Aryan Papers Screenplay
darkstar
"ARYAN PAPERS"
Based On The Novel
"WARTIME LIES"
By
Louis Begley
Written For The Screen By
Stanley Kubrick
January 18, 1995
FADE IN:
TITLE: POLAND, 1933
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
A three year old boy, Maciek, lies in a corner.
He stares dispassionatly at nothing.
MACIEK (V.O.)
When I was three years old I
was a chronic sufferer from
eating disorders and
nightmares.
Zosia, a nursemaid, enters the frame.
MACIEK (V.O.)
Until Zosia, my gentle
nursemaid, restored me to
health by taking me into her
bed and mothering me with
generous sensuality.
Zosia picks up Maciek and puts him into his
modest bed. Then gets into the bed with him.
Maciek smiles and falls asleep in the arms of
the lovely girl.
MACIEK (V.O.)
The bad dreams faded away,
but just as I came into my
own as the happy center of
this comfortable world, war
began.
There is gunfire outside.
Maciek's eyes open.
EXT. POLAND STREET - DAY
Maciek is holding the hand of his Aunt Tania,
walking quickly down the street.
MACIEK (V.O.)
To understand what is at
stake here, it is necessary
to turn back to the start
when, as an infant, I was
born at the cost of my young
mother's life. I was taken
charge, along with the entire
household, by Tania, my
mother's older sister.
INT. MANOR - DAY
Maciek sits in the drawing room of a decidedly
upper class home, featuring splendid silver tea
pots and art that is somewhat fashionable for
the day.
MACIEK (V.O.)
Mine was a family of
prosperous and distinguished
assimilated Jews. My father,
a doctor, was educated in
Vienna. His maternal
grandparents are established
landowners.
There is arguing in another room, men speaking
Russian. Maciek takes something out of his
pocket -- a piece of paper.
MACIEK (V.O.)
But Tania, despite her wealth
and beauty, was
unmarriageable, something of
a misfit thanks to her
arrogant independance of mind
and suspected love affairs.
The piece of paper is unfolded. On it, in
beautiful calligraphy, it says: "Polite Little
Maciek".
MACIEK (V.O.)
Nor does her dominating
temperment make her a good
foster mother for a needy,
sensitive infant.
The yelling culminates in a crash of glass and
a woman's shriek. Maciek calmly folds the
paper and puts it back into his pocket.
Two Russian military police pull an unconsious
man with glass on his lapel, Maciek's Father,
down the hallway of the drawing room and past
Maciek.
Aunt Tania follows behind them, in tears and
able to do nothing.
The Russian military police leave with Maciek's
Father out the front door of the manor.
MACIEK (V.O.)
First my Father was taken
east with the retreating
Russian forces, then the
invading Germans start their
roundups of Jews, and my
beloved Zosia's Father
removed her from the
household.
Maciek stands and hugs the legs of his Aunt
Tania. She places her hand on the head of the
small boy.
MACIEK (V.O.)
Aunt Tania, however, even
while the pace of harassment,
eviction, and degradation
accelerated, discovered her
extraordinary gifts for the
outlaw's life.
INT. MANOR - NIGHT
Aunt Tania, dressed in a fine silk evening
gown, sits on a little couch before a roaring
fire. An older German bureaucrat wearing black
rimmed glasses sits opposite her.
TANIA
Another drink, mine heir?
BUREAUCRAT
Verr is ze papers?
TANIA
Whatever do you mean, sir?
What papers?
BUREAUCRAT
Ze papers! Ze Aryan Papers!
TANIA
Um, let me see. I know I
must have them here
someplace.
BUREAUCRAT
Oh you don't fool me so easy,
Missy! Vat yoo need is a
good old shmack in ze
shnickle!
TANIA
I don't understand a word you
are saying with that thick
German accent.
BUREAUCRAT
Vat accent? Vat are yoo
talking about?
TANIA
Look, I speak German. Why
don't we both just speak
German to each other?
BUREAUCRAT
Vat? Zat would be to simple,
freulein! And vat would vee
do in a movie with ze French?
I suspect yoo would vant to
have them use their real
language, to?
TANIA
Well, yes. That would make
sense, wouldn't it?
BUREAUCRAT
Nein! Zey should speak with
ze silly accents!
TANIA
Oy vey.
A French person with a silly accent enters the
room.
FRENCH PERSON
What ahre yoo talking about,
Monsier? Ze Frahch do not
haf ze silly ahccents.
BUREAUCRAT
Oh yes yoo do!
FRENCH PERSON
Oh noh we don't!
BUREAUCRAT
Oh yes yoo do!
FRENCH PERSON
Oh noh we don't!
TANIA
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Please! There's no fighting
in the drawing room!
BUREAUCRAT AND
FRENCH PERSON
(pointing)
He started it.
TANIA
Look, I don't care who
started it. Just shake hands
and make up!
The two men shake hands.
TANIA
There, now doesn't that feel
better.
BUREAUCRAT AND
FRENCH PERSON
(reluctantly)
Yes.
BUREAUCRAT
Vait a minute! Vait a
minute! Vere are your
papers? Vere are your Aryan
Papers?
TANIA
Why I have them right here!
She puts her hand in an urn above the mantle
and pulls out a hand gun.
TANIA
Okay nobody move!
FRENCH PERSON
Oh noh, Don't shoot mee!
TANIA
Quiet Frenchie. Okay listen
up. I'm leavin' here, see?
And nobodies comin' with me
except my lil' nephew, see?
BUREAUCRAT
Yoo are makink a big mistake
here Fraulien!
TANIA
I'm gonna make a like a tree.
FRENCH PERSON
Mahk like a tree? I dohn
understan what ze girl iz
saying!
BUREAUCRAT
Where are your papers! Ach
tung! Ach tung! I am a
scary Nazi sterotype! Aren't
you afraid of me?
Tania jumps in the air, and the camera freezes,
Matrix-style, as she cracks both the German
bureucrat and the French Person across the jaw
with a sweeping crane kick.
Then she proceeds to run vertically across the
wall and picks up Maciek, who all this time has
been sitting in the hallway, listening.
TANIA
How much did you hear?
MACIEK
Enough. You ready?
TANIA
Sure. You need a piece?
MACIEK
(flashing pistol)
Already strapped.
TANIA
Cool. Okay, then. Let's go.
Let's get those Aryan Papers!
And with that the two run to the second story
window and jump out into the Polish night air.
EXT. POLAND SKIES - NIGHT
Tania and Maciek are flying through the air, fists raised
ala Superman.
TANIA
Well, little nephew, now me must be on
our way back to our beloved planet
Flasxidexterushis, for on our planet
Flasxidexterushis there are a great
many things, like the Flasxidexterushis
Fair, or the Flasxidexterushis Circus.
This, of course, you already know.
MACIEK
Yes, I do.
TANIA
And you also already know that it is
our sworn duty to defeat the Evil
Flasxidexterushis senator,
Ghilghidmhesidonious III, don't you,
Maciek?
MACIEK
Of course I know that it is also our
sworn duty to defeat the Evil
Flasxidexterushis senator,
Ghilghidmhesidonious III! Why, only a
fool would not know that!
TANIA
Ha ha! Yes, of course. How silly of
me!
The two fly out of the stratosphere and into outer space.
MACIEK
Well, Aunt Tania, now we are in outer
space!
FX - A comet flies by.
MACIEK AND TANIA
Ooo!
FX - A cresant moon flies by.
MACIEK AND TANIA
Aaah!
Then, the Evil Flasxidexterushis senator,
Ghilghidmhesidonious III arrives, straddling a rocket,
wearing a cowboy hat.
GHILGHIDMHESIDONIOUS III
Yeeeeeehaw!
MACIEK AND TANIA
Holy shit!
GHILGHIDMHESIDONIOUS III
That's right ladeees and genteeelmen,
it is I, Ghilghidmhesidonious III!
TANIA
Quick, Maciek, give him your explosive
bolt action!
Maciek pulls out an explosive bolt from his pocket and
throws it in Ghilghidmhesidonious III's face!
Then it explodes -- KABOOM!
GHILGHIDMHESIDONIOUS III
Ahhhhhhhh! I'll get you varmints!
The rocket ships and Ghilghidmhesidonious III fly far
away into outer space, never to return to bother Tania
and Maciek again.
TITLE: THE END?
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Tania and Maciek are wearing cool sunglasses, listening
to Puff Daddy, sipping glasses of champagne in a hot tub.
There is a hunky guy sitting beside Tania, and a hot
beach babe sitting beside Maciek.
TANIA
Well, little nephew, things sure did
turn out all right, in the end...
Maciek pulls out a hundred dollar bill, lights a cigar
with it, and begins puffing away.
MACIEK
Yep.
TANIA
And what did we learn today on our
little adventure?
MACIEK
Um, I dunno.
TANIA
That's okay. I didn't learn anything
either!
The entire group begins laughing as we ZOOM away from the
scene.
FADE OUT.
THE END
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"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
JSpringer0953
-Klink
LONGINVS
-jon