LYR: The Great Smoke Off - in memory of Shel Silverstein
Tiny Dancer
Nobody requested this song, so yeah, I'm breaking the rules, sue me.
On Monday, May 10th, the world lost yet another voice, one that spoke
to me for many years and one I sorely miss. Shel Silverstein died at the
far too young age of 66 of a heart attack in his home in Key West, Florida.
I've seen far too little mention of it in the national media. This post is merely
my way of acknowledging him and his contributions.
Even if you don't recognize the name, you've heard his music through
Johnny Cash ("A Boy Named Sue"), Dr. Hook and The Medicine Band
("Freakin' At The Freakers Ball", "The Ballad Of Lucy Jordan", "Cover
Of The Rolling Stone", "I Got Stoned And I Missed It", "Queen of the Silver
Dollar"), The Irish Rovers ("The Unicorn"), Loretta Lynn ("One's On The
Way") and many more. I discovered him through Bobby Bare's album
of Shel's work, "Lullabys, Legends and Lies" and then found his wonderful
and twisted children's books, "Where The Sidewalk Ends", "The Giving
Tree" and "A Light In The Attic". Months ago I found this incredible site:
http://www.banned-width.com/welcome.html
which introduced me to his "adult" work and reminded me of why I adored
his words. Go if only to read the beautiful messages in the guestbook.
In honor of Shel, I've chosen one of his cult-type classics to share with the
world. It contains one bad word and you may not appreciate the theme
of the song but you get no apologies from me, this represents Shel and
his delicious humour perfectly. Rest in peace, Uncle Shelly, hope they
bury you in your shades.
The Great Smoke Off
In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly knew her well.
She’d been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll.
Her legend finally reached New York, that Grove Street walk-up flat
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid, a beatnik from the past
With long browned lightnin’ fingers he takes a cultured toke
And says, "Hell, I can roll ‘em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke!"
So a note gets sent to San Raphael, "For the Championship of the World
The Kid demands a smoke off!" "Well, bring him on!" says Pearl,
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands, he'll roll until he drops!"
Says Calistog, "I'll smoke that twist till she blows up and pops!"
So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
"Come one, come all, who walk or crawl, price - just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet, over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers, with the World's greatest weed
Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo.
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise, lace, and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin’ all together
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked "reefer" back before it was a crime
And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds.
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl, ready for their smokin' war
At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem, branch or seed.
Maui Wowie, Panama Red and Acapulco Gold.
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold.
Sticks from Thailand, Ganja from the Islands, and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best.
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West.
Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs.
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers.
And there's bubblin’ ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches.
And there's Hershey’s bars, and Oreos, ‘case anybody gets the munchies.
And the Calistoga Kid, he sneers, and Pearley, she just grins.
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells "GO!" and the world’s first Smoke Off begins.
Kid flicks his magic fingers once and ZAP! that first joint’s rolled.
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and WOOSH! that roach is cold.
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that’d paralyze a moose.
And Pearley takes one super hit and SLURP! that bomb’s defused.
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine,
And everybody sits back and says, "This just might take some time."
See the blur of flyin’ fingers, see the red coal burnin’ bright
As the night turns into mornin’ and the mornin’ fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage, smokin' and rollin' on
With tremblin’ hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips.
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
The Kid he gasps, "Goddamn it, bitch, there's nothin' left to roll!"
"Nothin’ left to roll?", screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?!
I didn't come here to fuck around, man, I come here to SMOKE!"
And she reaches 'cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach.
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke.
In the laid-back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly know her well.
She’s been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years, and the story’s widely told.
How she still can smoke them faster than anyone can roll
While off in New York City on a street that has no name.
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
That says, Beware of Bein’ the Roller When There's Nothin’ Left to Roll.
Cheers,
TD
I may make you wonder, I may make you smile
I may bring the tears to your eyes
But when I disappear, Lord, you'll wish I was here
With more lullabys, legends and lies
from Shel Silverstein's "Lullabys, Legends and Lies"
Webmistress of The Sesame Street Lyrics Archive
http://www.globalserve.net/~rhonda/sesame1.html
Childuf60s
all ages. For those who are unfamiliar with him, here's my favorite. I dare
ya not to be moved:
"The Giving Tree"
Written by Shel Silverstein
Once there was a tree...
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come.
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree...
very much.
And the tree was happy.
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came back to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come
and climb up my trunk and swing from my branchesand eat apples and play in my
shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some
money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money. I have only leaves and
apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will hjave
money and you will be happy."
And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them
away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.... and the tree was sad. And then one
day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy,
climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm."
he said
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a
house?"
"I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house, but you may cut off
my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy."
And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so
happy she could hardly speak. "Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play." "I
am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me far
away from here. Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away...
and be happy."
And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy... but not really.
And after a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the
tree, "but I have nothing left to give you-
My apples are gone." "My teeth are to weak for apples." said the boy. "My
branches are gone." said the tree. "You cannot swing on them."
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb-" "I am too tired to
climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something.... but
I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry...."
"I don't need very much now," said the boy, "Just a quiet place to sit and
rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straighting herself up as much
as she could, "well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy,
sit down. Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.
THE END...
Shel Silverstein (1932-1999)
We'll all miss you ... but we know that heaven sure is blessed to have you.