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How about colors? :>

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Brian William

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Aug 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/19/99
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Anybody for colors? I haven't counted them up, but there must be
twenty or thirty references to different colors in Paul's lyrics.
List the name of the song, the lyric it comes from, and the color.
I'll start...

Leaves that Are Green
"And the leaves that are green turn to brown..."
green, brown.

I dunno, I'd just rather check the newsgroup and find a bunch of
messages waiting to read instead of the two or three that have
been here recently. :>
*Brian


--

Brian William
Calling Out Your Name
http://www.kidbrothers.net


MuttManiac

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Aug 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/19/99
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One of the best color songs I think-
Scarborough Fair/Canticle
"On the side of a hill in the deep forest green/ Tracing of sparrow on
snowcrested brown" "War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions" "washes the
grave with silvery tears"

~Katie
Muttm...@aol.com

Joe Pollock

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Aug 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/19/99
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"It was the morning of october 6th 1960 I was wearing my brown suit"

Paul refers to the White Guards in "Time is an Ocean"

That is all I can think of for now
"Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees your blown apart, everybody sees the wind blow" -Paul Simon

Stupendous Man

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Aug 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/19/99
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' a lime green lizard scuttles down a cabin wall... '


Joe Pollock (bons...@ptdprolog.net) wrote:


: "It was the morning of october 6th 1960 I was wearing my brown suit"

David Moreau

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Aug 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/19/99
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Brian William wrote in message <7phj2f$1r2$1...@leopard.it.wsu.edu>...

>
>Anybody for colors? I haven't counted them up, but there must be
>twenty or thirty references to different colors in Paul's lyrics.
>List the name of the song, the lyric it comes from, and the color.

"Cloudy
The sky is gray and white and...."

David

Josie Marie

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Aug 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/19/99
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Brian William wrote in message ...
>
>Anybody for colors?

A few off the top of my head:

Kodachrome: greens of summer, black and white

Under African Skies: black as night, pale yellow moon

Proof: silver bells, silver foil

For Emily: smoky burgundy, honey hair

Night Game: white as bones

Red Rubber Ball

Big Bright Green ....

One Man's Ceiling: bloody purple

Seems to be a lot of blacks, whites, browns, and greens.

Josie
The S&G Online Resource & FAQ
http://sandg.home.att.net
josie...@worldnet.att.net

Daniel Henderson

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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from She Moves on

"she can't sleep now, the moon is RED, she fights a fever, burns in bed. She
needs to talk so, we take a walk, down in the MAROON light."

Daniel

Gergo Barany

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Brian William <will...@unicorn.it.wsu.edu> wrote:
>
>Anybody for colors? I haven't counted them up, but there must be
>twenty or thirty references to different colors in Paul's lyrics.
>List the name of the song, the lyric it comes from, and the color.
>I'll start...
>
>Leaves that Are Green
>"And the leaves that are green turn to brown..."
>green, brown.

I Do It For Your Love
"Along the way the colors ran/The orange bled the blue."
orange, blue

Overs
"And I'm habitually feelin' kinda blue."
blue

The Coast
"A trip into the pearl grey sunlight/That settles over Washington"
pearl grey

>I dunno, I'd just rather check the newsgroup and find a bunch of
>messages waiting to read instead of the two or three that have
>been here recently. :>

I couldn't agree more.

Gergo

--
Horner's Five Thumb Postulate:
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

GU d- s:+ a--- C++>$ UL+++ P>++ L+++ E>++ W+ N++ o? K- w--- !O !M !V
PS+ PE+ Y+ PGP+ t* 5+ X- R>+ tv++ b+>+++ DI+ D+ G>++ e* h! !r !y+

Erwin Hans

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Here's a few:

Sparrow: "Not I, said the Golden Wheat",
Patterns: "Like the color of my skin, or the day that I grow old",
The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine: "Buy a big bright green pleasure
machine",
and maybe this one: The Dangling Conversation: "It's a still life water
color"

Erwin

Brian William wrote:

> Anybody for colors?


Ben Cook-Feltz

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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OH! And from The Vampires: Black like the night we fly in. . .

Brian William wrote:

> Anybody for colors? I haven't counted them up, but there must be
> twenty or thirty references to different colors in Paul's lyrics.
> List the name of the song, the lyric it comes from, and the color.
> I'll start...
>
> Leaves that Are Green
> "And the leaves that are green turn to brown..."
> green, brown.
>

> I dunno, I'd just rather check the newsgroup and find a bunch of
> messages waiting to read instead of the two or three that have
> been here recently. :>

Ben Cook-Feltz

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Born At The Right Time: Her silky hair was brown
The Obvious Child: Runs his hands through his thinning brown hair. . .
Patterns: Like the color of my skin (okay, that one's a little loose,
but he does mention color!!)
Satin Summer Nights: Banana-colored lightskin spics!

Okay, that's a few. I could easily find others, but I'm tired. :-)
bcf


Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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>Overs
>"And I'm habitually feelin' kinda blue."

Technically not a color in that context...


Bill

But what do you call your style, then?

Well, I never heard anybody that plays and sings like me, so I don't know.


Dylan


Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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> I'd just rather check the newsgroup and find a bunch of
>messages waiting to read instead of the two or three that have
>been here recently. :>


Me too, so, here's one I know I tried to start in the old days on Prodigy, but
I don't remember if I ever tried it here. I thought it was one that could go on
for quite a while. Paul says "There must be 50 ways to leave your lover," but
then only mentions, what, about half a dozen? So, I think we need to fill in
the rest...

Just get on your bike, Mike.

(and, of course, they need not be exclusively male either)

David Moreau

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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"Sail on, silver girl..." ("Bridge")

David


David Moreau

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote in message
<19990820074922...@ng-cg1.aol.com>...
...Paul says "There must be 50 ways to leave your lover," but

>then only mentions, what, about half a dozen? So, I think we need to fill
in
>the rest...


Let me see ya wave, Dave.

David

disalvo

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Bridge Over Troubled Water - Sail on silver girl
Gone At Last - The night was black
Hazy Shade of Winter - Leaves are brown, drinking my vodka & lime
(l know, but it's a color too....)
How The Heart Approaches What It Yearns - In the blue light
Kodachrome - Greens of summer, Everything looks worse(better) in black &
white
Jonah - Then you can work it into gold (again, a double meaning)
My Little Town - and all of the colors are black
Punky's Dilemma - Coming up brown
One Mans Ceiling - A bloody purple nose/and some bloody purple clothes
That Was Your Mother - drink a little red wine

Ben Cook-Feltz wrote in message <37BD08B2...@cfu-cybernet.net>...

disalvo

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Just slide down the hill, Bill
Gotta take a break, Jake
Walk in the park, Mark
Go for a swim, Jim
Take a hike, Mike


Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote in message
<19990820074922...@ng-cg1.aol.com>...

>Me too, so, here's one I know I tried to start in the old days on Prodigy,
but
>

disalvo

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Better let go, Joe
Off to work & this will drive me crazy all day

Lucy : )

disalvo wrote in message <6Sbv3.615$3j1....@news.oh.voyager.net>...

Kapeman

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Don't follow through, Sue
Push him off a hill, Jill
Make a new plan, Ann (thanks, Paul)
Send him to sea, Bea
Tell him go to hell, Belle (thanks Pauls Mom)
I could get even sillier...

barbara

LUCY DISALVO

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Brian William <will...@unicorn.it.wsu.edu> wrote in article


<7phj2f$1r2$1...@leopard.it.wsu.edu>...
>
> Anybody for colors?
>

Just close the door, Gore (Al might just need to do that!)
You need a new Bill, Hill (I would have found a new one long ago!)
Open the gate, Kate
Just start anew, Drew
Exit the stage, Page
Plot a new scene, Jean
Give it a try, Guy
Get a new flight, Dwight
Find some new fun, Dunne
Jog down the path, Kath
Catch a quick ride, Clyde
Find a new bed, Ted (oops)
Run for your life, Wife (o.k. so this is not a "name")
Bounce into space, Grace
Find a new pal, Sal
Just walk down the hall, Paul

Hannes

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Just keep living on. John
try not to go mad, Ed
look back when you go, Joe
you never can tell, Belle
get out of the heat, Keith
go early to bed, Fred
we live at the coast, ghost
Oh please get a life, wife
you're going to hell, kell (I like to call Kelly just Kell)
don't keep looking back, Jack

I think I could go on with this for hours but I got the feeling my boss
won't let me.

OK just two more. Especially for you Bill

Just think about this, sis
take a big jump, hump

Hannes
<Life is a dance, Chance>


Gergo Barany

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Bill Bill Bill and Bill <bkaw...@aol.coma> wrote:
>>Overs
>>"And I'm habitually feelin' kinda blue."
>
>Technically not a color in that context...

I know, but context wasn't important in the earlier threads like this
one. Just remember the jay (smoked) when we did animal names.

Gergo

--
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

Joey Berger

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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On Fri, 20 Aug 1999 08:26:55 -0400, "disalvo" <dis...@erinet.com>
wrote:

Ya gotta go, Joe

>Just slide down the hill, Bill
>Gotta take a break, Jake
>Walk in the park, Mark
>Go for a swim, Jim
>Take a hike, Mike
>
>
>Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote in message
><19990820074922...@ng-cg1.aol.com>...
>
>>Me too, so, here's one I know I tried to start in the old days on Prodigy,
>but
>>
>
>

Joey Berger
pa...@simon.org
icq:14315467 AOLim: simondmb
Lasers In The Jungle: http://paul.simon.org

Ben Cook-Feltz

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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ONE MORE, again:

Why don't you depart, Art!
And make a fresh start. . .


Ben Cook-Feltz

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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try not to go mad, Ed

Try not to go mad, ED??? Oh well, close enough! :-)

Just give her the nod, Todd
Move off the block, jock
Pack up your bags, hag
Tell her drop dead, Fred (!!)
Ease your pain, Jane
Throw him in the ditch, bitch
Go milk the cow, Frau
Leave him alone, Joan
Settle the score, Thor
you beggin for more? (see, it rhymed with Thor, and so, I. . . okay)

bcf


Hannes

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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>Pack up your bags, hag


I think mad and Ed are closer then bags and hag.

What kind of name is this anyway hag!!!

Hannes
<Life is a dance, Lance>

Hannes

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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>Why don't you depart, Art!
>And make a fresh start. . .


Sh.. wy didn't I think of that. My compliments.

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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>You need a new Bill, Hill

I think that's my favorite of the day...

Chris Stern

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
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Tell her to go Joe
Kick her in the teeth Keith
Make a bad smell Mel (oops)
Don't wash your feet Pete
Keep taking the ##ss Chris


Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote:
>
> > I'd just rather check the newsgroup and find a bunch of
> >messages waiting to read instead of the two or three that have
> >been here recently. :>
>

> Me too, so, here's one I know I tried to start in the old days on Prodigy, but

> I don't remember if I ever tried it here. I thought it was one that could go on

> for quite a while. Paul says "There must be 50 ways to leave your lover," but


> then only mentions, what, about half a dozen? So, I think we need to fill in
> the rest...
>

> Just get on your bike, Mike.
>
> (and, of course, they need not be exclusively male either)
>

Cathy Friedmann

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Aug 20, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/20/99
to
Right before I clicked on yours I was thinking "Slip him a pill, Jill"!
Guess this Jill person has a violent streak in her, poor woman (& poor guy)!
<g> Cathy

Kapeman <kap...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19990820085451...@ng-fe1.aol.com...

McD

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Aug 21, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/21/99
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On Fri, 20 Aug 1999 13:28:32 -0500, Ben Cook-Feltz
<bush...@cfu-cybernet.net> wrote:

>Tell her drop dead, Fred (!!)

Charming!

McD

McD

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Aug 21, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/21/99
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On 20 Aug 1999 12:54:51 GMT, kap...@aol.com (Kapeman) wrote:

>Don't follow through, Sue
>Push him off a hill, Jill
>Make a new plan, Ann (thanks, Paul)
>Send him to sea, Bea
>Tell him go to hell, Belle (thanks Pauls Mom)
>I could get even sillier...
>
>barbara

You know Paul's mom?

McD

McD

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Aug 21, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/21/99
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How about:

And after it rains
There's a rainbow
And all of the colors are black
It's not that the colors aren't there
It's just imagination they lack


McD

T7OUFOF

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Aug 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/22/99
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Guess I'll jump in here and ask for forgiveness later....

Just slip out the vent, Kent
Jump on a fish, Trish
Just hop on a ship, Chip
Just work through the pain, Lane
Strap on your skates, Kate
Just open the screen, Gene
Open the gate, Nate
Follow the flock, Brock
Leave her some cash, Flash
Stop payin' the bills, Phil
Go over the falls, Paul
Hop in your truck, Chuck
Jump in your van, Anne
It ain't all that scarey, Larry
and
Fake your own death, Seth

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/22/99
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>Guess I'll jump in here and ask for forgiveness later....
>
>Just slip out the vent, Kent...


Not a bad list, actually.
:-)

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/22/99
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slip out in the dark, Clark

disalvo

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Aug 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/22/99
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Along the lines of giving a fair shot at both political parties...

Just give it a push, Bush
Get a good poll, Dole

I've got a better idea - PS for prez....

Lucy


Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote in message
<19990822142211...@ng-ch1.aol.com>...

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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>Along the lines of giving a fair shot at both political parties...
>
>Just give it a push, Bush
>Get a good poll, Dole

But they're both Republicans...

Han Roffelsen

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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disalvo <dis...@erinet.com> schreef in artikel
<m2%v3.1081$3j1.1...@news.oh.voyager.net>...
>

>
> I've got a better idea - PS for prez....
>

He once was a candidate :-)

Han Roffelsen
The Netherlands

disalvo

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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Just close the door, Gore
Get a new Bill, Hill

Thought those WERE my jibes at the "Democrats" - but o.k.!
I'll have to think a bit more on this topic....

WHEN was PS a candidate??! I know he's been at the "Presidential podium"
often... lol

Lucy

Han Roffelsen wrote in message
<01beed34$85492c00$02d2...@W-hrl-A01055.OUH.NL>...

Han Roffelsen

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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disalvo <dis...@erinet.com> schreef in artikel

<Bjbw3.1170$3j1.1...@news.oh.voyager.net>...


>
> WHEN was PS a candidate??! I know he's been at the "Presidential podium"
> often... lol
>

Wasn't that in 1992? Wasn't he one of Bill Clinton's rivals for the
democratic nomination?

LUCY DISALVO

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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O.K., O.K. - I'm certainly slow on the take today - gotta have a cup of
coffee before I ever check this site from now on! lol - (again)!

Check it off to another Monday morning on severe "brain drain"!

Wish the choices were as clear cut for me as they would be if PS was truly
in the running! Personally, I think PS would be a great candidate - let's
see who would be a good VP... my personal choice would be James Taylor!
Between the two we might actually see a renewed interest in the political
process....

Lucy


Han Roffelsen <han.ro...@ouh.nl> wrote in article
<01beed71$ddcdec20$02d2...@W-hrl-A01055.OUH.NL>...

Cathy Friedmann

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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Remember when Jerry Brown was going to run, and at the time he was seriously
dating Linda Ronstadt, who then could've been the First Lady?? Cathy


LUCY DISALVO <uway...@erinet.com> wrote in message
news:01beed86$3d40a580$c06a5acf@lucys-pc...

disalvo

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
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Oh how I hate to admit "I remember", but I do! What a pair that would have
made! Still think the harmonies of a Simon/Taylor ticket would make this
world a better place. I remember reading that Paul said he cried when
Goldwater (yes, I remember this too) lost the election. With Paul's "maybe
not in my lifetime, but in yours I feel sure" attitude and Taylors stand on
ecology ... well, it's nice to dream now & then...

Lucy

Cathy Friedmann wrote in message <37c1b...@nntp2.borg.com>...

disalvo

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
to
Bill.....

Your absolutely right ... this is one of those days I should have skipped!
Let's try that again - checked my book and it was MCGOVERN!! But I was
right that Simon was devastated about HIS loss!

Seems my brain has been AWOl from the time I woke up - and I'm going to give
it a well deserved, and obviously needed rest right now!

Lucy


Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote in message

<19990823201643...@ng-cg1.aol.com>...


>> I remember reading that Paul said he cried when
>>Goldwater (yes, I remember this too) lost the election.
>

>I don't think so....

disalvo

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Aug 23, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/23/99
to
We've come a long way here - from colors, 50 ways, to prez candidates - I'm
tired but here's one parting shot for the day...

Maybe we could "recall" S&G to fill the ticket and they could be our "Bridge
Over" troubled times....

Night all..

Lucy

Grvrmonstr wrote in message
<19990823201822...@ng-fx1.aol.com>...


><< I've got a better idea - PS for prez.... >>
>
>

>Yeah!!!!
> Or if Warren Beatty runs for president, maybe we'll get a cool campaign
song
>
>Keren
>"Some people drink, some people don't
>Some people think, some people won't."
>Dave Matthews

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/24/99
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Grvrmonstr

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Aug 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/24/99
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Grvrmonstr

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Aug 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/24/99
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<< I remember reading that Paul said he cried when
Goldwater (yes, I remember this too) lost the election. >>


And when Nixon won the election. Politics can get emotional.

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/24/99
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>Let's try that again - checked my book and it was MCGOVERN!!


Would have been my first guess, but I wasn't sure. I was sure, however, that he
would shed no tears for a Goldwater loss. BTW, did you ever hear Tom Paxton's
"Lament for a Lost Election," written after the congressional elections fo
1994? Has a little guitar intro, followed by a chorus that chants one word,
"shit!"

LUCY DISALVO

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Aug 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/24/99
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Much better to start the day with a laugh - thanks! Don't think I've heard
that one - sad that Paxton's "chant" pretty much reflects the attitude
toward politics as much today as it did then..

Come to think of it - maybe a Paul/Bob ticket?

:>)


Bill Bill Bill and Bill <bkaw...@aol.coma> wrote in article
<19990824070735...@ng-ch1.aol.com>...

Joey Berger

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Aug 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/24/99
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On Tue, 24 Aug 1999 12:59:35 GMT, "LUCY DISALVO" <uway...@erinet.com>
wrote:

They'd never be able to raise enough funds.

Joey Berger
pa...@simon.org
icq:14315467 AOLim: simondmb
Lasers In The Jungle: http://paul.simon.org

Ben Cook-Feltz

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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That song's awesome! First time I heard it, I nearly busted a gut. It's on his live
album he released a couple years ago, right? I love his whole string of short
little songs that won't have any relevance whatsoever in five years or so. He wrote
one about the Menendez brothers, didn't he?
bcf

Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote:

> >Let's try that again - checked my book and it was MCGOVERN!!
>
> Would have been my first guess, but I wasn't sure. I was sure, however, that he

> would shed no tears for a Goldwater loss. BTW, did you ever hear Tom Paxton's


> "Lament for a Lost Election," written after the congressional elections fo
> 1994? Has a little guitar intro, followed by a chorus that chants one word,
> "shit!"
>

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
to
>I love his whole string of short
>little songs that won't have any relevance whatsoever in five years or so. He
>wrote
>one about the Menendez brothers, didn't he?

Could be. It's been a while since I played that. I'll have to get it out again
soon. Of course, who can forget the Paxton classic, "I'm Changing My Name to
Chrysler"?

Bill Bill Bill and Bill

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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Just let her know when, Ken.

disalvo

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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Back to 50 ways ..

Get enough dough, Perot

Just hit the trail, Quale (spg?)


Opps

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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Tell her via Fax, Max.

have we had this already? probably...

Hannes

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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you used to much tricks, nix

Ben Cook-Feltz

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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You're way too fargone, Ron.


Cathy Friedmann

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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Don't remember it... but gave me another idea -

Just send her an e-mail, Dale.

or...

Just send him an e-mail, Gail.

Cathy


Opps <kidl...@aol.combat.spam> wrote in message
news:19990825085518...@ng-fr1.aol.com...

Grvrmonstr

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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<< Just hit the trail, Quale (spg?) >>


Quayle.

disalvo

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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Thanks - didn't look right when I typed it!
Oh well, he couldn't spell either!

Lets see,,,

Sail on the sea, Bea
Just catch a plane, Jane
Take a cycle, Michael

Grvrmonstr wrote in message
<19990825151845...@ng-cj1.aol.com>...

Cathy Friedmann

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Aug 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/25/99
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disalvo <dis...@erinet.com> wrote in message
news:8JQw3.268$34.1...@news.oh.voyager.net...

> Back to 50 ways ..
>
> Get enough dough, Perot
>
> Just hit the trail, Quale (spg?)


Was that a pun, re: not sure of the spelling??? <g> Cathy


disalvo

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Aug 26, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/26/99
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Nope - a real goof... not unlike many I make every day!


Cathy Friedmann wrote in message <37c4a...@nntp2.borg.com>...

Gerard Eastwood

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Aug 27, 1999, 3:00:00 AM8/27/99
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Bill Bill Bill and Bill wrote in message
<19990820185445...@ng-cg1.aol.com>...
>>You need a new Bill, Hill
>
>I think that's my favorite of the day...
>


I'll probably get told off but this reminds me of a joke I just read on the
arthritis newsgroup:

Bill Clinton steps out onto the upstairs White House porch in the dead of
winter.
Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President
Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty
ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody
wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote
it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when
he did it! Where were you guys?!"

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers
"Well damm it, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want
an
answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"

The entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits. Later that
evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr.
President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do
you
want first?"
Clinton says "Oh hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well,
we
took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it
was Al Gore's urine." Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed!
My
own
Vice President! Damn....Well, what's the really bad news?"

The officer replies "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting."

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