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Question: How did you meet?

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Rob

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Aug 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM8/16/98
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Hello

A question for any couples that may read this group. How did you meet each
other? I'm a bi male and have always wanted to meet and go out with bi
girl but have never really met any, let alone been out with one. Am I
missing something here? I'm honest enough with myself to know that I'd want
to have sex with other people even if I was seeing someone. I also think
that a bisexual girl would probably understand this better than most people
as she'd most likley feel the same way.

So any ideas people may care to put forward would be useful. Should I be
visiting clubs with a LBG bias or should I try a different course of
action? Did you find out after you met or have a good idea before hand?

Rob

Harlequin

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Aug 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM8/17/98
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I've never had any success in forming intimate relationships with people that
I've met at gay venues. My exes were: a school friend, somebody I originally met
in a (straight) pub who was around a lot during a three month party I held,
somebody who used to help out at a "New Age educational camp" that I was working
at, and somebody that the previous person introduced me to. I make no secret of
my sexuality, and the first two people told me that they were bi after a while.
I was told of the sexuality of the other two by friends of theirs[*]. My current
"relationship" is with someone who's been a friend for about 15 years (who told
me that he was bi after about a year, although our sexual involvement is quite
recent).

Errr... that's probably not much help, is it. In fact, I'd like to find a more
stable relationship myself but I also have little idea how to go about it, other
than just getting out and meeting more people generally.

H.

[*] The full story in these cases is actually terribly complex. Let's just say
for the moment that the "friends" were more sure about the persons' sexuality
than the persons themselves were.
--
Veni Vidi Castratavi Illegitimos

Jennie Kermode

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Aug 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM8/17/98
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On 16 Aug 1998 04:49:06 GMT, Rob <ro...@ndirect.co.uk> wrote:
>Hello

>
>other? I'm a bi male and have always wanted to meet and go out with bi
>girl but have never really met any, let alone been out with one. Am I

You probably have, you know - met some, at any rate. Most
people don't wear it on their sleeves. A lot of people don't feel
comfortable making any public announcement of their sexuality, and still
more are vaguely aware they're not straight but haven't admitted it to
themselves. I find it extremely unlikely that you've spent your whole life
surrounded entirely by heterosexuals. ;)

>missing something here? I'm honest enough with myself to know that I'd want
>to have sex with other people even if I was seeing someone. I also think

Well, that's polyamory, which is a whole different issue, and
is obviously a major factor to consider when you're looking for a
relationship. You might want to try reading alt.polyamory or doing web of
DejaNews searches on the subject for more practical help there, not only
on whether it's right for you and you can make it work, but on how to
raise the topic with a prospective partner. There are a lot of different
forms of polyamorous relationships and you should think about exactly what
it is you'd be happy with, and where your limits are, before you jump in
at the deep end.

>that a bisexual girl would probably understand this better than most people
>as she'd most likley feel the same way.

That's not necessarily the case. There are a lot of bi poly
people out there, but there are also a lot of bi people who prefer
monogamous relationships, and some who feel so strongly that monogamy is
the only way to go that they could be offended if you assumed otherwise.
You have to approach this on an individual basis. Being interested in
either gender doesn't necessarily equate with desiring more than one
person at a time, and neither does it preclude jealousy and the usual
insecurities that go along with relationships.

>So any ideas people may care to put forward would be useful. Should I be
>visiting clubs with a LBG bias or should I try a different course of
>action? Did you find out after you met or have a good idea before hand?

It is certainly possible for bi people to meet opposite gender
partners in LBG clubs, but you should be aware that a lot of people,
whatever their orientation, will be there principally to flirt with MOTSS,
and may be confused or take offence at MOTOS advances. In other words, be
cautious and be careful to respect others' feelings.
How out are you about your sexuality? The reason I ask is that
a huge number of LBG people are successful in finding partners outwith the
scene, but that usually comes about just from getting to know people in
different social environments, making friends and perhaps finding someone
special that way. If people are aware of your non-heterosexuality they may
feel more comfortable in telling you about their own - they'll be able to
be open about things, and to flirt if they have an interest, without
having to worry about your potential prejudice.
The gay club scene ultimately reflects only a fraction of LBG
people out there in society, and there's no reason why you shouldn't meet
someone elsewhere - but, as always, finding the right person is something
that tends to happen most easily when one _isn't_ looking. ;)
Good luck.

Jennie

--
Jennie Kermode http://www.skinner.demon.co.uk/jennie jen...@innocent.com
Gothcode 3.0A: GoAu7$CS3 TGlTgFeNr9 PMoRSg B40/90Bk"4 cBk9 V6s
M3p1GooFanPuoCl C6p a25-(15) n6 b54 H163 g7!??76A m0@26 w7A v5S r3E
p75765Rd D77* h7AdFeGl sF5PSrWy k7BdSMmDspFNRWT N0893NEH HfsSp10 LukGla9

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elegantwi...@gmail.com

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Jul 9, 2017, 10:10:10 PM7/9/17
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On Sunday, August 16, 1998 at 3:00:00 PM UTC+8, Rob wrote:
> Hello
>
> A question for any couples that may read this group. How did you meet each
> other? I'm a bi male and have always wanted to meet and go out with bi
> girl but have never really met any, let alone been out with one. Am I
> missing something here? I'm honest enough with myself to know that I'd want
> to have sex with other people even if I was seeing someone. I also think
> that a bisexual girl would probably understand this better than most people
> as she'd most likley feel the same way.
>
> So any ideas people may care to put forward would be useful. Should I be
> visiting clubs with a LBG bias or should I try a different course of
> action? Did you find out after you met or have a good idea before hand?
>
> Rob

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