Cards On The Table?
Janey Pooh
recently, and I'd like to try to play neutral, cards on the table, and
explain what I see as some of the reasons why. I'm going to try hard
not to 'slam' anyone, and if someone sees anything I say as a direct
slam, it wasn't intentional. I'd just so love to see AMF return to
some semblance of the calm and fun it used to be, that I'm willing to
put my hand on the chopping block, as it were, to try and help it
achieve that.
First off, pedophilia is only considered such if the younger person is
under the age of consent. Such is not the case with the people being
discussed, so that point is moot. The age of consent in Canada is 14,
I believe. Whether or not it's *appropriate* and healthy for the two
people involved is up to them to figure out. Experience and time go a
long way towards learning. And you will never be able to stop
someone's RL behaviour by posting things to a newsgroup.
However, this is a public newsgroup and many, many different kinds of
people post here, some with very different sets of moral belief thtn
others. In deference to ALL the people who post and lurk, I would
recommend that *details* about such a relationship might be better
discussed on a newsgroup that focuses on that topic more.
This is a Fibromyalgia NG, and many people are put off by very open,
graphic discussions of an unusual relationship. Or ANY relationship,
for that matter. They come here to read stuff about Fibro. Yes,
Fibro affects our intimate relationships, but when we talk about them,
we should try to consider the moral feelings of others on the group
and present ourselves with couth and manners whenever possible <IMO>.
Now - about specific word usage . . . again, I think it kinda comes
down to manners and couth, and trying hard not to let anger get in the
way of consideration. When you use a word on this group, EVERYONE
reads it. When you use the "c" word, it is, in effect, a slur on ALL
females, because it is using the nasty word for a part of the female
anatomy as a vile swear word. I think it's very unfortunate that so
many parts of the female anatomy have been reduced to "cuss words",
but they have. The "c" word is particularly vicious, and every woman
feels it to her core when she hears or sees that word - even if it
wasn't being said directly to her.
The same is true for black people and the "N" word, Mexicans and the
"S" word, Asian people and the slurs used to describe their
culture . . . and yes, even "Frogs" - which is my primary
background. So, every time a person uses a person's nationality as a
'slam' (even if that person isn't REALLY that nationality) it affects
EVERYONE reading - couth and manners have flown out the window and
gutter behaviour and language have replaced them.
There was a time when thousands of relevant posts were posted on this
group every month - hundreds every day. And we had a GOOD time
together too, telling each other jokes, sharing recipes, sharings tips
and ideas to help each other with our fibromyalgia, and so on.
Now we have a few people posting positive stuff, and the rest arguing
back and forth , filling the board with horrid, nasty language and
sentiment. It's that *sentiment* that's scaring people away, because
they know that stress is BAD for our fibromyalgia. If they feel more
stressed after they've left the group than they did when they first
opened their newsgroups, they won't want to stay.
I've been posting information offering physical evidence that bad
emotions will make you feel worse physically, and good emotions will
make you feel better. It's a quantifiable FACT. It's not just some
jive mumbo-jumbo with someone telling you to relax.
All the people involved in posting ANY nastiness are hurting
themselves and everyone else on this NG. And anyone who can bring
lightness to the group, with consideration for the feelings of ALL the
people on the group, is HELPING those people feel better.
Physically. Their Hypothalamuses (or should that be Hypthalami? LOL)
are producing more DHEA and less cortisol if they maintain a calm,
cool existence and get happy more often. It only takes three minutes
for stress to cause the Adrenals to start producing too much
cortisol. That's not very long - barely long enough to get through
one post sometimes.
Like this one. LOL I write so much in the middle of the night!
GAK!!! Okay, now somebody take their best shot. If it has anything
nasty to say, I will most likely completely ignore it. I don't DO
nastiness. It's bad for my health.
Take GOOD Care,
Jane
robbster
If they feel more
> stressed after they've left the group than they did when they first
> opened their newsgroups, they won't want to stay.
>
> Jane
>
What a wonderfully written and honest post. I recently took the liberty
to kill file all negativity (what I construe as such) and this has
removed quite a bit of ng negativity and I actually feel better inside.
I am able to concentrate my time more fully on helpful posts such as
this one. I will still post the bully\stalker information from time to
time as I am sure that the trolls are probley still posting to this ng
but I can't see them.
cheerios,
robbster
--
Pack a day smokers inhale one quart of tar a year into their lungs.
Robb§ter 3 years quit February 1, 2007--> you can do it too!
Visit us at: www.ciggyfree.com | Blog: www.ciggyfree.com/cigblog
Smokie Darling (Annie)
wrote:
> Janey Pooh wrote:
>
> If they feel more
>
> > stressed after they've left the group than they did when they first
> > opened their newsgroups, they won't want to stay.
>
> > Jane
>
> What a wonderfully written and honest post. I recently took the liberty
> to kill file all negativity (what I construe as such) and this has
> removed quite a bit of ng negativity and I actually feel better inside.
>
> I am able to concentrate my time more fully on helpful posts such as
> this one. I will still post the bully\stalker information from time to
> time as I am sure that the trolls are probley still posting to this ng
> but I can't see them.
>
> cheerios,
> robbster
>
I could not agree more. Both with Janey's original post and yours
here. Though I read and post through Google, I've come to see certain
names and just ignore what they are writing.
There have been times, yes, that I read the inflammatory threads,
but... Well, for me, it's almost a way to show myself that much as I
might feel I'm suffering, I don't have it nearly as bad as others seem
to. Why else would they post as they do?
Frustration is a major stressor in my life, and I presume I am not the
only one. I know there are times when I want to "make my point" and I
can't seem to find the correct wording. I learned, a couple of years
ago (hi Rosie!) that I should never try to make a serious, valid point
until I've calmed down enough that the emotional portion gets left
behind.
Generally, about 24 hours.
I've also learned that after that, it doesn't seem nearly so important
that someone understand what *I* mean. So, I post nothing. Some see
this as tacit approval of someone's else's posts/behavio(u)rs, others
see it as denial or hiding. I see it as, I know what I think, and
that matters only to me and my "Higher Power" and my family.
I've learned so much here about the best ways to cope with this
horrendous disease, and many things suggested have worked (of course,
just as many haven't, but hey... live and learn).
Janey, I can't tell you how much I look forward to your posts in
particular. You can nearly always make me smile, and some days that
is more than miracle enough for me.
Robb, I like your posts too. The thing with bullies (whether online
or in real life) is that there is always a bigger bully somewhere. I
take little comfort in that. My mom's favorite saying, "What goes
around, comes around." offers me some little respite.
We get out of life (and usenet) what we put into it. I'm going to try
to continue to put in the positive (since I have enough negative in my
life - lol).
Smokie Darling (Annie) - Wishing all pain free days (I believe I
'borrowed' that from Old Goat)
René
think you should re-post them all every month or so, in case newbies come in
and see all the other junk. It might encourage them to put the crap in the
garbage where it belongs, because we all have the ability to protect
ourselves from the trolls, bullies, etc.
You're a very astute person -- I wanted to say "girl," but I'm not even
sure. So, Robbster -- is you a boy or is you a girl? lol
René
"robbster" <FillOutCo...@NOSPAMCIGGYFREE.com> wrote in message
news:IeaMh.6714$YD.2017@trnddc06...
Janey Pooh
wrote:
>
> I could not agree more. Both with Janey's original post and yours
> here. Though I read and post through Google, I've come to see certain
> names and just ignore what they are writing.
>
> There have been times, yes, that I read the inflammatory threads,
> but... Well, for me, it's almost a way to show myself that much as I
> might feel I'm suffering, I don't have it nearly as bad as others seem
> to. Why else would they post as they do?
Sometimes I read the threads just to see if someone's found themselves
involved in the miasma (LOL - I like that word, for some reason) and
needs help getting pulled out. I remember when I was a newbie with no
NG experience at all. It seemed like everything I said was jumped on
by a few people, and they said such horribly nasty things to me that
it REALLY affected my Real Life.
I *jumped in* to the flame wars to help someone out, and it ended up
nearly giving me a nervous breakdown.
>
> Frustration is a major stressor in my life, and I presume I am not the
> only one. I know there are times when I want to "make my point" and I
> can't seem to find the correct wording. I learned, a couple of years
> ago (hi Rosie!) that I should never try to make a serious, valid point
> until I've calmed down enough that the emotional portion gets left
> behind.
>
> Generally, about 24 hours.
S.O.H. - I coined that term about 8 years ago. It stands for Sitting
On Hands. I (and many other people now) S.O.H. whenever I really
*feel* like saying something, but I know it'll probably come across as
nasty to *someone*, anyone. If I am angry, frustrated, or really
ticked off by a post, I just reply S.O.H., meaning that I am Sitting
On my Hands not saying what this particular post makes me feel like
saying - and I will try to calm down and post more 'civilly', with
less 'off the cuff' anger, frustration and vigor than I would've the
day before. And often I find when a day of S.O.H. has gone by, I
don't feel like responding at ALL.
It's kinda like when a big fight starts with your significant other
and you decide to go to seperate corners for a while to cool off. You
get time to think about what made you so mad or frustrated or
whatever, and why you felt like responding like you did. Then when
you've cooled off a bit, you're less emotional and the things you say
to each other are less hurtful.
>
> I've also learned that after that, it doesn't seem nearly so important
> that someone understand what *I* mean. So, I post nothing. Some see
> this as tacit approval of someone's else's posts/behavio(u)rs, others
> see it as denial or hiding. I see it as, I know what I think, and
> that matters only to me and my "Higher Power" and my family.
I am exactly the same in this regard. I *often* post nothing. I
agree that some see it is as approval of the action being attacked,
and some see it as running from the problem. I see it as Conscious
Refusal To Join In.
Some "Stay The Course". Some "Cut and Run". And - why can't I think
of the term used for people who disagree with war and refuse to
participate because they think the whole thing is just wrong and we
should Make Love, Not War? Grrrrrrrrrrr - I hate that when I lose a
word. LOL Anyway, that's what I am.
>
> I've learned so much here about the best ways to cope with this
> horrendous disease, and many things suggested have worked (of course,
> just as many haven't, but hey... live and learn).
>
> Janey, I can't tell you how much I look forward to your posts in
> particular. You can nearly always make me smile, and some days that
> is more than miracle enough for me.
Oh, thank you so much for saying so, SD Annie. I gobble up
compliments like candy. ROFL But seriously, I'm glad I can put a
smile on your face. :o) :o)
>
> Robb, I like your posts too. The thing with bullies (whether online
> or in real life) is that there is always a bigger bully somewhere. I
> take little comfort in that. My mom's favorite saying, "What goes
> around, comes around." offers me some little respite.
Kismet. Karma. The Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have
done to you. You'll get what's coming to you. The meek shall inherit
the earth.
>
> We get out of life (and usenet) what we put into it. I'm going to try
> to continue to put in the positive (since I have enough negative in my
> life - lol).
Here's a poem for you, Smokey Darling, from my ratty old copy of a
very special little book. It kinda 'goes' with this topic. A bit
long, but whatever . . .
The Emperor's Rhyme
by A.A. Milne
The King of Peru
(who was Emperor too)
Had a sort of a rhyme
Which was useful to know,
If he felt very shy
When a stranger came by
Or they asked him the time
When his watch didn't go;
Or supposing he fell
(By mistake) down a well,
Or he tumbled when skating
And sat on his hat,
Or perhaps wasn't told
Till his porridge was cold,
That has breakfast was waiting -
Or something like that;
Oh, whenever the Emperor
Got in to a temper, or
Felt himself sulky or sad,
He would murmer and murmer,
Until he felt firmer,
This curious rhyme which he had:
Eight eights are sixty-four,
Multiply by seven.
When it's done,
Carry one
And take away eleven.
Nine nines are eighty-one
Multiply by three,
If it's more
Carry four,
And then it's time for tea.
So whenever the queen
Took his armour to clean,
And she didn't remember
To use any starch;
Or his birthday (in May)
Was a horrible day,
Being wet as November
And windy as March;
Or, if sitting in state
With the Wise and the Great
He just happened to hiccup
While signing his name,
Or the Queen gave a cough,
When his crown tumbled off
As he bent down to pick up
A pen for the same;
Oh, whenever the Emperor
Got into a temper or
Felt himself awkward and shy,
He would whisper and whisper,
Until he felt crisper,
This little odd rhyme to the sky;
Eight eights are eighty-one
Multiply by seven
If it's more
Carry four
And take away eleven.
Nine nines are sixty-four;
Multiply by three.
When it's done,
Carry one,
And then it's time for tea.
by A.A. Milne
from the book "Now We Are Six"
Sept. 1927
Seems simpler to me to just say S.O.H., don't you think? ;o)
>
> Smokie Darling (Annie) - Wishing all pain free days (I believe I
> 'borrowed' that from Old Goat
I remember Old Goat. Lordie, how time has flown. ;o)
Take GOOD Care,
Jane
robbster
> Robbster -- I truly appreciate those posts. I've saved them all. In
> fact I think you should re-post them all every month or so, in case
> newbies come in and see all the other junk. It might encourage them to
> put the crap in the garbage where it belongs, because we all have the
> ability to protect ourselves from the trolls, bullies, etc.
>
> You're a very astute person -- I wanted to say "girl," but I'm not even
> sure. So, Robbster -- is you a boy or is you a girl? lol
>
> René
Hi René
LOL - I'm a Gal!
I learned some serious lessons from another ng, (that I used to
particpate in on a regular basis.) I learned how not to fan flames!
Sometimes we can get caught up in the heat of the moment but I opt to
stick to S.O.H. now!!! If I can't do S.O.H. then I shall post once what
I need to post and never look back!
I have also learned that I really do not need to get my point across if
it is going to save the ng from a flame war. I recently began using my
kill file and will keep any negative non-trolls there for a few weeks at
a shot and then add them back and see if their negativity has turned to
a more positive note.
I would be happy to post this 1x per month - prolly after the FAQ is posted?
hugs,
~robbster
(off to lunch downtown now)
>
> "robbster" <FillOutCo...@NOSPAMCIGGYFREE.com> wrote in message
> news:IeaMh.6714$YD.2017@trnddc06...
Rosemarie Shiver
Sometimes the hardest learned lessons end up being the most useful ones!
{{{{Annie}}}}
Many SD Hugs,
Rosie S.
Demented Dame
--
"If you wanna get it done, you gotta fight for yourself." -- Meat Loaf, Bat
Outta Hell II
"Smokie Darling (Annie)" <Barnab...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1174488826.0...@d57g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...
annie
janey
what a wonderful post...let's hope this group goes back to what it
was...
annie
Smokie Darling (Annie)
Yep, I think it was Rosie told me about S.O.H. I love this poem, so
I'm leaving it while snipping out the rest. Want to keep this as
small a bandwidth as possible, but the poem deserves full exposure.
>
>
>
> > Smokie Darling (Annie) - Wishing all pain free days (I believe I
> > 'borrowed' that from Old Goat
>
> I remember Old Goat. Lordie, how time has flown. ;o)
Yeppers, he's in one of my other groups, and occasionally I think I've
seen him in here. Wise man, that.
>
> Take GOOD Care,
You too!
>
> Jane
Smokie Darling (Annie)
> Hi, SD!
>
> Sometimes the hardest learned lessons end up being the most useful ones!
>
> {{{{Annie}}}}
>
> Many SD Hugs,
> Rosie S.
> Demented Dame
Definitely, aren't you glad that I appear to learn well though? At
least so far (lol).
SD (Annie)
>
debbie m
> I'm noticing a LOT of anger and frustration at the old AMF homestead
> recently, and I'd like to try to play neutral, cards on the table, and
Jane,
I've been a lurker for years. Your post was wonderful. I couldn't
have said it better myself and you are a big part of this group so I
hope people will take it to heart. When I do come in to look there is
always something going on. It really could be a wonderful site, but
it is a Fibromyalgia site and should be used as such like you stated.
Thank you again for your heartfelt words.
debbie m.
Janey Pooh
Thanks for de-lurking to say that, Debbie, and I'm glad to meet you.
I hope AMF becomes the kind of place where people like you will be
more likely to remove their cloaks and speak up and stay a while.
Take GOOD Care,
Jane
lightlady
place a little while, it'll return to it's normally abnormal self soon
enuff. spring is here, and folks will be getting more sun, and less cabin
fever now :-)
--
lynn
"debbie m" <dma...@peoplepc.com> wrote in message
news:1174519030.4...@b75g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...
Cindy in Pa
Unfortunately it most likely went over most of the heads it pertains to and
the others just won't/don't care...
but wouldn't it be nice for amf to be that active again...
Cindy in Pa
"Janey Pooh" <jane...@la.shockware.com> wrote in message
news:1174473818.7...@p15g2000hsd.googlegroups.com...
saavik
it is obvious that some people don't believe it applies to them. {:>/
Margo
René
IGNORE ALL TROLLS. And we all need to behave like polite adults. With
Couth, as Janey says. :)
We've gotten over some bad times in the past, and I really hope we can again
this time. Newbies need us! We need us!
René
"Cindy in Pa" <cleigh...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:qc6dnRmFwfWJaJzb...@comcast.com...
René
be dark, murky, and very, very stinky. Too bad. I bet they make their
families just as unhappy, too.
René
"Smokie Darling (Annie)" <Barnab...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1174488826.0...@d57g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...
(Snip...) > There have been times, yes, that I read the inflammatory
threads,
> but... Well, for me, it's almost a way to show myself that much as I
> might feel I'm suffering, I don't have it nearly as bad as others seem
> to. Why else would they post as they do?
(Snip...)
René
one of those things that float around in newsgroup, et al, land.
Way Cool!
René
Janey Pooh
Yup, sure was. Here's the thread to prove it - and it's HILARIOUS.
We were practicing typing SOH with our noses, cuz you can't type SOH
in all caps when you're sitting on both hands.
Take GOOD Care,
Jane
Paul T. Holland
saw the refer. to o.g. - he's a keeper for sure!
Katie
as they say in France and other parts of the world.
Katie
"Janey Pooh" <jane...@la.shockware.com> a écrit dans le message de news:
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