Re: RIP Vinnie Schiavelli
Alex Suter
>*sigh* We've been over this before. The Enterprise is not a war vessel.
>It's got a long term mission to, uh, do stuff, and all those non-essential
>people are *essential* to do that stuff. Like Whoopi Goldberg.
I think it can be reasonably argued that Whoopi Goldberg
is essential in all things. Not only on the USS Enterprise,
but in everyday life.
Web page doesn't load? Have Whoopi try it. Children are
disobediant and ignorant of the finer points of tensor
calculus? Give Whoopi a call. She's like Mary Poppins,
practically perfect in every way. She'll win your child's
heart, and maybe teach you a little something about love,
parenting, and the little miracle of eigenvectors. Need
some smug comedic relief from someone in a funny hat on
your science fiction show? Again, always, Whoopi.
Whoopi Goldberg, ladies and gentlemen, is a shining
example of the pinnacle of human evolution. I, for one,
will be taking the center square for the block. Thank
you, Whoopi.
--
Alex Suter
asu...@cs.stanford.edu
Back in the habit
Otto Bahn
> Whoopi Goldberg, ladies and gentlemen, is a shining
> example of the pinnacle of human evolution. I, for one,
> will be taking the center square for the block. Thank
> you, Whoopi.
Whoopi Goldberg must die. It would be better if she'd
never been born. Her mere name is an abomination. She
has done some of the worst performances in all recorded
history. She is worse than Phil Collins who has written
umpteen repetitive, boring, stupid songs that just go on
and on forever, and it then goes on and on some more until
I finally just want to HULK SMASH that shiny head in.
And it's all Yoko's fault for breaking up the Beatles.
If they had stayed together, the McCartney Effect would
never have happened. Disbanding the Beatles was like a
rip in the very fabric of space and time. Wham! In one
fell swoop, the sixties are like over man. Her Karma is
going down good and hard one of these days.
Needless to say I'm no fan of McCartney sans Lennon either.
Worst career move ever, and yet he still makes millions.
I donut geddit. I HATE YOU, YOKO ONO!
--oTTo--
Chris McGonnell
>"Alex Suter" <asu...@xenon.Stanford.EDU> wrote
<Goldberg variations snipped>
>And it's all Yoko's fault for breaking up the Beatles.
>If they had stayed together, the McCartney Effect would
>never have happened. Disbanding the Beatles was like a
>rip in the very fabric of space and time. Wham! In one
>fell swoop, the sixties are like over man. Her Karma is
>going down good and hard one of these days.
Live and let die, Mister Bahn.
>Needless to say I'm no fan of McCartney sans Lennon either.
>Worst career move ever, and yet he still makes millions.
>I donut geddit. I HATE YOU, YOKO ONO!
Yeah, you'd think the world'd had enough of silly love songs!
(Ebony and ivory Obvious Bag closes)
--
Chris McG.
Harming humanity since 1951.
"McGonnell, welcome to Plonksville, population: You" -- Stacia
Otto Bahn
>>And it's all Yoko's fault for breaking up the Beatles.
>>If they had stayed together, the McCartney Effect would
>>never have happened. Disbanding the Beatles was like a
>>rip in the very fabric of space and time. Wham! In one
>>fell swoop, the sixties are like over man. Her Karma is
>>going down good and hard one of these days.
>
> Live and let die, Mister Bahn.
Yeah, Wings had like three good songs. That's not even one
side of an album.
>>Needless to say I'm no fan of McCartney sans Lennon either.
>>Worst career move ever, and yet he still makes millions.
>>I donut geddit. I HATE YOU, YOKO ONO!
>
> Yeah, you'd think the world'd had enough of silly love songs!
>
> (Ebony and ivory Obvious Bag closes)
Do you enjoy torturing me? I just hope you saw that post 9-11
painfully bad performance of "Freedom" or whatever it was called.
It almost made me root for the terrorists and poke out my eyes.
--oTTo--
Alex Suter
>Do you enjoy torturing me? I just hope you saw that post 9-11
>painfully bad performance of "Freedom" or whatever it was called.
>It almost made me root for the terrorists and poke out my eyes.
Whoopi acted in bad movies for your sins, Otto. Repent!
The dreadlocks shall set you free!
--
Alex Suter
asu...@cs.stanford.edu
My headphones give me a hair ridge like a Centauri.
Otto Bahn
>>Do you enjoy torturing me? I just hope you saw that post 9-11
>>painfully bad performance of "Freedom" or whatever it was called.
>>It almost made me root for the terrorists and poke out my eyes.
>
> Whoopi acted in bad movies for your sins, Otto. Repent!
> The dreadlocks shall set you free!
Dreadlocks are cool. They look great. She should flip
them over to cover her face.
--Tedward
Marc Goodman
> On Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:45:24 -0500, "Otto Bahn" wrote:
>
>
>>"Alex Suter" <asu...@xenon.Stanford.EDU> wrote
>>Worst career move ever, and yet he still makes millions.
>>I donut geddit. I HATE YOU, YOKO ONO!
>
>
> Yeah, you'd think the world'd had enough of silly love songs!
Listen to what the man said!
> (Ebony and ivory Obvious Bag closes)
OUCH! My foot!
Tim Chmielewski
news:dq1e8f$po9$1...@xenon.Stanford.EDU:
> Jeremy D. Impson <jdim...@acm.spam.org> wrote:
>>*sigh* We've been over this before. The Enterprise is not a war
>>vessel. It's got a long term mission to, uh, do stuff, and all those
>>non-essential people are *essential* to do that stuff. Like Whoopi
>>Goldberg.
>
> I think it can be reasonably argued that Whoopi Goldberg
> is essential in all things. Not only on the USS Enterprise,
> but in everyday life.
>
> Web page doesn't load? Have Whoopi try it. Children are
> disobediant and ignorant of the finer points of tensor
> calculus? Give Whoopi a call. She's like Mary Poppins,
> practically perfect in every way. She'll win your child's
> heart, and maybe teach you a little something about love,
> parenting, and the little miracle of eigenvectors. Need
> some smug comedic relief from someone in a funny hat on
> your science fiction show? Again, always, Whoopi.
I do remember seeing a movie where she starred with Doogie Howser also.
--
My Photos : http://photos.timchuma.com
Two Preson Bike: http://timchuma.com/twopresonbike/
The Twits Give Me the Shits : http://twitsgivemetheshits.timchuma.com
Tim's Hong Kong movie reviews: http://hkmovies.timchuma.com
Alex Suter
>asu...@xenon.Stanford.EDU (Alex Suter) wrote:
>> I think it can be reasonably argued that Whoopi Goldberg
>> is essential in all things. Not only on the USS Enterprise,
>> but in everyday life.
>
He was really good in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.
I'd say more, but I'm unable to think of anything but
the new Battlestar Galactica on SciFi.
This has been a paid advertisement.
--
Alex Suter
asu...@cs.stanford.edu
Paid in quality science fiction entertainment
Tim Chmielewski
@xenon.Stanford.EDU:
> Tim Chmielewski <webm...@timchuma.com> wrote:
>>asu...@xenon.Stanford.EDU (Alex Suter) wrote:
>>> I think it can be reasonably argued that Whoopi Goldberg
>>> is essential in all things. Not only on the USS Enterprise,
>>> but in everyday life.
>>
>>I do remember seeing a movie where she starred with Doogie Howser also.
>
> He was really good in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.
>
> I'd say more, but I'm unable to think of anything but
> the new Battlestar Galactica on SciFi.
>
> This has been a paid advertisement.
>
Also I watched all the credits for K-19 Widowmaker and saw your name on it, but
I did not shout "rhymes with butter!"
Alex Suter
>asu...@xenon.Stanford.EDU (Alex Suter) wrote:
>> He was really good in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.
>> I'd say more, but I'm unable to think of anything but
>> the new Battlestar Galactica on SciFi.
>>
>> This has been a paid advertisement.
>
>Also I watched all the credits for K-19 Widowmaker and saw your name
>on it, but I did not shout "rhymes with butter!"
When I saw it in the theater, by the time the credits rolled
to my name I was the only one there.
So rather than shouting, I just covered myself in butter and
called it a day.
--
Alex Suter
asu...@cs.stanford.edu
As seen in film
James Kibo Parry
>
> Tim Chmielewski (webm...@timchuma.com) wrote:
> >
> > [talking at Alex Suter]
> >
> > Also I watched all the credits for K-19 Widowmaker and saw your name
> > on it, but I did not shout "rhymes with butter!"
>
> When I saw it in the theater, by the time the credits rolled
> to my name I was the only one there.
>
> So rather than shouting, I just covered myself in butter and
> called it a day.
Yes, but I took a tour of the Russian submarine used in "K*19: The Widowmaker"
during the short period between getting a full-on concussion and realizing
that I had a full-on what's that word?
I fail to see what any of this has to do with Vincent Schiavelli,
oh yeah, "concussion". Who were we talking about?
I never want to hit my head again, because I worry that if I had hit
it just a little harder it might have turned me into one of those
people who writes letters to inanimate objects.
DEAR CHEERIOS
YOUR BOX IS TO YELLOW
DEAR JANITOR IN A DRUM
WHAT KIND OF DRUM
DEAR APPLE COMPUTER
YOU SMELL LIKE PLASTIC STOP GETTING HOT
DEAR CAN OF PRINGLES
YOUR FACE STILL SCARES ME
DEAR BAG OF ICE
BRRRR
DEAR ROACH MOTEL
STOP GETTING STUCK TO MY HAND SO HARD
DEAR BABY ASPIRIN
HOW IS THE BABY SUPPOSED TO OPEN YOU
DEAR POLICE SCANNER
ITS ALL BORING STUFF EXCEPT WHEN ITS STATICY
DEAR UNDERPANTS
DONT ITCH
DEAR PHILIPS BOOTLEG DVD PLAYER
WHY DOES YOUR REMOTE HAVE TO BE SO SUCKY JUST SO I CAN WATCH PORN
DEAR JUNIOR MINTS
YOUR UGLY AND SHOULD BE GREEN
DEAR HARLEY DAVIDSON BELT BUCKLE
I NEED A BELT
DEAR GE FLUORESCENT LIGHT TUBE
I COULD MAKE A LIGHT SABER OUT OF YOU IF SCIENTISTS KNEW HOW
DEAR DUCT TAPE
IS SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE I LIKE HOW YOU SMELL
DEAR WHITE CASTLE BURGERS
GET BIG SOMEDAY BECAUSE YOUR EXPENSIVE
DEAR LITTLE PUZZLE WITH METAL BEADS INSIDE
I CANT DO YOU BUT I DIDNT THROW YOU OUT WHY
DEAR TIVO
STOP MAKING ME GAY
DEAR VHS TAPE "THE HISTORY OF PINBALL"
IM AFRAID TO WATCH YOU BECAUSE I MIGHT BE EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN I EXPECT
DEAR OPTICAL MOUSE
YOU ARE A LASER AND YES IM AFRAID
DEAR REFRIGERATOR
STOP PEEING ON MY FOOD
DEAR KAFFIYA
I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL OR WEAR YOU
DEAR TAPE MEASURE
RULERS DONT GET TANGLED
DEAR COKE WITH LEMON
I DONT WANT EITHER
DEAR CONDOMS
YOUR SO OLD GET OUT OF MY WALLET
DEAR PAINTBALL GUN
I WISH I COULD HURT PEOPLE HARDER WITH YOU
DEAR LAVA LAMP
I KEEP YOU UNPLUGGED BECAUSE YOU USE ELECTRICITY
DEAR TELEPHONE
SHUT UP
DEAR WHATEVER GAVE ME A CONCUSSION
YOUR HARD AND MEAN
-- K.
Oh, and Harrison, you can
_read_ those lines, you just
can't _say_ 'em with a
Russian accent.
Alex Suter
This is an important observation and I think more
attention should be brought to the subject. It's
an open secret in Silicon Valley that Tivo, the
popular Digital Video Recording system that can be
used to "pause" "live" television and see Janet
Jackson's nipple, is engineered specifically to make
you gay.
The nipple thing threw me for a bit, not just with
Tivo and Janet Jackson but pretty much universally.
Other consumer products that are designed as gay
recruitment devices include the Treo 650, The
Wiggles DVD products, the iPod Nano (but, oddly
enough, not the rest of their product line),
Tempurpedic mattresses, and, of course, The
Washington Monument.
As for Tivo, I credit the remote. I think you know
why.
Ba-doop ba-doop!
--
Alex Suter
asu...@cs.stanford.edu
Viking world dot com
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > DEAR TIVO
> > STOP MAKING ME GAY
>
> This is an important observation and I think more
> attention should be brought to the subject. It's
> an open secret in Silicon Valley that Tivo, the
> popular Digital Video Recording system that can be
> used to "pause" "live" television and see Janet
> Jackson's nipple, is engineered specifically to make
> you gay.
Wait... do you mean it was engineered specifically
to make people gay? Or that it was engineered to
make me, specifically, gay?
Would TiVo have gone bankrupt if I had stayed married
to television's female actress Barbara Bain?
> [...]
>
> Other consumer products that are designed as gay
> recruitment devices include the Treo 650, The
> Wiggles DVD products, the iPod Nano (but, oddly
> enough, not the rest of their product line),
> Tempurpedic mattresses, and, of course, The
> Washington Monument.
Excuse me, but I would like to point out that _all_ of
Apple's products are extraordinarily gay, from the original
iBook (which was officially advertised on posters as the
"WORLD'S GAYEST COMPUTER", at least in a dream I had)
to the various jellyfish-shaped subwoofers and especially
the original USB mouse -- the one that was made from a
urinal cake.
> As for Tivo, I credit the remote. I think you know
> why.
>
> Ba-doop ba-doop!
I liked the Sony TiVo remotes (which were, like most modern remote
controls, shaped vaguely like "Star Trek: The Next Generation" phasers)
and wore most of the silver paint off all the ones I had. But my
new TiVo (the no-brand Humax one with an adjustable night light on
the front) has one of those damn "peanut" remotes copies from the
old Philips TiVo units. I hate the peanut remote. The thing's
not only symmetrical end-to-end but also rotationally around its
long axis, so it's really hard to orient it when you pick it up
unless you're shining your TiVo's built-in floodlight directly on
the remote. The buttons are in awkward places, there are some which
don't do anything ("Window"?) and the peanut remotes have never had
the "Now Playing" button -- one of the most frequently-needed buttons.
Now, to get to the "Now Playing" screen, you have to press the creepy
"TiVo Face" button twice, but since the units are sluggish and
have no keystroke buffer, you actually have to press it once,
wait for the screen to finish changing color, then you're allowed
to press it again. If you just attempt to double-click the button
it misses the second click, so you have to go "click... yawn... click."
I don't think the peanut remote makes people gay, I think it makes
them werewolves, because you can only reach the number buttons if
you have a dewclaw. One gets the feeling it was designed by
people trying to make it as difficult to use as possible. "Let's
put the 'Enter' button four inches to the south of the notch
where your hand is supposed to grip the slippery peanut!"
I detest the peanut remote, but sadly my old Sony remotes aren't
interoperable with the other brands of TiVo hardware as far as
I know. (The innards of the Sony and Philips TiVo boxes were
actually identical -- from the same factory, I'm given to
understand -- but I paid extra to get the Sony ones just because
Sony knows how to design push-buttons.)
Hell, even the Sony WebTV had a better remote than anything
Philips or Humax ever made. Shocking, but true: one model of WebTV
was actually better than something else in some way!
-- K.
DEAR PEANUT REMOTE
WHY WONT YOU HELP ME WATCH MORE TV
ALSO IF YOU SEE MY CAR KEYS TELL
THEM TO TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE