Kids in the hall doors skit
Jude Kelley
Kids in the Hall? It was a hillarious short involving a jaded record shop
owner/doors fan and a doors 'newbie'. As I recall, part of the ritual was
to buy a used copy of 'Morrison Hotel' on 8 track, steal an old car (with
an 8 track in it) and drive west until you run out of gas.
Anyway, I saw this on HBO a long time ago. I know they rerun certain kids
in the hall episodes on comedy central... Has anyone caught this episode?
I'd love to see it again.
Later,
Jude
DOGGYMOJO
Later,
Jude
I saw it too very good like most of the stuff they did. I like the part when he
talkes about how the Doors have no bass guitar. He thinks this why the Doors
are so great. By the way before I get a nasty reply from someone I know they
used a bass guitar on most of there albums...
Mattia Marchi
when he
> talkes about how the Doors have no bass guitar. He thinks this why the
Doors
> are so great. By the way before I get a nasty reply from someone I know
they
> used a bass guitar on most of there albums...
I thought it was just on Soft Parade and a couple of songs on LA Woman?
Correct me if I'm totaly wrong.
Mattia
---------------------------
www > http://www.mattiamarchi.com
icq > 37212699
---------------------------
DOGGYMOJO
Correct me if I'm totaly wrong.
I will "correct" you ha ha...read the line ups on the CDs or albums. All the
studio albums but the first have a bass guitar on most of the tracks.
Lizard King
Dave
Hey man listen up
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret
You know that new Depeche Mode album?
It sucks.
You know what?
That new Cure album...
It sucks
That new Happy Mondays album
I don't know if there is one
But if there is it sucks
I can say this because I know this
Because I'm a Doors fan
And if you want to be a Doors fan
You know what?
You might already be one and you don't even know it
You know sorta like being gay
You're walkin around and you know somethin's up
But you don't know what it is
You see Doors fans aren't made
They're born!
I bet right now in Africa there's some guy madly beatin on a drum
He's one
Or an old lady on a bus suckin humbugs
She's a rider on the storm and she don't even know it!
I do because I'm a Doors fan
And if you wanna be a Doors fan
Don't just go out and buy a greatest hits album
Greatest hits albums are for housewives and little girls!
If you wanna be a Doors fan you gotta do it right
It's very scientific
You gotta buy "Waiting For The Sun"
It's their third album but really it's their first
We call it the departure part
Ok quick quiz!
Who's playin bass?
Hmm?
No bass.
That's right!
The Doors had no bass!
You see the gypsies had no homes!
Don't let that scare you!
Let that free you!
Let that liberate you!
Because when you're free fightin with The Doors man
You don't need no safety nets!
If you just scream "Viva la Doors!"
Loud enough for your landlord to start thumpin on the wall
You may in fact be a Doors fan!
There's one way to know for absolute sure...
Get an 8-track tape of "L.A. Woman"
There's only a few in existence
And steal a car
Even if you own one steal a car
Get in that car
Play the tape full blast and drive West!
When the tape ends
Get out and go to the nearest bar
And start to play Pool and maybe some pinball
Then wait to get into a fight
Afterwards get back into that car and drive it til it runs out of gas
Then...
Torch it!
And if as you're standing there
Watching those flames
If you can still hear The Doors' sound
Then my friend...
You will have become...
A Doors fan!
You wanna know how I know?
You wanna know who told me?
Well last year...
Jim fuckin Morrison told me that's who!
He came to me!
Because I'm a Doors fan!
I'm a Doors fan man!
I love the sound!
I like The Doors.
Seaghnaid
pfeff
Charlie and Sharon
- J
Jude Kelley
(This half of the dialog is the crazed store employee--missing the
sheepish customer lines.) I remember the customer talking about the doors
getting back together, with Iggy Pop. That's where the 'You wanna know
how I know' comes into play--i.e. the crazy employee knows they won't be
getting back together because jim told him.
Lizard King (lizard...@hotmail.com) wrote:
: Here is the complete text of the skit.
Jude Kelley
http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/two/doors.html
Cast-
Bruce- Record Store Clerk
Kevin- Customer
Vito Viscomi- Second Customer
[THE SCENE: An old record store somewhere, presumably Los Angeles. There
is a couple looking at records and a Bruce is talking to them.]
Bruce: Yeah...those are all hacked...[shrugs and gestures to couple] Take
care.
[The Couple leaves and a Kevin enters the store and begins looking around
the record bin.]
Kevin: 'Scuse me.
Bruce: Yeah?
Kevin: Do you have the new Depeche Mode record?
Bruce: Yeah it's over there, [motions to the record bin] but it sucks.
[He continues to work on paperwork.]
Kevin: Well, do you have the latest Pixies album?
Bruce: Yeah, but it sucks. All that new stuff sucks, but it's over there.
Kevin: You know, actually I was thinking of getting into something
vintage. Anyway...I don't know, maybe The Doors?
[Bruce spins around and looks at Kevin.]
Bruce: Really! Never had you figured for a Doors fan.
Kevin: I'm not really a Doors fan, but sure I'd like to get into them...
Bruce: No no no my friend! Doors fans aren't made, they're born. I think
right now in Africa there's some guy madly beating on a drum. He's a Doors
fan. Or an old lady sitting on the bus sucking humbugs. She's a Rider On
The Storm, but she ain't never heard the sounds.
[Bruce looks at Kevin and snaps his fingers.]
Bruce: So what about you?
Kevin: Well I heard a record of theirs last night at a party...
Bruce: Yeah?
Kevin: ...and I've always liked Love Her Madly.
Bruce: Well, if you become a Doors fan, Love Her Madly is the only song
you won't like.
Kevin: Oh right! [Looking through the record bin eagerly] I guess I should
start with the Greatest Hits?!
Bruce: Hey! Greatest Hits are for housewives and little girls!
[He takes the record away from the Kevin and throws it across the store,
and starts pushing the Kevin out of the store.]
Bruce: You're not serious! You don't want to be a Doors fan! Get out of my
store! We're closed, get out!
[Bruce walks back toward the counter, clearly offended.]
Kevin: No no no no! I want you to show me the way!
Bruce: turns and looks at Kevin with disgust.
Bruce: Was that a Frampton reference in my store?!
[Kevin thinks for a second as a look of terror crosses his face.]
Kevin: No no no no! No lyrics, just words, just words...words?
Bruce: All right if you want to be a Doors fan, you cant just buy any
album. It's scientific.
[Bruce goes to the record bin and picks out an album.]
Bruce: You gotta buy this...Waiting For The Sun. It's the departure point.
[Bruce kisses the album tenderly and glances at the credits on the back.]
Bruce: Listen to it around dusk every night for about a month.
[He hands the album to Kevin.]
Kevin: Sounds good! Then what...?
Bruce: Who's playing bass?
[Kevin looks frantically at the back of the record.]
Kevin: Umm duuuu baaaa.... No one?!
Bruce: No bass!
Kevin: No bass?!
Bruce: That's right! The gypsies had no homes, The Doors had no bass. But
don't let that scare you, my friend let that liberate you! 'Cause when
you're free flying with the Doors, man - what do you need a safety net
for?
Kevin: [shouting] Viva Le Doors!
Bruce: Viva Le Doors. But listen, there's a burden that every real Doors
fan has got to live with. That's the fact that the greatest rock n' roll
band of all time is never going to play live again. You can't live in the
past...
Kevin: No wait...there's hope. I heard once that Iggy Pop is going to
front them and the Doors are going to tour again!
Bruce: Where did ya hear that?
Kevin: I heard it somewhere...
Bruce: Yeah?!? Read it in your precious Creem Magazine maybe? Well, it's
not going to happen.
Kevin: Well how do you know that?
Bruce: Because somebody told me.
Kevin: Well, who told you?
Bruce: Do you wanna know who told me?
Kevin: Well, yeah...
Bruce: Jim Fuckin' Morrisson told me, that's who!!
[Vito runs into the store.]
Vito: Hey! Do you have the new Depeche Mode album?
[Kevin points at Vito and screams...]
Kevin: SUUUUCCKKSS!
[Vito runs out of the store.]
Bruce: I forgive you. Here. [Hands Kevin a copy of Morrisson Hotel] Take
this, it's an 8-track tape. It's one of the last in existence. I want you
to steal a car...
Kevin: I have a car...
Bruce: Steal a car!
Kevin: Steal a car!!
Bruce: I want you to get in it and drive West. Play the tape full blast.
When the tape ends, get out and get into a fight, then get back into the
car, come to town and meet me at the Carcas Club.
Kevin: What will you do?
Bruce: I will let you in to the most prestigious hotel of all time...
Kevin: Which is?
Bruce: [rolling his eyes] Mor'son Hotel!
Kevin: Then what?
Bruce: Then, you're gonna be a Doors fan, man.
[A door opens to a bright new future, which the soon to be Doors fan walks
through, with his spirit guide, the Bruce.]
Dave Thompson
Thanks for posting EVERYTHING. I honestly didn't know there was dialog
missing.
Dave