Teen Titans Adventures

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Teen Titans Adventures
By D. T. A. Daly
Copyright 2017
1
Anima was not in a good mood. The Animus was currently partying with his own kind, in a dimension far, far away, and Anima was listening to the inane and endless drivel of beast boy. Gosh, he could waffle on and on and on. And the same old subjects would come up. Cyborg's fascination with fried chicken. Starfire's obsession about being pretty. Raven's dedication to dark sarcasm. And Robin's constant attitude that he is the be all and end all of cosmic coolness. And waffle on and on and on did Changeling about his fellow teen titans. Anima finally had had enough.
'You know, beast boy. Gorilla Grodd told me something interesting. Brainiac has a statue of you in his lair.'
Beast Boy looked at her. 'Are you serious?' he asked her.
'Oh, yes. I have been informed by Justice League Dark as well that Brainiac is subscribed to your newsletter online, and that he is fascinated with all things to do with the Titans, but mostly his greatest hero. He expressed, personally, to Gorilla Grodd, 'If only Beast Boy would research me in his 'Things to Do List' and get to know my crazy world, we could have endless conversations over cups to tea, discuss Telos' latest adventures, quip some witty Anti-Monitor jokes, and plan up the next crisis in the DC Universe. It would be a hoot. Changeling, he is in intellectual, Brainiac says. Always something to say. A mind like my vast synaptic network would be endlessly pleasured by conversing with that fine young man.'
'Really? He said all that?' said Changeling, his eyes lit up.
'He most certainly did,' replied Anima.
Changeling picked up his tablet, and said 'BrainiacUniverse dot com, here we come.'
And as Changeling quietened down for the next few weeks, doing his research, Anima was quietly relieved, looking forward to at least another few years of sedentary conversation from Changeling on, at least, a more unique and entertaining character.

2
'Who do you think is more handsome?' Starfire asked Anima. 'Superman or Batman?'
'Bruce Wayne is very cute,' replied Anima. 'It was awesome to get a private revealing of 'The Batman' to the inner circle of Super Heroes.'
'I think Clark Kent is made of the right stuff,' said Starfire. 'Kryptonian's are a very noble race, you know.'
'I've always liked Bats,' replied Anima. 'They may be creepy to some, but you should see the kind of denizens who hang around my world. Bats are positively saintly in comparison.'
'There is a legend in Tameran that an ancient race of Kryptonian's came and intermingled with us, and that on one of the southern island in the southern continent the people are likely very heavily flavoured with Kryptonian DNA.'
'Fascinating,' replied Anima. 'So you think you can fly, do you?'
'Sure, I am not, if such powers of greatness are within my capabilities from any blessed Kryptonian heredity.'
'Perhaps it's latent,' replied Anima. 'There are a lot of things latent in all of us. Meta Gene's work in funny ways, and a trigger sometimes does the strangest things to the most normal looking of Homo Sapien.'
'You are right, of course,' replied Starfire, and returned to her looking at her issue of Vogue.
Silence for a few moments.
'Superman could kick Batman's ass,' snarled Starfire.
'Keep on dreaming, bimbo,' replied Anima.

3
'Jamie Reyes. You are mystical child,' said Anima.
Jamie Reyes was fishing around the fridge in the Titans Tower kitchen.
'Mustard? Do we have hot mustard?' asked Jamie.
'The Scarab is of mystic origin, we are all sure,' said Anima. 'Dr Fate is quite truthful in this respect. Alien's are not all technotricalists, dear Jamie. There are legends in sector 2813, believe me. My conversations with the Green Lantern of Sector 2813 have been quite illuminating. You see, in the beginning, when the grand architect of the universe fashioned our worlds, there was a spirit within, the dark magic, and a spirit within, the light magic, and many other spirits within, of magic, and mystery, and mayhem, and madness, and fantasy, and lore, and legend,' said Anima.
'I've found the mustard,' said Jamie.
'Lobo. From Czarnia,' said Anima. 'There are more than one official Lobo hunters, you know. Rumour has it there exists a breed of them, specially trained on various aspects from the Czarnian council to undertake special roles. One of them rebelled, you know. We know him well. He flys around space, on that space bike, and calls himself the Main Man. I met another one recently. He was far more sophisticated, but equally as sarcastic and mayhemic. But that is the lore in the heart of Czarnia, or it was before its untimely demise.'
'Do you think beetroot goes with pickle and cheese?' asked Jamie. 'I've never tried beetroot.'
'We are all mystical, deep down,' said Anima. 'It is the heart of our galaxy. The guardians who watch over all of us have that strange mystery about them, formed when Oa was fashioned. It is the heart of creation.'
'The A Team is on Fox tonight,' said Jamie. 'Want to watch it with me?'
'Ooh, the A Team,' replied Anima. 'I'll order Pizza, and we can drink Coca Cola.'
'What were you saying about the Scarab?' asked Jamie, now finally looking at her.
'Oh, nothing,' replied Anima. 'I'll get my mobile. Another night of TV junket.'
And another fine day passed in Titan's Tower.

4
'You know, sister,' said Cyborg, sitting on the couch. 'Nothing beats the life of a Teen Titan.'
Anima, whose head was in her hands, looking drearily at the wall, watching a fly crawl up it, amused by the spider in the corner who most likely had its eye on it, nodded. 'Yes,' she replied dryly. 'It's all action.'
'The action never stops, Anima. Seriously. Some days it's so hectic, I don't even manage to brush my teeth in the morning. Gotta get those pearly whites bright, you know. Impresses the ladies.'
Anima raised her eyebrow as the fly inched closer towards the spider's web.
'Yep, the action is non stop,' said Cyborg. 'Looking back over all these many months as a Teen Titan, having graduated from Super Hero High, I have to admit, quite frankly, it's been great. This is definitely the team for me. It was incredible to get an opportunity for this new team doing great things for planet Earth. One day I have ambitions to join the Justice League. I'm sure I'll make it.'
Anima almost gasped when the fly just about reached the web, sure it would be entangled, but it flew off, and out of the room. She sighed again, and continued staring at the wall.
'You are bored, aren't you sweet cheeks?' aksed Cyborg. 'The job isn't really living up to what you thought it would?'
'Oh, it's a laugh riot,' replied Anima. 'Endless drivel from Changeling, banal girl talk from bimbo Starfire, the shortcomings of Blue Beetle who I really did expect a whole lot more, and now stuck with Cyborg on Watchman duty. Life could not really get any more exciting.'
Just then changeling ran into the room. 'Come see,' he said excitedly. 'Nightwing has shown up and challenged us all to a game of Scrabble deluxe. We can even use the official Teen Titans dictionary for extra exciting words.'
'I'll get the doritos,' said Cyborg animatedly.
'Oh, the action never ends, replied Anima. Again, it was going to be just one of those days.

5
'You know,' began Raven. 'You know what I mean. I mean, if you know what I mean, you just know what I mean.'
Anima stood there at the base of Titan's Tower looking at the melee between her fellow Teen Titans. Cyborg was biting on Changeling's ear. Starfire was wrestling Nightwing. And the Batman, who had shown up for the party that evening, was insulting Terra, who was threatening moving the ground beneath him. It was chaos.
'I do know. Sadly, do I know,' replied Anima. 'Sign up for Super Hero school, they said. Be a brave and bold protector of human civilization they said. Go forth in the spirit of justice, courage and heroics,' they said. 'And what do I get? Juvenile arguments, conversation which would bore a goldfish, and they take a lot to be bored, believe me. But worst of all, the most supercilious Tameran princess, who needs to query everything, clarify everything, ask a million question's about everything, and is still baffled. And if she does actually reach a conclusion, the misinterpretation of the information is legendary.'
'The dark magic has finally heard my mystic prayer,' smiled Raven. 'I have been graced with the company of another tortured soul to live out the fabulous misadventures of the amazing Teen Titans.'
The two wise ones looked on as the melee heated up.
Changeling was now a serpent wrapped around Cyborg's neck, Starfire was pinned by Nightwing who was insulting her and her lack of intelligence, and Batman was threatening a Bataran on a very annoyed looked Terra.
'Yet, I think,' mused Raven. 'That life would not be quite the same anywhere else. These disparate and eccentric titans of justice seem to have that ineffable quality, I don't know, that certain je nais ses qua about them, that mysterious X Factor, that just when you think you have had enough of the tiresome dialogue of pizza's, video games and what Deathstroke is doing, they surprise you with something of merit. It doesn't happen much, but it does happen.'
Anima looked at the melee, came over at the wrestling match between Starfire and Nightwing, pulled Starfire's hair, and said, 'I don't like you,' before returning to her viewing position with Raven.
'Wonder what's on television tonight,' said Raven.
'Charmed is on at 9,' said Anima.
'I'll order the pizza,' said Raven.
'I'll get the coke,' replied Anima.
And another day passed.

6
'When the going get tough,' said Robin. 'The tough get going.'
'You're named after a frikking sparrow,' replied Anima. 'You are hardly threatening. I mean, beast boy, the child that he is, with the attention span of a three year old, at the very least his name has a bit about it. But Robin? Robin? I don't really know what the Batman was thinking, but I guess he was hanging around the Batcave, maybe eating a sandwich which Alfred had brought down...'
Robin interrupted,'Is this going somewhere?'
'Shaddup,' she replied. 'Now as I was saying, he was probably eating a sandwich, I don't know, maybe peanut butter and jelly, or some other suitable conserve well renowned in the Wayne family tradition. Yes, I guess they are probably a traditional family, well established in Gotham city history, and they probably have traditions in their families. Old money is like that, don't you know. Family traditions and the like.'
Robin had taken out his ipad and was texting.
'Yes, they are probably traditional. So Batman was likely eating a traditional family sandwich, which Alfred was well familiar with making. He probably got that from the Batman's dad. Yes, master Wayne, he would say. I know that particular recipe, and he sighs, and says here we go again.'
Robin was now experimenting with one of those new fangled fidged spinners.
'Well, he was eating this sandwich, and he was considering his current new fledgling, and you know what? You know what he did?'
'What did he do?' asked Robin in a humorless voice, currently playing with a yo yo.
'He probably reached for his handy websters dictionary, and was looking through it, and then he closed the book and Batman, being the Batman, and being stubborn as such, decided he would open the book at a random page and the very first word he came across, well one way or another that would be the name of his new sidekick. So he flicked it open, landed at the R's, and came up with Robin.'
'Fascinating Anima,' replied Robin.
'My point,' replied Anima. 'Your hardly tough, dude.'
'I am Robin the Boy Wonder,' replied Robin. 'Feared by all the nasty and uncouth denizens of Gotham City, the wrath of Penguin, the fear of Catwoman, the Riddle of the Riddler, the other side of the Two Face, and the bane of Bane, I say, indeed.'
'Chirp,' replied Anima.
Robin, finally, glared at her.
'Now, Robin, the truly amazing Boy Wonder, has gathered us all here today for a truly phenomenal occurrence.'
'There's two of us,' replied Anima.
'That's hardly the point,' replied Robin. 'The display will be legendary regardless. Now, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, I am Robin the Boy Wonder, etc. And I am about to perform one of my bravest feats ever, here, on the top of Titan's Tower, for the glory of my marvellous heroic legend.'
'What's the plan?' asked Anima, who was munching on some eminems.
'Behold, the wings of the Robin,' said Robin, and outstretched two wings on the arms of his uniform.
'And the Robin, he can fly,' replied Robin.
Anima swallowed an Eminem. 'Where, buddy?' she asked him.
'To the skies,' replied Robin, and came and stood at the side of the tower, with a long drop to the ground.
Anima looked down at the foundations of Titan's Tower. 'It's a long way down, kemosabe.'
'But I have learned,' replied Robin. 'It is all about Believing in yourself.'
She swallowed another Eminem. 'How so?'
'I have considered my recent encounter with the dread kid flash, and how I ultimately defeated that dastardly fellow, and believing in yourself is the true secret to immortality.'
Anima looked at his wings. 'I hope you have good healthcare,' she replied.
Robin glared, again, and stood there. 'To the skies,' he yelled, and jumped off.
Robin's can fly. The species is indeed known to do as such. And while it is rare for a Robin to not, upon leaving the nest, work it essentially what it takes for flight and navigation through the great big blue, this particular sapien like version, a hero indeed, learned the hard way. Down, down, down, he plummeted, after a momentary flight in the great leap of self belief, and as Anima, munching on her eminem's, saw him hit the ground, she said,'Ooh, that's gotta hurt.'
She took the elevator, exited the tower at its base, and came up to the ravaged body of her current tutor of the week.
'So Robin's can fly,' she said.
'Shaddup,' replied Robin.
'And it's all about believing in yourself, is it?' she asked.
'Shaddup,' replied Robin.
'Another one bites the dust,' said Anima, and Robin, lying there, starting to groan, could only manage a final, 'Shaddup,' before his head collapsing on the dirt.
The End