"Snail Shell" interp: Quetzacoatl's Cock Tease

[Christopher M. Stangl]

QUETZACOATL'S COCK TEASE
"Snail Shell" Tackled and Busted by Chris Stangl

We approach the secrets of a They Might Be Giants song with
caution, because they have a tendency to leap up and bite one unexpectedly
and frighteningly... Because the layers of metaphor are sometimes
knee-deep, and you never know what pure terror is lurking at the bottom of
the pond.
"Snail Shell"'s surface is scratched easily enough. It would
appear to be a simple story narrated by an embittered man, railing against
the woman who betrayed him. Our hero was a shy lad (emotionally
retracted, housed in his Snail Shell- in first grade, my teacher had a
poster of a clam on the wall, and the caption read "DON'T CLAM UP!". This
was intended to encourage participation from the bashful children), drawn
out of his "shell" (he likely resisted the budding romance with a rousing
chorus of "Don't Let's Start") by a manipulative seductress. But his
adventure comes full-circle, like the spiraled curl of the snail shell
itself, and he ends up back where he started. Worse for wear, defeated and
deceived.
But there's something ELSE lurking under this, Linnell's angriest
and most anguished outburst of sarcasm. This snail was drawn out of his
cave with S-E-X and affection. "Snail Shell", perversely enough, is a
tale of sexual betrayal and deception. A fable of the pain incurred when
sex is bartered by those who consume it with the casualty of escargot
(lift that snail, Ma'am!)... narrated by a man's penis.

Hang on, hang on tight... line by line:

-"Sir Hand"
In a triple entendre of the highest order, Linnell summarizes the
song.
Hand OUT- The Snail has, naturally, just discovered that his
failed relationship wasn't about love or respect, but mired in pity. Not
lovemaking, but mercyfuck.
THE hand THAT FEEDS YOU- which the Snail is firmly (and not, one
suspects, without good reason) biting.

-"Or is it ma'am?"
Here it is clarified that our narrator is specifically relating a
tale of betrayal by a woman. "Do I refer to you as a real, heart-n-soul,
living-breathing woman (ma'am) or as a disembodied symbol of control/
power (hand- think Hand of God, Puppeteer, and those Cold War newsreels
where the Domino Theory is represented by a big scary red hand
dominating Europe, nation by nation)?", the Snail asks. It doesn't matter
here. That's the joke. The either/or proposition the snail puts forth is
lose-lose: either a sarcastic bow to the de-feminized Hand (especially
interesting alongside the Church of the SubGenius, which symbolizes pain/
information blockage/ happiness destruction as the "Stark Fist of
Removal") or the equally de-sexed faux-respect of "ma'am" (hardly a term
of affection between lovers, ex or otherwise).
"HOLD IT!" you say, "You promised that "Hand" was a TRIPLE
entendre, and only delivered a double!". The triple only occurs when the
line is snapped back into a whole (and the swan-on-lake surface is broken
to get at the I'm-not-calm underbelly):

-"Sir, hand, or is it ma'am?"
There's a wonderful line of self-defense used by male-friendly
feminists: "How can you have something against the penis? A penis is just
a piece of flesh capable of responding to desire". It's not
aggression-incarnate. And if "Snail Shell" is about anything, it's about
power abuse in romance, and searching for the "true" placement of the
phallus (psychoanalytically, that is...). It's not who HAS a dick, it's
who's DICKING who around, dig?
A penis doesn't know (or care) WHO is flooding its erectile tissue
with blood... it's just grateful. Grateful whether it's being paid
attention by a man (sir), woman (ma'am) or just your good old HAND.

-"I fell out of my right place again"
The "again" is what gives this line it's punch. Snail was,
originally, in shell- that's where he belonged. But along comes Ma'am,
and gives him a firm "Don't clam up!". She opens her hand, and shell
(watch your back on the vaginal symbols!), and offers him a new home to
occupy... an new Right Place. For the surface of the pond, this is the
first "falling out of place", and it's happy. Our Snail is invited to stop
being his shy, reclusive self and live and love a little. Under the pond,
we've simply got a penis flopping out and being invited into (snicker)
intercourse. Also, one assumes, happy.
But the Snail falls out of place AGAIN: The betrayal. The second
fall (you may make the Eden parallel yourself. Also see relevant sections
of the film "They Might Be Giants". Therein are all the major themes of
They Might Be Giants which are of any real importance. Go figure). For the
penis this is the simple fact that nothing lasts forever. Sex is the
fleeting moment of two "animals sharing the same space for a minute or
two", as David Byrne says. It's about the fleeting moment, the
inevitability of its termination (the entire Japanese concept of beauty
relys on this idea), and how fast and furious and powerful bright it can
shine... but our hermetic Snail doesn't know how to appreciate sex on this
level. Let me put it another way: if you can't wait for sex to be over,
you don't get it. But if you want it to last forever, you ALSO don't get
it. You have to fall out eventually.

-"and you considered me"
The multiple sense of "considered" are what tripped the Snail up.
He knew he was being, shall we say, contemplated (on of "considered"'s
more neutral implications), but thought he was being "treated with
consideration" (positive). Turns out he was actually just "being
classified/ thought of in regard to taking some action"... not necessarily
so positive.

-"and now I'm where a snail has to be"
Snails (most snails- I'm not a mollusk expert) require alkaline
water with a high ph. Otherwise their shells dissolve or grow misshapen or with
holes. They need hard water. Not soft water.
And so our Snail has learned, that soft, delicate treatment
rewarded him only with personal injury. He's safer in his hard, cold
shell. Embittered by the ruins of this relationship, he muses that
perhaps his heart belongs in his hard ribcage, and his genitals BELONG in
his pants, after all.
And there's one more place a penis "has" to be nowadays. In the
age of Severe Tire Damage, that acronym means something else. That's
right, the new Shell that the Snail was welcomed into, after being coaxed
out of his original home (shyness, loneliness, what have you) is a CONDOM.

-"I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell"
The cue here is Sly and the Family Stone's 1970 hit "Thank You
(Falletinme Be Mice Elf Again)". Rather like the "Precious and Few"
reference in "Your own worst enemy", or hero twists the line sarcastically
to mournfully suit his situation. At the same time he fuses the modern
mythos of the pop song with Aztec mythology. The snail shell was a symbol
of Quetzacoatl, wind god/ feathered snake. Quetzacoatl was in turn a
representation of the deity Tlahuizcalpantecuhtli, who was essentially the
representation of the planet Venus. Tlahuizcalpantecuhtli was the one to
answer to at High Noon, when you're at the sun's mercy, with nowhere else
to turn. One notes that the Aztec symbol for the snake (Quetzacoatl) and
the snail are extremely similar: fanged, frightening creatures. The Snail
is victimized by Ma'am, but in the reclusiveness of the shell is planning
something (no one knows his plan, natch)- don't forget that the lowly
Snail is also Quetzacoatl's plumed serpent.
[on a personal note, I really dig this line... John Linnell boldly
draws on the popular mythology of thousands of years of history, unafraid
to graft the symbols of ancient history onto funk pop hits.]
And, extending the prophylactic metaphor, here the Snail expresses
gratitude for having sported said device. Why... ugly truth revealed
below:

-"Was it something you would do for anybody?"
I'm sorry. There's no delicate way to ask someone if they're a
slut.
Here the Snail tries to demonstrate the difference between toying
with someone's emotions in the name of amateur psychology, and genuine
charity.

-"was it what you'd only do for me?"
Yes, a rephrasing of the last question... but it's more hopeful.
Notice how every time the Snail goes through a metamorphosis, he retains
his naivete. Even at this, the latest stage, after he's fallen out of
place AGAIN, he still wonders if possibly there wasn't some modicum of
real feeling there, one crumb stuck to the bottom of the cookie
jar... maybe one tiny dove will be spotted cowering in the bottom of this
Pandora's Box... and Hope, Quetzacoatl knows, is the THING WITH FEATHERS.

-"I need to know because you see/ I want to thank you for putting
me back in my snail shell"
I trust that readers here are safe and responsible enough that
they've never had to call someone up weeks after an ill-fated fling and
mumbled "pardon, I don't mean to be rude, but, I need to know, er... what
exactly are you infected with?"

-"Friend/ look what you gave"
"Pardon, I don't mean to be rude, but, I need to know, er... just
what DID you infect me with?" I'm not really proposing that this is a
tale of inflammatory-VD-gone-rampant, just that our narrator is perhaps
glad that he put that Shell on and avoided such a situation.
And besides, that, of course, she smashed him down. "Look what you
have begotten. Look what pain and heartbreak your badly-conceived pity
caused".

-"and how can you ever be repaid?
You don't repay ex-flames for loving you. You repay people who've
done you a service. Ma'am has revealed herself as believing she is the
latter.

-"How may I give you a hand/
From the position at your feet where I stand?"
A fine line in which the Snail both wonders about revenge
(payment for deeds= payBACK for deeds): how may *I* give YOU a hand, after
the lovely hand you've dealt me?
The feet being simultaneously base (they are the most germ-covered
exterior part of the body), and the center of balance and reason (New
Age-ily speaking). While the Snail is obviously A) affecting a
mock-groveling stance and B) reduced to a quivering heap on the floor, yes,
he is in the traditional position of "being at someone's feet". But he
ALSO notes that being at someone's feet is the perfect position for tying
shoelaces together.

-"Snail shell/ Thank you/ Snail Shell/ Thank you!/ ah ah/ ah ah"
In the bridge, he thanks the SHELL ITSELF! But unlike the versus,
he doesn't whine/ bellow his lament. He coos in soothing tones, and
gives the shell a reassuring "ah ah" lullabye as he polishes its exterior
lovingly. Exercising his right to be unhappy.
That, and he's thanking that rubber sheath for protecting him from
entanglements that could've complicated or prolonged the doomed
relationship.

-"was it something you would do for anybody?/ Was it what you'd
only do for me?/ Or was it something where you acted when you saw the
need.../ and knew that there would be a way the act could be repaid/ and
so it may..."
Dare I say that this is where our Quetzacoatl-Snail turns
too-mean for his own good. By now I don't think anyone could possibly be
admiring our hero. We've all felt isolated and used. But one wonders if
Ma'am's intentions were THIS impure, or if they simply weren't as noble as
she thought. There's a difference between being misguided, and being
cruel.
And just as the Snail starts to convince himself that she was
intentionally torturing him, HE crosses that line. He becomes the
passion-blinded and misguided one... the transformation is complete again.

-"but for today I want to thank you for putting me back in my
snail shell."
"Dyin' young is hard to take/ Sellin' out is harder", said Sly in
"Thank You"... The Snail, for all his self-defeat might as well be just
that dead. But Sly says some other things in that song. "Thank you for
the party/ I could never stay". Sly knows that the secret that the Snail
didn't realize in time to save himself from being hurt by Ma'am... the
secret he doesn't realize until the LAST LINE: if you never want it to
end, you don't get it. So for today, just thank her. The feathered snail
gets a chance to bite some other time.

-Chris Stangl

[Dagny]

Damn Chris! And "You all" wonder why THEY haven't written any new stuff good
enough for an album...what with all this PRESSURE from fans!!!

Sounds to me, (or rather it sounds FROM you) like our dear Mr. Linnell and
Mr. Flansburgh have some major and DEEp emotional problems!!!!
Not only that but they've been carrying THE SAME problems with them since
1986???!!! Are not THEY capable of growth?Or are you saying that They are
incapable of growth???
Youre starting to depress me and it makes me not want to listen to They as
their message is so depressing and petty. This isn't why i listen to They.

Personally, and while i find your interp humorous and intersting in its far
reaching implications...i see the song COMPLETELY different.

I'm not going line by line but i'll throw out some alternative ideas to toss
around in that mind of yours for a spell...

"or is it ma'am"
think I Palindrome I

" at your feet where i stand"
think The statue, pedestals etc. etc.

i see the song as (let's go with the wife thing..since he got married only 2
years after this song came out, i think, right?)
he meets his wife to be.
he has a big head (fell out of his right place again) because now he is Mr.
Joe Cool rocker Dude.
His wife considers him but is not impressed. (puts him back in his
shell,boredom with the whoredom thing)
which in the long run he is grateful for. (and i am too! better music all
around if you can dig)
and then you can figure out the rest......

ps not. YELL Snail shYEEEEELLLLLLL!!! AAAAAHhhhhh!! Reminds me of Linnells
sexy scream in Istanbul not constantinople which also follows the
"marriage"theme. as i'm assuming She (wifey poo) bears his name...
Just a thought....