REQ:"I am the very model of a modern major General..."

[Ronald E. Hontz]

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BPartri296 wrote:
>
> Some time back someone posted these lyrics, but I lost the file I saved it
> in. Can someone please post it again.

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A MODERN MAJOR GENERAL

I am the very model of a modern major general,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral.
I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical,
>From arathon to Waterloo, in order categorial.
I'm very acquainted, too, with matters mathematical.
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical.
About binomial theorum I'm deeming with a lot of news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
Wwith many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm v*ery good an integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of modern major general.
(In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of modern major general.)

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's,
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox.
I quote in laxielegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, in Conics,
I can prove pecularilies parabolus,
I can tell undoubted Rafaeals from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies.
I know the crocking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes,
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music din afore.
And whistle all the airs in that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs in that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs in that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs in that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of modern major general.
(In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of modern major general.)

In fact when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by, seriat.
When I have learned what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery,
In short when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better major general has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better major general has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better major general has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better major general has never sat a gee.
For my military knowledge though I'm plucky and adventure-y, Has only been
brought down to the beginning of the century.
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of modern major general.
(But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of modern major general)

Warning: I am uncertain about the word prove in the second verse, as I
could not read what I had written, and prove was the only word of that
length that made sense.
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