>taught)
>
>wrong "lyrics" eh? lol, you're definitely not an english major. more like a
>truck driver, if you ask me.
>
>correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think he was posting a poem or song.
rage against the machine, are you that dumb? so yes you are wrong, and yes i am
correcting you.
http://www.musicfanclubs.org/rage/lyrics/know.html
>we can obviously see that you're trying your best not to use the word
>"grammar", to describe your grammatical correction of his sentence. i don't
>give a fuck what word he uses, you were still correcting his grammar,
>dumbass.
>
are you really this dumb? seriously.
http://www.musicfanclubs.org/rage/lyrics/know.html
>Main Entry: 1lyr搏c
>Pronunciation: 'lir-ik
>Function: noun
>Date: 1581
>1 : a lyric composition; specifically : a lyric poem
>2 : the words of a song -- often used in plural
>
>so in conclusion, by saying that correcting his usage of the word, "taught"
>is not a grammar correction. then you are essentially saying that "words"
>are not a part of grammar. dumbass.
>
>"lyrics".....lmao...
umm ya, lyrics
http://www.musicfanclubs.org/rage/lyrics/know.html
congratulations, you look stupid.
mike
The Horse
"Lardass" <asgj...@hghtuf.com> wrote in message
news:kmNma.53860$7L.34...@news0.telusplanet.net...
> in the spirit of really bad jokes started by Davony I'd like everyone to
> post there favourite "what do you call a guy with no arms and no
> legs........?" jokes
>
> I'll kick things off
>
> What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a pile of leaves??
>
> Russell
>
>
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in your mailbox?
Bill
Same guy in a swimming pool?
Bob
Same guy in the swimming pool having sex with 2 women at the same time?
Shish ka Bob
Same guy splattered against a roadside billboard?
Mark
Same guy as a porn star?
Dick
What do you call three women with no arms and no legs in a garden?
Daisy, Lily and Rose
Same three women on your keyboard?
Elle, Kay, and Dee
One of them in the sand?
Shelly
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Ilene
Same woman in chinatown?
Irene
Mark Shea
":: Fearful ::" <hubri...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b7hf0l$s6k$1...@kermit.esat.net...
> Why did Amy fall off the swing?
>
> ...she had no arms.
No! Dammit! She was hit by a fridge!
Mark Shea
Mark Shea
"Rajan" <HASMYPANTSargl...@optushome.com.au> wrote in message
news:3e9c934a$0$24454$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
>
> "Facing Destiny" <agw...@chello.at> wrote in message
> news:ZuVma.46879$UR.3...@news.chello.at...
> > I don't think DiCaprio is such a bad actor. Even tough I found the
> happiest
> > moment of "Titanic" was when his frozen corpse vanished into the ocean.
>
>
> seconded i thin k i was the only peson laughing
>
> i bleive i got quite a few offended looks
I laughed through the last scene of Moulin Rouge. I tried to hold it in, and
all that created was a loud snorting laughter. All these crying women turned
around and looked at me, evilly.
> that and the propellerman were my highlights
Lol! Gold!
Mark Shea
Mark Shea
> What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a pile of leaves??
>
> Russell
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
Doug
What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?
Douglas
What do you call a man who's been dead for fifty years?
Pete.
Mark Shea
[ctrl][alt][del]
news:b7irr1$1akoh$1...@ID-103131.news.dfncis.de...
A man with fifty rabbits up his bum?
Warren.
[ctrl]
> Mark Shea
>
>
Tokes
news:3e9c...@altnews.snip.net...
>
> "Lardass" <asgj...@hghtuf.com> wrote in message
> news:kmNma.53860$7L.34...@news0.telusplanet.net...
> > in the spirit of really bad jokes started by Davony I'd like everyone to
> > post there favourite "what do you call a guy with no arms and no
> > legs........?" jokes
> >
> > I'll kick things off
> >
> > What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a pile of leaves??
> >
> > Russell
> >
> >
>
<snip>
Believe it or not, I have a friend whose name is Neal Downward.
If that wasn't bad enough he's short too... he gets a LOT of shit ;)
- Tokes
Mark Shea
"[ctrl][alt][del]" <deathbyxr...@SPAMhotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2T9na.75$DU5....@newsfep2-gui.server.ntli.net...
> A man with fifty rabbits up his bum?
>
> Warren.
I suppose I should have gone hunting for my copy of Adrian Mole.
Mark Shea
[ctrl][alt][del]
I could lend you mine.
[ctrl]
> Mark Shea
>
>
khamsouk a.
and the best part is, it's not even grammar!!!
lol....
--
tidalcoil (becca) - 310.413.4011
"Smagmapig333" <smagma...@aol.communism> wrote in message
news:20030415203921...@mb-fo.aol.com...
insaner
wrote:
>>Subject: Re: No arms, no legs jokes
>>From: "khamsouk a." aekha...@fresnomail.com
>>Date: 4/15/03 8:31 PM Eastern Daylight Time
>>Message-id: <b7i886$1907a$1...@ID-102390.news.dfncis.de>
>>
>>> >i'm gonna take a wild stab at this and guess that you're still mad about
>>the
>>> >whole "grammar" thing. apparently, words aren't a part of grammar,
>>> >lmao...whew!
>>> >
>>>
>>> ya, and like i said before i didn't say they weren't.
>>
>>quote from earlier post:
>>
>>>and i was not correcting grammar, he had the wrong lyrics (thought not
>>taught)
>>
>>wrong "lyrics" eh? lol, you're definitely not an english major. more like a
>>truck driver, if you ask me.
>>
>>correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think he was posting a poem or song.
>
>rage against the machine, are you that dumb? so yes you are wrong, and yes i am
damn what a fucking moron. he didnt know this was a rage song? lol
numquam intellegere potest
insaner
<aekha...@fresnomail.com> wrote:
>hey look, i'm writing lyrics right now!!!
no, youre not.
>and the best part is, it's not even grammar!!!
>
>lol....
damn all that and your an idiot to boot. lol
numquam intellegere potest
David Scarlett
$hF.4...@news-server.bigpond.net.au :
> what do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
>
> nice tits
I prefer, "What do you say to a *feminist* with no arm and no legs."
<g>
--
David Scarlett
dscarlett@_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ optusnet.com.au
The Horse
"Tokes" <mto...@EMOHSUTPO.reverse_the_caps_and_delete_this.com.au> wrote in
message news:3e9d5681$0$8163$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
>
>
> Believe it or not, I have a friend whose name is Neal Downward.
>
> If that wasn't bad enough he's short too... he gets a LOT of shit ;)
yesterday i get a call from a headhunter - he says we talked last year
sometime about some positions in the philly area, but i don't remember
him... here's the conversation:
Me: "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"
Him: "Jay Bell. We talked when you were on your way out from B___,
remember?"
Me: "Hmmm... I talked to an awful lot of recruiters in that period - your
name doesn't ring a Bell"
oh i love when unintentional puns are really good.
:)
-Horse
The Horse
"Lardass" <asgj...@hghtuf.com> wrote in message
news:kmNma.53860$7L.34...@news0.telusplanet.net...
> in the spirit of really bad jokes started by Davony I'd like everyone to
> post there favourite "what do you call a guy with no arms and no
> legs........?" jokes
>
> I'll kick things off
>
> What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a pile of leaves??
thought of a few more....
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs fucking your mother??
Dad
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs on MTV's The Real World??
Puck
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a box of rice crackers??
Lo Cal
Same guy on a pizza?
Hi Cal
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs on top of a skyscraper with a
blinking red light in his mouth??
Rod
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in Ireland??
Mick
Same guy singing on stage with a band?
Mike
Same guy inside a powdered drink mix can?
Scoop
Same guy with a glass of orange juice and a plate of eggs n hashbrowns on
him as he lies across your lap?
Trey
Same guy on a barbeque grill?
Frank
Same guy sitting in a corner with a very angry look on his face?
Stu
Same guy yelling "FIRE! FIRE!"
Warner
[found these on the web]
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under a car?
Axel
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a bank?
Buck
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your shoulder?
Chip
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs covered with oil?
Derrick
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs flying over the fence?
Homer
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs impaled on a stick?
Lance
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole?
Phil
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a hill?
Roland
What do you call a gal with no arms and no legs hanging on a clothes line?
Peg
What do you call a gal with no arms and no legs between two slices of bread?
Patty
What happened when the man with no arms tried to masturbate?
He was stumped.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a gully?
Rocky
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a field of marijuana?
Bud
What do you call an electrician with no arms and no legs?
Sparky
What was the name of the limbless guy that fell in the fire?
Bernie
What do you call a legless and armless boy on a baseball team?
First base
What was the name of the limbless girl who was stuck on a femce?
Barb
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under your car?
Jack
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs trying to hold-up a bank?
Rob
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other, married to a
politician?
Tipper
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs on a dirt road?
Dusty
A man was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump
off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing
all around on the river bank. He thought to himself, 'life isn't so bad
after all', and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his
life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill
myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed
my mind."
"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole itches,
and I can't scratch it!"
------======------======------
Joe goes to pick up his blind date at her house and when he gets there he
finds out she has no arms and no legs. He's a good sport, so he picks her
up, puts her in his car, and takes her to a movie. When the movie's over, he
picks her up again and puts her back in the car.
She says, "Do you have any rope in the car?"
He says, "Rope? Why yes, I have some rope."
She says, "Do you know that big old oak with the real low limb down the dark
corner of the park?"
Joe says, "Yeah."
She says, "Why don't you take us there?"
When they get there, she has Joe get out the rope, undress her, and then she
gives him explicit instructions how to use the rope to suspend her from the
limb. And then, they proceed to have the wildest sex that Joe has ever had.
When they're done, Joe drives her home, carries her inside, and puts her on
the living room couch.
As he's leaving, her father grabs him by the arm and says, "Here, son," and
goes to hand Joe a hundred dollars.
Joe says, "I can't take that, sir."
Her father says, "Please, son, take the money."
Joe says, "I can't, sir. You see ... I had sex with your daughter."
Her father says, "Of course you did. But at least you didn't leave her
hanging from that damn tree!"
------======------======------
A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying
his chance to get
some sun. All of a sudden, a beautiful woman
walks by and stops. "You poor man," she says. "I
bet you've never been kissed have you?"
The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she
bends down and plants a good one right on the
mouth.
A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe
walks up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.
He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a
great one, and walks away.
A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl
walks by. She stops, a sultry smile on her face
and looks down at him.
"Mister," she says, "Have you ever been
screwed?"
"No," he says with a hopeful grin.
"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."
Taxicabgod
can't scratch it!" excellent
Tokes
>
> A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying
> his chance to get
<snip>
See my first post in this thread :P
- Tokes
monkus retrovium
Maybe she had no arms after she was hit by the fridge?
[ctrl][alt][del]
news:b7m47n$2bg7b$1...@ID-146509.news.dfncis.de...
It worries me that she'd get back on the swing after the trauma of losing
her arms due to a fridge attack by assailants unknown. She must've known
that losing her arms would restrict her ability to do certain things; and to
go swing riding almost before she's completely recovered is just poor taste.
Some people just ASK for trouble.
I mean, it's like Little Red Riding Hood - she runs into the forest where
she KNOWS there are wolves, not only that but she goes in looking as
CONSPICUOUS AS POSSIBLE WITH A BIG ASS CAPE, gets her grandma EATEN FOR HER
TROUBLES (history does not relate whether or not grandma kicked the shit out
of Ms Hood for placing her in danger, but I sure as shit would've) then
expects to be RESCUED?
Some people.
[ctrl]
Mark Shea
"[ctrl][alt][del]" <deathbyxr...@SPAMhotmail.com> wrote in message
> "Mark Shea" <zad...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:b7jm1c$1n8t8$1...@ID-103131.news.dfncis.de...
> > I suppose I should have gone hunting for my copy of Adrian Mole.
>
> I could lend you mine.
No, no, I'm setting aside a day next week to 'find things I should really
have.'
Mark Shea
The Horse
"Tokes" <mto...@EMOHSUTPO.reverse_the_caps_and_delete_this.com.au> wrote in
message news:3e9e5eb5$0$4832$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
so even though the story and the punchline are different, any limbless man
on the beach joke is no longer appropriate for this thread, eh? seems fair.
</serendipity>
Tokes
and take action. After dismal efforts at singles bars, he turns to the
personal ads. He searches through the ads but only finds one that really
stands out, so he decides to give her a call. They get to chatting and after
a few phone calls arrange to meet for a walk on the beach. The day arrives
so he goes to the beach, but there's no one there. All of a sudden, he
here's this voice behind him, "Mark, is that you?" He turns around and sees
a quadraplegic woman sitting there on the wharf. "It's me, Sophie!" Mark
seems disappointed; she wasn't quite the woman he expected.
"I think I should just leave...", says Mark as he turns around and starts
walking away.
"WAIT! Please don't leave me here! I thought you said looks didn't matter
and what really mattered was their heart."
"Yeah, well... i'm not sure... this is really awkward... I'm going now..."
"No wait! Please, before you go, could you at least do me one small favour?"
"Uhhh... ok fine, what is it?"
"I have never been carressed by a man before... could you just hold me for a
moment, just so I know how it feels?"
So Mark walks over to her and gives her a short-lived hug. He's about to put
her down when Sophie says, "Wait! That felt so special... do you think you
could do me another favour? I have never kissed a man before, do you think
you could kiss me just once?"
Begrudgingly, Mark accepts, and kisses her. He almost seemed to enjoy it,
when he suddenly broke off and said, "Ok, i've hugged you, and ive kissed
you, do you feel special now?"
"Well, I was actually wondering, if you could do me one last favour..."
"What now!?"
"It's just that... I've never been fucked by a man before and..."
Mark interrupts, "Ok ok, I understand..."
So Mark takes off his clothes, then takes off Sophie's clothes and dumps
them on the wharf. He's about to stick it in when he tosses Sophie over the
rails and throws her clothes on top of her. As Mark gets dressed and runs
away Sophie screams out "HELP! I CAN'T SWIM!", so Mark turns around and says
"NOW YOU'RE FUCKED!"
- Tokes
do
> in the spirit of really bad jokes started by Davony I'd like everyone to
> legs........?" jokes
Mrs. Anderson can donny come out and play baseball?
"now kids you know donny doesn't have any arms or legs!"
"we know, we want to use him for second base."
Facing Destiny
'Nuff
"Tokes" <mto...@EMOHSUTPO.reverse_the_caps_and_delete_this.com.au> schrieb
im Newsbeitrag news:3e9bbb79$0$27769$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
SomeSweetGravity
>From: "Lardass" asgj...@hghtuf.com
>Date: 4/15/2003 2:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time
>Message-id: <kmNma.53860$7L.34...@news0.telusplanet.net>
>
>in the spirit of really bad jokes started by Davony I'd like everyone to
>post there favourite "what do you call a guy with no arms and no
>legs........?" jokes
>
>
>What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a pile of leaves??
>
not really a joke, but a funny thing to say..
<old man voice> when we were young we didn't have arms and legs, went went
threw 2 feet of snow on our chins!</omv>
Tokes
news:DyQma.41640$UR.3...@news.chello.at...
> Dis-gust-ing.
>
> 'Nuff
>
Oh yes... I went there... i'm baaaaaaaaaaaad
- Tokes
Mark Shea
'Mummy, mummy, why do I keep going in circles?'
'Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.'
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Why did Sophie fall off the swing?
Somoene hit her with a fridge.
Why did Max fall of his bike?
He had no arms.
Why did the aeroplane crash?
The pilot was an orange.
It just goes on and on...
Mark Shea
Tokes
>
> Why did the aeroplane crash?
> The pilot was an orange.
>
I believe the pilot was actually a tomato...
Maybe he was a tomato disguised as an orange, which would explain his
inability to fly a plane.
- Tokes
Mark Shea
"Tokes" <mto...@EMOHSUTPO.reverse_the_caps_and_delete_this.com.au> wrote in
message news:3e9c0e35$0$21043$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
Indeed. My sister tells a version in which he was in fact a loaf of bread.
A modern day master of disguise, no doubt.
Mark Shea
Tokes
> > Maybe he was a tomato disguised as an orange, which would explain his
> > inability to fly a plane.
>
> Indeed. My sister tells a version in which he was in fact a loaf of bread.
>
> A modern day master of disguise, no doubt.
>
WAIT A MINUTE! Wasn't Leonardo Dicaprio's character in "Catch me if you can"
an expert fraud? Wasn't he a pilot at some stage in the movie!?!?!?
DEAR GOD, LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS A TOMATO!
Well... I guess it's not that suprising... it would explain why he can't act
- Tokes
Shanan Capes
message news:3e9c1c7f$0$31511$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
actor!
~ Shanan
Facing Destiny
moment of "Titanic" was when his frozen corpse vanished into the ocean.
'Nuff
"Shanan Capes" <shan...@cox.net> schrieb im Newsbeitrag
news:YhVma.6$Gv5.0@fed1read02...
insaner
wrote:
?????
i hope those arent really supposed to be jokes...
numquam intellegere potest
Mark Shea
"insaner" <ins...@isu.edu> wrote in message
news:dgdo9vgtc8n7gnj96...@4ax.com...
> i hope those arent really supposed to be jokes...
There was a period where I had a pair of sisters under 14. It kind of sticks
in your head.
Mark Shea
:: Fearful ::
> post there favourite "what do you call a guy with no arms and no
> legs........?" jokes
>
> I'll kick things off
>
> What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a pile of leaves??
>
> Russell
>
Why did Amy fall off the swing?
...she had no arms.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
:: Fearful ::
http://www.hubrisband.tk
khamsouk a.
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw...."
--
tidalcoil (becca) - 310.413.4011
"Lardass" <asgj...@hghtuf.com> wrote in message
news:kmNma.53860$7L.34...@news0.telusplanet.net...