Humor: more southernisms

9 views
Skip to first unread message

Jodith

unread,
Jan 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/19/99
to
I got these from someone else. I'll add my comments in parenthesis as I
go along.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

SOUTHERN COMMENTS

Exclamations:
"Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"Ahm fixin ta do that"
(My personal favorite is "I'm serious as a heart attack").

Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
(In my family it was "I'll tear your arm off and beat you with the
bloody nub")

Good Things/Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy

it."
"Gooder than grits." (that should be "Gooder'n grits).

The Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." (I always
heard "slicker'n greased owl shit")
(And then there is always "Colder'n a well diggers butt in Montana" and
"Colder'n a witch's tit")

Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap
on a marble floor."

Insults:
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be
weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
(I always heard "Someone beat him with a great big ole ugly stick")
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart
(or "She's dumber'n a sack full of rocks".)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jodith
--
To contact me, take the x out of the e-mail address.

Nsemo

unread,
Jan 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/19/99
to
Those are dead on. I'd forgotten many of them. Thanks for the reminder. What
a rich heritage, huh?

Sampatron

unread,
Jan 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/19/99
to
>SOUTHERN COMMENTS
>
>

These are great and make me feel at home! One of my favorites is "all over you
like a bowl of hot soup."

Sam

Matt and Marlene Ritzenthaler

unread,
Jan 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/19/99
to

It's slicker than snot on a glass door knob....

Raining?? We had a real gulleywasher....

It was as 'bout as easy as stacking bb's with boxing gloves....

I'm gonna kick your butt up so far that you'll be peeing between your
shoulder blades....

It's hotter than a boiled owl outside.....

He's as cute as a bug's ear.....

Jerry Bryson

unread,
Jan 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/19/99
to
Sampatron <samp...@aol.com> wrote:

And they jumped on him like chickens on a garter snake!

--
Failure doesn't mean you can't;
It just means you haven't

Priestess

unread,
Jan 19, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/19/99
to
One of my favorites has always been, when one can't find
something/someone" "I looked all over Hell, and half of Georgia!"

--
Jean
ICQ# 19761807
xjeah...@mindspring.com remove the x to reply

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul on the sea
When the darK night seems endless
Please remember me

-- Loreena McKennitt


Jodith

unread,
Jan 21, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/21/99
to
Sampatron wrote:

> >SOUTHERN COMMENTS
> >
> >
>
> These are great and make me feel at home! One of my favorites is "all
> over you
> like a bowl of hot soup."
>

> Sam


I always heard "like white on rice".

Jodith

unread,
Jan 21, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/21/99
to
Okay, let's see if I can come up with a few more. June's additions put
a few more in mind.

Crazy as a road lizard.
Rainin' like a cow peein' on a flat rock.
I haven't seen you in a month of sundays.
I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throat's been cut.
I'm so hungry my stomach's strikin' sparks of my backbone.
I'm so dry (thirsty) I'm spittin' cotton.
Happy as a snake in tall grass.
We're sittin' in tall cotton (an expression of happiness or success).

Okay, all you southerners, add to the list.

Jodith

McDonald

unread,
Jan 21, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/21/99
to
"I'm fine as frog hair"
Jodith wrote in message <36A75B68...@bmc.com>...

>Sampatron wrote:
>
>> >SOUTHERN COMMENTS
>> >
>> >
>>
>> These are great and make me feel at home! One of my favorites is "all
>> over you
>> like a bowl of hot soup."
>>
>> Sam
>
>
>I always heard "like white on rice".

StarSuMnEa

unread,
Jan 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/22/99
to
I somehow missed the original thread on this topic...but one thing I have
always said to my kids when undressing them is:
"skin a rabbit"
..even the youngest grandbaby understand this means to raise her arms to have
her shirt removed!!!
:)
star

Mike McCollister

unread,
Jan 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/22/99
to
Well, as usual I missed the original posting, but reading these sure did
make me miss my Mammaw! (Grandmother) One she used to always tell me was,
"These aren't big enough to wad a shotgun." Referring to my bikini
underwear. (I was much smaller in my teenage years.) Thanks for the stroll
down memory lane.

Debbie McC

June wrote in message <36c01238...@news.mindspring.com>...
>On Tue, 19 Jan 1999 08:21:38 -0600, Jodith <jodith...@bmc.com>
>delighted us all with the following:


>
>>I got these from someone else. I'll add my comments in parenthesis as I
>>go along.
>>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>

>Jodith, you're killing me. LOL. I couldn't resist adding to the list.
>:)


>
>>SOUTHERN COMMENTS
>>
>>Exclamations:
>> "Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
>> Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
>> "Ahm fixin ta do that"
>>(My personal favorite is "I'm serious as a heart attack").
>>

>You coulda knocked me over with a feather!
>I believe I've died and gone to heaven.
>I do declare! I ain't seed you in a coon's age! (To clarify, this
>refers to racoons)
>If that don't beat all!
>Ima fixin' ta go. Keep yer britches on!
>They sure got some ornery young'uns!
>That dog won't hunt. (Means something won't work)
>I tell ya', I'm plumb tuckered out.


>
>>Threats:
>> "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
>> "This'll jar your preserves."
>> "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
>>(In my family it was "I'll tear your arm off and beat you with the
>>bloody nub")
>>

>Stop cryin' or I'll give ya somethin' to cry about!
>I'll slap you into the middle of next week!
>Momma's gonna whup you upside yer head!


>
>>Good Things/Compliments:
>> "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
>> "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy
>> it."
>> "Gooder than grits." (that should be "Gooder'n grits).
>>

>Ain't she precious?
>You're just as cute as a bug.
>I shore do have a hankerin' for some of your peach cobbler.
>She's as cute as a speckled pup.


>
>>The Weather:
>> "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
>> "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
>> Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." (I always
>>heard "slicker'n greased owl shit")
>>(And then there is always "Colder'n a well diggers butt in Montana" and
>>"Colder'n a witch's tit")
>>

>It's purt near hot!
>It's so hot, I believe I'm agonnna dry up and blow away!
>It sure rained a might last night!


>
>>Descriptions:
>> A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
>> When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
>> If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
>> "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
>> A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap
>> on a marble floor."
>>

>I wuz busier than a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest.
>I'm as happy as a pig in a waller.
>He wuz jus sittin' there like a bump on a log.


>
>>Insults:
>> "She's uglier than homemade soap."
>> "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be
>> weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
>> "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
>>(I always heard "Someone beat him with a great big ole ugly stick")
>> "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
>> Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
>>She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart
>>(or "She's dumber'n a sack full of rocks".)
>

>She's so ugly she'd run a dog off'n a meat wagon.
>His breath wud knock a buzzard off'n a shit wagon.
>You doan be hangin' 'round them their no'counts.
>
>Thanks, Jodith! I'll bet there's a million of these sayings but I
>can't remember any more. Probably a good thing, huh? ;)
>--
>June
>
>"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
>suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
>friends. If they're okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown
>
>
>

lynn the light lady

unread,
Jan 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/22/99
to
my sides hurt...laughing way too hard.
my neighbor told me a new one regarding body odor...
'he stunk so bad the buzzards stayed away'
or how 'bout...
i'll slap you so hard your grandkids heads 'll spin
or....
when someone is in your way..'chout'... i said 'chout.(means watch out!)
lots o' laughs
lynn

remove the fog to reply

Jodith wrote:
>
> I got these from someone else. I'll add my comments in parenthesis as I
> go along.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
>

> SOUTHERN COMMENTS
>
> Exclamations:
> "Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
> Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
> "Ahm fixin ta do that"
> (My personal favorite is "I'm serious as a heart attack").
>

> Threats:
> "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
> "This'll jar your preserves."
> "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
> (In my family it was "I'll tear your arm off and beat you with the
> bloody nub")
>

> Good Things/Compliments:
> "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
> "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy
>
> it."
> "Gooder than grits." (that should be "Gooder'n grits).
>

> The Weather:
> "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
> "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
> Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." (I always
> heard "slicker'n greased owl shit")
> (And then there is always "Colder'n a well diggers butt in Montana" and
> "Colder'n a witch's tit")
>

> Descriptions:
> A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
> When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
> If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
> "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
> A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap
> on a marble floor."
>

> Insults:
> "She's uglier than homemade soap."
> "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be
> weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
> "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
> (I always heard "Someone beat him with a great big ole ugly stick")
> "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
> Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
> She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart
> (or "She's dumber'n a sack full of rocks".)

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Jodith

Jodith

unread,
Jan 22, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/22/99
to
Jodith wrote:

> Okay, let's see if I can come up with a few more. June's additions
> put
> a few more in mind.
>
> Crazy as a road lizard.
> Rainin' like a cow peein' on a flat rock.
> I haven't seen you in a month of sundays.
> I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throat's been cut.
> I'm so hungry my stomach's strikin' sparks of my backbone.
> I'm so dry (thirsty) I'm spittin' cotton.
> Happy as a snake in tall grass.
> We're sittin' in tall cotton (an expression of happiness or success).
>
> Okay, all you southerners, add to the list.
>

> Jodith
> --
> To contact me, take the x out of the e-mail address.


I've thought of a few more:

It's so quiet you can hear a flea piss on cotton.
I'm so poor I couldn't buy a wrastlin jacket for a piss ant if silk was
a penny a yard.
That tastes so good it'll make you slap your momma.
I'm gonna snatch you baldheaded (a threat).
She wasn't raised, she was jaked (jerked) up by the hair of the head
(referring to someone's less than ideal upbringing).

The 5 wins

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
How about:

"You make your bed hard, you roll over more often."

Or. "so lazy he wouldn't hit a lick at a snake"

and my mother's favorite:
"pretty is as pretty does."

My family had a zillion of them.
they always called the littlest ones, "punkin heads".

hardly anyone speaks ths way anymore but reading it here, I think I might miss
it.
Thanks for the laugh.
Gloria


Mkmbrey

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
I'm buiser then a one arm paper hanger.
Karen

Mkmbrey

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
I mean busier
Karen

KNalepa25

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
test

lynn the light lady

unread,
Jan 24, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/24/99
to
gloria

you don't live in christmas fl. it's definite redneck out here!

just wish i could remember all the 'isms(me being a transplant an' all)

lol
lynn

fog egone to reply

Dingaling Debbie

unread,
Jan 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/25/99
to
Karen:

Or......a one legged man at an ass kicking contest <G>
--
dingaling deb

Mkmbrey <mkm...@aol.com> wrote in article
<19990124143914...@ng133.aol.com>...

Puzzul

unread,
Jan 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/25/99
to
...and from a true southerner..."You can look in his eyes and tell ain't nobody
home"...<g>..

Hugs to all,
Lynn

Sampatron

unread,
Jan 25, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/25/99
to
>...and from a true southerner..."You can look in his eyes and tell ain't
>nobody
>home"...<g>..

And how 'bout "His haylift don't go all the way to the top."

fer...@isis.ca

unread,
Jan 26, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/26/99
to
On Mon, 25 Jan 1999 02:08:20 GMT, "Dingaling Debbie"
<smwi...@telusplanet.net> wrote:

>Karen:
>
>Or......a one legged man at an ass kicking contest <G>
>--

You guys are something else! Thanks for posting all these actual
southern sayings. I'm going to start incorporating them into my
conversations with the folk at the retirement home where I work and
see what happens. I couldn't stop laughing at most of them! My knees
are screamin' but I don't care anymore! I must admit, these are a
lot more colorful than ANY we could possibly come up with in Canada.

ferret ...from Cana-duh.

Puzzul

unread,
Jan 26, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/26/99
to
>And how 'bout "His haylift don't go all the way to the top."

Yeh...lol..."and he's about 3 bricks shy of a load........or "i'll kick your
but so hard your nose bleeds".....<g>............

Hugs to all,
Lynn

Lea

unread,
Jan 27, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/27/99
to
LOL. These do bring back memories. Being from Georgia and having the
family I did I can remember and relate to all these. I have a few to
add.

Nervous as a cat in room full of rocking chairs.
I'll slap the taste out of your mouth. (A threat my big brother used on
me OFTEN)
Ugly as homemade sin. (why homemade sin is uglier than other sin I
dunno)
Slap my butt and call me fanny! (An exclamation of surprise)
Snug as a bug in a rug. (When mom tucked you at night)
Sweating like a whore in church. (As in .. It's so hot I'm....)
I'll slap you like you pooted in church.
So mad I had to say my Sunday school lesson. (Or ... I'm 'bout to lose
my religion)
She's full of piss and vinegar. (Feisty)
Dumber than dirt (dumber n' dirt)
Cute as June bug.
Slower than molasses (Slower n' molasses)
Bright as a penny.
He comes 'round here once in a blue moon.
Slow as molasses but twice as sweet. (Meaning he's not too smart but
sweet)
Kicking up a rippit. (Making noise or fighting)
You're preaching to the choir. (meaning you don't have to convince me
of that)
Dumb as a post.
Save your confederate money boys, cuz the south's gonna rise again! (not
sure what that means but I know I heard more than a few times... usually
when Granddaddy was especially perturbed about some carpet-bagger making
money off him)
Well, I reckon it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
(Not too good)
She was so ugly her maw had to hang a pork chop around her neck to get
the dog to play with her.
I thought I was dancing good til' somebody stepped on my hand.
(indicating you were drunk)
He stinks like a billy goat.
Mad as a wet hen.
Gone to hell in a hand-basket.
She's having a hissy fit.
Bout a mile down yonder as the crow flies.
Whatever cranks your tractor. (whatever makes you happy or gets you
going)
I'll be there if the good Lord's willing and the creeks don't rise.
If you can't run with the big dogs - get off the porch.

<Sigh> Makes me want blackeyed peas and cornbread with a big ol' glass
of buttermilk just thinking of all these! I am sure I will think of a
million more but these are the ones I recall off hand. Thanks for
sharing y'all's sayin's. I will post more if I think of any.

Lea - American by birth - Southern by the Grace of God

Puzzul

unread,
Jan 28, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/28/99
to
How about..."They lawwwwwww (as in "you don't mean it").......or "Who pissed in
your cornflakes this morning".......or "Who licked the red off your
candy".........

Southern born & southern bred....
Lynn

MPer101367

unread,
Jan 30, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/30/99
to
Here is one I remember, she is just like a door knob ,every one has had a
turn .
Mickie from NC

MPer101367

unread,
Jan 30, 1999, 3:00:00 AM1/30/99
to
HERE'S is a couble more and I am from the south . Have you read the new
book ? Running to the out house by will he make it. or under the blechers by
see more butts and last but now least ,the lights are on but nobodys home
mickie from NC

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages