Travel Advisory - France
White Hat MP
TRAVEL ADVICE FOR AMERICANS VISITING FRANCE
The following advisory for American travelers heading for France was compiled
from information provided by the US State Department, the Central Intelligence
Agency, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the
Center for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the
French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only
and no guarantee of accuracy is insured or intended.
General Overview
****************
France is a medium sized foreign country situated on the continent of Europe
and is for all intent and purposes f***ng useless. They think of themselves as
an important member of the world community, although in reality they are not.
It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no
particular consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a very old country
with many treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions
to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the guillotine, hairy
armpits, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern
nation, air conditioning is little used, and it is next to impossible to get
decent Mexican food. One continuing
exasperation for American visitors is toilet paper that has the consistency of
cardboard and that the people, (who work in the tourist industry) speak
English, willfully persist in speaking French, although many will speak English
if shouted at repeatedly.
The People
**********
France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a
great deal, drive like assholes, are dangerously over sexed and have no concept
of standing patiently in a line. The French people are generally gloomy,
temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good
points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess
it from their behavior. Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is
common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie, and they kiss each other
when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups
and to wear our usual baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual
recognition. All French women have small tits, and don't shave their armpits
or their legs.
Safety
******
In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are advised that
France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender
more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and
increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life
for the visitors generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France
to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make
it easier for the French government to flee to London, in case of war.
History
*******
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important
historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, the Hunchback of Notre Dame,
Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many
years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have had their
asses kicked by just about every other country in the world, but it's usually
by the Germans. They then rely on others to save them. The French form of
government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less
continuously and always result in a runoff. For
administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments,
districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor
tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (although,
confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either
Gaullists or communists, neither of whom can be trusted. Parliament's
principal preoccupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and
then acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current
State Department intelligence, the current President is someone named Jacques.
Further information is not available at this time.
Culture
*******
The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy to see
why. All of their songs are sung through the nose and sound the same. They
have hardly ever made a movie that you want to watch for anything except the
nude scenes. Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel (except
perhaps an evening with a French family).
Cuisine
*******
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug
with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent
although it is impossible for most Americans to nasally pronounce this word.
American travelers are therefore advised to stick to cheeseburgers at
McDonald's or the restaurants at the leading hotels such as Sheraton or Holiday
Inn. Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are nothing but a poor
excuse for horse urine.
Economy
*******
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's economy in
Europe, which is surprising since people hardly ever work at all. If they are
not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking
the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order
of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided
missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines,
tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Conclusion
**********
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape and a
temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French people
didn't inhabit it, and it weren't still radioactive from all the nuclear tests
they run. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Albania.
Remember no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our
vacation in Florida.
Bill
D/Sgt (Acting)
The Second Amendment....
America's FIRST "Homeland Defense!"
Osama and Saddam can STILL both kiss my ass!!
Bob Escher
LOL LOL
Bob E
"White Hat MP" <mbc...@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20030218092645...@mb-mo.aol.com...
Dragoon68
person with a clear perspective on history and politics! Was it Henry?
It should be posted on the Travel Advisory page of the U.S. Department
of State's web site for a while so the French get the message.
By the way, I won't be installing a bidet in my next house either! <G>
Patrick
Jørn Egil Opdahl
Getting tired of this mocking of French and Europeans. And no, I am not a
Frenchman. I'm from Norway.
"White Hat MP" <mbc...@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20030218092645...@mb-mo.aol.com...
White Hat MP
>Sorry, not funny at all.
>Getting tired of this mocking of French and Europeans. And no, I am not a
>Frenchman. I'm from Norway.
Jorn, sorry if you're offended but we Yanks have a sense of humor about most
things; especially stupidity. The French have a history of pacifistic
stupidity, and that's the way it is.
As for the rest of Europe, I don't recollect anyone bashing Europe as a whole.
In fact, I've received e-mail from a few folks in various European countries,
encouraging me not to think ill of Europe because, other than France and
Germany, the majority of the people support the U.S.A.'s efforts regarding
Saddam.
Besides, if you think you're tired of being mocked, put yourself in our place.
We spend BILLIONS overseas in aid; both military and otherwise and what do we
get but mocked?
Nonetheless... the French have some HUGE cemetaries -- filed with American boys
who died in the effort to liberate France. So we have EARNED the right to mock
an ally who isn't.
Regards,
Bill
D/Sgt (Acting)
Peace has a price, and the time to talk has passed.
It's time to make 'em think twice, so let's go kick some ass!
REMEMBER 9-11
Dragoon68
our humor. It is a bit harsh at times but for good reason as the record
of the French is self convicting.
We get tired of the anti-American protests and the lack of support from
the people of many nations around the world that should be our allies.
We also get tired of those who claim a higher moral high ground when it
comes to peace because we know we've done more to bring about peace than
probably any other nation in modern times. Peace has a price! You can
not negotiate peace with tyrants like Saddam any more than you could
with Hilter. Has Europe forgotten the broken agreements made with
Hilter? He used the time they bought to build up his military so he
could roll over those who pleaded for peace. That is what Saddam will
do as well if he is not stopped! We get tired of being portrayed as the
villain in foreign affairs when we're the ones that are both able and
willing to step in and help so many others with no gain for ourselves.
How many US colonies are there today? How many of those nations that we
defeated were later helped prosperity and freedom by us? Do we make
slaves of those we defeat? Do we plunder their land?
Many nations in Europe are a particular disappointment because a whole
lot of Americans have served to help defend them in both war and peace
with millions giving the ultimate sacrifice during war. Much American
blood has been soaked up in the ground where Europeans stand now
criticizing the descendants of those who helped liberate their
ancestors. We'd feel a whole lot better if more people from those
nations would look more kindly upon us, appreciate what we've done for
them, and support us in the on going dirty work of defending our nation
as well as the spin off benefit to the rest of the world.
It's sad when the actions of a nation bring condemnation upon all its
citizens and I know this is not completely fair nor even right. It's
like blaming all persons of one race or religion for the actions of
some. But that's the reality of human interaction. We respond to what
we experience whether it's completely fair or not! What would help
offset this feeling toward France would be for a few good Frenchmen to
speak up but it seems they remain silent. Where are they? I don't hear
them!
By the way, I'm half Belgian, speak French, and love my ancestors
dearly. However, I can tell you that they appreciated the Americans
greatly and they never forgot the experiences of World War I and II.
They also weren't very fond of many of the French having found it
necessary to flee to France upon the advance of Germany only to be taken
advantage of by many French citizens along the way. On the plus side
they were warmly received in Southern France where they stayed until
forced back to Belgium by the Germans. This is why I'm all the more
disappointed by the actions of Belgium today. I find it disgusting and
so would my grandparents from that nation.
Patrick
White Hat MP
>Another well researched and documented report masterfully written by a
>person with a clear perspective on history and politics! Was it Henry?
Well, it certainly wasn't me... and as for it being Henry... ya never know.
Fact is, I received that from a buddy in Australia! The refer to the French as
Frogs though I haven't asked why yet.
Dragoon68
British during World War I or II maybe because they ate frog legs but
the term may have other or older origins.
Now, I don't know about you Yankees, but down South we ate frog legs
when I was growing up. I haven't had any (frog legs that is) in a long
time though!
Patrick
Dartman
Kevin
White Hat MP
Patrick... that post was one of THE most enlightening, well spoken and
intelligent that I've seen in quite awhile!
WELL DONE!
Bill
>We don't mean any personal offense to our friends around the world with
>our humor. It is a bit harsh at times but for good reason as the record
>of the French is self convicting.
>
>We get tired of the anti-American protests and the lack of support from
>the people of many nations around the world that should be our allies.
::SNIP::
Dragoon68
than I did but I'm glad to know others share the same basic thoughts.
By the way, my dear Grandmother (from Belgium) use to say this (loosely
translated) about the French: "Oh, the French! It takes seven of them
to pull a carrot and all they get is the stem!" A carrot stem is rather
short!
Patrick
Bob Escher
I'm telling you Patrick for some reason
you have a lot of time on your hands and your becoming more more eloquent
in your speech writing.
But that last one came from your eloquence and most
of all it came from your Heart. It should be published
in half the news papers in the world.
(Hmmm maybe if I copy and paste Hmmmm)
Thank you my friend
Bob E
"Dragoon68" <drag...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:3E542EB2...@mindspring.com...
Jørn Egil Opdahl
fast enough.
But one mayor problem with debating on the internet against Americans is
compared to set of an Atomic bomb by mistake. You get,...overwhelmed. If you
have a "nice" friendly arguement suddenly you get attacked all over from
many others that take you for a communist, liberal or whatever comes to
their mind. And then suddenly all kind of four letter words come towards
you.
Take fo example the phrase; either your with us, or against us. When Bush
said that, my hair went straight up. So when he used the word "crusade".
Well, it maybe was intented for "internal use only", but anyway. It was
broadcasted to the whole world. As I write this I just finnished an article
in the newspaper about a French WW II-veteran that was ashamed over what his
Government has done so far. So much is going on over here in Europe, and we
do have a different culture than the American. That is why we aint so fast
to jump on to the war-horse and set of in full speed.
I understand humor when seeing it, but the reason why I react is that I feel
it aint humor anymore, but more and more hatefull evilness. (Dont
misunderstand me now, hehe.)
Myself, being among maybe 20-25 % that are "pro-war". But I'm in no hurry to
settle the case/score. And I'm sure that when time comes, and a US soldier
look to the right or left of him, he probably will look straight in to the
face of a Frenchman.
To end this, maybe the reason why so few from France have said their
opinion, is that they are not here, on English speaking newsgroups. I can
assure you that they are on the french-speaking ones. I think it may have to
do that they are very protective towards their language and also not so good
in expressing themselves in English,...I assume.
Casey
Casey
White Hat MP
Jorn... FIRST, in this newsgroup (alt.military.police), we SELDOM (if ever)
really get nasty.... and then, only with those who spam us or come in and
outrightly proclaim hardcore, anti-American or Communistic issues. Sir, you
will be very welcome here and your comments are well taken as being objective.
More follows:
>> Well, I understand your frustration over the fact that "we" dont react
>fast enough.
> But one mayor problem with debating on the internet against Americans is
>compared to set of an Atomic bomb by mistake. You get,...overwhelmed. If you
>have a "nice" friendly arguement suddenly you get attacked all over from
>many others that take you for a communist, liberal or whatever comes to
>their mind.
I doubt that you will find that happening in this group. We ENJOY a good sound
debate. We've even debated among ourselves -- the core group -- with very
little anger, if any at all. As long as folks express themselves honestly and
without hurling insults, it remains civil or we usually just ignore -- again,
with the exception of spammers.
>And then suddenly all kind of four letter words come towards
>you.
I think that I'm probably the most "profane" here. (Hey, I was in the Navy!
<G> It was only the Army that finally civilized me to the degree that I'm now
able to go out in public! <BG>) Even then, my anger is seldom directed at an
INDIVIDUAL and usually only at a situation or political bull manure.
>Take fo example the phrase; either your with us, or against us. When Bush
>said that, my hair went straight up.
To you folks, it may have sounded like a challenge. To us, it was directed
towards the Islamic / Muslim countries. Certainly, it was NOT directed at any
NATO country. However, I sometimes put it in my own signature line (i.e.,
"tagline"), frankly, because of France. It is kind of a dig (insult) but only
because I, at least, feel that the French and Germans have turned their backs
on us.
>So when he used the word "crusade".
Oh! When the President said that, even I cringed! BAD CHOICE OF WORDS if
anyone knows history and the meaning of that for Muslims.
>Well, it maybe was intented for "internal use only", but anyway. It was
>broadcasted to the whole world.
It was intended for the whole world; but like I said, the ".... or against us,"
was certainly not directed to NATO countries and actually, only Islamic/Muslim
countries. Oh, ALSO against any country that directly supports them. The
"crusade" comment was merely a bad choice of words that was even recognized by
the President afterwards.
>As I write this I just finnished an article
>in the newspaper about a French WW II-veteran that was ashamed over what his
>Government has done so far. So much is going on over here in Europe, and we
>do have a different culture than the American.
I have received a few e-mails from Europeans who say essentially the same
thing... that, many people and even countries, are upset with France. Please
keep in mind, when we (especially ME) say bad things about the French (or
Germans), it's meant towards the GOVERNMENT and not the people. Yes, we (I)
may get upset with liberals as a group... even an individual liberal but people
do disagree and we Yanks are used to saying what we feel.
Some of us are upset with our country's liberals because of "political
correctness" (called PC) because it hides issues behind a cloak of stupid
phrases. For EXAMPLE, I have a handicapped daughter. She is handicapped...
plain and simple. In today's PC terms, she is "visually and hearing
challenged." She is also "physically challenged." No.. she is HANDICAPPED...
plain and simple. She's partially blind and partially deaf and has mild
cerebral palsy. A black person is now a "person of color." It goes on and on
and MOST Americans are totally fed-up with the liberal attempts to cloak
everything as if there is no hardness... no facts and no real issues. Hence,
some of us are more direct in an attempt to get the issues back on track or to
overcome liberal jargon.
>That is why we aint so fast
>to jump on to the war-horse and set of in full speed.
>I understand humor when seeing it, but the reason why I react is that I feel
>it aint humor anymore, but more and more hatefull evilness. (Dont
>misunderstand me now, hehe.)
You partly right... the humor is fading here and turning into frustration.
With frustration comes, not hate; but anger perhaps. Eventually, disrespect
too... but we do that towards our own government as when Clinton decided it was
okay to have sex with a teenaged intern. What I'm saying is that we don't only
express our frustrations against European countries.
We definately practice our "Freedom of Speech." :)
>Myself, being among maybe 20-25 % that are "pro-war". But I'm in no hurry to
>settle the case/score. And I'm sure that when time comes, and a US soldier
>look to the right or left of him, he probably will look straight in to the
>face of a Frenchman.
Perhaps we will... but when the tiger claws us, we learn quickly and de-claw
him and if he bites us, we behead him. We've been clawed (numerous embassy
bombings... the USS Cole bombing, etc) and 9-11 was a bite. The problem is,
we've waited over a year to go after Saddam and there seems a very high
probability that he will use WMD's to elevate himself to a higher stature among
the Islamic lunatic fringe and Muslims in general. So, we do not feel he
deserves a chance to even claw us, let alone bite us.
>To end this, maybe the reason why so few from France have said their
>opinion, is that they are not here, on English speaking newsgroups. I can
>assure you that they are on the french-speaking ones.
We're aware of that. Here too, the only attention that the press gives
anything, is anti-war people. Thus, like sheep, more people join in, thinking
it's what many want when in fact, the anti-war side is tiny.
Regards,
Bill
D/Sgt (Acting)
Dragoon68
outspoken and I do concede that much! <G> I have had the benefit of a
flexible work schedule for a couple of months but all that changes next
week as I hit the trail for an extended tour out west.
Patrick
Dragoon68
Patrick
Dragoon68
he's welcome by me also. We won't all agree on everything and healthy
debate is a good thing. Folks should speak their mind as you never know
what perspective the rest may have missed.
Patrick
Dragoon68
if we don't always agree completely. It helps to understand how others
feel and it's good that you took the time to post your thoughts.
I was going to say more but after reading Bill's follow up I'll just say
that I'm in complete agreement with his well stated comments. The only
possible exception is that I thought Army drill sergeants invented all
four letter words! <G>
Patrick
White Hat MP
>Very well said Bill! I thought Jorn's response was good as well and
>he's welcome by me also.
Thanks... and I hope Jorn feels the same.
White Hat MP
>I was going to say more but after reading Bill's follow up I'll just say
>that I'm in complete agreement with his well stated comments. The only
>possible exception is that I thought Army drill sergeants invented all
>four letter words! <G>
No sir... the Marine DI's did; quickly emulated by the Navy Boot "Company
Commanders" (i.e., the Navy version of DI's). The Army? Heck, when I went to
Army BCT, they weren't allowed to even swear! LOL
Jesse Cox
The French have now banned fireworks displays at Euro Disney. Reason:
after last evenings fireworks display the soldiers at a nearby French
army garrison surrendered.